Tuesday, January 17, 2012


You don't tug on Joshua's cape, you don't split up Melynda and Elisa, you don't refuse Cinderita's hug, and you don't mess with Janie Junebug.

That's right, friends. Don't mess with me because I am a woman on a mission.

As of 9 p.m. EDT Monday, here are my weight loss poll results. You were supposed to guess how much weight I've lost including the 15 pounds I shed a few months ago. Four optimists said I've lost 27 pounds altogether. Three people said I remain at 15 pounds lost.  Two wishful thinkers said I've lost 69 pounds, and one crummy curmudgeon said I've gained ten.

So what's the story, morning glory? Here's the word, hummingbird. I remain at 15 pounds lost. Sometimes I lose a few more and gain them back. Sometimes I gain a few and lose them again. I'm just grateful that I didn't gain weight when I had a guest during the first part of December and ate more than usual. I also didn't gain over the holidays.

But 15 pounds ain't gonna do it. I need to lose 75 more to get back to my fightin' weight.

So here's the plan, and it's already underway. I have placed myself in Drill Sergeant Melynda's gentle hands (find Melynda at http://melyndarockinthecrazy.blogspot.com/).

Melynda lost 100 pounds using Herbalife, and she's got me in cahoots with her now. I'm going to try Herbalife and Melynda is my counselor. My package of Herbalife products has arrived and Melynda will teach me how to use them. They include sensible items such as vitamins and a vanilla protein shake mix.

I was surprised when Melynda said you can make different recipes using the shakes. My day brightened considerably when she suggested adding a little peanut butter and Hershey's syrup to a vanilla shake. Sounds good. In addition to using the Herbalife products, I will also eat regular food; so no more Nutrisystem food that tastes like cardboard. I'm grateful to Nutrisystem for getting me started on portion control, but I cannot eat any more of that . . . stuff.

However, I don't want to tell you too much about the Herbalife products yet because Melynda and I need to talk about them so she can give me specific instructions.

As ordered by Melynda, here's what I'm already doing:

1. Melynda said protein is my friend. I had already cut back on carbs and I'm cutting back even more. I'm eating salmon and veggies for supper three - four times per week. Chicken and veggies works, too.
2. Melynda said her clients are required to get out of the house and do something for at least 30 minutes each day. I didn't know what to think about this requirement. If I don't HAVE to go someplace, I can happily spend the day in my jammies reading blogs and watching movies and reading books. If you've noticed that I'm not getting to your blogs as frequently as I used to, please blame Melynda.

The first day I had to get out of the house, I did something pretty darn shocking. I went to the credit union (not the shocking part), and then I had my car washed at a car wash (shocking part). I've led what you might call the sheltered life of a princess when it comes to certain areas, and one of them is taking care of my car. I know how to pump gas, but I, a 52-year-old woman, decided to take off my granny panties in favor of big girl panties and learn how to go to the car wash.

And guess what? It was no big deal. I was so scared, but the only thing that happened is I ended up with a clean car.

Then I decided to do something else even more shocking: yard work.

My mom never allowed me to touch the many flowers and plants she grew outdoors. I wanted to help Dr. X with the yard, but the one time I went out and picked up the weed whipper and asked him to teach me how to use, he said, NO! You won't do it right.

I've been hearing that "you won't do it right" crap my entire life. I was never even allowed to put a strand of tinsel on the damn Christmas tree when I was growing up because my mom said, Guess what?


We are now taking "you won't do it right," and we're throwing it in the trash, just like the bwoo jacket with the cockroach crap on it.

I won't know what I can do unless I try, and I have given myself permission to try, and to even fail, but then try again. I started by cleaning up about 20 percent of the leaves in my yard. Still plenty more to do, and they haven't finished falling off the tree yet.

Over the weekend, I took a gigantic step (still wearing my big girl panties). My son helped me pick out a lightweight weed whipper. My yard is so small, that if I keep after it, I think I can keep it under control with the weed whipper and not pay a yard service anymore. I'm also using hedge  clippers for the first time in my life and have trimmed back my rosebush and will next use them on the vines that grow over onto the inside of the fence.

And just think about what all this raking and weed whipping and clipping is doing for me: It's exercise! I'm usually not outside for 30 minutes per day. I'm outside for about two hours almost every afternoon. One day last week I worked outside for three hours. The dogs run in and out happily as I work.

Look at what Melynda has already done for me by insisting I eat more protein and get out of the house: I'm eating more salmon, one of the healthiest foods on the planet, and I'm doing my own yard work, which makes me feel stronger, and although I had to buy a weed whipper, it cost the same as four visits from the yard service.

Now, who remembers that I told you to be excited today? And who remembers I told you to be excited because Wednesday is Fishducky Day? Yes, our favorite Fishducky will be guest posting tomorrow. Whoo-hoo!

Then on Thursday and Friday we're going to talk more about loss, but I mean the kinds of loss that cause us stress and help us get depressed. Part of this journey is that I'm going to take all the crap in my life and put it on the table, take a look at it and see where it got me, and then we're going to throw it out with the bwoo jacket and cockroach cwap.

And then I'll take that great big bright neon VICTIM sign off my forehead and throw it out, too.

And after that, we'll have to figure out how to move ahead.

Melynda assures me that Herbalife and getting my weight under control will help ease my depression. Everything is interconnected.

It's been a while since I weighed myself, so I'll go to Publix soon and step on the scale in the produce department (I am broccoli, if you must know). I'll make sure we still have 75 pounds to go and I'll report back.

Now let's get on the road.

And don't mess with Janie Junebug.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


  1. Ooh... good luck with the plan! I hope it goes well. And seriously - stop paying a yard service. It's really hard to screw up your yard, and you'll save money, which you can then spend on awesome things, like me or booze.

  2. Dear Janie,
    This is an inspiring post. You have set a goal--losing 75 pounds and taking control of your own life and no longer listening to people who tell you that you can't do something or that you won' do it right. My words to you are--"Go Girl!"


  3. Dee, You are a truly good and loving person. I am so grateful to have found you just when I need you most. Of course, we know there's a reason for that.

    Maxwell Darling, I used the weed whipper and the clippers yesterday and I think I can manage without the yard service. It's not like I have fancy landscaping or anything. But we'll see what I think in August when it's 98 degrees and the humidity is 99 percent. As for booze, I'm not a drinker. One glass of wine and I'm drunk and have a headache (I'm a very cheap date). And I don't know how to spend money on you. I suspect you are young and I'm not wealthy enough to be a cougar (but I'd like to be -- wealthy, that is).

  4. Janie--Let me offer a suggestion which might help with BOTH your garden work & your stress. My brother in law was a veterinarian & as in any business, some of his clients were stupid and/or nasty (the owners--not the pets), but he couldn't argue with them. He would take a pair of clippers & cut the heads off weeds, while saying, "This is for you, Mr. Smith--& you, Mrs. Jones!" He had a succesful practice--& A BEAUTIFUL GARDEN!

  5. Fran, Excellent as usual. Sadly I trimmed my rose bush and weeds yesterday and did not know I could be cutting off the heads of nasty people. But everything will grow back and then I shall play make believe. Thank you again for the guest post. Your poor toes.

  6. Great to hear you loosing weight! Hopefully you can reach your goal sometime soon~!

  7. Thank you, Baur. I appreciate everyone's supportive attitude and comments.

  8. this is awesome! and i just realized i signed in and am now a follower using my cinderita account. cool. it's good to know that i figured that out! and only 2 people (so far) have refused a hug...:)

  9. Ooh, I'm so proud of you already!!

    I need to take my car to the car wash, too. I will put it on my "to do" list for tomorrow, inspired by you. :)

  10. Finally caught up.

    I love this post. You don't know if you can do something until you try ! My mum believed that certain things were not for women to do - mostly DIY stuff - after her and my dad split she would still pay people to so jobs I KNEW I could've done. I always found that ridiculous and vowed that would not be me. I am now the proud owner of many power tools and have (self taught) basic skills in plumbing, electrics...I've re-plastered a (small) wall, laid new floor boards in my hall and I can put a shelf up in about 10 minutes.

    I guess I'm gonna join you on the weight loss, the holiday pics (that I will not be posting) made me realise it is time to do something about that. I turned 50 on the 10th, I have a feeling if I don't do it now then health problems may ensue. I want to lose 3 stone.

    Re your 'about me' gadget - when you have more then one author it reverts to the list format, you can't change that. But you can make a 'fake' one using the HTML gadget. It's quite easy to do but I know you're a novice at this, so if you can email me the URL for your profile and a URL for a picture I can write the code for you ?

  11. i often find myself day dreaming about having a yard and garden to work on occasionally. this is something i suspect will relieve my own stress. i am intending and working toward this happening. i shall keep you posted. this post was like inspiration:)

  12. LegalEagle, Be sure to put on your big girl panties before you hit the car wash.

  13. Jane, You learned from your mum that you needed to be able to do things for yourself. I learned from my mum not to touch anything because I WON'T DO IT RIGHT. Happily, I actually do some things right. But power tools? That's most impressive. I'm happy to say that my daughter learned from me that she needed to take care of herself. She's very handy. And I sent you an email.

  14. Ed, You WILL have your yard and garden. I believe it, and when I believe something, it happens. And I do NOT have delusions of grandeur. It's just that when I think something is going to happen, it usually does. The whole time I worked in the nursing home, only one person died during my shift. All my elderly friends were gracious enough to die after I went home so I wouldn't have to see them dead. We got to say our goodbyes while they were still alive. And I knew they wouldn't die while I was there. I don't know how I knew. I just did. And I know if you seek your dream, it will come true.

  15. I'm so excited for you--you're going to do awesome!

    P.S. You are talented, hilarious, and so loved by your followers (especially me). Those first lines were so funny I literally spit out my coffee; I laughed sooo hard. I need to stop drinking when I read your blog LOL! ;) That should be the 11th commandment--seriously!

  16. Spitting out food and drink could qualify you to be a member of my family. Watch out. We're comin' to git ya.

  17. You are on a fantastic start! I am the biggest weenie when it comes to yard work because I spend half the time whining and not touching anything because I'm sure spiders are going to pop out and scare me under every leaf and blade of grass!

  18. First off, sorry I've been so absent from posting and responding.
    Second, I forgot everything you just wrote as soon as I read you were going to Publix.
    Ahhhh, Publix. I so miss Publix! I'd give up Cadbury Eggs if they'd open a Publix in Dallas!
    Okay, back to reality.
    I really didn't forget what you just wrote.
    Sounds like the fresh air is doing you some good. And I like the idea of removing the VICTIM from your forehead...you're no victim! You're a survivor, sweet woman...and I see wonderful things in your future.

  19. Princess, It's not as scary if you wear pants and long sleeves and gardening gloves. Then if something jumps on you, you just flick it away and it won't touch your skin. Oh, and I wear a bandanna so nothing can land on my head.

    Stephanie, I cannot believe you would give up your eggs for a Publix. That place is so crowded all the time that it's miserable. I only shop there when I want to weigh myself. The rest of the time I go to Target -- wide uncluttered aisles and peace and quiet. As for my future, did you see it in your crystal ball or your tea leaves or your cards? Or do you have some method involving flying panties?


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