Friday, December 20, 2019


HI! Hi! Hi hi hi! Hihihihihihihihi! I loves every buddy!

Do you know it is almost Kissmas? Santa Paws brings presents for Kissmas!

I'll tell you what my presents are after Santa Paws brings them.

This year I gots an early present. I have somethin' I never had before. A grandma! Her name is Grandma! Isn't that amazeballs (Ewwww. I shouldn'ta said that. It reminds me of something I'm missing.)?

Mom calls Grandma by another name. It's Carol. Her real name is Grandma.

I had seen Grandma lotsa times. Mom would go to pick up Grandma or Grandma would come here and Mom would go dashing out to her car. Mom always explained that they were going out gallivanting around but I still don't know what gallivanting is.

Now Grandma lives here with me. She usually doesn't close her bedroom door all the way. That means I'm supposed to go in her room whenever I feel like it. I go in to lie down on the rug unless Grandma's hands are not busy and then she rubs my head and tells me how bootiful I am.  Sometimes her hands are busy but I lift them up from what they're doing because I need her to pay attention to me.

This pitcher is of me and Grandma. You see I'm lying down and those things with the hearts are Grandma's legs in her jammies. As soon as Grandma moved in I got friendly with her by resting on her foot.

Mom looked up what it meant when a dog likes to lie down on your foot. It means that Grandma is part of my pack.

If Mom had asked me, I coulda told her that.

Grandma is the very bestest Grandma ever. Sometimes she feeds us and lets us outside, especially when Mom swishes outa here in a dress to that dumb werk thing.

It kinda makes me a little bit mad that when Grandma is making a fuss over me that Penlapee comes over and sticks in her big concrete blockhead so that Grandma has to pet Penlapee, too.

Whatever, Penlapee.

I wish you all a big Merry Kissmas and I hope that if you don't have a Grandma that you get one for Kissmas.

Okay I love you bye-bye.

I need to rest after doing all that writing. Maybe I will sleep till after Kissmas and when I wake up I'll find my presents from Santa Paws.

Wednesday, December 18, 2019


Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

The two children who disappeared on Jacksonville's West side have been found. Two firefighters discovered them yesterday afternoon. I didn't know about it until today.

May God bless the many city employees and volunteers who went out to search for them.

They had been gone for 52 hours and wanted a cheese pizza. They got it.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Monday, December 16, 2019


Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Illness prevented me from writing this post immediately after Carol arrived, so many of you already know that she's here with me as my very own snow bird. When I was in so much pain and had to go to the emergency room, one of her friends told her, Carol, God always puts you right where you're needed.

And I have definitely needed her. I hope she's happy here. I know she's glad to escape the cold and snow of Wisconsin.

Carol arrived in October and will probably depart in May. She used to stay with one of her daughters, but the daughter moved back to Milwaukee and now lives in Carol's house there. I was happy to invite her to stay with me.

At 80-years-young, Carol is sharper and stronger than I am. In fact, I'd venture a guess that she's sharper and stronger than most everybody.

Carol and I met when I was hired as a crew leader for the 2010 Census and she was on my crew. I asked her to be one of my two assistant crew leaders because I could see that she had the intelligence and the patience for the job. She tells everyone that I was her boss. I always respond that I could never be her boss.

We like to go out gallivanting around together, even if the gallivanting only takes us to appointments with my doctors and to Costco.

Although it took me quite a bit of time because I tire easily, I've decorated for Christmas more this year than I had in a long time. Favorite Young Man never got his butt over here to get the decorations that were in the attic, so I asked the adorable young man next door if he could get them out for me. He could and he did. He just might become my new Favorite Young Man. I have promised him a batch of my best Norwegian cookies, but he might not receive them until after the holidays because the pain in my right shoulder won't allow me to stir the thick dough.

I decorated the living room, and I asked Carol if she would like to have a smaller tree that only had lights on it in her bedroom. She said, Sure. Then she decorated the tree so beautifully that we put it in the family room. Here's Carol at work:

So now we have a gold tree. The larger tree in the living room has all my other decorations. We've decided that next Christmas we want a gold tree, a red tree, and a whatever's-left-over tree. Here's the living room:

My mom painted the Santas and gave me many of the ornaments on the tree. I also tried to make a practice of buying special ornaments when we traveled. One was a woolly little sheep made by a member of the von Trapp family (we once stayed at their lodge in Vermont). Sadly, the sheep is no longer with us because the late, great Harper decided it was a doggy toy. He thought some other decorations were doggy toys, too. He taught me to put anything that might be considered a doggy toy up high on the tree.

And as angry parsnip says, here is your pretty for week. It's Carol, who looks so beautiful in her church-going finery:

I also have a photo of Willy Dunne Woofers (we changed his last name because he loves the dogs) naked and sprawled out on my bed. Be glad that I don't share that photo with you.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Some of you might have seen on the news that we have two missing children here in Jacksonville. The Amber Alert came out yesterday afternoon. They were last seen playing in front of their house. They are six-year-old Braxton Williams - Male, 6 and his sister Bri'ya Williams - Female, 5. Please remember these children in your prayers or in whatever way you communicate with the universe. I burst into tears when I saw the alert. It hasn't been very long since a little girl disappeared in Jacksonville and her body was found in Alabama.

It's been more than 24 hours. They could be almost anywhere by now. Please watch for them. 

Tuesday, December 10, 2019


Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Many of you are probably aware that my health hasn't been the best during 2019. During the first part of the year I learned I had hypothyroidism and a sleep disorder after I started sleeping 20 hours or so a day with the desire to wake up but not the ability. My thyroid levels are now where they should be because brilliantly beautiful Dr. Driver prescribed the correct medicine and has monitored the levels. I'm not crazy about the CPAPCRAP, but it's not the end of the world.

Recently, though, I had quite a health scare that sent me to the ER in intense pain: lower left quadrant of the abdomen. The slightest movement made me squawk.

The day before, a Monday, I didn't feel right at work. I went in late (usually I'm early). I had stomach cramps but didn't have diarrhea. Had a terrible headache that wasn't a migraine. Nausea. Can't remember everything although I wrote down all my symptoms on my account of my day that I left for my kind manager. Oh, lower back pain. That was another one.

I got home at 1 a.m. that night, or you can call it very early Tuesday morning. I took ibuyprofen. The pain intensified. I was able to fall asleep at 2:30 and awoke at 5:30 in even worse pain. I lay in bed and didn't move until I absolutely had to pee. I knew that my snow bird housemate (I know I haven't written a post about Carol living with me this winter but you understand I haven't had a chance), a retired RN, would find me. I heard her come toward my room mid-morning, asking why I wasn't getting ready for work. I squawked, and it was Carol to the rescue. She called Dr. Driver's office and told them about the pain. Dr. Driver's assistant, Bailey, called back a couple of hours later to find out if the pain was still bad. Yes. Absolutely. Bailey said Dr. Driver wanted me to go to the ER.

The ER doctors and nurses were great. I didn't wait for hours to be seen. I heard the first nurse who saw me tell someone that I needed to be taken care of immediately. A scan revealed some kind of thickness on my colon that accounted for the pain. I was given fluids and pain meds through an IV. The doctor asked if I should spend the night in the hospital to manage my pain. I said, Not necessary, and pointed to Carol. I went home with prescriptions for pain medication and antibiotics. The antibiotics were supposed to help shrink what was on my colon so I could have a colonoscopy to determine if I had cancer.

I admit I was pretty nervous for about two and a half weeks as I made an appointment with a  gastroenterologist, who saw me pretty quickly and kindly got me scheduled for a colonoscopy and an endoscopy on Saturday.

I DON'T HAVE CANCER. Whew! I'm glad to be able to tell you that. The mass on my colon was gone, which means it was an infection that was killed by the anitibiotics. I do, however, have gastroenteritis. What is gastroenteritis? I'll let you know when I figure it out. I was pretty loopy when I came out of the anesthesia. Carol says that the gastroenterologist was concerned that something is wrong with my digestive system, but higher up, as in a worse than good ole heartburn kinda way. I'm now taking a medication that he prescribed, and I'm supposed to mix Metamucil in water and drink it every day. I bought the Metamucil today. I'm excited to taste its deliciousness (you know that's sarcasm). I'm supposed to see the gastroenterologist in a few weeks, and today I have an appointment with Dr. Driver. I know she'll help me understand what's going on. If I look up my health problems online I'll probably just frighten myself.

Now let's take a minute to dish about someone who is not so nice: Dr. X. I haven't said much about him for quite some time. I want to leave all the nastiness in the past and live the life I have now, which is not so bad in spite of health problems and some other stuff.

Years ago I asked X to please set up direct deposit for me. I never knew when his checks would arrive. Although I'm supposed to have them by certain dates and often don't receive them until I reach the point of feeling a bit nervous about whether they would arrive in time to keep up with the house payment and the electric bill, I never reported it to the court. I lived with it.

Recently I made the direct deposit request again. He acquiesced. He claims that his bank has rules about how much he can send and how often he can send it. I suggested a way to deal with it. He said okay but didn't do it. It's made a mess of my finances, for which he blames me because I asked him to please deal with his bank and get it straightened out. Moreover, he was very nasty to me while I was waiting to find out what the creature on my colon was. I told him what I was going through and he only got nastier. If you're reading this asshat, you are an asshat. An ugly, mean asshat, and I pity your wife.

Why can't we just live our separate lives without him turning a simple request into a major brouhaha?

I've always liked that Alanis Morissette song, You Oughta Know. Although I don't think I was ever perverted as Alanis describes herself in the song (she has said that the song is based on an experience in her life so I'm not calling the speaker in the lyrics a poetic persona), the words in the song have a lot of meaning for me.

I saw Alanis wearing a wig and doing a segment for Jimmy Fallon's show where the two of the them busked in the New York subway. They did Little Drummer Boy. Then my girl Alanis launched into You Oughta Know. Thank you for writing a song that expresses my feelings, Alanis.

I also watched Jimmy interview Alanis on his show (online--I don't stay up late enough to watch Jimmy Fallon's show). I admit that I was pleased to see that Alanis has put on some weight. She's no longer super thin. I AM NOT FAT SHAMING HER BECAUSE SHE'S NOT FAT. She merely has some curves now, as do I. I am not the only person who went from being super thin to being rather curvy as I aged. In my case, I put on the weight because of an antidepressant I took during the waning days of marriage misery. I've never again taken an antidepressant that made me want to stuff fistfuls of food in my mouth, but I do continue to take an antidepressant, which helps me a lot. I lost some of the weight, but I don't know if I'll ever get it all off. Dr. Driver says I don't eat enough to lose weight, which I'm sure is true. I'm not all that hungry--especially of late--so my body thinks it's being starved and fights to keep the weight. I also work at a sedentary job. Now that I'm recovering from the colon infection and taking medication for the problems that remain, I hope Franklin and I can walk to the park more often.

It was 78 degrees today. Not that you should feel jealous.

Again, I beg your forgiveness for my inability to visit your blogs regularly. I miss you and wish I had more time and felt better. I don't expect to have more time, but I do expect to feel better.

Isn't it crazy that I couldn't stay awake for the first part of the year and then I went through that period of not being able to sleep? I've slept well lately with some notable exceptions caused by pain.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Alanis, will you please sing us out?