Wednesday, January 4, 2012


Dear Readers,

I know I promised you that my next post would be about Lola's demise, but I'm still laughing so hard about how easy it was to get rid of the cops so choked up about losing her that I'm not yet ready to tell you the sordid details of her death by puncture wound.

Before I tell you about Janie Junebug, I'd like to point out something about Catch the Snitch. I don't know if the police have picked up Elisa yet, but don't you think she'd look absolutely adorable in an orange jumpsuit that says PRISONER across the back? If anyone can carry off that look, it's Elisa. And can you just imagine how cute her mug shot will be? Maybe something like this:

Oh, dear. Jail does add years to a woman's face. But it's your own fault, Elisa. You shouldn't have called the police to accuse me of murdering a blow up doll.

Now, on to brighter and happier topics. Who is Janie Junebug?

Me, of course, you sillies!

My legal name is Jane L. Goltz (Goltz is a German name that has no translation into English). Most of my life, I have been called Janie, which I prefer. When I became a reporter, for some reason I thought Janie wasn't a truly professional name. So I called myself Jane Honigs. Naturally, I thought my (now ex) husband and friends would continue to call me Janie. But they didn't. They started calling me Jane. I didn't like it, especially because of the increasingly smug way that X said Jaaaaaaane.

So when I moved to Florida, I asked everyone I know to call me Janie, although they are also welcome to call me Junebug or the Junebug or Janie Junebug -- additional nicknames. I also used to work with someone who called me June. And it wasn't because she didn't know my real name. She thought I seemed like a June Cleaver type -- someone who would vacuum and dust and cook and then go to tea wearing the same dress, heels, and pearls she had worn while doing her housework.

But, whoa! I just thought of something. If you really want to get on my good side, call me The Dude. Or The Dudester. heheheheheheh   Pardon me. Now I must dash out to the store wearing my bathrobe to pick up the ingredients for my White Russians.

Oh, and I know my profile says I live north of Havana, North Dakota. I didn't want to say where I really lived because at first I was trying to keep my blog a secret from X. So I picked a way cool name -- Lola -- and placed her north of Havana because of the Barry Manilow song. I know Manilow's Lola is north of Havana, Cuba, but I went with Havana, North Dakota, because my dad was from the North Dakota Havana.

I actually live in northern Florida -- in Jacksonville, which is the largest city (geographically) in the United States. I know that because of the many times I've gotten lost in Jax.

I decided to call this new, ultra-secret invite coveting blog Janie Junebug's Journal because it popped into my head at the moment I needed to type a title. I might change it later. I dunno. But Lola is dead and gone, and after I get more of my old followers over here, I am definitely changing the email address. Dumped first wife seemed funny at first. Now I think it's just negative, and it brings me down. Franklin agrees.

I also used the name Janie Junebug because that's the name of my writing and editing business that is going away, or at least the Web site is going away. Its last day is supposed to be January 13th, 2012. If you'd like to see it before it disappears, please go to

I think it's a pretty nice site. I did it all by myself. But I ain't earned no money from it, so we just gotta nip that baby in the bud, or throw it out with the bathwater, or something. It isn't that I won't write and edit for people. I will. But I guess they'll have to find me through the blog or by word of mouth.

Man, I just don't know what I'm gonna do with all those Janie Junebug business cards with the address of the Web site on them. I think I have about 400 left. Maybe use them to start fires? But I'm not talkin' fireplaces. Oh, no.

And keep that mouth of yours shut, Elisa, if you know what's good for ya. I got gonnegtions in da slammer and they'll do anything I ask. They want something for their kids: a little Katrina calculus tutoring.



Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation? The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.

 The Dude: Yeah, well. The Dude abides. The Stranger: The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.

 The Dude: Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not "Mr. Lebowski". You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.

 The Stranger: I guess that's the way the whole durned human comedy keeps perpetuatin' itself.


  1. Hey lady! Sorry it took so long for me to get over here. You know what I've been up to though. Still sick as a dog. Hoping it will ebb off later today. Yuck! I think E would make a smashing criminal. haha

  2. Elisa is the perfect criminal because she looks so innocent. Me? I might as well have GUILTY tattooed on my forehead. So sorry you're still sick. I had a bad night, stomach wise. I think I caught it from you. Never should have given you that big kiss and I promise not to do it again.

    Janie "Lola"

  3. Jeez...Elisa looks she could really use a Lifestyle Lift. And I thought I needed one. Please- next to her I look about 6. (Not that that happens a lot.) Perhaps I should keep her photo around as a motivation to moisturize.

  4. Ms. Boomer (or do you prefer Mrs?), Elisa is an inspiration to us all, in many different ways. I keep her mug shot in the bathroom on my mirror so I remember how important it is to remove my makeup before bed. It also keeps me from the desire to light up (Elisa is an absolute chimney, you know).

    Janie Junebug

  5. No wonder we click! You picked out my favorite Big Lebowski quote!:

    "It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners."


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