Sunday, January 31, 2010


Gentle Readers, I simply must know: Does love exist?

Or is it something poets and greeting card companies invented?

Do we merely experience a chemical reaction when we are attracted to someone and we mistake it for love?

Love (maybe),

Dumped First Wife

Saturday, January 30, 2010


Saturday night at home with a movie Gentle Readers?

For your viewing pleasure, I recommend Whip It, Drew Barrymore's directorial debut starring Ellen Page. It came out on video just a few days ago. If you hurry to your local video store, you might find a copy, or if you want to see it in the future, I highly recommend Netflix. I love going to the mail box and finding a DVD there, all ready and waiting for me and I don't have to change out of my jammies to get it. I even have fun organizing my queue. You might even want to make this a part of your permanent DVD collection. Just click on the link to find it on

But, ah, I digress.

Whip It is intelligent and enjoyable. I never thought I would care about roller derby, but Drew and Ellen made me care. I almost want to lace up my old skates, but we won't go quite that far. Well done, Drew. And Ellen Page, you absolutely glow in Smart People, Juno, and now Whip It. Anything you are in, I want to see.


Dumped First Wife

Friday, January 29, 2010


And so, Gentle Readers, we bid farewell to J.D. Salinger, the man who finally proved he would stop at absolutely nothing in his quest to escape his fans.

Allegedly, he ate a rather strange diet and drank his own urine. He also died at home of natural causes, which can mean all sorts and varieties of deaths in my active imagination.

Jerry goes to kiss his considerably younger wife. "You ain't kissin' on me no more Pee Mouth," she hollers. And so it's only natural that she strangles him.

By the way,that was her nickname for him - Pee Mouth - affectionate at one time but not so much after the many years of frigid New Hampshire winters spent in hiding with the One and Only, the Great and Powerful.

The man who was said to be obsessed with a hatred of phoniness and desired getting at the absolute truth . . . hmmmm . . . he doesn't seem to have been so genuine and sincere. Jerome "Jerry" Salinger took a dump on a number of women during his life. If you scroll up a bit on my Message Center you'll find a portal to, one of my favorite cyber places in or out of this world. You can order Salinger's books there. And then if you must satisfy your curiosity about the man who created the Glass family, read Joyce Maynard's "At Home In The World" and Margaret Salinger's "Dream Catcher." I recommend the books. They are interesting and well written and probably more genuine than the man.

It's been many years since I last read "The Catcher in the Rye." My favorite younger man told me recently that he thinks it's his favorite book. I'll have to reread it and see what I think. Will the star dust have faded or will I still think it's good? I certainly never considered it my favorite, but it has legions of fans. It made the Top 100 list of greatest novels of the last century, coming in at #64, according to the males-only board of Modern Library.

Salinger also supposedly wrote a number of novels, which he locked up in a safe at home, after he stopped writing for public consumption. If those novels are released, how can they ever live up to his rep?

So, Salinger, maybe you reveled in the attention you attracted by hiding in plain sight. Maybe your writing wasn't so hot anymore and you knew it and you kept your star shining by refusing to release your work. You let people speculate about you when you could have allowed your readers to get at the truth of you. You could have shed light on your writing and your process. You could have taught, but maybe you were so weird you were afraid nobody would have you. Or maybe you thought you were too good for the rest of the world. Easier to dazzle naive young women with your fame and with fake promises. Keep a woman at your beck and call. Engage a town in hiding you. Your own little world revolved around you.

The citizens of Cornish, N.H. admitted they got sick of all those people coming to town looking for Salinger so it was only natural that somebody finally came after him with a shot gun?


Dumped First Wife

Monday, January 25, 2010


Gentle Readers,

I just finished watching a charming little 2003 movie called "Hope Springs."

It was on the Independent Film Channel - a favorite of mine - and I DVRed it. My DVR is one of my closest personal friends.

Anyway, in addition to Heather Graham, Minnie Driver, and an especially amusing Mary Steenburgen, "Hope Springs" stars Colin Firth. I believe I may have mentioned in another post that I am rather fond of Colin Firth.

Mr. Firth did not disappoint in this film. He is humorous and simply, simply delightful and absolutely delicious.

After being dumped by his fiancee (yes, women are dumpers too), the character Colin -hmmm, the name seems familiar, oh yes, Colin is played by Colin Firth - finds love with another woman in a small town where everybody knows everybody else's business.

Thus, I recommend "Hope Springs."

Colin Firth, I did not write the following lines, but I dedicate them to you:

Wild Nights--Wild Nights!
Were I with thee
Wild Nights should be
Our luxury!

Futile--the Winds--
To a Heart in port--
Done with the Compass--
Done with the Chart!

Rowing in Eden--
Ah, the Sea!
Might I but moor--Tonight--
In Thee!

This poem was written by one of my favorite poets, and I bet you'll never guess who it is, writing about wild nights and rowing in Eden. Guess, guess, guess.
Have you give up?

Answer, please:

Emily Dickinson.

Yes, the little spinster of Amherst. But oh, how I hate that word spinster, so let's call her the Artist of Amherst. She knew what she was writing about. Sometimes people can describe without experiencing because they are true poets -- the Namers and Sayers of our world who can take human emotions and experiences and give words to them that we can't do ourselves.

I can say Colin Firth, I'd like to get it on with you, but it just doesn't have the ring of Wild Nights--Wild Nights!

Emily Dickinson shut herself away from the world, became a virtual recluse, so she could create her art.

And so I thank you Ms. Dickinson. You definitely tasted a liquor never brewed.


Dumped First Wife

I learned today that sometimes people inflict physical pain on themselves to escape the emotional pain they're undergoing. A good thing to know. A comfort to know. If you have done such a thing, stop, get help, but know you are not alone.

Saturday, January 23, 2010


Dear John,

Why do you do it? Why do you do this to yourself? You have humiliated yourself in public repeatedly.

When you were the candidate for vice-president, you seemed intelligent and you were definitely eye candy.

But now I just think you're an idiot.

You took a huge dump on your wife. Why, how, could you do such a thing? Is Newt Gingrich your role model? Is this the way your dad treated your mom? Did you learn it from him? You just do it with more money?

Or would your father be ashamed of you? I am ashamed of you. I know the burden, the misery, an affair places on the wife.

You also took a dump on that woman with whom you had the affair. We can say she went into with her eyes open, but why did you make yourself available to her? Why? Didn't it ever occur to you that it would become public?

And, of course, you took a dump on all your children, including the young daughter you have with The Other Woman. Denied she was your child. Couldn't possibly be yours.

I thought you became a wealthy lawyer because you were so intelligent. Now, I think you're a slick smart ass - kind of a Bill Clinton. You are so lucky your wife puts up with you, but I hope she'll see the light and dump you. She shouldn't have to spend her final days on Earth this way.

You took a dump on all those women, but the person you took the biggest dump on was yourself. And it's going to be damned hard to clean it off.

No love to you but best wishes and prayers for God's blessings on the women you've harmed,

Dumped First Wife

Friday, January 22, 2010


Gentle Readers,

In a recent post I quoted W.H. Auden: "I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong."

But I never really thought love would last forever because I knew there was no love. Every time you asked, "Don't you feel at least a little bit as if I love you?," I stubbornly said no. I could not, would not feel it Sam I Am because I knew you didn't love me, had never loved me, and never would.

You just got stuck with me. Deep down, I have always known I am not to be loved.

But what if I had answered differently? Yes, yes, I feel the love.

What might have happened? Would you have felt the love too?

Does pretense sometimes become reality?

Oh, put your arms around me one more time, your warm naked body so close to mine that we are almost, almost one, and let me say YES.


Dumped First Wife

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


Ahhhhhh, Gentle Readers,

I can recommend such delightful viewing to you today. Colin Firth was Jon Stewart's guest last night on The Daily Show.

Mr. Firth is promoting his new film, "A Single Man." In such promotion, he is handsome, charming, delightful, self-deprecating, humorous, good looking, insightful, engaging - need I go on?

I fell in love with Colin Firth quite some time ago when he created the ultimate portrayal of Mr. Darcy in the A&E miniseries of Pride and Prejudice. When Colin Firth takes off his shirt, in the role of Mr. Darcy of course, I nearly faint with joy.

Colin Firth, a.k.a. Mr. Darcy, allow me please to be your Elizabeth Bennet. I would be such a good Lizzie Bennet. Make violent love to me, Mr. Darcy. Fitzwilliam Darcy would never dump Elizabeth Bennet. He is a man of his word. Once he gives his love to Elizabeth Bennet, it is hers for life everlasting.

The interview replays today on Comedy Central's The Daily Show at 9 a.m., 1 p.m., and 7 p.m.

And according to Jon Stewart and Colin Firth, Mr. Firth appears naked in "A Single Man."

Ticket, please.


Dumped First Wife

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


Musings(or ravings?) of an itchy 6 a.m.

The alarm goes off. The neighbor's car, parked so close to my bedroom window that I feel it is inside me, roars to life.

The candles are missing.

They were - are - the perfect candles for the candle holders. You remember - the wood candle holders on the mantle?

I put them away when I decorated the mantle for Christmas. The candles and antique holders and old family photos in frames all went in the same cabinet. Everything there last night except the candles, the perfect candles, short, fat, ivory, perfect on the mantle. Replaced for a few weeks by a gold garland and multi-colored twinkling Christmas lights.

I put the decorations back in their boxes two days after Christmas but left the mantle bare until last night. Everything there, except the candles, the candles that should be in the wood holders, one at each end of the mantle, next to the old faded photos in frames, one under the antique plates from Norway, one under the tiny water color of the Mathematics Bridge at Cambridge University in England.

Where are the candles? Searched Search Searching Will Search

They have gone to the place called "Lost."

The mantle not right without them.

Suddenly, nothing right.

"I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong."

The candles, the perfect candles, purchased so long ago from the woman at the crafts fair, cannot possibly be replaced.


Dumped First Wife

Thursday, January 14, 2010


Hey, hey, what, what, Gentle Readers!

Are you ready to play NAME THE DUMPER? I'll give you a little info on this famous dumper and then you can scroll down to see if you got the answer right. You'll also be able to learn more about him. What fun!

Drum roll please . . . .

When this famous dumper was 19 years old, he married his former high school geometry teacher. After having two daughters with his wife, he dumped her while she was in the hospital recovering from cancer surgery. NAME THAT DUMPER

If you said Newt the newt Gingrich, then ten points for you. Some more fun facts about our former Speaker of the House, a.k.a. Mr. Contract With America: He married Wife #2 a mere six months after his divorce from Wife #1. Later, he dumped Wife #2 to marry a woman with whom he had been having an affair (during this time he was berating Bill Clinton for the little BJ thing with Monica Lewinsky). As far as I know, he's still married to Wife #3. Watch out, chickie baby. You are married to a famous dumper and he won't hesitate to take a dump on you.

Much love to you, Gentle Readers, and best wishes to all of Newt the newt's wives,

Dumped First Wife

P.S. And did I mention that my husband had me served with divorce papers the day after I got out of the hospital? My husband called, "Hon! Somebody's here for you." There I was with my broken back, wearing a back brace and using a walker, toddling to the door to sign for the papers. What a hoot!