Friday, December 31, 2010


Gentle Readers,

It's almost time to wish you a Happy New Year! Be sure to check out LegalMist's post on the eating of black-eyed peas for good luck. We in the hinterlands were not aware of the importance of the black-eyed pea, which is actually a bean, so be sure to read the links with which the charming Ms. Mist has provided us so you will have a complete understanding of the reason for abandoning your tuna hot dish in favor of black-eyed peas.

Now let's get on with it. Here's the real reason for this post: I am fascinated by my stats, and I don't mean 36-24-36. For some reason when we were young, we had it in our heads that those were the perfect measurements for a woman. Even at my anorexically skinniest I don't think I ever had a 24 inch waist. And it seems to me that a lot of women are no longer satisfied with 36 as the first number. I keep hearing about teenage girls having breast enhancement surgery and I see so many ads for bras that promise to increase your cup size two-fold. Scary.

But, ah, I digress.

The stats I actually have in mind are for WOMEN: WE SHALL OVERCOME. Yes, I have a stats page to which you are not privy. It's not that there's some big secret there. It would probably bore you even more than I do, but my stats fascinate me.

First, I love seeing where my audience is. Most of the hits I get come from within the U.S. The U.K. is a far behind second, but sneaking up on the U.K. is South Korea of all places. Why do people in South Korea view my posts so avidly? The world may never know.

Way below the U.S., U.K., and South Korea on the hits charts are China, Russia, Japan, Denmark, Germany, Australia, and Slovenia. At one time, I got hits from Latvia, but Latvia seems to have dropped off the map. Damn.

Second, I love seeing which of my posts is the most popular. I find this extremely amusing because The All Time Number One Post is Dumpy Men With Beautiful Skinny Wives from August 15, 2010. This post is a reasonably well-written review of the movie Couples Retreat, in which I complain that most of the men in the movie are neither slim nor attractive, while the women who play their wives and girlfriends are all extremely good looking. I took Hollywood to task for this fact.

But I don't think this post is #1 because the writing is so great or because readers have a burning desire to know what I think about Couples Retreat. The fact is, I also have a stats page that tells me how readers get to me. Quite a few come here after reading LegalMist or WorkForced, but they also end up at that particular post because of search terms they use; namely, "skinny women" and "skinny wives."

So, I think I should find a way to use one of those phrases in every post I write to gain more attention, whether it makes sense in the title or not. Drawing in readers is what it's all about and if I have to claim I'm a beautiful skinny wife in order to get readers, then damn it, I'm prepared to do it. 

How boring I fear it will be, however, to write about my own beauty and slender form each and every day. 


My other all-time most popular posts are the following:
Feb 17, 2010
Nov 17, 2010

Nov 16, 2010

Aug 17, 2010

Oct 14, 2010

Oct 12, 2010, 2 comments

Oct 7, 2010, 2 comments

Nov 6, 2010

Aug 19, 2010

Why are these posts the most popular and why has my font suddenly changed and I have no idea how to get it back to what it should be? I clicked on Font and changed to Default Font to no avail. What's a beautiful skinny wife to do?

I can understand why people like "My Kathy." It's written with love and admiration. And I think "Hell Week" is pretty good. It's about the disappearance and happy return of my dog Harper. 

But what about the posts that seem to have been pretty much ignored? For example, if you go aaaaaalllllll the way back to January 29, 2010, you can read my farewell to J.D. Salinger, which I think is pretty darn amusing. 

I'm also pretty fond of
on October 28th. I like the pictures.

I'm quite proud of And Summer Will Not Come Again
(a title borrowed from the one, the only Plath) 
about Robin the cancer-stricken bulldog coming to us, 
and her impending death. 
I've always been good at milking a few tears.

I could go on and on. When I go back and read my
posts, I quite often think, Heck! These ain't so bad.

Best of all, I don't have to pay for therapy because
I write my posts.

I can't think of anything else I want to tell you
about my stats (40-60-50), but if I come up with
anything, never fear,

you will be the first to know,
Gentle Readers.

Infinities of love,

Lola, the Beautiful Skinny Wife



  1. Sometimes I read my old posts and think, "Damn, I was amusing and interesting back then. What happened?" It's sort of like when I look at my high school yearbook and think, "Damn, I was skinny and beautiful back then. What happened?" But at the time (the being in high school, and the writing of the posts), I thought I was frumpy and boring. Was I wrong then, or am I wrong now?

    You, my friend, *are* beautiful and interesting. And if it keeps the googlers coming, I'll be happy to help proclaim it from the rooftops!!


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