Thursday, March 29, 2012


Please join me in welcoming The Frisky Virgin.

Many, many thanks to Janie Junebug for inviting me to be a guest blogger this week.  Janie is one of my favorite bloggers—she’s funny, smart, kind, and a true symbol of strength.  Thank you so much, Janie, for asking me to write for your blog—I appreciate it more than you know. 

The Urban Love Myth

Tell Bridget Jones, call Carrie Bradshaw, channel Jane Austen, and alert the white jackets. And someone, please, slap me silly because I have done something beyond comprehension. 

The thing with which I must hide my head in shame: While watching the wedding scene of The Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn, Part I…I cried. We’re talking the salty tears, snotty nose variety, here, folks.  And I was really pathetic when they started playing Flightless Bird, American Mouth…yeah, hello, Kleenex. 

My mind, which was thoroughly repulsed, screamed, “You don’t cry at Twilight!” (totally modified that from Tom Hanks circa A League of Their Own).

It was a totally impulsive, unfiltered reaction, and I couldn’t help but wonder why.  Then, it hit me: the reason my tears flowed wasn’t for the vampire and his flightless bird, it was because I envied the love they shared, and, more importantly, I wondered about its existence in reality.

And, yes, I know it’s a movie, a book, fake, so not the real world, blah, blah, blah.  I get that; I’m not delusional.  But…in all honesty, shouldn’t that supposed unrealistic love be part of our world? I mean, minus the bloodsucking, bruising, and rapidly growing baby, followed by gruesome birth stuff. 

So, the trillion dollar question:  Does that kind of inconvenient, heart-stopping, endless love actually exist in our reality?  If we’re patient, and look with our hearts, yes, I believe it does.   

I could easily say it doesn’t exist.  Why?  Because it’s the easy answer.  It’s an easy way to explain away the frustration, the perpetual Singletonville address, and, in some cases, settling with someone you know isn’t right for you. 

See, I think many people today are so jaded that, on some level, they settle for what’s easy or convenient because they figure they’ll never find the real thing.  I’ve known people who have married because they believed that person was the best they could do at the time.  Then, of course, you have the men who marry based on lust, women who marry for money, etc.  None of these scenarios equal the kind of love I’m talking about—the kind of love we all yearn for…and we all deserve.  

People are so quick to say true love is only for books and movies.  But, I don’t think that’s true.  The only reason we don’t see it in everyday life is because no one steps up and actually makes it happen. 

If everyone settles or rushes into something “just because,” then, naturally, the concept of a soul mate becomes more of an urban love myth than an actuality.  No wonder so many people don’t believe movie-love exists—they’re all too busy crapping on the idea.

Maybe if we trusted our hearts a little more, gave credit to our instincts, and took chances, we’d look at the world and it would remind us of An Affair to Remember or a Jane Austen novel, rather than just leaving us wishing for some elusive dream. 

I’m pretty sure some people think I’m a fool, waiting for something I may never find.  Maybe I am.  But, I’d rather be a believing fool, than alone in a relationship, wishing I had trusted in something that’s seemingly unbelievable. 

There are many different kinds of love, bringing people together, making us happy.  So, why sell one brand of love short?  If love really does make the world go round, then giving up on any part of it is like helping to end the world (in a manner of dramatic speaking).

Maybe never giving up isn’t such a bad thing after all.  

And so ends this episode of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, otherwise known as my single gal brain dump.

Frisky, you truly understand what I want. And now I know you just a little bit better because I know what you want. Applause, applause, applause for The Frisky Virgin!


  1. I'm not sure EXACTLY why I married Bud when I was 20. Passion? Friendship? I just KNEW I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him! 57 years now--so far, so good!!

  2. Thank you so much for the kind words, and for asking me to contribute to your incredible blog. *Many, many hugs to you*

  3. fishducky-I love reading real life love stories like yours. You just knew...that's what I want to feel someday--that wonderful, undefinable, "I just know."

  4. Fishducky has me beat by some years there... we'll have 43 years in May... but all I can say is we just knew. And we still do. Hang in there, Frisky. You'll find him.

  5. Hello Janie, how did I miss coming by! And Hi Frisky, wonderful sharing. To me it just happened/happens :)

  6. I feel like a princess in a fairy tail every day! I definitely didn't settle for anything less than Prince Charming and I got him! True I was a bit sceptical after some miserable relationships, and I got a bit frustrated in waiting but it was all worth it! It will be worth it for you too!

  7. Thank you all--I have to believe he's out there somewhere. I'll keep believing, I promise. :)

  8. It does exist. Honest. But it takes a lot of work on both parts, and it is constantly changing. In the books, she changes for him and he for her.

    I think we all want that kind of love, the deep connection with someone else. The promise of an undeniable link to another human being, that forever reassures us that we are not alone.

    Who wouldn't?

  9. Juli's right. It exists, but not in a vacuum; it doesn't "happen," two people spend years making it happen, and it's not static. It doesn't look like a fairy tale, but suddenly one day you realize you wouldn't trade it for a fairy tale.

  10. testing testing.

    I commented yesterday but it's not here!

  11. Ah. Moderation. Never mind, it's cool.


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