This week's guest postess is my sister from another mother, dirtycowgirl from http://dirtycowgirl.blogspot.com/.
Please leave some appreciative comments for her. She always makes me laugh. Her blog is titled "Left Alone With a Full Moon."
When Janie first asked me if I wanted to write a contribution to this topic it left me rather stumped.
Because she said it should be "a post about intimacy, not sex, real intimacy", and in my world you can't have one without the other.
The way my emotions are wired sex, love and intimacy are all sides of the same coin.
Well that's not entirely correct.
I can have sex without intimacy, have done,
more times then I care to remember a few times.
But just not the other way round.
The saying goes the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, it's the same for me, except you need to reach my stomach via a different route.
I've had some great sex with men I wasn't in love with, but I've never fallen in love with anyone who wasn't giving me mind blowing, swinging from the chandeliers, how the fuck do I manage to get my legs in that position sex.
Don't misunderstand me, I know that when you find intimacy it becomes about more then sex. But I just can't get there without it.
I have experienced that feeling of being so in tune with someone that it's almost like you can read each other's minds.
But for it to last that needs to translate itself to a man who can read my mind so I don't have to tell him when to speed it up or slow it down or flip me over.
That's how I REALLY know that somebody gets me.
Sometimes I wonder if I was really ever in love, because as soon as the sex diminished I went off the man pretty damn quick.
The way it works for me is I like someone, so the sex gets a bit better, so I like them more, the more I like them the more I want sex, the more sex we have the better it gets, until it gets to the point where I think I love them (and the very best sex is always with someone you love - for me THAT'S where the intimacy comes into it). And then I want it ALL the time.
When you get in from work.
If you have an extra half hour for lunch.
And don't be making plans that involve getting dressed at the week-end. Although I have a selection of outfits that might fit the occasion.
It's also at this point that I like to get a bit kinky.
And it's at this point that pretty much every man I ever got serious with started saying things like, and I quote. . . "I can't do that with you, I love you and I respect you too much" (No, I'm not telling you what 'that' was, but he was on the way out the minute those words were out of his mouth).
"You just want me for sex" (Well no, but without it you're not getting anything else).
"If I had an accident and my cock got cut off you'd dump me" (Honestly ? Yeah, he was probably right).
"I'm not a human vibrator" (Clearly he wasn't, once his battery died there was no replacing it).
"All we ever do is fuck, can't we just cuddle" (FYI in my world cuddling is foreplay).
"Do NOT be waking me up with a blow job tonight I need to sleep" ( I decided this one was gay).
"Why do you have to act like a slut all the time" (Because he told me he liked women who dress up, so I used to turn up at his house wearing. . . )
"Why can't you let me make the first move instead of jumping on me as soon as I get here" ( This one wanted me to make him dinner while he moaned about work...nah, help me work up an appetite first and then I'll let you order a pizza, and his job was digging holes in the road. REALLY wanted to talk about that. Not.)
And once I heard those statements I knew the end was nigh.
Seriously, I thought men wanted a woman who is always up for it. And when I'm really into someone I am, truth is I think they found my libido intimidating.
But as soon as I start to feel anything approaching frustration any emotions I feel seem to die off.
Maybe that's why I'm single.
Some of the relationships I've had have left me rather cynical, but at the same time I think that I just haven't met anyone truly compatible, or maybe never found true love, and I'd like to think I can put a YET on the end of that.
My last boyfriend fucked with my head in ways that have nothing to do with this post, and I am only just now beginning to think that it might be time to put the hunting gear on again.
Because there are really only two things I miss about being with someone.
The first one, obviously, is sex.
I'm spending a fucking fortune on batteries.
But the other thing is intimacy, and by that I mean the closeness I only seem to be able to feel when I am physically in touch with someone.
Which means I'll be expecting a lot of sex.
And having just read this back I realise that while Janie wanted a post about intimacy I have in fact just written a post about sex.
I think that proves my point.
That is so so funny. Atleast she is so to the point.ReplyDelete
A few comments today:ReplyDelete
1--I got tired reading this. Not tired OF it, but BY it.
2--I have not read your blog before, but I'm going to read some of your older posts today!
3--I loved it!
I also think sex and intimacy go hand in hand, however I think it has to be more than just sex or it won't last. Not long term last. I really think you just haven't found the right guy YET. Keep looking cowgirl. He's out there. :)ReplyDelete
@Paps, I am always to the point.ReplyDelete
1. I wear people out listening to me IRL too.
2. I hope you enjoy, but my blog is very random.
@Craziness, I do agree, but one has to last in order for the other too with me. I hope you're right :)
DIRTYCOWGIRL--I tried to read some of your older posts. I even became a follower, but when I try to read the post, the screen seems locked in place & I can't scroll. That never happened to me before. I'll try again tomorrow. Wish me luck!ReplyDelete
Fishducky, let me know, I recently changed the template, I was trying to make the background static but scrollable writing - it didn't work so I thought I changed it back, but sounds like maybe I didn't. What browser dongou use? WIll check back here later :)ReplyDelete
Much awesomeness in this post. Your exes' complaints remind me of a good friend of mine. He had just gotten married. He called me up to complain that his new wife wanted it all the time, to the point of exhausting him. Being that I was single at the time (and single for a guy usually means sad, lonely nights) I didn't have the most sympathy for him. In fact I seem to recall my advice to him was to fess up to his new wife and come out of the closet. As far as I'm concerned that's like winning the lottery and then complaining about having too much $$ :)ReplyDelete
DIRTYCOWGIRL--It still won't scroll. I am so computer illiterate that I don't know what web browser I use--whatever my son set up for me. Where can I look to find out?ReplyDelete
note to self : don't type on an ipad
Good lord woman! But I have to agree that sex and intimacy can go hand and hand. Or foot to hand, or backside to... well you get the idea.ReplyDelete
But to be honest, the best, most intimate relationship I have ever had, started with an amazing chemical attraction of the mind and body and fantastic sex. The intimacy part of it happened down the road, and believe it or not, sometimes I really love that part more than the sex itself.
Damn. Did I just write that? I don't even know myself anymore...
Juli, It's the name change. You'll get used to yourself after a while.ReplyDelete