Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,
Today I participate in a blog hop hosted by Michael D'Agostino of A Life Examined. Please visit Michael's blog to sign up for the hop, or blogfest, if you prefer that term.
Michael is so good at coming up with questions! This month he asks,“If your parent or child committed a major crime, would you turn them in?”
I've been thinking about my answer since Michael emailed the question to the participants on July 27th. Here it is about 9:45 p.m. EST, and I still don't feel certain of my answer. But if I don't write a post, then I can't go to the hop, and who doesn't want to go to the hop?
I've decided that this question can't have a general answer. I can only think about MY parents and children because I know--or knew--them so well. My parents passed away quite a few years ago. Favorite Young Man is 35, and Dr. The Hurricane just turned 29.
It's nearly impossible for me to imagine Mother or Daddy or my children committing a major crime. I have to answer with "No, I wouldn't turn them in."
Here's the major reason: If any of these beloved people did something terrible, I would know that it wasn't intentional, or that they had a reason behind what they did. If it were my children, I would talk to them about their options, including the possibility of confessing and surrendering to the police, but I would not be able to turn them in.
I include Willy Dunne Wooters in the group of people I could't turn in. He's too good, kind, and intelligent for me to make that decision for him.
I used to know someone who was in prison for thirty years because he had been convicted of second degree murder. His sentence was actually sixty years. He got out after thirty for reasons I don't want to reveal.
He committed murder for a reason. That doesn't make it okay or legal. but he couldn't get the help he needed from the police. When I knew him, about a year after he got out of prison, he was a sweet, good humored, cuddly guy who always did his best to help me. He's gone now. My experience with him influences my answer.
Infinities of love,
Hello, dear Janie! Will you be my date for the hop?ReplyDelete
I understand and appreciate your rationale for not turning in a loved one and instead counseling them to take responsibility, do the right thing and surrender themselves. Either way it is a very tough and complex issue and I thank you for participating in the discussion.
Yes! Let's go to the hop! Thank you for your kind comment. I'm not turning in you, either, but I know what you did last summer.Delete
We bailed someone very close to us out of jail & also paid off debts in Vegas for another but both those times were financial & didn't hurt anybody but loan sharks & casinos (& the people were quite young), but other than that, I DON"T KNOW--& I hope I never have to find out the answer!!ReplyDelete
I don't think it's a question you'll have to answer.Delete
If I ever do something terrible, I know I can count on you. I'm not sure what that might be, but it will be a doosie.ReplyDelete
Hold it: You are not my parent or child. You're on your own. Except I have this soft spot in my heart for you.Delete
If I knew my brother or someone else close to me had a grow-op and it was a major kind, I doubt I would turn them in but I would talk to them and try to tell them it will only be time before you know what hits the fan. If they turned out to bomb a place, were a rapist or a serial killer then Yes, I would turn them in. It all depends on the crime. There are many people who are in jail and should remain there and then there are many who would no longer do harm. I watch "Pitbull and Parolees" and she helps out men who have been in prison and gets them started by helping in her animal shelter. One can never white wash a person over because life is not black and whiteReplyDelete
Extenuating circumstances often come into play. I feel confident that my children would never intentionally commit a major crime, but I think a lot of people feel that way and it doesn't always work out.Delete
My immediate reaction is NOPE, but I guess...maybe? It would matter if the crime directly hurt someone else (ie murder) or not (ie tax fraud...not good, buuut....)ReplyDelete
I still say it depends on the specific person. I would get rid of Boyfriend in a second.Delete
Oops! You didn't know that we're seeing each other, did you? The kitten is out of the bag now. How is Kitty?
I wonder if we could have a rational plan tucked away, like one has one's will in the drawer, for use at some future time. I did have to call the police concerning a family member, and it took me a day and a half to make the decision.ReplyDelete
I think my plan is rational. If it's my kids or WDW, then we talk about it. If it's someone else and the crime results in any kind of injury, I call the police.Delete
That is a difficult question! It would depend on the circumstances and the severity of the crime, I think. Better to get them to turn themselves in, as you mentioned.ReplyDelete
I don't even think I would try to get them to turn themselves in. I'd bring it up as an option.Delete
I get what you mean. Th more posts I read on this hop, the more I feel sort of swayed from my decision. Like, would I really be able to turn them in? It never even occurred to me to try to convince them to turn themselves in. Why would I assume that I'd have to turn them in? :/ReplyDelete
You don't have to do anything you don't want to do.Delete
That is a really tough question. I wouldn't be able to turn any of my family members in either. Luckily I don't have kids. But if my child was a sociopath, I would turn him/her in.ReplyDelete
A sociopath is a completely different creature. I feel confident at this point of their lives that my children have shown no signs of being sociopaths. Of course, a lot of people are in denial when it comes to family or friends.Delete
My parents read your blog. No comment! Haha.ReplyDelete
Joe and I went to the nature center the other day and I reached down to pet a bunny. He, on the other hand read the sign that said that it was OK to pet the bunny before he did so. He is good at heart, so I wouldn't turn him in.
Favorite Young Man has such a tender heart that he will--and has--given away the shirt on his back. Your parents don't really read my blog, do they? If they do, they must think you associate with a crazy person.Delete
It's difficult to think of this in terms of one's own family, but if I knew someone who had committed a crime and if the circumstances were such that I thought this person may be a danger to others, I would not hesitate to turn them in. But so much depends on what went on, what kind of crime, what kind of person, it's difficult to know what to answer.ReplyDelete
Exactly. We have to consider the individual. It's nice to see you, Inger. You are on my mind all the time.Delete
I have no idea, I hope it is not something I will ever have to deal withReplyDelete
I doubt that you'll ever have to worry about this decision.Delete
I could see how your experience with Mr. Thirty (for lack of a better identifier) would color your answer.ReplyDelete
To answer this question, I would need more information. What kind of crime? I mean, if it was a victimless crime, no way. If it's a predatory crime, yes, I'd like to know the reasons, but there are some crimes for which there are no excuses. Also, is there a reward?
Reward? I didn't think about the reward aspect. When the D.C. snipers were caught near our house in Maryland, two people who recognized them and called the police shared the reward. It was probably a shitload of money. Damn! Why was I safe at home in my bed?Delete
Can I be your third wheel for the hop? :DReplyDelete
I agree with Shady. I appreciate that you would counsel your loved ones - I would too, but it's a real ethical dilemma! I would counsel them, but probably turn them in depending on the circumstance.
I also agree with Jo-Anne: I hope this is something I never have to deal with!
Yes, you can go to the hop, but you don't have to feel you are the third wheel. I hereby decree that you, Jessica Marie, will never have to wonder if you should turn in someone.Delete
Gads! This makes me think of Michele Duggar (cringe)...ReplyDelete
If I had a son who molested girls, then you better believe I would turn him in.Delete
scary question and thoughtReplyDelete
Yes, it is. I remember when John Hinckley, Jr.'s parents spoke out after he attempted to assassinate President Reagan. It's very difficult to have a family member who shows increasing signs of mental illness.Delete
I also found that it was not a cut and dried decision. Too many What ifs in the making. Thanks for visiting my blog!ReplyDelete
Play off the Page
You're welcome. I enjoyed your blog. You're right that it's not cut and dried.Delete
I'm sorry I missed this and I'm very glad I checked in again, because that was a great answer. I understand your sentiment about that man who "committed murder for a reason, even though it doesn't make it okay." I've often said we're not looking for forgiveness, we're just looking for understanding.ReplyDelete
With the short notice, I unfortunately did not have time to answer but I agree with your answer. Depending on the crime and circumstance, I would or would not turn them in. If necessary, I believe I would offer or find them couseling as well.ReplyDelete
WOW!! Great answer. That's a really hard one but I really like how much you thought it out and the reasoning behind it. Tough one I don't even want to consider in my own life. Hopefully will never have to!ReplyDelete