Wednesday, October 10, 2012


Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I have two questions. I'll ask one today and one tomorrow.

The first is about the mentalpause (term stolen from my FORMER friend dirtycowgirl at Left Alone With A Full Moon. I love dirtycowgirl but she's irritating the hell out of me because she hardly ever blogs anymore. She's too busy selling stuff on ebay. She has abandoned me, and I don't feel one bit guilty about stealing "mentalpause" from her.)

So here's the story, morning glory. Gentlemen, you might not want to read this.

I'm having trouble remembering how many years ago it was, but I think it was about eight. I went through menopause, though I didn't figure out what was wrong till it was over. I had hot flashes followed by chills, breast tenderness, night sweats, and I was so emotional that I managed to get fired from my crappy shitty job for laughing at a doctor. I worked in his office and he didn't like it when I laughed at him but he really was a moron.

Eventually, the mentalpause subsided, and I thought it was alllllll gone.

But now it seems to have returned.

Hot flashes, night sweats, chills, breast tenderness. Can't think clearly. Did I mention I'm forgetful? I'm not particularly grouchy, though I don't know how anyone could tell because I'm always at least a little grouchy, but I am down in the dumps. Everything makes me cry. If the dogs look at me because they want their supper, I cry. The price of toilet paper went up by two cents? I cry. I miss the things I left in Illinois, and what do I do? Cry and complain. And then I cry some more. And then I forget why I'm crying. The words that usually pour out of me onto the computer have dried up. I'm also forgetful.

I had a hystericalectomy more than 20 years ago, so I can't judge what my body is doing to me based on periods. Or maybe it's all in my head.

But what's not in my head is that my neighbors' gate squeaks. It's right outside my bedroom window and even with the window closed I can hear as they go in and out of that squeaky gate at all hours. Sometimes 3:45 a.m., which happened last night; therefore, I have been up since 4 a.m. Lotta Joy, please come to visit and bring your gun, or at least some WD-40. I can't even sneak out there to WD-40 the gate without backup (lotta joy with her gun) because those people never seem to go to bed. In and out. In and out. Squeak. Squeeeeeeeeeeek!

I wanna get out of town. Big time. I need a break I can't afford. I want to see something other than palm trees, Spanish moss, ant hills, and palmetto bugs. I want health insurance, and I want it now. I want a job, and I want it now. For Christ's sake, I've been job hunting for three years. Isn't that long enough?

So, anyway, my question is the following: Have any of you experienced this problem? Does the mentalpause come and go and then return? Has it been lying dormant in my system all this time, just waiting to attack Elvis Aaron Schwarz? He doesn't really understand what's going on -- not that I do.

Hi! Remember me?
I'm Elvis Aaron Schwarz.
I don't understand my baby doll right now.
She's turned into a big fussy baby doll.

Please tell me I'm not going to be like this forever. I don't want to scream in agony every time Elvis touches my boob (not that he would do something that personal). I don't want to cry every time I look at my dogs' sweet faces. I don't want to wail and flail because I haven't seen The Hurricane in such a long time.

Even if you have to lie to me, please tell me that this crap shit  mentalpause will go away soon and won't come back. Once should have been enough.

Bollocks. That's all I have to say right now. Bollocks. And ass hat. I feel like saying ass hat. Romney. Piss off. And maybe I also feel like dropping the F-bomb the way I did when I got kicked out of Bible study. I still don't know why those women were so upset. You would think they never dropped the F-bomb and I'll betcha they have cuz they went through the mentalpause.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

P.S. Please don't advise me to see a doctor. I don't have insurance and I'm not going to the doctor unless it's a HUGE emergency. However, I will get a flu shot, but not the extra nasty flu shot that's for old folks because I'm still young at heart and in years. I'm just old in mentalpause.


  1. You don't need no fricking doctor, all you need is a large object with which to beat the hell out of your neighbor's gate, then spray the fricking WD 40 all over said neighbor. I tell ya, there is something to be said about anger management, I like to manage it right on somebody's head, preferably my principal, ghetto parents or useless co-workers. Hey, if you ever want to vent, call me. I vent 24/7 and my husband is a little tired of it (actually he might be checking himself into a mental institution pretty soon). We should have a bitchfest and invite everybody else who has something to bitch about. Can't help you with the mental pause yet, haven't had it, but when I do get it, my husband should be sooooo happy. Hopefully he won't use any of the guns we have on me.....

    Love ya girl, you're super funny. Come out to the desert, there's no feaking palm tree spanish moss or alligators. We do have ant hills though, big, fiery , ant hills, but we eat them for breakfast. That's life in the Mojave. :)

  2. No, you're super funny. So there. You don't even wanna get in an argument with me.

  3. I don't know how to tell you to make it all better, but keep ranting here...hopefully that will help a little, and I never tire of what you have to say.
    Oh Boogers! I wish they'd find a cure for Mentalpause...the world would be happier.

  4. Let me know if you get an answer...

    1. According to some of these comments, mentalpause can come and go for years.

  5. I can't help you, but you are not alone!! I posted this last month & it's true:

    Several years ago, Bud & I took a cruise to Mexico. The ship docked near a beautiful lagoon so the passengers could go swimming in the ocean. We were in a snack bar, in our swimsuits & my hair was soaking wet & plastered to my head. Next to us was a man with his two small children who were wondering out loud if the water was too cold to swim in. The father suggested to his kids that they ask me, because it was obvious that I had just been the ocean. I HADN'T GONE IN YET!! I don't know if I was having a hot flash or if it was the weather--or a combination of both.

    1. Isn't it lovely when people comment on you and you have to say, No! I haven't been in the water!

  6. I had a hysterectomy but they left my ovaries, too--so I didn't have much to go by, either. I went through terrible insomnia (runs in my family) and warm flashes and fits of munchies, but I have some times now, years later, that I swear I have had hints of it again, too. I have heard that it can take some women a decade or more to go through menopause, so I doubt you are the first to have it come back in a wave. I know what you mean about not having insurance or money to go to the doctor, too. I tough out everything. ;) Hang in there!! :)

    1. Thank you. That's a helpful answer. At least I know I'm (probably) not insane.

  7. I haven't gone through mentalpause. But from what you're saying, it sure doesn't sound like fun!

  8. Other than that brief period of time when I tried to freeze my poor husband's gonads off with the waterbed, I didn't have too much trouble with hot flashes and all that jazz when I was going through the change. It's kinda funny that you're more tearful now, though. For me, it's just the opposite. I used to cry at anything and everything, but as my estrogen levels plummeted, so did my urges to cry. Because of some other medical issues, the doc put me on estrogen recently, and lo and behold! Commercials make me cry again.

    Anyhow, to answer your question, yes, it's possible to experience a stray hot flash or other symptom years after you thought you were done with all that mess. Sorry.

    Love that video!

    1. Thanks for your help. I thought the video was cute, too.


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