FRANKLIN FRIDAY: MERRY KISSMAS!

Hi hi hi hihihihihihihihihihi Every Buddy! I'm Franklin the Bordernese and I'm the bee's knees!

I dunno what that means, but Mom said it. I want all of you to come with me because I have some special stuff to show you.

First, here's my brother and best friend, Harper.

Now, we start to get to the really cool stuff with lights. Mom has been decorating. This is the mantel:

Mom's mom painted this wood plate with the little houses and people. Mom says it's called folk art.

Mom thinks Mrs. Rita will like this cat that's an angel. I think that's ridicurous to think a cat could be an angel.

These are two little wood trees in the foyer. They are NOT for lifting our legs on.

This is what the window in the foyer looks like from outside:

Mom's mom painted this plate and Santa Claus, too. The plate is supposed to have cookies for Santa on it. Mom won't put out the cookies because she says they'd turn into cookies for dogs.

This wagon and basket are on top of the pie safe in the family room. Each one has a teddy bear in it.

And now come with me to the very best thing of all, THE KISSMAS TREE.

I don't know why it's called The Kissmas Tree. Maybe because Mom and Willy Dunne Wooters like to look at the lights and decorations and then they smooch and talk lovey-dovey lovey-dovey all the time. Then they show each other a good time. It's so gross. Bleah.

Don't tell Mom, but sometimes when she's tapping on the computer I sit with The Kissmas Tree and enjoy the lights. Then I find Mom and I give her a kiss. I learned what a kiss was the very first day I met Mom.

Mom says this cute fuzzy ornament came from Kianwi at simply she goes. It's one of my favorite ornaments because Kianwi's dog picked it out for Mom. It says PEACE.

And now here's the very best picture of all. It's the whole Kissmas Tree! Mom says we will leave it in the family room until 2014. That's a very, very long time from now.

I think Mom wants to keep it up because it gives her more excuses to kiss Willy Dunne Wooters.

I say Merry Kissmas!

Okay I love you bye-bye.


Franklin the Bordernese

P.S. Mom says please visit Miss Nicki at Nicki Elson's Not-So-Deep Thoughts. Miss Nicki is so nice that she has put our rafflecopter on her blog and if you send a birthday card for my Grandma Margaret's 80th birthday, Miss Nicki will give you a story for FREE! Mom loves the way Miss Nicki writes. Send birthday cards for Margaret to

Janie Goltz
PO Box 61371
Jacksonville FL 32236

Mom will write another update tomorrow about how many cards we have and which ones we've received. Thanks for helping Mom give Grandma 80 cards for her 80th birthday!

MOVIE MOVIE WEEKEND: PEOPLE LIKE US & 42

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today I present two movies for your consideration. Neither one is brilliant, but both are interesting enough to be a distraction when you just want something to watch.

The first is People Like Us (2012, Rated PG-13, Available on DVD).

Sam (Chris Pine) goes home for his father's funeral to see if any money is coming his way. He's a little bit of a sleaze. He learns that his father left a large sum of money to someone named Josh Davis. Sam seeks out Josh (Michael Hall D'Addario) and finds he is a fairly young boy, living with his recovering alcoholic mother, Frankie (Elizabeth Banks).

This movie is pretty predictable, and the acting is mediocre, with the exception of young D'Addario, whose performance I enjoyed. People Like Us is worth watching to see the changes in Sam, and really worth watching for a brief sequence at the conclusion. This one little aspect of the film really touched my heart.

You can probably let children about 12 and older watch this movie.

And now, I present 42 (2013, Rated PG-13, Available On DVD).

This movie is a bit better and can be used as a teaching tool about segregation because it tells the story of Jackie Robinson (Chadwick Boseman) "breaking the color line" when Branch Rickey (Harrison Ford) signs Robinson to the Brooklyn Dodgers.

I expected a more tense atmosphere in this movie. Many white people were furious to see a black man playing on the same team with white men. Previously, black men played in the Negro Leagues. Moreover, some of the other Dodgers didn't want to play with Robinson.

Perhaps it's better that 42 is understated and controlled, because Robinson had to control his temper at all times and not give anyone a reason to belittle him. I particularly like a scene in which Rickey must encourage Robinson to face up to his detractors and take the field. Rickey is portrayed as insisting he has no interest in changing the face of baseball. He simply wants the best players. In reality, though, Rickey is out to make a dent in racism.

Chadwick Boseman gives a nice, restrained performance. Harrison Ford seems a little too much the intense, well-intentioned old codger, who resembles a dried-up prune.

42 is probably a movie you will want your children to see–maybe children aged 10 and older.

People Like Us and 42 have The Janie Junebug Seal of Approval. I realize I'm not slobbering with joy over these films, but both are good. They just aren't fantastic, and, thus, slobber worthy.

Happy Viewing!


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

BIRTHDAY CARD UPDATE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I just went to the PO and found two cards for Margaret awaiting me: one from Hilary, and one from Nicki Elson. That brings us to 20 cards with 60 more to go.

I know a number of you have said you've mailed your cards this week, so I bet they'll be here on Friday . . . or so.

If you haven't gotten on the birthday bandwagon yet, my request is for birthday cards for my (former) mother-in-law, Margaret, who is turning 80. I want to send her 80 cards. Sending a card earns you 10 entries in my giveaway. Prizes are three books, two Amazon gift cards, one t-shirt, and $150 worth of editing by me. Please send cards for Margaret to

Janie Goltz
PO Box 61371
Jacksonville FL 32236

If you have a friend or relative who might send a card, please ask! Kianwi at simply she goes has gotten some of her friends to pitch in, and I appreciate it very much.

In fact, if you'd be willing to put the rafflecopter on your blog (and earn my undying love), here's the link to get the code: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/share-code/ZmUxOTg5ZDg3MjA5YmQzYTNmYTM1ZDMwNTlmNTE0OjA=/


Coffey, I know you said that if you sent a card you'd have to say something nasty about X, but you are capable of putting a nice birthday card in the mail. NOW DO IT!

If you haven't sent a card, then don't make me pick on you because you know what will happen? I'll send The Hurricane after you. You will be so sorry.

Thank you very much for your help!

I'll put the giveaway rafflecopter at the bottom of this post.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

a Rafflecopter giveaway

WORLD RECORD HOLDER FOR MASTURBATION AND OTHER NURSING HOME SEX STORIES

As promised, I'm presenting my top ten most popular posts as part of my one thousandth post celebration. This post was first published on November 11, 2011. Nine hundred thirty-two people viewed "WORLD RECORD HOLDER FOR MASTURBATION AND OTHER NURSING HOME SEX STORIES". If you're sensitive or offended by a discussion of masturbation, then you might want to skip this one. Keep in mind that Lola wrote this. She can be pretty nasty.

Here's #8 on my top ten hits list:

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Some nasty sexual activity occurs in nursing homes.

At the nursing home where I worked, I truly loved almost all the residents. But the few I didn't love? They were rather gross.

For example, there was the guy whose adult children would bring him porn. He'd watch it on his TV while masturbating. I did not like that man. He always spat on the floor. Finally I said to him, Mr. Masturbating Porn Watching Spitter, please do not spit on the floor. I have to kneel on the floor while I help you wash your nasty cum-covered ding-dong (gosh, I hope my use of ding-dong doesn't offend anyone). At least he stopped spitting when I was there.

We didn't close the doors in the nursing home because we had to keep an eye on everyone and make sure they hadn't fallen on the floor. Even at night the doors were closed only partway. We did not have cameras to help us watch for accidents, or to make our own porn films of the obvious masturbators.

There was this guy who obviously loved it that his door was open. His job before infirmity caught up with him must have been Flasher at a local elementary school. The kids have to learn sometime what a limp ding-dong on a moron looks like.

Mr. Moron should have been in the Guinness Book of World Records because he never, ever freaking stopped masturbating. Sitting on his bed. Next to the open door.

O.K. I'm exaggerating. He probably slept about two hours at night and he wasn't masturbating then. At least I don't think he was.

Every single person who walked down that hall got to see Mr. Moron yanking his wanky. And not just staff members. Every visitor who came to see a dying or sick loved one was treated to the sight of Mr. Moron dating five-fingered Sally.  Gentlemen, please tell me: If you masturbated 20 hours/day or so, then wouldn't your hand get tired?

Mr. Moron's hand was on the move all the time. Moron couldn't walk, couldn't get himself into his wheelchair alone so he could go to the bathroom, but he had the strongest right hand on Earth. God, he was amazing.

But let's finish up this post with something nicer. Before I worked in a nursing home, I volunteered in one. There was a man and a woman, probably in their 30s, and they had some physical disabilities. They might have been a bit mentally challenged too.

But they found each other and were so happy together. They sat in their wheelchairs in his room or her room, talking and holding hands and once, I saw them kissing. It was really pretty sweet. Living in a nursing home is not exactly fun, and I'm glad they could comfort one another.
I hope that, in their own way, they lived happily ever after.

Infinities of love,
Lola 

GRATITUDE TUESDAY: MY KITCHEN

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

As you may recall, Favorite Young Man painted my kitchen a beautiful, bold red recently, to go with my white cabinets and black counters. But I realized I needed to clean out my cabinets and re-organize the kitchen.

So this is what the kitchen looked like for a while:

I have new photos of the way the kitchen looks now, and I am so grateful for Favorite Young Man's paint job, and for my skill in organizing that comes from the little fits of OCD that I tend to have. This is the same spot you saw in the pre-reorganization photo:

Here's a lower cabinet with pull-out shelves that hold bakeware:

Here's a large cabinet that's up high. The stuff on the highest shelves are things I don't use frequently:

Here's the lazy susan in the corner. Look, Rita! See the crock that holds my frequently used utensils:

Here's my favorite butter dish:

And now for a little mommy bragging. The following is a Hurricane original:

The following is another Hurricane original:

I'm a grateful mommy, and a grateful kitchen owner.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

NEW ARRIVALS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

So many of you said that you sent cards last week that I figured I'd better make a quick run to the PO and not put it off until tomorrow. Besides, I realized I hadn't checked the mailbox on Friday (Junebug! You don't go out on Black Friday, I reminded myself). I had last checked it on Wednesday.

I received one card last week. It was from fishducky. Isn't she always Numero Uno?

I haven't looked inside any of the cards yet, but based on return addresses (I'll try not to give away any identities that should be kept secret), it doth appear that cards have arrived from Karen, Pickleope, someone in Edmonton, Alberta (don't know if this person has a name I should protect so I won't name names), Casandra, Shelly, Cheryl, Liz, Susan, Barb, Susie, Rick & Jilda, Sherry (Mama), Beth, Mayor Gia & Boyfriend, DeAnna, Denise, and Stephen.

If I've used any names here that I shouldn't have mentioned, please email me at dumpedfirstwife@gmail.com, and I'll delete your name immediately. You see, the thing is, I don't know who a few of you are. Some people I can match with their blogs and blogger names, but I don't recognize all the names. The fact that so many people, known and unknown, would respond to my plea, truly overwhelms me.

Now let's count: 18 cards so far!

That means 62 more cards needed. If you can get me close to that, then my friend Carol and I will fill in the gap.

For those of you who are late to the party, please take a look at http://dumpedfirstwife.blogspot.com/2013/11/help-i-need-somebody-help-not-just.html for all the info about sending a card to my (former) mother-in-law for her 80th birthday.

I do believe I'll leave you with a song today, in addition to the song in my heart.

Thank you!


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

OO LA LA: C'EST WILLY DUNNE WOOTERS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Willy Dunne Wooters and I were watching a very romantic movie last night:  Don Juan De Marco (and yes, Willy Dunne Wooters took off his shirt and looked exactly the way he does in the above photo). Don Juan De Marco stars Johnny Depp as a young man who believes he is Don Juan. He ends up in a mental hospital, and changes his psychiatrist's (Marlon Brando's) life.

Since our Don Juan was speaking with a Spanish accent, I crooked my index finger at Willy Dunne Wooters and motioned to him to move closer to me. Then I whispered in his ear, Te amo. Te quiero. (I love you. I want you.)

Willy Dunne Wooters' sweet little playful smile spread across his face and he said, That's kinda sexy.

Suddenly I realized I had discovered a new way to make Willy Dunne Wooters happy: He loves it when I speak in languages other than English, and it doesn't matter if he doesn't know what I'm saying.

I can ask him, Ou est la banque? (French for Where is the bank?), and that I'm-so-in-love-that-I'm totally captivated look suddenly shows up in Willy Dunne Wooters' beautiful blue/green eyes. He could melt butter with that gaze.

I ran out of French pretty quickly, so Merde! I told him (will not translate, but if you look it up you'll know why it's silly). I'll probably use Spanish to keep his interest, with, perhaps, a little Italian mixed in.

This morning I said, Mi espanol es muy excellente. His eyes drooped to half-mast and he grabbed me for a passionate kiss. I'm so glad I've learned yet another way to make my Willy Dunne Wooters happy–and perhaps discovered a method to control him just a little bit.

Oh, Willy Dunne Wooters, you are so thoughtful. You were especially sweet when you told me how beautiful my Christmas decorations are. And I'm so glad you liked the mashed potatoes with Thanksgiving dinner.

It was a good weekend, Willy Dunne Wooters. Je t'aime. (Uh-oh. Can you drive home with that extra stick shift?)

Don't we look good together?

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


You still have time to enter my giveaway, and it's not too late to send a birthday card (worth 10 entries) to me for my (former) mother-in-law, Margaret, who celebrates her 80th birthday during December. Send birthday card for Margaret to

Janie Goltz
PO Box 61371
Jacksonville FL 32236

Margaret likes sweet and sentimental cards, especially those with a Christian theme.

You can also get five entries for becoming a new follower of my blog, and an entry for already following.

The giveaway is open to residents of the U.S., Canada, the U.K., Australia, and New Zealand. Prizes are books, two Amazon gift cards, a t-shirt, and $150 worth of editing by moi (calm down, Willy Dunne Wooters; it was only moi).


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug