WORLD RECORD HOLDER FOR MASTURBATION AND OTHER NURSING HOME SEX STORIES

As promised, I'm presenting my top ten most popular posts as part of my one thousandth post celebration. This post was first published on November 11, 2011. Nine hundred thirty-two people viewed "WORLD RECORD HOLDER FOR MASTURBATION AND OTHER NURSING HOME SEX STORIES". If you're sensitive or offended by a discussion of masturbation, then you might want to skip this one. Keep in mind that Lola wrote this. She can be pretty nasty.

Here's #8 on my top ten hits list:

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Some nasty sexual activity occurs in nursing homes.

At the nursing home where I worked, I truly loved almost all the residents. But the few I didn't love? They were rather gross.

For example, there was the guy whose adult children would bring him porn. He'd watch it on his TV while masturbating. I did not like that man. He always spat on the floor. Finally I said to him, Mr. Masturbating Porn Watching Spitter, please do not spit on the floor. I have to kneel on the floor while I help you wash your nasty cum-covered ding-dong (gosh, I hope my use of ding-dong doesn't offend anyone). At least he stopped spitting when I was there.

We didn't close the doors in the nursing home because we had to keep an eye on everyone and make sure they hadn't fallen on the floor. Even at night the doors were closed only partway. We did not have cameras to help us watch for accidents, or to make our own porn films of the obvious masturbators.

There was this guy who obviously loved it that his door was open. His job before infirmity caught up with him must have been Flasher at a local elementary school. The kids have to learn sometime what a limp ding-dong on a moron looks like.

Mr. Moron should have been in the Guinness Book of World Records because he never, ever freaking stopped masturbating. Sitting on his bed. Next to the open door.

O.K. I'm exaggerating. He probably slept about two hours at night and he wasn't masturbating then. At least I don't think he was.

Every single person who walked down that hall got to see Mr. Moron yanking his wanky. And not just staff members. Every visitor who came to see a dying or sick loved one was treated to the sight of Mr. Moron dating five-fingered Sally.  Gentlemen, please tell me: If you masturbated 20 hours/day or so, then wouldn't your hand get tired?

Mr. Moron's hand was on the move all the time. Moron couldn't walk, couldn't get himself into his wheelchair alone so he could go to the bathroom, but he had the strongest right hand on Earth. God, he was amazing.

But let's finish up this post with something nicer. Before I worked in a nursing home, I volunteered in one. There was a man and a woman, probably in their 30s, and they had some physical disabilities. They might have been a bit mentally challenged too.

But they found each other and were so happy together. They sat in their wheelchairs in his room or her room, talking and holding hands and once, I saw them kissing. It was really pretty sweet. Living in a nursing home is not exactly fun, and I'm glad they could comfort one another.
I hope that, in their own way, they lived happily ever after.

Infinities of love,
Lola 

THE HOLY ALPHABET

The Holy Alphabet... This is Beautiful


Whoever came up with this one must have had some Divine guidance!

                                             

Although things are not perfect 
Because of trial or pain 
Continue in thanksgiving 
Do not begin to blame 
Even when the times are hard 
Fierce winds are bound to blow 
God is forever able 
Hold on to what you know 
Imagine life without His love 
J oy would cease to be 
Keep thanking Him for all the things 
Love imparts to thee 
Move out of 'Camp Complaining' 
No weapon that is known 
On earth can yield the power 
Praise can do alone 
Quit looking at the future 
Redeem the time at hand 
Start every day with worship 
To 'thank' is a command 
Until we see Him coming 
Victorious in the sky 
We'll run the race with gratitude 
X alting God most high 
Y es, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but... 
Z ion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!

'I AM Too blessed to be stressed!' The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything. Love and peace be with you forever, Amen.

PS: GOD LOVES YOU...PASS THE WORD ON TO MORE FRIENDS AND ASK THEM TO CONTINUE TELLING OTHERS THAT GOD LOVES THEM TOO. JUST THINK OF HOW MANY PEOPLE THAT COULD BE REACHED OUT TO AND BLESSED WITH THESE WORDS

THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA

Gentle Readers,

I love the book series The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis. I didn't read the books for the first time until Favorite Young Man was eight years old. A lovely friend gave us the entire series and explained to me that they were allegories. I read the books aloud and everyone listened. Even the youngest member of our family, not quite two years old, learned to say Dawn Treader.

Now I enjoy the movies based on the books. The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe has me in tears every time I see it when Aslan, the lion who symbolizes Jesus, gives his life to redeem Edmund, and thus, all of humankind. It really personalizes Christ's sacrifice for us. Aslan is simply beautiful. I don't know if he's a computer creation, and I don't want to know. His majesty is amazing and lovely, and he has the voice of Liam Neeson.

Since then I have also enjoyed Prince Caspian, and most recently because it's fairly new to DVD and I can't really afford movies in theaters, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. I saw it last week and absolutely loved it. The quality of these productions is superb. They are suitable for just about all ages (might be too frightening for children younger than five, but you know your child better than I do), and if you want to teach children more about the tenets of Christianity, here's a great opportunity.

Furthermore, the young actor who plays Caspian is hotter than a firecracker, and the younger actor who plays Eustace is suitably obnoxious. The Voyage of The Dawn Treader is Eustace's coming of age and coming to Christianity story, while Edmund and Lucy bid us farewell for now.

I recommend you watch all three of the movies out so far, whether you have children or not. They are excellent.

Infinities of love,

Lola

The C. S. in C. S. Lewis stood for Clive Staples, but Lewis was commonly known as Jack, certainly a more friendly and accessible name.

CHEAP AND RUDE?

Gentle Readers,

Before I get into how loose and nasty we are, we must welcome a new follower. It's a hot dad named Trooper Thorn at http://hotdads.blogspot.com/, whose photo you can see with those of my other followers, except LegalMist, who hasn't posted lately and is a mere shadow of her former self. You can also find the Super Trooper, who is extremely amusing, blogging at some other sites, which I trust you to be smart enough to find yourself once you've clicked on the link I provided or you can click on his photo. Welcome, welcome, welcome Trooper Thorn!

I find it very interesting and highly amusing that for someone with a "mere" (I value each and every one of you, Darling Followers, so don't be confused by my use of the word mere) nine followers, I get a lot of hits. I find I am increasingly popular in Slovenia and South Korea, so I say God bless you Slovenians and South Koreans and keep on comin' on.

Now, loose and nasty? Nah, that's not really what I want to talk about. Cheap and rude is my topic today because I was over at The Restaurant Managers Rant. The manager says that Sunday morning shifts are the worst in restaurants because church-going people have high expectations but are low tippers.

I posted a comment mentioning that I am a Christian and I typically tip 15 - 20% or more, especially since I rarely order an expensive meal so why shouldn't I give some extra money to that hard-working server?

However, the restaurant manager received many comments agreeing with him and stating that people who go to church are indeed cheap and rude.

I feel terrible.

I don't like it when Christians go out of their way to make Christians look bad.

I admit I have gotten pissy with servers a few times over the years, but only when the service has been really, really bad. I prefer to write something on a comment card or on the receipt. Or, if it's absolutely necessary, I say something to the manager. I also sometimes write compliments on the receipt.

On Mother's Day, Favorite Young Man and I went out for a nice meal. The food was great, but the service was extremely slooooooow. We waited a long time for the server to bring the check. He didn't, but he brought food to the next table. When he walked by, I asked for the check.

We continued to wait.

No check.

So, finally we went up to the cash register, and there our server was at a table near the front, serving meals to a very large group.

Favorite Young Man and I told the cashier we needed our check, but we didn't complain. It wasn't a big deal. I think they had more business than they expected to have at 3 p.m. on a Sunday. Normally, when F.Y.M. and I go out at mid-afternoon, the restaurant is dead. I think the server simply had more than he could handle. The gentleman at the cash register apologized. I replied, It's not a problem. Then I left the same tip I usually leave.

Please don't stereotype Christians/church attendees. I often go out with other Christians and I have never seen a single one behave in a disrespectful manner or leave a tiny tip. My Kathy, in particular, is generous with absolutely everyone.

However, if you go out to eat after church and this message has made you think you could be nicer and more generous, then please take the spirit-filled feeling you enjoy in church and carry it with you into the restaurant. Be as friendly and kind as you can be while your server brings you your meal that you now don't have to cook and serve yourself. Then when your tummy is full and you know you can go home and take a nap, please leave a generous tip for your tired server who can't go home yet.

My Brother and Sister Christians, we must watch ourselves and let the world see the love in which we believe.

Infinities of love,

Lola

AH, BACH

http://www.wired.co.uk/news/archive/2011-04/4/xylophone-music-docomo

DeeDee update: Carol is with DeeDee, who is hospitalized. She will let me know how DeeDee is when she can. Thank you so much for the many responses to my requests for prayers.

Infinities of love,

Lola

HAPPY EASTER

HE IS RISEN!

HAPPY EASTER

Gentle Readers,

He is risen!