Hello. It is I, Penelope.
We do not have many visitors in our home because of the stupid virus, but when people do visit, they see me and make foolish noises. Then they squeal,
She has an underbite! Look at her cute toofers!
I am disgusted by such behavior. Why must they call attention to my toofers? Grandma (Carol) criticizes Mom Mom for not getting me braces. Ridiculous. Nothing is wrong with my toofers.
The only person I like––other than Mom Mom––is Auntie. She lives across the street. Auntie strokes my beautiful fur so nicely and never mentions my toofers.
I also liked it when Grandma lived with us because she shared her snacks with me. I enjoyed Cheetos and Skinny Pop Popcorn.
I do my best to keep my toofers hidden, but I can't help showing them when I smile.
I allowed Mom Mom to take this photograph because she was scratching my neck. I shall never permit her to photograph my toofers again.
When the hideous virus goes away, you may visit us as long as you do not mention my toofers.
If you bring them up, I shall call you simple-minded and give an interview about you to Oprah. You must obey me. I am Her Royal Highness The Duchess Of GoSuckIt.
That is all. Go home now. Do not poop in your neighbor's yard on the way.