Hello. It is I, Penelope.
We do not have many visitors in our home because of the stupid virus, but when people do visit, they see me and make foolish noises. Then they squeal,
She has an underbite! Look at her cute toofers!
I am disgusted by such behavior. Why must they call attention to my toofers? Grandma (Carol) criticizes Mom Mom for not getting me braces. Ridiculous. Nothing is wrong with my toofers.
The only person I like––other than Mom Mom––is Auntie. She lives across the street. Auntie strokes my beautiful fur so nicely and never mentions my toofers.
I also liked it when Grandma lived with us because she shared her snacks with me. I enjoyed Cheetos and Skinny Pop Popcorn.
I do my best to keep my toofers hidden, but I can't help showing them when I smile.
I allowed Mom Mom to take this photograph because she was scratching my neck. I shall never permit her to photograph my toofers again.
When the hideous virus goes away, you may visit us as long as you do not mention my toofers.
If you bring them up, I shall call you simple-minded and give an interview about you to Oprah. You must obey me. I am Her Royal Highness The Duchess Of GoSuckIt.
That is all. Go home now. Do not poop in your neighbor's yard on the way.
Penelope is adorable.
ReplyDeleteIt is true. I am adorable.
DeleteOh, Her Royal Highness The Duchess Of GoSuckIt. I wish I had that title!
ReplyDeleteIt belongs to me, so you cannot have it.
DeleteI love Penelope's wise advice in her final sentence. And would never, ever mention her toofers.
ReplyDeleteI am sick of hearing about my toofers.
DeletePenelope, you should come to Canada. "Toofer" means something completely different here. It is our slang way of referring to the number twenty-four. As in: "Bring over a toofer of beer for the May toofer long weekend, eh?"
ReplyDeletePerhaps I'll suggest to Mom Mom that we use toofer in that fashion.
DeleteDear Duchess of GoSuckIt, always SO nice to meet another Royal Highness! We must all STICK TOGETHER in this world of COMMONERS who hate our pedigrees and privilege! I hope YOUR human is more tolerable than MINE. I'm sure MINE would refer to your toofers CONSTANTLY.
ReplyDeleteOh gawd, you don't know THE HALF OF IT. My life is one long exercise in MORTIFICATION.
DeleteToofers are always an issue, especially when it comes to dental bills:)
ReplyDeleteI have no dental bills. Mom Mom brushes my toofers.
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ReplyDeleteBuster says he would be more than happy to give you a few smooches under the covers hoffers and all.
ReplyDeletePerhaps Buster will pay me a little visit so we can get to know one another.
Deleteyou are SUCH a pretty girl, penelope! I'd like to pet your soft fur.
ReplyDeleteYou would love petting me.
DeletePenelope, your smile is beautiful. And please notice is did not say bootiful.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Franklin uses bootiful. I do not.
DeletePenelope you have a beautiful smile and fur !
ReplyDeleteiwinston and Agatha will defend you.
cheers
I am grateful for the protection from your noble dogs.
DeleteOh, Penelope, you have the sweetest face :)
ReplyDeletePlease give Mom Mom a big ol' hug from me.
I shall do as you ask. Mom Mom is pleased to see you here. She misses you.
DeleteSweet smile Penelope! Btw, though I post here as Anne in the Kitchen, you might like to know my title. Anne Elizabeth, Tzarina of the Mundane!
ReplyDeleteThat is quite an interesting title.
DeleteNothing wrong with your smile Penelope
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your confidence in my good looks.
DeleteYou are so pretty and your smile is lovely. Some humans think dogs don't understand when they are being talked about. They would be so surprised if they knew.
ReplyDeleteI know everything that is said about me.
DeleteHi Janie - Penelope is much loved despite her toofers ... look after yourselves - stay safe too - cheers Hilary
ReplyDeleteWe are well and staying safe. I protect Mom Mom.
DeleteYou are correct.
ReplyDelete