My motto as an editor: Authors are the authority on their work. I'm a full-service editor. For a reasonable fee, I'm your writing coach from the first suggested revision to the correction of the final typo.
Monday, September 2, 2013
I DON'T KNOW IF THIS POEM IS FINISHED
Look at my face
Look me in the eye, if you dare.
I can kill you
with the flip of a wrist
with the point of a finger
with the wink of an eye.
Yeah...I'm never getting on your bad side...ReplyDelete
A good plan.Delete
Oh Janie, this one is strong. It seems very finished, but it could expand too.ReplyDelete
"I carry DEATH within me."
You'll have to teach me "the flip of the wrist" thingy.
It's powerful. I love it.
The flip of the wrist thingy is the use of a fly swatter to kill a winged invader.Delete
I'm too scared to comment--don't hurt me, please!!ReplyDelete
I only kill bugs and lizards that invade my home. A fishducky is safe.Delete
Wow, that is powerful.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Beth.ReplyDelete
I might add something about a can of whoop ass.ReplyDelete
I just hope I haven't ever done anything to anger you.ReplyDelete
wow...I'm kinda sca sca scared!ReplyDelete
It's okay, Debbie.Delete
Dear Janie, the poem is forceful and relenting. Both good. But somehow at the end I felt a little let down. I'm thinking that "Power" is such an abstraction. I'd like a more concrete, tangible word--or phrase or line--here. Just a thought. Peace.ReplyDelete
I appreciate a concrete constructive criticism. I see your point. Power doesn't quite work.Delete
I had a feeling you were talking to an insect. Still very well done!ReplyDelete
Sho nuff is ~~ get outta dare!!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Sophie!Delete
I came here to thank you for your words for Soldier, thank you for caring, dear Janie.ReplyDelete
After reading the poem, I think maybe you should go pet Franklin for a while.
Franklin is sitting next to me with his head on my leg.Delete
Good. I was really getting worried!Delete
You never have to worry with me. You're too far away for my back to tolerate the drive in the car.Delete
Succinct as always, John.Delete
I leave for a while and you turn into a kick-ass mama. Remind me to show you how to kill using only one finger.ReplyDelete
I'm not much of a kick ass.Delete
I say this to the bugs that get into my porch. ;)ReplyDelete
Every time you smack a bug, shout I AM POWER. You'll feel so good and fascinate the neighbors at the same time.Delete
Bloody great piece of writingReplyDelete