FRANKLIN FRIDAY: OUR RECIPE FOR DOG COOKIES

 Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi Every Buddy! Hi! It's me it's me it's me Franklin the Bordernese and I'm here to tell you how to bake dog cookies with ease.

Mom made these cookies for me and ole Penlapee last night. She says I should start by telling you all the ingredients you need. 

 1/2 cup dry milk

1 teaspoon sugar

1 teaspoon salt

6 tablespoons oil but we use peanut butter

1 egg

2/3 cup cold water

2 1/2 cups flour

Preheat the oven to 350°. Put

everything except the flour in the bowl and mix it up. Mom used the mixer with the dough hooks because the dough gets kneaded but you can stir everything with a spoon and then knead with your hands. 

Mom used peanut butter because we LOVE peanut butter. One time she used oil and added peppermint extract but she said it didn't do anything to improve our breath. It couldn't because we have good smelling breath.

If you're using a mixer, stop it after a while to push everything down in the bowl with a rubber scraper. Gradually add the flour. It's okay if you get some crumbs outside the bowl. Brush them onto the floor because the dogs will eat them.

When everything is mixed together, knead the dough. If you aren't using a mixer, you should take the dough out of the bowl for this part.

Then you roll out the dough and cut it into shapes. Mom has a cookie cutter shaped like a bone that she used. She also has cookie cutters shaped like dogs. She didn't use those because it would make us look like cannibals.

Put the cookies on cookie sheets. She put just a little shortening on the cookie sheets so the cookies didn't stick. 

Put the cookie sheets in the oven. Depending on how thick or thin you rolled out the dough, the cookies will take about 20 minutes to bake so keep an eye on them.

The two little blobs are leftover pieces of dough and we don't care that they aren't bone shaped.

The cookies will be a nice golden brown when they're done, unless you bake them longer to make them crispy.

When you take the cookies out of the oven, you have to let them cool for a while so the dogs don't burn their tongues. When they're all ready, they look like this:

And I look like this because I know Mom will give me a cookie:

Now go bake some cookies for your dog. If you don't have a dog, you can bake cookies and send them to us.

Okay I love you Bye Bye!

DR. C HAS DIED

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

My favorite professor has died. I called him Dr. C. He was a critical part of my life during the '90s.

When I married, I had about a year's worth of college credits. It took me another 20 years to get my BA as we moved around for my ex-husband's education and career. I was of no importance to my husband and allowed myself to be treated as such.

When we settled in one spot in Maryland, I found a college to attend, and I was off to the races to get my degree in English. I came to know Dr. C during my second semester when I took his survey of American literature class. I found him intimidating, but realized quickly that his demands expanded my ability to write a critical essay. 

At the end of the semester, he asked me to be one of his graders when classes resumed in the fall. It was the beginning of four semesters working for him. We became closer each semester. My respect for him grew.

I took every class he taught with the exception of English 101, for which I graded quizzes and essays.  I'll try here to remember them all: Survey of American Lit, Greek Mythology, American Poetry, 19th Century American Lit, Shakespeare, Milton . . . could there have been something else? I can't remember now.

Dr. C expected his students to use "a close, textual" analysis when writing our essays. It was New Criticism. It served me well. I used the same approach as a newspaper reporter, leaning heavily on quotations in my work with analysis of my own and from experts.

I received my first A+ from Dr. C in the Shakespeare class when I wrote about appearance v. reality in As You Like It. He said I had taught him something. I didn't need my car to get home that day. I floated.

Dr. C praised my clear style and said I had grown as a grader. Sometimes we gossiped a little in his office, chatting about the other professors. He let me into his world––the world of literature and writing and education. We had the kind of relationship I've never had with another man, because it was based on love and respect and learning from each other with no suspicions or agendas.

When I graduated, I planned on continuing my education with a master's degree, but my husband was unemployed and the master's never happened. But I emailed Dr. C to let him know I was a journalist. He replied: I knew you'd find your niche.

Yes, Dr. C has died, but 35 years of teaching provide a legacy of learning by thousands of students. I'll always miss him and our time together.

He was important to me, and I was important to him.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

PENELOPE SPEAKS: I MUST REMAIN VIGILANT TO GET TO FRANCE

 Hello. It is I, Penelope.

I have been waiting for years and have not been able to gain access again to the secret passage to France. Mom Mom has not moved the bad pots that stand in my way.

I decided to hurry along the process by making a pot disintegrate. I pulled off a big piece of pot and broke it apart on the bed I share with Mom Mom.

Then I lay on the other side of the bed and played Pretty Princess Penelope.

Drat! She noticed the pieces on the bed. 

Mom Mom spoke to me with a cruelty––nay, a savagery––the likes of which I have never heard before.

BUSTED!

Now the only way to get to France is to wait for Mom Mom to move the bad flower pots. I will sleep when Mom Mom sleeps. The rest of the time, I must be awake in case she moves a pot.

Do not worry about me.

I am not sleepy.

That is alllll . . . zzzzzzzzzzzz

AND A PRIDE FLAG TO FLY FROM MY HOUSE

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Stop me before I shop again––no, wait, I won't need to shop again till next year because I bought everything important on Prime Day.

On the First Day of Prime Day, I ordered just for me

12 tall tequilas 

11 eager beavers  

10  tender steaks  

9 naked men 

8 cunning linguists   

A linguist dies

At the funeral, a fellow academic asks his wife, “do you mind if I say a word?”
She nods.
He stands and says “Plethora”, and immediately sits back down.
She says, tearfully, “thank you, that means a lot.”

7 pissed-off Penelopes   

6 super salaries   

5 fabulous Franklins  

4 flying fucks not given  

3 thankful thrivers  

2 tits up 

 

And a pride flag to fly from my house!

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

FRED FROG NOW APPEARING AT THE LAKE JUNEBUG RESORT & RUMPUS ROOM

The first guest has arrived at The Lake Junebug Resort & Rumpus Room.

His name is Fred Frog. 

He's a friendly fellow.

Fred is also an outstanding acrobat who has agreed to entertain the soon-to-arrive crowds in exchange for a steady supply of food.

FRANKLIN FRIDAY ON SUNDAY: SOMETHING SAD

Hi. It's me, Franklin. Something sad happened. I wanted to visit the house that's white to meet Champ Biden, but now I can only meet his little brother, Major, because Champ died. 

It's very, very sad for Mr. President Joe and Mrs. Doctor Jill. Champ was their who's a good boy for 13 whole years!

I've been with Mom almost 11 years so I'm about 12 years old. I asked Mom if I'm gonna die. 

She said I won't die right now, but someday I will and she will be very sad. She said that even after I die, though, I'll still live in a way because I'll be in her heart and Ole Penlapee's heart and Daddy's and Grandma's and Auntie Maureen's, too.

That made me feel a little better.

Goodbye, Champ.

From Your Friend Who's a Good Boy, 

Franklin

 

OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY

 Yes, Folks, Operators Are Standing By To Accept Your Reservations 

FOR SUMMER 2021 at 

THE LAKE JUNEBUG RESORT & RUMPUS ROOM!!!

As usual, we offer stays in Synecdoche Space, Verisimilitude Venue, Antihero Annex, Tautology Territory, Epic Expanse, and Cacophony Chamber!!!

For a small additional fee, you can create a package experience that includes access to our charming deck

where you'll overlook the sparkling waters of Lake Junebug, along with our exotic vegetation!!!

You might even spot POOPING PENELOPE

and FUN FRANKLIN!!!

Every single Saturday throughout the summer, we'll offer the AMAZING LAWNMOWER PARADE and DARING LADDER CLIMB!!!

Games for adults include the REPAIR THE DECK CHALLENGE

and DEAL WITH THE LEAKY WINDOW DEVELOPMENT!!!

Send the kids out for DODGE THE LIGHTNING during our fun daily thunderstorms

and for indoor merrymaking they can play FIND THE BED!!!

By playing games, families can accumulate enough points to earn A FREE MOVIE NIGHT!!!

AAAAAAAND

WE'VE ADDED A NEW ATTRACTION!!!

We Know You'll Be Thrilled Byyyyyyyy

THE GODDAM NEIGHBOR WHO HAS BAND PRACTICE WITH HIS BUDDIES EVERY WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES, IT'S LIVE MUSIC EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND!!!!!!

We can't wait to see you again at The Lake Junebug Resort & Rumpus Room and we know you can't wait to arrive!!!!

Call 5-555-555-555555 to speak with our operators, or tell us in your comment which area you want and select your package plan!!!!

WE

CAN'T 

WAIT!!!!!!