AND A PRIDE FLAG TO FLY FROM MY HOUSE

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Stop me before I shop again––no, wait, I won't need to shop again till next year because I bought everything important on Prime Day.

On the First Day of Prime Day, I ordered just for me

12 tall tequilas 

11 eager beavers  

10  tender steaks  

9 naked men 

8 cunning linguists   

A linguist dies

At the funeral, a fellow academic asks his wife, “do you mind if I say a word?”
She nods.
He stands and says “Plethora”, and immediately sits back down.
She says, tearfully, “thank you, that means a lot.”

7 pissed-off Penelopes   

6 super salaries   

5 fabulous Franklins  

4 flying fucks not given  

3 thankful thrivers  

2 tits up 

 

And a pride flag to fly from my house!

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

FRED FROG NOW APPEARING AT THE LAKE JUNEBUG RESORT & RUMPUS ROOM

The first guest has arrived at The Lake Junebug Resort & Rumpus Room.

His name is Fred Frog. 

He's a friendly fellow.

Fred is also an outstanding acrobat who has agreed to entertain the soon-to-arrive crowds in exchange for a steady supply of food.

FRANKLIN FRIDAY ON SUNDAY: SOMETHING SAD

Hi. It's me, Franklin. Something sad happened. I wanted to visit the house that's white to meet Champ Biden, but now I can only meet his little brother, Major, because Champ died. 

It's very, very sad for Mr. President Joe and Mrs. Doctor Jill. Champ was their who's a good boy for 13 whole years!

I've been with Mom almost 11 years so I'm about 12 years old. I asked Mom if I'm gonna die. 

She said I won't die right now, but someday I will and she will be very sad. She said that even after I die, though, I'll still live in a way because I'll be in her heart and Ole Penlapee's heart and Daddy's and Grandma's and Auntie Maureen's, too.

That made me feel a little better.

Goodbye, Champ.

From Your Friend Who's a Good Boy, 

Franklin

 

OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY

 Yes, Folks, Operators Are Standing By To Accept Your Reservations 

FOR SUMMER 2021 at 

THE LAKE JUNEBUG RESORT & RUMPUS ROOM!!!

As usual, we offer stays in Synecdoche Space, Verisimilitude Venue, Antihero Annex, Tautology Territory, Epic Expanse, and Cacophony Chamber!!!

For a small additional fee, you can create a package experience that includes access to our charming deck

where you'll overlook the sparkling waters of Lake Junebug, along with our exotic vegetation!!!

You might even spot POOPING PENELOPE

and FUN FRANKLIN!!!

Every single Saturday throughout the summer, we'll offer the AMAZING LAWNMOWER PARADE and DARING LADDER CLIMB!!!

Games for adults include the REPAIR THE DECK CHALLENGE

and DEAL WITH THE LEAKY WINDOW DEVELOPMENT!!!

Send the kids out for DODGE THE LIGHTNING during our fun daily thunderstorms

and for indoor merrymaking they can play FIND THE BED!!!

By playing games, families can accumulate enough points to earn A FREE MOVIE NIGHT!!!

AAAAAAAND

WE'VE ADDED A NEW ATTRACTION!!!

We Know You'll Be Thrilled Byyyyyyyy

THE GODDAM NEIGHBOR WHO HAS BAND PRACTICE WITH HIS BUDDIES EVERY WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES, IT'S LIVE MUSIC EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND!!!!!!

We can't wait to see you again at The Lake Junebug Resort & Rumpus Room and we know you can't wait to arrive!!!!

Call 5-555-555-555555 to speak with our operators, or tell us in your comment which area you want and select your package plan!!!!

WE

CAN'T 

WAIT!!!!!!

FRANKLIN FRIDAY ON WEDNESDAY: ME AND MOM WALKED

Hi! Hi! Hi! 

Can you hear me? HiHiHiHi! Hi, Every Buddy! It's me it's me it's me Franklin the Bordersneeze! I haven't put my words in this box for a while so I want to be sure you know it's memememememe! 

Hi!

 Mom had to go someplace last night and she was gone forever is what it felt like but when she got home we went for a walk. We turned the corner and this nice lady said Hi! She told Mom her name and then she said *snicker snort* I love what she said because she said We always admire your dog when you walk by.

That's ME! She meant ME *snicker snort* I'm the dog part of your dog.

She liked me and I liked her and it was all nice and I was extra happy.

Oh and Mom said to tell you we gots comment moderation enabled now. I dunno what that means.

Okay Okay Okay Every Buddy

Okay I love you bye-bye!

PENELOPE SPEAKS: DO NOT TELL MOM MOM MY SECRET

 Hello. It is I, Penelope.

I have discovered something very important. Do you remember when Franklin told me to eat a dead lizard so I could go to France? He was wrong, of course, but I now know how to get to France, where I will eat French kibble, wear French sweaters during the winter, and learn to speak French. 

Pretend we are not talking. Act as if you are looking around the yard. Maybe some of you can sit on the deck. I will speak quietly. Mom Mom must not know about this conversation. 

I am seated next to some flowerpots on the ground beneath the deck.

The two pots on the left are new. The next one is old but intact. 

I have it on good authority that Mom Mom is going to get rid of the two ugly pots. When she planted daisies in the okay pot, I discovered the secret passage to France.

Mom Mom moved the okay pot away from the deck to put in the daisies. I ran under the deck. I was shocked by what I saw. Steps! Steps always lead to a door. I am sure it is the door to France. Before I could continue to explore, I heard Mom Mom's plaintive cry: Penelope, where are you? Come back, Penelope.

I had been found out. I played innocent.

Now I wait. I plot; I plan; I scheme. When Mom Mom moves another pot, I must be ready. I do not know how long it takes to climb the steps to France. I need kibble for my journey.

I warn you: Do not tell Mom Mom about my plans. She will cajole me into staying.

If you tattle, I shall find you. I shall hunt you down and bite you on the ass and make you sorry, because nothing can be allowed to get in the way of my climb to France.

I will be a French dog.

That is all. Goodbye. 

DIANA SERRA CARY DIED LAST YEAR

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

The In Memoriam segment during the Academy Awards telecast always generates some controversy because of the names that aren't included. I was never bothered by it––until this year. 

No Diana Serra Cary? I realize most people don't recognize the name, but those who work in the film industry should know that last year we lost the last star of silent films (three actors from silent films survive).

I'm no silent film buff, but on a trip to the library many years ago I came across a book that looked interesting: What Ever Happened to Baby Peggy: The Autobiography of Hollywood's Pioneer Child Star by Diana Serra Cary. The book was fascinating, and it's the reason I know about the remarkable, strange career of Baby Peggy.

Peggy-Jean Montgomery started working in 1921 when she was two-and-a-half years old. Between 1921 and 1924 she starred in approximately 150 short films, and in 1923 she also started making feature films. She had a $1.5 million contract as Baby Peggy.

She worked eight hours a day, six days a week. She did her own stunts, some of which were dangerous. Baby Peggy was once held underwater until she passed out. She saw things no child should see and no adult wants to see. Her father, Jack Montgomery, took all the credit for her success, saying she did well because she obeyed his every order. Even on vacations, he put her on display for her adoring fans to see her follow his commands as if she were a well-trained dog.

She also made personal appearances to promote her movies. Baby Peggy dolls were produced, and she endorsed sheet music, jewelry, and milk. Her fan 

letters numbered more than a million. She was the official mascot of the 1924 Democratic Convention, where she was onstage with Franklin Roosevelt. 

Her father handled every aspect of her career, making all business decisions, until he had a dispute with a producer in 1925 that ended Baby Peggy's movie career. The family then turned to touring in vaudeville, where she made $300 a day. Her father gave her a nickel for each performance. She worked even when she was so sick she had to vomit in the wings. Exhausted, they stopped touring in 1929.

And she didn't have a penny. Her parents spent everything.

As a teenager she became an extra in films for $3 a day. She hated it. Many of the other extras were also silent film actors.

She married and changed her name to Diana Ayers in an attempt to separate herself from Baby Peggy and carve out a new career as an actress, but couldn't repeat the success she had once enjoyed. Then she divorced and remarried to become Diana Serra Cary––silent film historian, writer, and advocate for child actors. She died Feb. 24, 2020, age 101.

In addition to her autobiography, she wrote a biography of Jackie Coogan, another child star who ended his career with little of the millions he earned.

The majority of the Baby Peggy movies no longer exist. They burned in a fire or were lost through carelessness. The few that remain have been preserved. Occasionally, a new one is discovered.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug