MAY I PERFORM FOR YOU?

I have decided to become a performance artist.

Anybody have scissors? Don't slip and get a nip.

And of course, you must moo with me.




Now that I'm a performance artist, I must change my name.


Infinities of love,

Adele Dazeem

LADY MARRY

Lady Mary exited her room,
saw Edith and said,
My sister, I presume?
Why must you look so ghastly?
You always seem ashamed.
If you were more as I am
we wouldn't have you to blame.

You knew I'd marry Patrick
so you made him your pal.
Played hide-and-seek and tiddly winks
behind our backs, even climbed the trees.
No one really cared.
No one noticed where you were,
while I learned to walk as if floating on air.

You thought you'd somehow steal him.
At the altar you would stand.
I can tell you no such thing would have happened.
It wasn't part of the plan.
Granny saw your scheme
and told me to ignore you.
I felt quite pleased to comply.
As far as I was concerned, you could simply curl up and die.

Anna, bring out my tiara.
I'll need it for tonight.
The one with the largest diamond
that is called the Crawley stone.
Suitors will be coming.
I have money and a name.
I'm happy I married Matthew.
Nothing will ever be the same.

Now here we are, it's Saturday morning.
I'm not sure why I left my bed.
Anna will bring my breakfast
of toasted, warm bread.
I suppose the truth is I come to the hall
to watch you, Edith,
to watch your back as you walk down the stairs,

The spinster eating breakfast in the dining room,
that is my comedy and your doom.
If Patrick were to return now
and you should turn his head,
it wouldn't matter anyway.
He no longer has a claim.
He is considered dead.

So I shall be the countess.
Downton will be mine.
Matthew was a sweet husband.
He gave me little George,
but even better he gave me my estate
where nothing will ever, ever be yours.

FRANKLIN FRIDAY: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE MOM

HI! Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi HIIHIHIHIHIIHIHIHIHIHIIHIIHIHIHIHIHIHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

Hi, Every Buddy! It's me, Franklin the Bordernese, and I'm sure to please. I've had a problem come up with Mom. I need you all to help me out.

The first thing that happened is really cool. Willy Dunne Wooters taught me how to drive his red 'stang. I dunno what 'stang means, but I learned how to drive his car.

It's a little bit hard to see me in this first picture, but I'm at the round thingy I turn to make the car turn. It's not so hard to do.

Don't tell, but sometimes when I see a cat in the street I go a little faster. I would never hurt a cat, but sometimes I thinks about it.

Here's a picture where you can see me better in the car:

I'm pretty dang good lookin', isn't I?

But now I have to tell you about the problem. I was sitting in the car, figuring out all the knobs and dials, and I looked up and Mom had come outside. I thought she was there to admire my driving skills. I smiled at her, but she didn't come over to the car to hug and kiss me.

She walked right up to Willy Dunne Wooters and put her arms around him and started kissin' on him. She kissed his cheek and his neck and she even kissed his mouth, which was enough to make me think I might throw up my kibble.

AND Willy Dunne Wooters seemed to like it that Mom was kissin' on him. He didn't look like he was gonna throw up his kibble.

I think I have a romance on my paws.

Here's the big question: Should I have Mom fixed, or should I have Willy Dunne Wooters fixed, or should I have both of them fixed? I understand you might not wanna think about this very personal and intimate stuff, but I needs your help.

Okay I love you bye bye.

Franklin the Bordernese

GREAT ETSY SHOP AND A DISCOUNT

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

MOVIE WEEKEND is a tiny bit ticked about giving up its place today, but it understands that Valentine's Day will be here soon. If you don't celebrate V-Day, and that's cool with me, then maybe you have an Etsy gift certificate you got for Christmas and you're ready to use it. Or you might need a gift for someone, or you might need a gift for you.

Therefore and whatsoever art thou, today we are talkin' Kate LeDonne and her etsy shop, Enchanted Garden. One bad thing about Kate's handmade items is that they are hard to resist. The good thing is that they are reasonably priced, and with a purchase of $10 or more, you can use the code VALENTINE2015 to get ten percent off your order.

I can attest to the quality of Kate's work because I happen to have some LeDonne originals. In this photo you can see two pairs of earrings and a necklace. The bottoms of the earrings brush against my shoulders. I don't care how old I am. When I wear this jewelry, I ROCK:

I get a ton of compliments everywhere I go when I wear jewelry made by Kate.

The jewelry also comes so beautifully packaged that I don't think I'd care if the box had nothing in it. Look! This box has a junebug, especially for moi, and it has crowns because Kate recognizes royalty when she sees it (reminder: I am Your Queen of Grammar):

I love Kate. I love jewelry. I love Kate's jewelry. I love shopping online from an etsy shop because if I wanna shop naked, I shop naked.

Franklin is pleased with the discount, too:

He's relaxed because he knows I won't spend the kibble money on jewelry.

It just occurred to me that when I wrote V-Day at the beginning of this post that the most obvious reference was to Valentine's Day, but maybe I meant Vagina Day.

I've been watching a DVD of Eve Ensler's performance in The Vagina Monologues. I betcha Eve would like Kate's jewelry, too. Kate, me, Eve Ensler––what can I saw? We are the cool chicks. You can be a cool chick, too, or save loved ones from nerd-dom.

So 1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . SHOP    Enchanted Garden


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

P.S. I just looked at Kate's shop again. I don't think I can resist this necklace:

And I'm not so sure I can live without this necklace that has a doggy charm:

Kate has necklaces, earrings, bracelets, and original artwork. Enjoy!

EVIL

Evil,

You live in me.
I opened my Self to you many years ago.
I invited you in, delighted that your RSVP was an enthusiastic yes.

We quickly became lovers without love.
Perhaps our relationship would be better described as symbiotic.
The thing is I don't know if you feed off of me, or if I feed off of you.

I guess it doesn't matter as long as we stay together.
I'm willing to give you up, to go it alone, but you won't leave.
No matter how often I'm accused of being you, we are one because you want it that way.

If I went into the woods, as Gretel not even with Hansel, you would find me.
You know that without you I would no longer be complete.
I would be artistically anorexic.

I need you.
You need me.
Live,

Evil.

I SAID I WOULDN'T BLOG TODAY

I said I wouldn't blog today, dear friends, because I must edit, but I changed my mind. I have to take a couple of minutes to thank you for your response to yesterday's post, which you can read HERE.

I've been pretty darn excited about communicating with Joyce Maynard, who is a very successful author, and I've been even more excited that the fund for Rosa's education has grown so quickly.

I didn't expect any of you to donate to the fund, but some of you have. That's so cool! Look at all the love we spread around the world.

And if you didn't donate, that's fine, too, because no one tried to ruin the joy of the moment.

Willy Dunne Wooters has something to add:

A NEW BOOK FOR THE SPECIAL SHELF

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Did you survive last night's Stupor Bowl? It's not something I watch.

However, I have a new book for my special shelf that houses first editions and/or autographed books. I'm now the happy owner of Labor Day by Joyce Maynard:

Here's the autograph:

It says

for Janie
with undying faith in the
power of love. And with
friendship

Then she signed her name and drew a little sketch of a woman.

I've read two books by Joyce Maynard: To Die For is loosely based on the Pamela Smart case and was made into a movie starring Nicole Kidman; and At Home In The World, Joyce's memoir.

I watched the movie of Labor Day, which stars Kate Winslet and Josh Brolin. To read my review of the film, click HERE. The movie made me want to read the book.

I didn't obtain this book with the lovely inscription at a signing. Instead, for some reason I can't remember, I looked up Joyce Maynard's Facebook page not long ago. I thought, What the hell?, and sent her a Friend request. She accepted it. I don't know why.

Then I saw a Facebook post from Joyce about Guatemala, where she visits often and has a home. On Christmas Day, 2001, she met a five-year-old named Rosa. Joyce and Rosa became fast friends. Rosa was serious about going to school and studying, but she was the youngest child in a very poor family. Joyce helped fund Rosa's education.

Two years ago, Rosa enrolled in a pre-med program. She has one year left. The people who helped with most of her expenses are not able to do so this year, and Joyce can't take on the total cost herself. She turned to her Facebook friends for help, and offered the gift of a book for a certain level of donation. I give to one charity or more every month. I felt delighted to help Rosa and receive an autographed book.

I had a lovely exchange with Joyce on Facebook, promised that Labor Day would cuddle up to my autographed book of Robert Frost's poems, and made my donation at http://miraclesinaction.org, specifying that the gift was for Joyce Maynard's Rosa fund. I received Labor Day shortly thereafter.

Joyce announced on January 27th that the "Rosa fund" has raised $10,000. 

If you like, you can help Rosa, or assist with other needs in Guatemala, through Miracles In Action at http://miraclesinaction.org. You can read Joyce's post about Rosa at http://goo.gl/e1FMJl.

It feels so good to help.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

P.S. I won't post on my blog for a couple of days, and I apologize, but my visits to your blogs will be limited. I must spend more time editing.