WHAT? MONDAY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today's What? Monday question might require some creative thinking for you, but it's healthy to think creatively, or to just plain lie.

The question is

What TV show or movie could be based on your life?

I chose this question because it's easy for ME to answer it.

Here are some hints about the TV show based on my life:

• It's only on in reruns now.
• It's about a mom and daughter.
• I look just like the mom and Someone I Love is prettier than the actress who played the daughter, and you'll simply have to take my word for that.
• I was the fastest talking, most fun mom on TV.

Did you get it? Did ya? Did ya? Huh? 

Yes, you did: The Gilmore Girls.

Damn. I look good, don't I? I know you think that's Lauren Graham a.k.a. Lorelai Gilmore, but it's really me. Lauren Graham looks just like me.

And this is the actress who played my daughter Rory, and yes, she is almost as beautiful as Someone I Love.

Now, how do I know this show was based on my life? While it's true I don't own or operate an inn, I could if I really wanted to. I used to talk fast when I was on the debate squad in high school. Lots of men adore me and I have sex with quite a few of them (just kidding, Someone I Love). Someone I Love and I are very close. Someone I Love really did go to an expensive prep school, where she was the valedictorian. But instead of majoring in journalism (dumb choice on Rory's part with newspapers going down the toilet), SIL majored in math and physics.

So now I know you can totally see that Lorelai Gilmore and I are one and the same and The Gilmore Girls was based on my life.

Can't you imagine me saying, as Lorelai and I said on the show: 

Lorelai: So, let me get this straight. Uh, you and some guys who actually know what they're doing are gonna come over and fix my house, and I can pay them back whenever I want? 
Luke: That's right. 
Lorelai: 'Cause I'm Tony Soprano? 
Luke: Only scarier. 

[Lorelai has had to throw Emily an impromptu bachelorette party and invited all the women from Stars Hollow. Emily is now drunk] 
Miss Patty: So, Emily, tell us about this party of yours tomorrow. 
Emily: It's going to be fabulous. Isn't it, Lorelai? 
Lorelai: Ab fab, sweetie darling. 
Emily: Isn't she hilarious? I never have any idea what she's talking about, but she's so entertaining! Like a chimp. Isn't she like a chimp, Gypsy? 
Gypsy: Please make your mother stop talking to me. 
Lorelai: If only I had that power. 

[Lorelai answers her cell phone] 
Lorelai: Hello? 
Emily: You get over here right now! 
Lorelai: Who is this? 
Emily: This is you in twenty years! "Who is this?", I swear! 

Rory: Mom? 
Lorelai: Oh. 
Rory: You're happy. 
Lorelai: Yeah. 
Rory: Did you do something slutty? 
Lorelai: I'm not that happy. 

Luke: Rory's not here yet. 
Lorelai: Then you'll have to entertain me until she arrives. Okay Burger boy, dance. 
Luke: Will you marry me? 
[Lorelai is taken aback] 
Luke: Just looking for something to shut you up. 

Oh man, don't you just love all the hilarious things I said? I crack myself up. The last quotation is particularly apropos because there's this man, not named Luke, and he asks me to marry him all the time. Almost every day. At least once a week. Or he used to once in a while but doesn't anymore.

Did you find this post confusing? I hope not. It's just the way Lorelai and I are.

Now, how bout you, baby?

What TV show or movie could be based on your life?

Give it some thought. Be creative.

Infinities of love,

Lorelai Lola

P.S. You may have noticed we have 98 followers. I really want 100 followers for Christmas, so if you're reading but not following, please do so, or convince a friend to follow. Or threaten someone, if necessary.

SLOVENIA

Gentle Readers,

In between chasing, shushing, and bathing dogs, I want to take a moment to mention that I just saw a woman from Slovenia on TV.

You might not get as excited about Slovenians as I do, but I adore Slovenians because they are my most faithful readers except for Americans.

God Bless You Slovenians! You rule!

Infinities of love,

Lola

FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE

Saturday night at home with a movie Gentle Readers?

For your viewing pleasure, I recommend Whip It, Drew Barrymore's directorial debut starring Ellen Page. It came out on video just a few days ago. If you hurry to your local video store, you might find a copy, or if you want to see it in the future, I highly recommend Netflix. I love going to the mail box and finding a DVD there, all ready and waiting for me and I don't have to change out of my jammies to get it. I even have fun organizing my queue. You might even want to make this a part of your permanent DVD collection. Just click on the link to find it on amazon.com.

But, ah, I digress.

Whip It is intelligent and enjoyable. I never thought I would care about roller derby, but Drew and Ellen made me care. I almost want to lace up my old skates, but we won't go quite that far. Well done, Drew. And Ellen Page, you absolutely glow in Smart People, Juno, and now Whip It. Anything you are in, I want to see.

Love,

Dumped First Wife