Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,
Elvis Aaron Schwarz has gotten cold feet. What? What's all that yammering about?
Oh, you thought Elvis had backed out of our friendship. No way! That's not what I meant by cold feet.
|Hi! Remember me?
I'm Elvis Aaron Schwarz.
My baby doll is the one who has cold feet.
You see, on Thanksgiving I gave Elvis kind of a nasty surprise. I was cold so I climbed into bed with him for a warm cuddle. But I touched poor Elvis with my feet. That's how he got cold feet.
One touch of my feet and I heard a grown man squeal like a little girl. Your feet are freezing, he screeched. You have ice cubes instead of toes.
I know, I said. That's why I put my feet on you. I need you to warm my feet.
As my feet explored Elvis's warm body, I discovered that Elvis was wearing socks.
Uh, honey, I said. Are those the kind of socks that are tight around your ankles?
Yes, he grunted.
It's really not a good idea to sleep in socks like that, I told him. They cut off the circulation to your feet.
A minute later Elvis made some strange wiggling motions.
What, pray tell, are you doing? I inquired.
I'm taking off my socks, Elvis answered.
You're taking off your socks because I said it would be good for you? I asked, feeling quite pleased that a man had listened to me.
I've learned it's easier to just do what a woman says than to argue, Elvis replied.
Oh, that Elvis Aaron Schwarz. He is so intelligent.
Because Elvis is diabetic, I've taken it upon myself to care for his feet because I want him to keep those tootsies. Elvis loves it when I soak his feet in warm water with peppermint sprinkles. Then I scrub his feet gently and massage his feet and legs with peppermint lotion. I even trim his toenails.
What a simple thing to do, and it makes Elvis so happy.
As for my feet, I can take care of them myself. But Elvis does like something about my feet, as long as I'm not touching him with icy toes.
It seems that Elvis likes peep-toe shoes.
Do you think he'll like them? I hope so.
Infinities of love,