Tuesday, November 29, 2011


Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Recently a friend and I were talking about the crazy names some celebrities give their kids. He said he had heard some really wild names, and he wasn't just talking about the way people say, Can you believe Gwyneth Paltrow named her daughter Apple?

That conversation reminded me that I wanted to write this post -- about how much I love the name Apple.

I was not freaked out when Gwyneth and the guy from Cold Play (he doesn't have a name; he's just the guy from Cold Play who's married to Gwyneth Paltrow) named their daughter Apple. I thought, That's beautiful.

You know how you have certain associations with certain names? I used to have a next door neighbor named Chuck, and it took me a long time to get used to having a brother-in-law named Chuck. Chuck 1 was unbearably creepy. Chuck 2 was a good-looking, nice guy.

But at first I associated Chuck 2 with Chuck 1. Although I grew to like Chuck 2, please Dear Lord, don't let my babies grow up to be cowboys or name my grandchildren Chuck.

Well, I love the name Apple because of the person I associate with said name.

The fruit is O.K. too, but I really loved the person.

When I worked at the nursing home, we had a lady who was batshit crazy. Walk past her and she'd say, for no reason, I'm gonna cut you.

One night a colleague and I were taking care of her and she reached out and grabbed my face with her long fingernails, digging them into my cheeks. You'd be amazed at how strong old ladies are. If my colleague hadn't been there to pry Crazy Lady off of me, she could have done some real damage, other than upsetting me.

Crazy Lady's daughter came in every single evening and checked on her mom quickly. If she found anything lacking in Mom's care, she pointed it out and requested that the problem be solved.

But she never spent more than a few minutes with her mom. Most of her time was spent walking around the floor greeting the other residents and hugging the staff members. This woman absolutely radiated love. I always felt so good after hugging her. She made my evening.

One night a co-worker and I were chatting about how wonderful this woman was. The co-worker was an old-timer who had been in the business for years. He knew everyone's background. He told me that the wonderful woman's mom had killed two of her own children when they were young.

He said she had abused all of her children horribly and the remaining children had been taken from her by the state.

I asked, They why does her daughter come to see her every evening?

Because she is a truly good Christian woman, he said. You know she doesn't spend much time with her mom. She checks on her but doesn't stay with her.

I pondered this and thought about how the daughter didn't just talk the talk; she walked the walk -- and they were in the footsteps of Jesus.

Of course, her name was Apple.

Infinities of love,



  1. Could I be that forgiving? I wonder. I'm so grateful for the childhood I had.

  2. Not sure I'd ever forgive that, but she does sound like a wonderful woman.

  3. that's major. Crazy Lady is crazy.
    btw, i know of a man with the name Penis.
    Penis Kam.

  4. Beth, We never know how forgiving we can be until we're faced with the actualities of a situation.

    Pat, Wonderful doesn't begin to describe Apple.

    Jaya, It's kinda too bad his name isn't Penis Kum.

  5. I'm shocked. I was not expecting that story, but you told it very well.

    Still won't eat an apple though, unless it's light green, cut into wedges, and served with a nice slice of aged cheddar.

    That's what I think of when I hear apple. Cheese.

  6. Joshua, I've never cared for cheese with an apple or with apple pie. However, I love caramel sauce on apple pie.

  7. I can only eat apple pie with a glass of Maker's Mark. Each to their own, eh?

  8. It's sometimes hard to forgive those that have hurt us but I believe the Bible when it says to do so. Sometimes on the way to forgiveness I like to throw one more kick though. Sigh I am a bad person.

  9. I got shivers reading this. Apple is a very nice name. She has the gift of forgiveness. Mother or not, I'm not sure that I could forgive anyone for killing my brother.

    P.S. You're right. He will forever be known as the guy from ColdPlay or Gwenyth's hubby. hahaha

  10. Joshua, You bet.

    Melynda, You are NOT a bad person. Say that again and I'll kick your little butt.

    Ms. Fun, We never know what we might forgive until we're faced with the possibility. And my kids and I have agreed that his name is The Guy from Cold Play Who's Married to Gwyneth Paltrow. Boy, his parents saddled him with a long name. I'm glad I'm nothin' but Lola.

  11. The oddest name that comes to mind? That's easy. We used to have a beach house in a small town. The local paper printed weekly births & deaths. I once read of a couple celebrating the birth of their new daughter, EUTHANASIA. I thought I had misread it, but I didn't!

  12. I greatly appreciate all the info I've read here. I will spread the word about your blog to other people. Cheers.

  13. I met a guy whose name was Transito(that's the Spanish word for traffic).

  14. Hi. I'm Dick Assman.

  15. fishducky, Those parents are insane. I wonder if someone managed to trick the paper to get a joke in, or if the parents didn't know what it mean.

    My 2 Pesos, I think I might change my name to Traffic. I like it.

    Interwebs, It would be.

  16. I would hate to have the name Michael Hunt...and be called Mike Hunt....hee hee (I just can't bring myself to spell it out with the C-word).
    A co-worker's daughter-in-law just had a baby. They named him Aero Flynn ------.
    Why can't people stick to normal names...like Peanut!

  17. I like the name Apple and for some reason now I'm singing in my head "One bad Apple don't spoil the whole bunch" and I'm thinking it would apply to Apples family.

    If that makes sense :)

  18. A lot of people make fun of the name Apple. It's not that bad, but some of these celebs should be arrested for child abuse after naming their little diaper-dumpers the way they do. Why not just put a "Kick me" sign on the kid and send him to school?

  19. Oh Stephanie, You were thinking naughty. I like that about you.

    stopsign, It makes perfect sense.

    Mr. Fox, Where's Archie Leach? This avatar looks like he's miserable. And those rich kids won't get their asses kicked. Their parents are celebs and everybody sucks up to a celeb's kid.

  20. Archie's dead. This is the "me" from SImpson/Lynch Studios. And there are so many of those celeb brats in Hollywood school, they'll be equals to many of them.

  21. Archie Leach will never die. I guess the celeb kids will have some sort of hierarchy; i.e., will Matt Damon's kid get to pick on Ben Affleck's kid? I think Matt's a little more successful and he was People's sexiest man a few years ago. I don't believe Ben has had that honor.

  22. Yup, Matt left cousin Ben in the dust.

    (Loves me some Lorelai, too!)

  23. We knew people with the last name of Coffin. Fine right?

    They named their daughters Oak and Maple. No joke. And then there was the Tanners. They named their daughter Fawn.

    I'm sticking with Youngest and Oldest. And Bonus Brother's not bad either.

  24. Mr. Fox, I tried to make Lorelai Gilmore my name on Facebook (since the character is based on me), but someone had stolen it away from me. The nerve of some people.

    Elizabeth, Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!
    And did I say welcome?

    Julianna, Oak and Maple. That is cruel. And Fawn. We think celebs are crazy, but the weird name thing is running rampant.

  25. It started in the '60s. Expectant moms were wheeled into the delivery room while still high on whatever they'd taken or smoked earlier. When asked what name they'd chosen for the new arrival, their replies gave us names like Ohwowman Iamsofuckedup Jones.

  26. A great story. Sad how scary a "mother" can be. I can't even imagine the horrific things this daughter had seen. Wow.

  27. Hi Barb! I hope she didn't actually see the other children being killed, but I don't know exactly what happened and I don't know what happened to her. Somehow Apple kept going, and my pal Harry thought it was because of her faith.

  28. That's a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing.


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