QUESTION AND ANSWER FRIDAY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Since I haven't seen any interesting movies this week, I'm extremely grateful to have a question from Adorable Princess Maggie at Padded Cell Confessions.

Maggie asks, What position do you usually sleep in?

Oops. Sorry. While I was thinking about the question, I fell asleep.

Here are some possibilities:

NOT ME.

NOT ME AGAIN.

UNFORTUNATELY, NOT ME.

CLOSER TO BEING ME.

I wish I had a photo of myself sleeping, so I could show you the money -- no, wait, that's a movie -- but I don't have a photo so I'll try to describe the position. Imagine a woman with her head hanging off the foot of the bed, her mouth hanging open, eyes closed, drool running out of the open mouth, and you can tell she's snoring.

Kidding!

I almost always sleep on my left side on the left side of the bed. I have two pillows under my head, and one pillow between my knees to avoid back pain. I sleep close to the edge of the bed so Harper and Scout have plenty of room. I wish Franklin would join us, but he prefers a doggie bed on the floor. My very most favorite thing is when Harper falls asleep with his back pressed against mine. It's Heaven. He's so soft and cuddly. Scout usually ends up curled around my golden tresses on the pillow. 

I wish I could tell you I sleep in the arms of a man who completes me, who is the peas to my carrots, the Forrest to my Jenny, the Tracy to my Hepburn, the Johnny Depp to Lola and me, but I don't. Maybe someday. If I can get my snoring under control.

AH, YES.

Thank you for your question, Maggie. I hope I answered to your satisfaction.

Excuse me. I think it's time for a nap.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

THIS WEEK'S CURRENT STATE OF AFFAIRS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I'm taking a little time off from the happy chore of reading and reviewing my friends' books in order to write this -- my 700th post!

And no, I am not going to tell you 700 things about myself. You already know me all too well.

But the current state of affairs is as follows:

I've been on Blogger since December, 2009.
3, 993 people have looked at my profile.
My blog has had a total of 23, 893 hits. 
I have 132 followers.


Does anyone know the identity of my very first follower?

That's right! The beautiful and ever-popular Little Chick! I love her so.

After a while, LegalMist came on board and started the ball rolling. She encouraged her followers to stop by my place to meet me. Before I knew it, I had 13 followers, and it stayed that way for quite some time. Then Cinderita wrote, How come Lola only has 13 followers? She encouraged even more folks to stop by and cop a squat.

And the little blog that could kept growing and growing, and I love each and every one of you. I wish I could name every person who has become my friend because of this blog, but it would take too long.

I have been Dumped First Wife, Lola, Janie Junebug, and now I'm a combination of Lola and Janie. Multiple personality disorder really can be fun.

The majority of my hits come from the U.S., with the U.K. in second place, and Ireland in third. Slovenia remains on the "hits" chart. I loves me my Slovenians, and they loves me back.

You still haven't seen me, except for the back of my head:

I hope you think it's a nice head. The Head was in San Francisco at City Lights Bookstore when The Hurricane photographed The Head.

As for search terms used to find me, I still think the funniest is "fucking my skinny wife." People who ask Google why Mr. Rogers wore a sweater may end up at my post explaining that Mr. Rogers was never in the military and he wasn't covered in tats. He wore sweaters because his mom made them for him.

Now a little information about this, the week that still is:

It's hasn't rained in a few days. The water has receded considerably. I have one swirling little pool of tadpoles desperate to stay alive. I think my attempt to start a tadpole farm will fail. Boo-hoo.

The Hurricane called recently to say she had been at rowing practice (she rows crew), and the coach told the team to row to a different dock than they usually use because something had been found in the water. The team went to the other dock. At their dock, they could see that the police and other rescue personnel had removed a body from the water -- a very sad sight indeed. The Hurricane's shoes were on their dock, so they became part of the crime scene. A member of the team drove her home so she wouldn't have to ride her bike wearing socks and no shoes. The police questioned The Hurricane because she had a murderous look in her eye. They wanted to know what time she was on the dock and what she saw, which, Thank You God, was absolutely nothing but water. Then they asked if it was Colonel Mustard in the dining room with the knife. 

The Hurricane felt a bit overwhelmed and wrung out by her morning. I hope this is her final experience with corpses. She used to row in a park, but at one point it was shut down for quite a while because murder victims washed in from San Francisco Bay.

When will killers learn they can't get rid of a body by weighing it down and dumping it overboard? Right, Scott Peterson? You nasty little so-and-so.

I filled out an application for medical insurance. It should be in effect next week. I have documents that go with it, and I thank so many of you for advising me in my insurance hunt that concluded with Miss Scarlet in the ballroom with the revolver.


Tomorrow, I have a question to answer. I need to work on a short story this weekend, and I hope to do more reading. When I post next week, the first item on my agenda is to review Twelve Habits of Highly Successful Cats & Their Humans by our beloved Dulcy and Dee Ready. To purchase the book now, please visit http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_13?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=twelve+habits+of+highly+successful+cats+and+their+humans&sprefix=twelve+habits%2Cstripbooks%2C289.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

P.S. It was really Dr. X in the billiard room without a clue.

MORE NONSENSE

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have a laughter buzz on. It's from reading Melynda Fleury's latest book, More Nonsense, available here: http://www.amazon.com/More-Nonsense-Volume-Melynda-Fleury/dp/1470142171

This gem of a book is a mere $8.88. And it's eligible for amazon's super saver shipping, which means if you buy three books (one for yourself and two as gifts), then your shipping is free. It doesn't get any sweeter than that.

More Nonsense is the second volume, in a series of what will be three, of Melynda's posts from her blog, Crazy World. You can also click on the images of books on Melynda's blog to purchase them. If you don't have Volume I, you will most certainly want that.

Melynda, I am so sorry, but I laughed when you almost lost your "lady bits in a fight with a lemon slicer." Therefore, I was laughing before I finished the first post in More Nonsense. I wasn't yet following Melynda when she wrote most of these hysterical pieces. And the few I had already read on her blog were a joy to read again.

The thing I love about Melynda is that her writing style is so relaxed. Here's a sample:

Once the guys, at a car dealership I worked for, put me in four tires and rolled me around the room  'til I almost threw up. Their reward was a bunch of cookies laced with chocolate ex-lax a month later. 


My shoes getting put in a falcon's nest on the ceiling, resulted in my taking Saran wrap and individually wrapping their keys, desks, chairs and anything else I could find.


My car being Oreo'd -- basically they took a bunch of split Oreos and stuck them all over my windows --resulted in my putting pads all over their windows.


See what I mean?

When a mouse moved into their house and they couldn't get rid of it, her daughter named the mouse Fondue. Her young son answered the front door naked to get a bunch of little girls to stop ding-dong ditching. And when Melynda went to teach Vacation Bible School, she thought she had dropped a load in her pants. Then she discovered it was a dryer sheet.

But, true to Melynda, the book also includes posts that express her love for her husband, Phil; her love for all children; and her love of God.

I know I've asked you before to please buy books from my brilliant and amazing friends. And now I'm asking again. Melynda needs your gol' darn money. She and her husband have already lost their house because of medical bills. Her daughter has to walk to school. NINE MILES THIS GIRL WALKS. Now if that's not determination to get an education, I don't know what is. Melynda's sold darn near everything she can sell. And to put the icing on the cake, she has only a teeny-tiny bit of sight left because of the demon Diabetes.

Now I want you to get up and rock the boat. Go to http://www.amazon.com/More-Nonsense-Volume-Melynda-Fleury/dp/1470142171 to buy the book. Melynda's not asking you to do this. She doesn't ask for help. I'm asking you to do it. Besides, YOU GET THE BOOK.

I already have a jones on for Volume III.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

SHHHH! I'M READING

Dear Ones,

I'm reading Melynda's new book. As soon as I finish, I'll review it. That will be my next post.

I can tell you after reading the first 25 pages that the book is adorable, and it's a hoot.

Infinities of love.

Lalalalalalalala Junebug

LADYBUG WHAT? MONDAY

Ladybug, Ladybug, fly away home

Your house is on fire . . . 

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Here's the scenario: Your house is on fire, but your entire family is safe, including furry children. The house is going to burn completely before the fire department can arrive. You can go in safely, and grab one thing. What item will you rescue?

Maybe you know right off the bat what you'd save from the burning house, but it's a very difficult decision for me. Do I rescue the two beautiful plates over the mantel that my great-grandmother brought with her from Norway? Do I grab the only photo album I have with pictures from my childhood? 

Ahhhh. Wait a minute. I do believe I have figured it out.

I'd save the laptop with all my writing on it. I don't really need photos. Although the Norwegian plates are precious to me, they're not as precious as words.

I'm glad I know what I would do.

Now, how 'bout you? What item will you rescue?

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug, who eagerly awaits your responses

MEDICAL INSURANCE

Dear Friends,

I'm in a medical insurance conundrum. I'd like to tell you my problem, and I would appreciate your advice. I'm sure many of you have more experience with making insurance decisions than I do.

Here's the situation: I have COBRA until November, but it costs about $635/month, which is putting me in debt. It's good coverage, especially with the prescriptions I need, but I certainly don't have $600/month in medical bills.

I spoke to an agent at a large well-known insurance company. She said that an individual policy would cost me about $1,000/month. Yikes!

I'm not proposing that I give up medical insurance altogether, but I see online ads all the time for health insurance options. So today I decided to respond to an email offering a health insurance quote. I spoke to an agent at multiplan.com.  He said that I could get insurance through a group plan by joining an organization. The insurance would cost about $330/month. If what this man said is true, then the prescription coverage is quite good, and office visits are pretty well covered.

I told him I wanted him to send me information in the mail so I could go over it with Favorite Young Man and make a decision. He said he didn't have a conventional policy to send to me, but I could Google U.S. Health to get more information.

Now, here's the bad stuff I found. I Googled U.S. Health and found nothing. I also looked for reviews of multiplan.com and read a few complaints -- one from someone whose agents didn't give him up to date information about coverage and one that said to get insurance through multiplan.com that you first have to pay $100+ to join the organization and then you have to make your first insurance payment immediately. Another person said she had an information booklet her agent gave her and she could never figure out from looking at it what is covered and what isn't.

However, I also looked at a Web site about scams that said multiplan.com did not appear to be a scam. This was in one brief paragraph, and then the writer went on in detail about something that is a scam.

The Better Business Bureau sight said that multiplan.com has no complaints against it and no unresolved issues. Although I read those three reviews about problems, three is a very small number. When a company really is a scam, usually it's easy to find scads of complaints about it online.

Multiplan.com seems iffy to me because the agent can't send me information that I can look over to see what's covered and exactly what the costs are. But the BBB says no complaints or cases have been filed again multiplan.

Can anyone advise me as to what I should do? If I don't make a change now, when November rolls around, unless I've found a job with insurance, I'm going to have to get some sort of medical plan.

Infinities of love and thanks in advance for any help you can give me,

Janie Junebug

P.S. I just spoke with an agent from Assurant. He said they are one of the five major insurance companies writing individual policies. He told me about a plan that would cost 350/month. It covers major medical and all recommended services such as mammograms and colonoscopies are free. Has anyone heard of Assurant? Do you know anything good or bad about them?

I'll also research Assurant and look for customer reviews.

FRIDAY QUESTION AND ANSWER

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Juli at http://www.survivingboys.com/ has a question for me: What is the most positive thing that has come from your divorce?

I bet you have some interesting answers to this question, Juli. I hope you write a post on this topic.

This post is also for b., who probably won't read it anyway.

The most positive thing that has come from my divorce is that I am me. I know I am me. No one tries to force me to be something or someone I am not. The strength to be myself grows constantly.

I am Gaea and Cassandra and Heracles and Nike and Athena.

I can love the poet Sharon Doubiago, and she will not be taken from me and held up as if she is a trophy to own. I can love all my blogger friends, and you will not be taken from me as if I have no right to your friendship.

It's all right if I'm not perfect. I am good enough as I am, yet I can enjoy striving to be better.

I am  a ducky. I know people who would fight for me.

I am as sleek as a small cat and as beautiful as a big dog.

I am a volcano in Iceland.

I am the shore, waiting to welcome you. Please drift into me.

Infinities of love,

Janie Lola