THE SWEETEST FRISKY VIRGIN

Gentle Readers . . .  and Maxwell,

The Frisky Virgin has once again honored me with an award. If you aren't following Frisky yet, you should because she's a real sweetie.

You read that right.
My blog is lovely. 

This award comes with some conditions. These are the rules:

Link back to the person who gave you the award (already completed)
Complete the form below
Tell seven random things about yourself
Nominate 9 bloggers

QUESTIONS:

Name your favorite color
It depends. I prefer various shades of blue when I decorate a house. I like to wear red.
Name your favorite song
Why Don't We Do It In The Road

Name your favorite dessert
Frosted sugar cookies.
What pisses you off?
People who cheat on their spouses.
When you are upset you 
I sometimes cry, fret, bitch, and worry, and then I get over it. 
Your favorite pet
Faulkner, my smooth collie who died last year.
 Black or white?
Definitely black. I look wicked good in black.    
Everyday attitude
I'm the most cheerful depressed person I know. 
Your best feature
I'm tired of bragging about my bodacious ta-tas. I guess I'll say I have nice feet.   
Guilty pleasure
Blogging when I should be accomplishing other things.

Now I'm supposed to tell you seven random things about myself:

1. I didn't bring my white teddy bear with me when I moved. It was stupid because I still miss him.
2. When I was about 16 my mother told me I would never be able to hold down a job. It still haunts me, yet it's kind of funny because I've had some very tough jobs with deadlines to meet (newspaper reporter and editor) and I've been responsible for keeping people alive (healthcare).
3. I didn't major in journalism or healthcare and had no interest in working in either area.
4. I wear glasses and can't see a thing without them.
5. I'm pretty competitive and rather jealous of some people who accomplish shit I want to do.
6. I am a lot like Charlotte on Sex and the City, but I want to be Samantha.
7. I wanna get laid, but I won't hook up with somebody I don't know.

Now, the fun part. I am supposed to pass on this award to nine other bloggers:

1. A Mom Just Winging It 
2. Absorbing what I can
3. An Ordinary Life
4.  Conceive Writing
5. Diabeetus
6. Left Alone With A Full Moon
7. intriguedbeing
8. Lemons Don't Make Lemonade
9. Interwebs Fails
And a bonus baby -- 10. Atley 

Well, I'm afraid that's all the bloggy love I can handle for today. Thank you again to America's Friskiest Virgin. As for you nine bloggers who are now receiving the award, get yours ASAP. They're cluttering up my immaculate house. Congratulations!

 

 

Infinities of love,

Lola 

OH, SEE, AND DEE

Gentle Readers,

Occasionally I hear the letters O, C, and D bandied about -- IN REGARDS TO ME!

Just because my spices are laid out in a drawer in alphabetical order with the labels showing and my clothes hang in my closet according to color and sleeve length and each shoe has its own cubbyhole and I like a clean house, doesn't mean I have OCD.

If you saw my house, then you would know how ridiculous it is to say I'm an OCD type.

So, what I'm going to do now is ask you all to wait here for just a few minutes and I'll dash around the house and get a few photos that proof I'm not an OCDer.

Hang on. I won't be long.

Don't go away. I'm still looking. I didn't think it would take this long.

I guess my time is up, but no prob. I have the perfect shot.

All righty then. This photo of the corner cabinet in my family room proves that no one in this house has OCD. Look at the top shelf. See the little painting of the flowers in the middle?

It's not perfectly centered and it's too far forward on the shelf.

So HA! and HA! again. I can sit in my family room and not feel bothered in the least because that little painting isn't centered.

And when I'm finished here I am not going to run out to the family room to change anything. Not me! No Way! It's fine if it's less than perfect. I couldn't care less. Big deal! So what! Not changing anything. Not gonna fix anything. Not me. No how. No way. Everything is fine. Everything is great. It's not upsetting me. No, not me.



Well, that's enough for now. I've gotta run. We'll chat later. I, uh, have something I need to do.

Infinities of love,

Lola

WRITING RIGHT

Gentle Readers,

I am not the Grammar Police.

Yes, I have a BA in English, I am a many-times published author, and I have done my share of editing.

But when people say, Oh, you're going to correct everything I say, or Don't all the mistakes people make drive you crazy? I say no, no, I make mistakes too. It's not up to me to correct people and it doesn't bother me when the English language is mangled.

After all, that which does not change dies; therefore, we have to accept changes to our language, and some of those changes arise from errors.

I would, however, like to take this opportunity to point out a few little things that I see or hear frequently that kind of get on my nerves. I can talk about this here without pointing any fingers.

First, "I could care less." That's not the expression. It's "I couldn't care less." If you could care less, then why are you bugged about whatever "it" is? Go off and be bothered by something about which you couldn't care less.

Recently I read a message online that said I couldn't care less is a double negative so it's incorrect, but in this case, correct idiomatic English wins the day and the expression is I couldn't care less. It's similar to saying, There are some things I won't put up with. Yes, you are ending a sentence with a preposition. But it's o.k. because it's correct idiomatic English.

And that's idiomatic - not idiotmatic.

Then we have it's or its. Oh my goodness gracious I see this one screwed up all the time.

It's = It Is

So if you need to know whether to put that apostrophe in, just read your sentence out loud and say "it is" instead of it's or its. If "it is" makes sense, then it's is your man. If it doesn't make sense, you need to go with its.

I love the sea with all it's beauty.

I love the sea with all it is beauty?

I love the sea with all its beauty. Ahhhh, yes.

I am a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to grammar, I must admit. I still can't stand impact used as a verb. But I try to cope with change, I really do.

A word that has joined the ranks of "like" and "you know" is "hopefully." Hopefully, it won't rain. No, no, no, no, no. Hopefully should not be used to modify an entire sentence.

Correct use of hopefully: "Do you think it will rain?" he asked hopefully as he gazed out over the drought-stricken landscape. The incorrect sentence in the previous paragraph should read I hope it won't rain. Now, I know some of you young modern grammarians are starting to say that you can modify a sentence with hopefully, but hopefully does not need to take the place of I hope and I'll be damned if I'll go along with that change in my lifetime. Not me, nope, no sir-ree.

And consider this advertisement - Margarita's $1.99

I like the price, but why the apostrophe? People stick apostrophes in all sorts of places they don't belong and maybe some of those people should take all those apostrophes and stick 'em where the sun don't shine and where it doesn't shine.

And it's not I feel badly. Oh, so your feelings don't work? It's I feel bad. You wouldn't say I feel goodly, or at least I hope you wouldn't.

I confess: When I watch the news, if a crawl is scrawling its way along the bottom of the screen, then I read the crawl and look for errors. And I see plenty. CNN, MSNBC, I'm on to you. Fox, you can do whatever stupid stuff you want. You're already so damn dumb that nothing can make you worse.

I'll probably think of some more errors that bug this dumped wife to add to this message later. I can't help it. Its in my blood.

Ha ha! It's in my blood.

Love,

Dumped First Wife