Tuesday, December 12, 2023

IT'S TIME FOR THE FREAKIN' GREEN ELF SHORTS CONTEST

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

With all of those indictments, the golden shine has worn off of his Florida home, so it now look like this:

He wants an upgrade for the holidays (before he settles into a jail cell, we hope), and unfortunately, he showed up at my house on Royal Avenue. He thought King Charles would be here to entertain him. 

This is his arrival:



And now it's time for the contest. You come up with your cleverest caption for the photo below. You have until Sunday to submit your entries and on Tuesday next week, I'll tell you which one of your sorry asses I've chosen as the winner. 

I will then pass The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts on to you and you will hold the next contest for the nasty things on your blog. They are so stinky and gross I can't wait to get them out of my house. It's a good thing the dogs have been treated for fleas. I haven't been, though. Ooooo! Something just crawled down my leg!

You can also enter the contest and say that you don't want to win. All captions will be treated with equal love and disgust. 

Here's the photo for which you need to create a caption:



Yes, that's Penelope standing behind him. She was so frightened she peed right after the picture was taken. The dogs do not like having him or the shorts in our Little House On The Swamp.

I await your clever responses.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


51 comments:

  1. Oh Janie, I am very bad with stuff like this, but I will try: "I will make America great again, even though I have a very, very, very small package." Your story about adopting Princess gave me the final push to adopt a dog! I did it three weeks ago and I am in love with her already. Her name is Shirley and she's a labradoodle (the SPCA thinks). So far she has been a great dog!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Congratulations, Michael! I'm so happy for you! I know you've made Shirley very happy, too. And thanks for your entry.

      Delete
  2. OMG!!!!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!! Thats is good...now give me a minute to come up with a caption...I'm a good sport. But give me a minute though...I mean I just got that vile rash rid of from those things. Let me enjoy my nice skin for now.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can hardly pay attention to these comments because I'm busy scratching all the bites I've gotten from the bugs living in those nasty things.

      Delete
  3. I'll pass--lol! But you made me laugh. :)

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  4. Eeeeuw. I can see why you want this OUT of the house. And you will need fumigation afterwards. At a minimum.
    My caption?
    I am your perfect diet. With me in the house you won't eat too much over Christmas. Or keep it down.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Penelope: "Nope. Not even going to look. Just walk on by, girl. Walk on by."

    [Not for the competition as I've already had them]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's too bad this one isn't an entry because it made me laugh out loud.

      Delete
  6. "Urgh. Somebody Trumped in the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts - there's no way I want them now!"

    [Caption not for the contest]

    ReplyDelete
  7. FGES Caption Contest entry:
    The shelves where he kept our nation's secrets are bare;

    For that Grinchly Jack Smith had just been there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Invoking the name of Jack Smith is great!

      Delete
    2. This happened (or at least was published) AFTER I wrote that: https://www.alternet.org/green-eggs-ham-analysts-grinch/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email

      Delete
  8. FGES Caption Contest Entry:

    Penelope: I can smell at least four different taints on those shorts, but none of them compare to the reek of this guy's character!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ROTFLMAO!!!!! Good one, but I sure hope my taint wasn't one of the scents.

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    2. Penelope loves being included!

      Delete
  9. FGES Caption Contest Entry:

    45 may have lost a lot of weight, but Freakin' Green Elf Shorts will lose a lot of voters in swing states.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Even Fox News can't explain away this latest gaffe by the The Former Guy.

    ReplyDelete
  11. "These things are harder to get rid of then trying to get the demon out of Regan MacNeil in the Exorcist."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Does that mean my head is going to spin around until I mail them off to someone else?

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    2. You won't have a moments peace dear.

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  12. Hahaha! I had NO clue what this was about. What a fun idea, Janie, but I'll pass on the contest.

    ReplyDelete
  13. FGES Caption Contest entry:

    An Alternate Universe presents a beloved holiday special:

    Trumpdolf the Orange-Faced Tyrant

    Scene: Santa’s Workshop, North Pole

    A petulant-looking, obese, orange elf named Trumpdolf sits at his workbench station. All around him the other elves are busily making and painting toys for Santa to deliver on Christmas Eve, but Trumpdolf’s work surface is piled with toys waiting to be painted. Instead, Trumpdolf is gazing wistfully at a picture of Vladimir Putin. His supervisor approaches.
    Head Elf: Aren't you finished painting those yet? There's a piIeup a miIe wide behind you. What's eating you, boy?

    Trumpdolf: Not happy in my work, I guess.

    HE: What?!

    T: I just don't Iike to make toys.

    HE: Oh, weII, if that's aII… What?! You don't Iike to make toys?

    T: No!

    HE: Mind teIIing me what you do want to do?

    T: WeII, sir, someday I'd Iike to be a dictator.

    HE: A dictator?!

    T: WeII, we need one up here. I've been studying. It's fascinating. You've no idea. Abortion bans, immigrant detention camps, persecuting my enemies.

    HE: Now, Iisten, you. You're an eIf, and eIves make toys. Now get to work!

    T: Not for you!

    HE: Finish the job, or you're fired!

    Trumpdolf snaps his fingers and several larger-than-average elves in black suits and sunglasses wrestle the Head Elf to the floor and drag him away, kicking and screaming.

    The choir begins to sing:

    Trumpdolf the Orange-Faced Tyrant
    Had a very tiny hose.
    And if you ever saw it,
    You’d also see Giuliani’s nose…

    Fade out. Cut to commercial for Trumpdolf NFTs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I won't be able to stop singing that song, so thank you very much for that.

      Delete
  14. SweetMarySunshine, sweetpea! I was going to enter the contest, but after reading your post and the comments, I'm not so sure! But then again, WTF, right? So here goes: "I've never worn these FGES but if I did I would look as handsome as the photo of me wearing these FGES." So sayeth TFG! (aka The Fat Git) xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  15. I thought I posted, but it seems to have disappeared, so that's a sign, sweetpea! Unless it went to your spam folder, in which case you can delete this and post that one! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It wasn't in spam. You just had to wait for me to publish the day's comments.

      Delete
  16. "No matter how disgusting, stinky, vermin-ridden and pestilential those Freakin' Green Elf Shorts are, they are TOO GOOD for the likes of him!"

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    Replies
    1. And who ever thought such nasty things could be too good for anyone? That shows how low he is!

      Delete
  17. As far as The FGES are concerned, I've been there and won that. No caption from me. Just a note to say that your photo (and video) are fabulous!
    p.s. I'd like a closer look at that lovely (pine?) hutch in the other room.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the compliment and the visit! The hutch holds my china and some other items I use on special occasions.

      Delete
  18. Donald Trump proudly presents his new line of athletic wear: The Krampus Collection, featuring the latest in fashion technology - The Grinch Pinch. Yes, Grab 'em by the Grinch! Feel it today! Available at finer retail outlets like Walmart, Shopko and Cum 'N Go.

    ReplyDelete
  19. "In his case they are the Frickin Green Asshole Shorts."

    Janie, have you considered sending them directly to that dump in Florida??? What with being so close, you could even hand deliver them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You couldn't pay me to go near that burned-out hovel.

      Delete
  20. Heh.Poor Penelope. Understandable:)
    Happy Holidays,
    Sandra sandracox.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

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