Thursday, January 10, 2013

LITTLE SHACK BY THE RAILROAD TRACK *title sorta stolen from Melynda, who got it from fishducky

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Recently, Melynda entertained us with stories about her lack of water because of frozen pipes in Little Trailer On The Prairie. I nearly cried for poor dear Melynda as she shoveled snow into pans so she could melt it on the stove and use it to flush her toilet.

Well, guess whose toilet couldn't be flushed next?

The fun began -- let's see -- was it Monday night? Hot Young Anthony knocked on my door. Sadly, he was wearing a shirt. He pointed out to me that the pipe taking water into my house was spraying said water out into the yard. I don't want you to end up with a huge water bill, he said.

Favorite Young Man was due to stop by, which he did, and he dutifully crawled under the house to see what was wrong. He said that the metal pipe in front of the house had rusted through. Only a small portion of it needed to be replaced up to the point where it joined the PVC pipe under the house.

FYM insisted it was a simple repair, said he could do it himself, but he didn't have time.

Waaaaaa! He told me to hurry up and take my shower because he was going to turn off the water to the house. I also filled pots, pitchers, and cups with water.

The next morning I called a guy who had worked on my house before who had said he could take care of minor plumbing problems. Number out of service.

More waaaaa! I called my friend, Bethie, the nice realtor who sold the house to me. She said, Call my dad.

Bethie's dad is a real sweetheart. He's done some work on my house, too.

But he didn't call me back. Finally, I called him again. He answered and said he had a doctor's appointment and he was getting ready to go out of town and he said, Would you please call somebody else?

I called Bethie again. She gave me the number of another guy to call. I called and left a message on his voice mail.

As I waited to hear from him, I started to worry a bit. The toilets needed to be flushed and I was running low on water. I had used some to fill the doggies' water dish, to brush my teeth, to wash my face, etc.

I decided I had better turn into a pioneer girl like Melynda and melt some snow to flush the toilet.

So I went out with a shovel and a pan to get some snow.

No snow in sight.

Would snow fall soon?

Not according to the weather report on my phone. It was 80 degrees.

So much for that idea.

But speaking of pioneer girls, if you ever read Laura Ingalls Wilder's Little House books (which I loved and still do), did you ever notice that Laura described, in meticulous detail, Pa building their little houses, but she never wrote "And then Pa dug a nice deep hole and built the privy over it so we no longer had to take a crap in the grass"? Nope. Laura never wrote a word about takin' a shit.

But then Dan the plumbing man called me back and said he would come out and take a look at the pipe. Dan showed up, and he didn't look like any plumber I'd ever seen. Elvis Aaron Schwarz, are you reading this?

No response.

I'm whistling and singing.


Nope. He's not reading.

Dan the plumbing man was hot. I've never seen such a hot plumber. But he also wasn't dressed to work. He was wearing nice pants and a white shirt and a necklace. And hot. He was wearing hot.

Dan the plumbing man looked at the pipe and said, Well, I can't do it today, but I'll call a friend of mine who lives near here. If he can do it, he'll come over.

Dan the plumbing man, I begged, would you please turn on the water long enough for me to flush and refill my pots? He kindly did, and then the water was gone again.

Then I waited.

Nobody called. Nobody showed up.

Elvis Aaron Schwarz called this morning and asked how I was. I don't have water, I growled.

WHAT? You can't get anybody to fix that? What's the matter with people who don't want to work? Elvis Aaron Schwarz hollered.

Then while he had me on his cell phone, he picked up the land line where he works and called the city of Jacksonville's water department. I could hear him talking to them as he said, My name is Elvis Aaron Schwarz and my fiancee hasn't had water for two days . . . and then the phone conversation faded away, and I said, Re-roll the tape, and I heard Elvis Aaron Schwarz definitely referring to me not as his girlfriend or his main squeeze, but his fiancee.

I thought, I have been upgraded from coach to first class.

Hi! Remember me?
My name is Elvis Aaron Schwarz.
Yup, it's true. I told the guy at the water
department that my baby doll
is my fiancee.

Of course, I can't marry Elvis Aaron Schwarz because I would lose my maintenance from Dr.
X, which I need. But, gosh, it's nice to be called "my fiancee."

Anyway, the city couldn't recommend anyone to help me. It's against the law for them to suggest a particular plumber, the guy said.

I told Elvis Aaron Schwarz that I would call Dan the plumbing man again, and when I did, he said he had a job that had taken longer than expected and as soon as they finished he would come to my house.

Dan and crew arrived early this afternoon. The pipe has been replaced, the water is back on, and I flushed the toilets and took a shower.

I did not invite Dan the plumbing man to join me in the shower because I am the fiancee of Elvis Aaron Schwarz.

Infinities of love and water,

Janie Junebug

P.S. Did any of you notice that the Academy Award nominations were announced this morning? You may recall my review of Beasts Of The Southern Wild. This film was nominated for Best Movie, Best Director, and as predicted by yours truly, Quvenzhan√© Wallis, who plays Hushpuppy, was nominated for Best Actress. She is the youngest Best Actress nominee in history, at the ripe old age of nine. I believe she was five when she made the movie.


  1. As I recall, Ms. Wilder wrote another book before the highly successful "Little Trailer on the Prairie" series. It was called, "Elvis Aaron and His Fiancee".

    1. What happened? Did they live happily ever after?

  2. Lol You win! At least I had snow to melt. Still say you should have gone to the swamp to experience the nice smell of death permeating your house.. Yuck. However, nice fiancee touch from Mr. Handsome. Good on him for at least making a valiant attempt!
    Hope you get a nice warm shower. Although in that kind of weather maybe you need a cold one@ Love your face woman!

    1. Sadly, this is northern Florida. I have no swamp from which to gather nasty water. I also don't get to wrestle gators. Love your face back.

  3. Ouch!!! Sorry to hear about the problem, but glad you got it fixed... FINALLY...

  4. I HATE when there's water issues in our house. Particularly because we only have one bathroom.

    Wishing you gallons of water.... but not too much to drink, so you have to constantly pee... and not pouring out of a gurgling spout in your front yard... :)

    1. Even though I live alone, I refuse to live in a house with only one bathroom. I once had a friend. (I know it's hard to believe, but I did have a friend once upon a time.) She and her husband invited a married couple and their three children over for dinner. My friend and her husband had two children. All five kids came down with diarrhea immediately after dinner. I just know that if I had guests and only one bathroom that everybody would get sick at the exact same minute.

  5. DIdn't anybody notice that it's 80 F at your house? I'm so jealous, it's freaking cold here, I had snow this morning and I'm not a happy camper. Oh yeah, this is about you, isn't it? Dan the hot plumber sounds like my Roman plumber, who's probably the hottest plumber that side of the Atlantic. What is it with plumbers nowadays? And why aren't they in California? Glad you got your water back, now I gotta go read Laura...err I mean Melynda's adventures with the most common molecule on the planet. Say hi to Elvis for me, he sounds like a keeper (even though he's not a plumber...) :)

    1. You may think I'm crazy, but I don't want 80 degrees. We need some cold or the mosquitoes and other bugs will be driving us insane again next summer. The dogs are enjoying the weather, though. I shall give Elvis your kindest regards.

  6. I did think of you when I saw that nomination. Glad to hear water is again flowing at your house.

    1. Thank you for thinking of me. I'm feeling rather pleased with myself because of my prediction. I also predicted many nominations for "Lincoln," but I think everyone knew Lincoln would be a big winner.

  7. I would hate it if I had no water, hell I hated it when the toilet wouldn't flush right and we had to ring the Dept of Housing to report it and then wait fot a plumber to ture up............

    1. Toilet problems are miserable. We don't have many alternatives when it's 3 a.m., we need to pee, and the toilet isn't working.

  8. HA! No snow here to melt on the stove, either. Congrats on the upgrade to fiancee, kiddo. Life is good. (Especially when you can flush the commode and take a shower...)

    1. Oh, that shower felt so good. To be able to turn the faucet and water comes out . . . oi!

  9. Can you pls. send Dan the hot plumber over to Sri Lanka? We really need loads of them.

    1. I'm sorry, but Dan must stay here. What if I have another plumbing problem?

  10. Sorry about your problems. You can come over and use my toilet. Schultz won't mind.

    (Good job on you Oscar prediction! You're a genious!)

    1. Gosh, thanks for the toilet offer and the genius label. I think I might have trouble waiting till I got to your house, though.

  11. Whaaaaat? I have been on the moon lately, but I thought you threw EAS to the curb???

    I love Laura Ingalls Wilder. I once wrote a post
    entitled 50 Shades of Calico.

    1. Elvis and I recovered from our kerfluffle. 50 Shades of Calico is hilarious. I have visited LIW's home in Missouri twice. It was a thrill to be there.

  12. I'm glad you are EAs's fiance--and that you have water again. You really had to play a long waiting game to get somebody out there to fix it. May that be the worst of 2013 for you. Onward and upward!! :):)

  13. The plumber recommended that I replace the buried pipe from the point where he replaced the leaking pipe to the water cut-off valve in the yard. It will cost about $400, he said. I think a preemptive strike is a good idea. We could set a time for which I'd be prepared to go without a water. It would be much better than the shock of a leaking pipe underground and the need to get the plumber on an emergency basis.


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