A FRIEND SENT ME THIS

I can almost feel myself losing weight....by forwarding this to you!
You'll understand at the end.

I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women.  Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be...  Puhleeeeeeeze!  I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you.  Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate.



Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down.  This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans.  We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.



Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.





Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, 'Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too.'
                                Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: 'For this I have stretch marks?'




In mid-life your memory starts to go.  In fact the only thing we can retain is water.


Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally
-- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the 'big' questions.  What is life?  Why am I here?  How much Healthy choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important.
We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile.  Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when?  Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!



Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds.

Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10 pounds.

If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately.  (That's why I had to pass this on - I didn't want to risk deleting this.)

CONVICTION

Gentle Readers,

Women rule Conviction, based on the true story of Betty Anne Waters, who got her GED, put herself through college, and then law school, so she could get Kenny Waters, her brother -- wrongfully convicted of murder -- out of prison.

Although Sam Rockwell is very good as Kenny, it's the women in this movie who really shine. Hilary Swank play Betty Anne (shoulda gotten an Oscar nomination); Minnie Driver plays Abra Rice, Betty Anne's law school and then lawyer pal who helps get Kenny out; Melissa Leo, who just won a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for The Fighter, plays a dirty cop who made sure Kenny was convicted without reason; and Juliette Lewis is excellent in a small role as a former girlfriend of Kenny's who was threatened by the bad cops and then testified to help put him away.

Ultimately, it's the emergence of DNA evidence and the help of Barry Scheck's Innocence Project that proves Kenny innocent -- one of the reasons I'm opposed to the death penalty. Kenny Waters was in prison for 18 years, and if Massachusetts had had the death penalty, he would have died long before he was proven innocent. Far too many innocent people are put to death.

I'm not going to tell you what happens in the end. You should watch it for yourself, but have a box of tissues handy. After my infinities of love closing, I'm going to add a piece of trivia about the movie. You might not want to read it until you've seen this definitely worth watching DVD.

Infinities of love,

Lola












The real Kenny Waters died six months after he got out of prison, the result of an accidental fall. His sister is happy that at least he died a free man.

ENJOY

I love this video, but don't watch it when the little ones are in the room.

http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2010/04/06/wits-sweeney/

HOMOPHOBIA

Gentle Readers,

I hear way too many kids calling each other gay or bi. And most of the time they're not joking around. The offender says it seriously and the offended takes it seriously. It's going to lead to physical altercations if it hasn't already.

I don't understand. Has this been a popular way to pick on someone for a long time and I just haven't seen it?

I know that kids who really are gay or bi get picked on. It's not o.k. But why is it such a popular insult? Most of these kids probably are not gay, but it doesn't really matter if they are or not. It's wrong and horrible and it really upsets me.

I also hear a lot of racist "jokes" from teenagers. They aren't the tiniest bit amusing.

Have we made no progress?

I am so confused.

Infinities of love,

Lola

JOB

Gentle Readers,

My new job is so horrible it is surreal. Where is Joe Don at WorkForced.com when I really need him?

Infinities of love,

Lola

SAYS ME STREET

Gentle Readers,

I do not like the much-revered and honored PBS staple Sesame Street. My children did not like it when they were young and didn't watch it for long. It had a scene with Bert and Ernie that frightened them, and it was not because they figured out that Bert and Ernie are sometimes accused of being gay. Saying Bert and Ernie are gay is just plain dumber than shit.

I don't like the show because it's too manic. The idea of teaching numbers or letters by presenting them as if they are commercials has given children the attention spans of gnats, and don't try telling me that children have always had the attention spans of gnats. When I was growing up in the dark ages almost all of us sat quietly in school all day and listened when the teacher spoke and did our work.

We wouldn't have dreamed of getting out of our seats to wander around the room, wouldn't hit anybody, wouldn't talk back to the teacher -- and we didn't have that damn Sesame Street.

The trouble with so many children begins before they hit the public schools. They are parked in front of televisions to watch crap all day long and as soon as they can hit the keys with their thumbs they're parked in front of televisions or computers or game boys or cell phones playing stupid video games.

By the time they hit school the little darlings are ruined.

Damn it all to hell.

Lola

SELF-ESTEEM

Gentle Readers,

Are the schools depleting many children's already meager supply of self-esteem by telling them they don't have it?

Oh crap, the teacher told everybody that I got an F on the math homework, I don't have any friends, and now I've failed the self-esteem test.

I don't remember ever hearing the term self-esteem when I was growing up. We just felt bad about ourselves without anybody making us feel even worse by telling us that we should feel like shit because we had no self-esteem.

I don't even know if it's a good idea to have such a high opinion of yourself. Of course, I'm a Lutheran and we believe in guilt. We're always ashamed.

One of my kids once brought home a self-esteem work sheet that showed she had no self-esteem. Said child was supposed to check off things like "I feel good about myself because I help wash the dishes." Said child said, How can I say I feel good about myself for that? We don't wash the dishes. We have a dishwasher.

Schools: Cut out the self-esteem crap and teach the kids to read and they can just naturally develop some self-esteem by not being idiots. Thank you very much.

Infinities of love,

Lola