CELEBRITY ENCOUNTERS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I heard an interesting story last year from a lovely young lady named Sarah. Sarah's story took place about 16 years ago when she was at home, pregnant, and her husband called her from the Sears where he worked, whispering, Come down here right away. Bill Murray is in the paint department.

By the time Sarah arrived, a few people had gathered to take a look at Bill Murray, but it wasn't a crowd. Sarah approached and politely asked, Mr. Murray, will you please let me have my picture taken with you and will you autograph it for my baby?


Sarah said Bill Murray launched into a tirade about how he wasn't there to be funny and entertain people. He just wanted to look at paint with his friends so go away and leave him alone. But it went on a lot longer than that. In fact, it went on so long that if he had simply agreed to the photo and the autograph, it all would have been over and done with in less time than his tantrum required.

Sarah said, To this day I can't stand Bill Murray and I have never and will never spend a singly penny to see one of his movies.

On the other hand, Sarah had quite a love for Sonny Bono, who, of course, was not talented in the way Bill Murray is, but he had something better going for him: He was kind to Sarah.

When Sarah was a senior in high school, her class had their senior prom at Sonny Bono's restaurant. Sarah and a friend arrived to decorate before the prom and Sonny Bono came out to greet the girls personally. I believe he was the mayor of Palm Springs at the time. Mr. Bono also showed the girls to his private office and bathroom, where he said they could change into their prom dresses after they finished decorating. Then he apologized for leaving, but said he had to take care of some city business.

Sarah couldn't say enough good things about Sonny Bono and how kind and polite he was. Sonny Bono might have seemed like kind of a doofus, but as Cher said in her eulogy when Sonny died, How can you be the butt of the joke when you created the joke?

I certainly do not approve of the way the paparazzi stalk some celebrities, chasing them, and even running them off the road. But these people who are famous are usually famous because they want it. They want the exposure and the money and the fame. So they have to take what comes with it. Bill Murray should have had his picture taken with Sarah and then signed the photo. It would have meant so much to her, and I suspect he could have spared two - three minutes out of his paint perusing time. Case closed.

But I'm wondering, even though this is not What? Monday, have you encountered any celebrities? If so, how did they treat you?

My ex-husband travels a great deal because of his work, and he seems to run into (not literally) celebrities all the time. He was in New York and happened to be in the right place at the right time because he saw Dan Akroyd, Mary Tyler Moore, and many other big deals arrive at NBC for the filming of Saturday Night Live's 25th Anniversary Special. He sat down for breakfast once in a restaurant and noticed that Magic Johnson and Alex English were at the next table. Walking through the lobby at the Disneyland hotel, he spotted Sigourney Weaver. His celeb encounter list is too long for me to remember everyone.

My only real celebrity encounter was with writer Pat Conroy (shhhh! The affair continues. We read poetry to each other. What a man.)

Infinities of love,

Lola

THE STATUE OF LIBERTY

Gentle Readers,

Someone I Love has had a little extra time lately, so she's been doing a little gynecological genealogical research and reporting back to me. I had thought about looking into my family's past at a well-known site that costs money, but she found a site that's free: www.familysearch.org

I've established an account there myself, but for the most part I've provided her with family names I already have and let her do the research. She seems to enjoy it, and I can just spend so much time sitting in front of the computer before my back hurts, my feet swell, all this miserable old lady crap, blah blah blah.

I'm fascinated by some things she's learned. First, she discovered that my mother's parents once lived in the same boarding house -- before they were married. It must be where they met. She found my grandfather's record of death, which occurred when my mom was 18. I said, And guess what my grandmother did after her husband died? Naturally, Someone I Love asked What, and I said, She ran a boarding house. It's deja vu all over again.

Then she really surprised me by finding the ship's manifest from my grandmother's family's arrival in the United States. I always knew they had come here from another country when my grandmother was 12, but I didn't know how they arrived, other than by ship.

It seems they left their country and somehow went to Liverpool, where they sailed to the U.S., arriving at Ellis Island. And I thought, Wow! I wonder how they felt as they arrived and saw that first view of the Statue of Liberty.

Of course, maybe they thought, Jeeeezus, it's about time. They had traveled a long way to Liverpool and then spent ten days on board the ship with several children, including a one year old, and there weren't no pampers then. How would you manage diapers during ten days on a ship? And did they all get seasick?

The ship's manifest even says how much money each person had. My great-grandfather arrived in the U.S. with $150. And a dream. At least I hope he had a dream because that's part of the classic immigrant story. Why did they come to the U.S.? I have all these questions I want to ask them, like what were the bathrooms like on the ship and how do you travel so far with a one year old without murdering somebody.

I have romantic thoughts of the famous poem associated with the statue:

Give me your tired, your hungry, your poor

Your one year old who had the shits the entire voyage

The six year old you longed to throw overboard 

The twelve year old who suddenly developed a case of smart-ass mouth as the journey began

The sixteen year old who pretended not to know you as you barfed over the side of the ship while holding the baby

The husband who never helped with the kids once but instead spent his days wandering the decks with the other husbands and chatting up the unmarried whores

And I will detain them all on Ellis Island while you make your getaway to a land where you will never have to wash a baby's butt again.

(Make sure you pick your husband's pocket and grab the $150, leaving him high and dry.)

Then Someone I Love started looking at my father's side of the family and surprised me even more by discovering that my dad's paternal grandmother's father fought in the Civil War from 1864 to 1865 when he was 40 years old. I didn't even know that branch of the family was in the U.S. at that time.

And my dad's paternal grandparents had four children who died and eight who lived to adulthood. My dad's maternal grandparents had 14 kids and all lived to adulthood.

I did get some family information from my parents before they died; for example, my mom had a distant relative who ran away with the milkman and nobody ever spoke to her again (tee hee).

If only we still had milkmen I could find my true love.

Infinities of love,

Lola

MY TOOTH FAIRY

Gentle Readers,

Our dear friend LegalMist is suffering. Tooth problems. No tooth fairy.

Her lack of a tooth fairy reminded me of a very happy time during my marriage.

I had to have two of my wisdom teeth extracted. My husband took time off from work and drove me to the oral surgeon's office and waited there until the teeth were gone and I was awake. He didn't drop me off at the door and go to do something else until a nurse called and said he had to collect me. No, he stayed there. I came to sobbing, for no reason. It just happens sometimes. My husband was so kind and gentle. The nurse told him to take me home and give me a milk shake and then 7-Up, and he did. He was so kind and gentle. This was a very long time ago, when Favorite Young Man was a cute little redhead in preschool and not a good-looking dude, 6'4", lots of tats. So my husband went to pick up our little boy, whom we loved so much, from preschool. Then he came home and he stayed home and took care of me and our little boy all day. The entire day. He rented Gone With The Wind for me and I watched it on the VCR, a relatively new contraption. He fixed more milk shakes and gave me my pain meds when I needed them. When the pain started to get to me after Gone With The Wind he helped me to bed. He didn't leave me the entire day.

But the sweetest part of the whole day was when I got into bed and the tooth fairy had left money under my pillow. I think it was 10 or 20 dollars - enough to actually buy something. It was such a kind and thoughtful thing to do, and I remember giggling with delight.

The future actually seemed bright then. Once upon a time.

Happy Thanksgiving to the only husband I will ever have. Thank you for taking care of me when I had my wisdom teeth out.

Infinities of love to you,

Lola