Showing posts with label Busy Recovering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Busy Recovering. Show all posts

Monday, January 2, 2012

WHAT? MONDAY

Dear Readers,

What did you do to welcome the New Year?

I did something I have never done before: I committed murder. 

No, your eyes are not deceiving you. It was much easier than I thought it would be. 

 I killed Lola. Since she was a blow up doll, all I had to do was take a nice big needle and puncture her in a few places.

Please forgive me for leaving her chest uncovered in this photo. She isn't all that realistic-looking, so I wasn't too worried about covering her up.

Lola didn't suit me anymore.


I want to explore my identity without Lola hanging around. I want to find out who I am.

Yes, it's true: I am 52 years old, and I don't know who I am. I've had many identities, but I don't know if any of them were me. I made them up in acts of avoidance, such as avoiding abuse. Recently, I tried on a new identity. I thought she fit me perfectly. I thought at long last I knew who I was. I made her the best of me.

But she wasn't good enough. Now I'm lost again.

And I'm not going to find myself in a blow up doll box.


 So that's what I did at midnight. I poked Lola full of holes and threw her in the trash. The demise of Lola does not mean we'll never enjoy her sense of humor again or marvel at her quirkiness. But the aspects of her personality that we like will have to come from within me.

So, what did you do to welcome the New Year? Please don't tell me you killed someone unless you also had an unwanted Lola.

Infinities of love,

Janie  

Sunday, January 1, 2012

INTIMACY

Please note that as of tomorrow, or perhaps even this evening, WOMEN: WE SHALL OVERCOME is going underground. Or, in other words, it's going to become a private blog you have to enter as a member. I am too tired of anonymous comments to put up with it anymore. The content of the blog will also change somewhat. I want to spend more time experimenting with my fiction -- fiction that has not been written by Lola. If you prefer not to accompany me on this endeavor, I understand completely, but I'll miss you.



Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Are you in what you believe to be a true partnership? Married or unmarried. Gay or straight.

Do you think the other person spends time with you out of a desire to be with you or does that person deign to spend time with you because you complain about a lack of togetherness?

Do you feel you have true intimacy with another person?

Have you ever felt you had true intimacy with another person?

If you have or have had a true partnership or if you have or have had true intimacy with someone, please tell me how it feels. I would love to know. Perhaps someone would even be willing to guest post and tell me what's it's like.

The closest thing I have to a partnership is with My Kathy, but she lives a million miles away and it's not sexual. But we can have a conversation, not see each other for years, and then get together and pick up exactly where we left off. I have never felt that My Kathy forced herself to tolerate me. We laugh uproariously at the same ridiculous and inappropriate things.

The closest thing I have to an intimate relationship (non-sexual, of course) is with my daughter. But I'm not really sure how she feels about me.

But would you tell me, please: What's it like to be loved?

This is my first big question of 2012.

Infinities of love,

Lola

Saturday, December 31, 2011

PROOF

It wouldn't be New Year's if I didn't have regrets.  ~William Thomas

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Happy New Year! I guess.

When Someone I Love was a senior in high school, of course the time arrived for her to apply to colleges. She was extremely fortunate because every senior at the prep school had a college adviser to help with creating the list of colleges to which the student would apply. Plus, the adviser would look over applications and make suggestions for improvements.

At one college where Someone I Love applied, rather than writing an essay, she was asked to prove that something intangible exists. I am posting her proof because it continues to awe and astonish me. She wrote it at the age of 17 without any assistance, demonstrating the talent she already had when she was in high school. Writing a proof was the perfect requirement for someone who would eventually immerse herself in geometric algebra. And I'm very pleased that I was able to teach my children how to write because they certainly didn't learn in school.

It also moves me because she writes about our blind sheep dog mix, Kesey (named after Ken Kesey and pronounced Kee-zee). Kesey died during the fall of Someone I Love's freshman year in college. It was horrible. It was heartbreakingly horrible. She was several hours away from us -- no time to come home for a goodbye.

So I love it that this proof also commemorates Kesey. Here it is:

This proof explains love through commonly accepted axioms:

1. God is love. However, as any dyslexic atheist with a sense of humor involving anagrams, or slightly extreme canine fancier can tell you, God and dog are roughly equivalent. Thus, dog is love.

2. Love is blind. If love is both a dog, and blind, then love could be my blind dog, Kesey. Other evidence confirming this involves hours observing said subject, Kesey. Kesey's rotundity suggests Cupid (though not cupidity) and, if any humans feel depressed, they immediately feel much improved upon being within 10 meters of his presence. His presence alone is necessary for these healing effects, thus confirming Lennon's postulate, "All you need is love."

3. Assuming then, based upon presented evidence, that Kesey the sheepdog mix is, in fact, the physical embodiment of love, we come to the axiom "love conquers all." This axiom suggests that Kesey is capable of conquest, an idea confirmed, to some degree, by his Napoleonic stature. Additionally, his administrative skills are honed to perfection. These skills include Insurance of Proper Biscuit Flow, Observation of Neighbors, and Supervision of All Beings in His Residence. Such proficiency in the areas of Economics, Intelligence, and Administration, respectively, will lead to his success as a future world power. 

4. By the logic of causality, every leader has some initial minority of supporters before coming to power. In many such instances, as evidenced by history, the followers in said minority use a code word or phrase to identify themselves to one another. What better word for the followers of Kesey to use than "love," which keeps Kesey's identity unknown to the majority of the hominid populace, who seem largely skeptical about being subjects of a medium-sized white dog, no matter how jovial said dog may be.

Many contend that love her something to do with relationships between beings. This is partially true; all of this love is encompassed by the Buddha nature that is Kesey, and any human ideals about "love" fall short of the world as we know it have come to use this term in its proper sense, referring solely to one fabulous little white dog, whom I am in my dorm room missing.
Q.E.D.

Someone I Love received a very nice note from the admissions office at the university that required the writing. The person who wrote the note said it was one of the best proofs they had seen in a long time.

Ultimately, however, that university did not provide Someone I Love with a scholarship, so she attended and graduated from a college where she was truly wanted and appreciated.

I wish I could show you a photo of Kesey, but I don't seem to have any. When I left Illinois, I tried to keep moving costs down because I wasn't paying them myself. My soon to be ex-husband paid for my move, as was appropriate because I had to move to escape from him. Thus, I left behind items I felt I could do without or that were very heavy, such as most of the photo albums I had compiled over the years.

How I regret doing anything that I thought would help Voldemort, for he ended up accusing me (in settlement papers) of taking everything I wanted from the house and only leaving behind that which I did not want. So untrue.

So untrue.

But I wish you great blessings in 2012. If you have someone with whom you can share at midnight a glass of champagne or sparkling cider or diet coke, then you are blessed. The dogs and I will probably be in our lonely bed.

Infinities of love,

Lola

The only way to spend New Year's Eve is either quietly with friends or in a brothel.  Otherwise when the evening ends and people pair off, someone is bound to be left in tears.  ~W.H. Auden 


 
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot.  Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.  ~Jay Leno



 I made no resolutions for the New Year.  The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me.  ~Anaïs Nin

Thursday, December 22, 2011

THE ENDLESS AFTERNOON

Gentle Readers . . .  and Maxwell,

When I was a newspaper reporter, the police scanner was an always chattering presence in the newsroom. Most of the time, we heard nothing of importance.

But one rainy, gray wintry afternoon, something came over the scanner that caught everyone's attention. An elderly couple had been reported missing by their adult children. Their car was gone and they hadn't been seen since the day before. The woman had Alzheimer's Disease. Her husband was her primary caregiver.

Throughout the afternoon, we were glued to the scanner as the police searched. Very little work was accomplished.

Finally, word came. Their car was parked on a country road. They were dead.

The man shot his wife and then killed himself.

We shed more than a few tears in the newsroom that afternoon.

People quite often accuse members of the media of having no hearts. I'm sure some journalists don't. But many of us suffered as we covered stories about families burned out of their homes and groups of people who held fundraisers to help cover the medical care for a terminally ill child.

Yes. We had hearts.

But sometimes we had to hide them so we could interview people without sobbing.

Infinities of love,

Lola

Broken Heart

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

CALCULUS

Dear Little Chick . . .  and Anyone Else Who Has Suffered from the Calculus Blues,

Little Chick, I know you hated your calculus class, and we're so proud of you for earning an "A"  in spite of it being, you know, calculus.

 Photo: Little Chick kisses the Jolly Ginger Giant.

I was talking to Someone I Love about how you made it through the class, Little Chick, and I felt rather surprised when she said, I hate calculus. It's just another hoop colleges make students jump through so they can weed out pre-med students.

She went on to say that there is a movement afoot to replace calculus in the core curriculum with a statistics and probability class. SIL also said she only does calculus when she has to teach it, and she does the problems slowly because she doesn't really remember calculus. She takes her time as part of a pretense that she's helping the students keep up and understand the class.

SIL finished by saying, Calculus is a sordid business. Be sure to tell Little Chick I said calculus is a sordid business.

There you have it, Little Chick. Calculus is a sordid business.

Infinities of love,

Lola

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I'M LOOKING AT THE WOMAN IN THE MIRROR

-I'm asking her to change her ways, Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,


   I NEED YOUR  HELP!
  I'm STILL trying to  find out which IKEA sells this  mirror!! (Hope the picture comes through!)

My friend Carol sent this to me, and no, that's not me in the mirror. I know you don't think the chubby woman could be me.

Infinities of love,

Lola


Friday, August 26, 2011

FLY BY

Gentle Readers,

I really hate it when I'm walking from the bathroom to the family room or from the family room to the bathroom or sitting in front of the computer or sitting in the family room reading a book and . . .

SOMETHING FLIES PAST ME AND I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS!


It really freaks me out and I hardly ever find anything flying around or dead on the floor later.

Quite some time ago I discovered a LIZARD in my house and it disappeared and . . .

I NEVER FOUND IT!


I know someone who had a BAT flying around in her house and it disappeared and . . .

SHE NEVER FOUND IT!


WHERE DOES THIS SHIT GO?


I just wanna know. Can someone please explain life to me? There's so much I don't understand and it's depressing me and I can't accomplish a fucking thing.

Infinities of love,

Lola

Sunday, May 29, 2011

DEE DEE UPDATE FROM CAROL

Carol writes:



Just want to let you know how things are going.
 
Dee dee went for her 5th treatment Friday but her blood count was so low she had to get a unit of blood instead. She has an appointment for this upcoming Friday for the 5th trearment.
 
Keep us in your prayers please.
 
Carol

Thursday, May 6, 2010

THANKS

Sorry for the lack of posts, Gentle Readers.

I am very busy working and continuing to recover from fever, bronchitis, congestion, wheezing, infection, a rattle in my chest, and brain loss. Hoping for a brain transplant with Hawking as the donor, but I just want the smart part of his brain, not the loss of mobility - however, maybe I want the electronic voice. It's kinda cool and robotic and makes him sound even more incredibly freaking brilliant.

When my daughter went to school at Cambridge University (no, not in Boston - it's in England), one of the first nights she went in the math building she got lost and found Hawking's office. She peered around the corner and saw Hawking's assistant and Hawking's chair but didn't see the great man himself. I believe he is retired now.

Maybe you'll want to check out Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time.

I admit I've never read it.

I don't have time.

Maybe some day I'll get to A Briefer History of Time.

Love,

Lola