Monday, June 10, 2019

TROOPING THE COLOUR 2019

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

It's time for our annual (I call it annual but I might have skipped the last year or two; I can't remember) post recalling Saturday's Trooping The Colour,  the official celebration of Queen Elizabeth's birthday. This commemoration of her birth is always held in June, although Her Majesty was born in April.

However, we had a little problem this year. The Queen was traumatized by her visit from Donald Trump and it was difficult to get the lovely old lady out of the palace. She was afraid he hadn't really left and would start that crap again . . . you know, how he tries to claim the throne. What if he grabbed her pu . . . never mind started mouthing off again and saying that she was born nowhere near Great Britain and had to produce her birth certificate and then kept saying it wasn't a real birth certificate? She's already damned sick and tired of that shit.

The entire family chided Her Majesty for inviting the Trumps to dinner. Here, she tells Kate, BUT I DIDN'T INVITE HIM! I LEARNED HE'D BE HERE WHEN I READ IT ON FACEBOOK!


Then she came up with a great idea: Send Prince Philip to pick up Donald at the airport because Philip is the best driver in aaaaallllll of England.


Unfortunately, Philip forgot his task and the Trumps arrived safely, so the next step in her plan was to give Donald a book––an obvious bit of sarcasm since the man can't doesn't read. But he didn't take the hint and leave, so everyone had dinner together. Her Majesty couldn't stop thinking about how nice President Obama looked in his tuxedo when he visited, while Donald's tux obviously came from a rental shop at the last minute and didn't quite fit.


Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis were upset, too. Here they are at the window of the palace. The looks on their sweet little faces tell the whole story: PLEASE LET US OUT!


 You can't see it in the photo of Charlotte and Louis, but this is what was behind them:


Can you blame them for being frightened?


The Queen felt pretty nervous after hosting the Trump family, and who can blame her? No one can do anything if The Donald walks into Buckingham Palace and kills her or grabs her pus . . . never mind that last part. We know it's true because he said he can commit murder on Fifth Avenue and get away with it and he said he can grab certain female body parts, and the true King of England never lies.



When every single footman and everyone in the family assured her that the Trumps were gone, AND she saw it on Facebook, she agreed to come out for Trooping The Colour. As always, the celebration included a lovely parade.



Beatrice and Eugenie, or Eugenie and Beatrice, were there. It's never too late for braces, girls.


Here are Prince Edward and his wife, Sophie. Edward looks pretty darn full of himself because someone told him he could wear his special hat that turns into a helicopter (he's the one they keep in a shed in the backyard).



Then along came Kate, Camilla, and Meghan. Kate and Camilla raised their hands when they were asked, What is 2 + 2?



Well, the joke was on the Duchess of Wessex and the Duchess of Cambridge because they said the answer is 3, which is what William, Kate, and Harry were before Meghan came along. Now all the ladies are humiliated, but Harry stared straight ahead and pretended he didn't hear the question.


After hours of parading, it was time for the balcony scene. Wait a minute! Harry and Meghan are kind of squished in there behind Prince Andrew, but I don't see Baby Archie.



Oops! I guess it will be a long time before we see Archie again. If ever. No wonder Meghan held onto her belly while she was pregnant.



According to all the reliable click bait sources, everyone in the royal family does nothing but feud with each other. Here, they look up to avoid looking at each other. Only Kate is weirded out enough to look at Louis. She's afraid his head might fall off and that would create quite the mess.


A few minutes later, Camilla was peeved when Louis damn near slapped her in the face, but we know it's something that everyone has wanted to do for years. Prince William had to hold back his laughter.



Prince George let the world know that it's time to end Trooping The Colour for 2019,


so let's bring this celebration to a close by saying


Happy Official 93rd Birthday, Your Majesty. You are older than dirt, but you look a lot better. (Watch out for Charles. He's pretending to be your right-hand man, but he really wants your job. For him to get it, you have to die.)



Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug








43 comments:

  1. LOL! This was just what I needed! :) :)

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  2. Replies
    1. Hoot away, Madam. We aim to please, but the first year I did a Trooping the Colour post someone I didn't even know showed up to tell me it was in poor taste. I responded with something along the lines of Then don't come back.

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  3. OMG, I so needed this Janie! Brilliant! What a travesty, the Frumps clan leaving behind a stench the Royal family, and all of Britain probably, will never be able to truly wash off. What an embarrassment he is. Lord!
    I hadn't seen the photo of Trump in his "tux" or whatever that hideous getup was. I overheard something about it on the news in passing but didn't pay any attention. Wowsa. Please, can we please turn back the clock and get Barack & Michelle back??

    Did you see the speculations about the Queen "throwing shade" at Trump by wearing her ruby tiara, a gift from the Burmese made with 96 rubies meant to ward off evil and illness? Although primarily untrue in terms of intent, it's hilarious nonetheless.
    My favorite mocking of our illegitimate president was the huge talking robot with Trump sitting on a golden toilet tweeting in the middle of Trafalgar Square. Complete with Trump's voice bellowing with his catch-phrases "No Collusion", "Witch Hunt", "You are Fake News" and my personal favorite "I'm a very stable genius".

    https://twitter.com/i/status/1135834062256562177

    Ya gotta give it to the Brits, they sure know how to mock. It's a sight to behold for sure.

    Great post here. I needed the giggles. Thanks!

    Michele at Angels Bark

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    1. I saw something about the tiara but didn't see exactly what it meant. That's funny. I think the tux is what's known as black tie. I'm going to "body shame" Trump because he would happily make fun of the way I look: The man is fat. It's usually not as noticeable because he wears baggy clothes. With something more fitted, his obesity is obvious. It also wasn't fitted correctly. I saw a headline about the White House tailor saying he wasn't responsible for the tux. They were like the Beverly Hillbillies. Melania was well dressed for dinner but the rest of the family didn't fit in. I, too, am a very stable genius. Now I'm going to scream and run around the neighborhood bare butt nekkid.

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    2. I just realized that the tux can't be black tie. They aren't wearing black ties. So now I think it's called white tie and tails, but The Donald's jacket is too tight and his vest is too long.

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  4. LOL. I got a good laugh out of this post. I must confess, it's the first time I've heard her birthday referred to as "Trooping of the Colour." Where have I been and what in heaven's name does that even mean?

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    1. Trooping the Colour originated with traditional preparations for battle and has been done for 250 years to celebrate the sovereign's birthday. I guess it's called Trooping the Colour because the troops are there in full force flying the flag. I became aware of it a few years ago. There are always scads of fun photos. I bet it's very impressive in person. The photo of the soldier saluting is actually Prince William. He, Charles, and Ann all rode in the parade and most of the rest of the family arrived in carriages. It seems they have this gigantic parade and then the royal family comes out on the balcony at Buckingham Palace. Prince Philip was not present this year. Today is his 98th birthday.

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  5. What a wonderful post! Hahahaha!! Thank you for this!

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    1. Thank you for joining us. Trump probably wishes we held a huge parade for his birthday.

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  6. Hilarious! Who says the Royals don't earn their money?

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    1. It might be fun to dress up and ride in a carriage for a big celebration, unless you need to pre halfway through. I wouldn't mind giving it a try as long as I had an adult diaper.

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    2. Pee! It should say pee halfway through. Damn autocorrect.

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  7. Serious royal watching going on... Though I'm not one of the loyal subjects, I must say HRH looks marvelous.

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    1. I hope I look half that good when I'm 93. She gets it from her mother, who always looked great and made public appearances until she was 100. She died at 101, I think.

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    2. Forget what I said that about looking good at 93. I don't look that good at 60.

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  8. Replies
    1. You're welcome! Yes, I am hysterical. Call the doctor so I can be locked in the yellow bedroom with the strange wallpaper.

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  9. This is priceless, Janie! ☺ Haven't laughed this hard in a while. Thanks! The queen looks great for her age, as did her mother. Good genes.

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    1. Yes, Her Majesty clearly has her mom's genetic makeup. Her father (George VI) was always so thin and didn't look well even before he got cancer. The Queen Mother's hatred of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor was so intense that she blamed the Duke's (Edward VIII) abdication for Bertie's (George VI) death. Never mind that he smoked like a chimney and grew up with digestive problems because of a crazy nanny and was bulled by his father (George V). In the far off future when little Prince George is King, he'll be George VII, unless he decides to take another name, as you know kings and queens sometimes do. If Charles ever gets to be king, he can change his name. Maybe he'll be King Mortimer. Or King Joe. Or King Kimberly because he thinks Kimberly would sound good with Camilla.

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    2. I didn't know that about the Queen Mother. You are obviously up on your history of the monarchy. I read a book about the Duke and Duchess of Windsor being Nazi spies. It may or may not have been true, but it was a compelling story, nonetheless. I bet Charles is pissed that his mother won't give up the throne and retire! Lots of people would prefer they bypass him and go straight to William, apparently.

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    3. I don't think the Duke and Duchess of Windsor were spies, but they were Nazi sympathizers. I read the authorized biography of the Queen Mother. It's a huge book and it took me a long time to get through it. The woman could really hold a grudge and she liked her liquor. Although a lot of people would prefer to have William on the throne, that's not how it's done. Kings and queens don't retire and they don't get skipped over. Charles would have to abdicate for William to become King before his time. Prince Philip could and has retired, though, and younger members of the family are providing support to the Queen.

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  10. Make it look like an accident, 007! HA! That is funny. Do you remember when they did that Queen bit with 007 during the London Olympics? Man that was just great! The Queen must have a great sense of humor. I wonder how hard she laughed after all her visitors left.

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    1. Yes, I remember Bond, James Bond, with the Queen at the opening of the London Olympics. That was great! As she grows older, I think Queen Elizabeth reveals more about herself. Look at her in the photo with the Duchess of Cambridge. They're so happy and laughing. She seems to really enjoy Kate and Meghan. She probably wanted a stiff drink when the Trumps left the palace. I bet she darn near choked after the visit when Donald said that he had a connection with the Queen. Ha! He's not half the person she is (you know she took a military post during World War II and learned to be a mechanic and she was just a teenager), and he probably doesn't have as much money as she has!

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  11. BAHAHAHA! This was awesome. Thank you for the laugh!

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    1. Thank you for laughing. I probably could have come up with captions for many more photos, but this post is pretty long as it is. Love you, Martha.

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  12. Thank you for making me laugh, I am so glad I dropped by this morning, I wonder if the Queen ever wishes she could lock annoying people in the Tower

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    1. If I were the Queen, I would probably go ahead and try to lock people in the Tower.

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  13. He really did look awful in that suit. I can't believe Melania let him go out like that...Oh, and Tiffany's dress was hideous, too. A sad showing imo.

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    1. I don't feel sorry for Donald, but I felt sorry for Tiffany.

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  14. I really admire the Queen for her diplomacy skills. And I still can't figure out how Trump got out of his room in that outfit. Too busy tweeting at home to check it out before he packed it, maybe. I dunno.

    You were saying in a reply that the Queen seems to be laughing more these days. I noticed that, too, and I think it's such a good thing. She has spent a lot of years in total service to a position she had no choice in having. I wouldn't want to be a member of the Royal Family. Life in a fishbowl.

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    1. Sometimes I think it would be especially difficult to be one of the lesser members of the family (the ones who are way down the line for the throne). People watch them, criticize everything they do, and begrudge them any money they receive. Even Prince Charles has been talking about cutting back on family members who receive a living. That's easy to do when his position is secure. I don't know if they're worth the tax dollars that are spent on them, but if they put up with everything that goes with being a member of the family, then shouldn't they have compensation? Some of the them have tried to have jobs, such as Edward and Sophie, and it hasn't worked out.

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    2. Yes, to all of what you said. I didn't know about Edward and Sophie; I'll have to look that up. What a shame it didn't work for them.

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  15. I wonder if The Queen and Trump wear the same brand of diaper.

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    1. The Queen has an iron bladder. Trump wears a diaper made of gold.

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  16. At least she could have had 007 lock him up in the Tower on a diet of porridge and water. And NO Phone.

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    1. I love the no phone idea. As for the diet of porridge and water--a few weeks of that and his tux would fit.

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  17. Royal gold nuggets fill this post. I love it all. Thank you for the laughs. I think my favorite bit is the pad on the head and douche by her side. Talk about a bold fashion move.

    Love you.

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  18. Hahahha!! Great post. Honestly, i think it happened EXACTLY like this.

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  19. Oh Janie. I nearly wet myself with this one 😁😂. Thank you. Great post.

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