CELEBRATING SALINGER: MY ONE THOUSANDTH POST CELEBRATION

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

To celebrate the recent publication of my one thousandth post, I've been posting my top ten posts, but also posting some sad posts that received very little attention. I wrote this post soon after J.D. Salinger died during January of 2010. Farewell, J.D. has had a measly 16 page views, and no one has ever commented on it.



And so, Gentle Readers, we bid farewell to J.D. Salinger, the man who finally proved he would stop at absolutely nothing in his quest to escape his fans.

Allegedly, he ate a rather strange diet and drank his own urine. He also died at home of natural causes, which can mean all sorts and varieties of deaths in my active imagination.

Jerry goes to kiss his considerably younger wife. "You ain't kissin' on me no more, Pee Mouth," she hollers. And so it's only natural that she strangles him.

By the way,that was her nickname for him - Pee Mouth - affectionate at one time but not so much after the many years of frigid New Hampshire winters spent in hiding with the One and Only, the Great and Powerful.

The man who was said to be obsessed with a hatred of phoniness and desired getting at the absolute truth . . . hmmmm . . . he doesn't seem to have been so genuine and sincere. Jerome "Jerry" Salinger took a dump on a number of women during his life. If you scroll up a bit on my Message Center you'll find a portal to Amazon.com, one of my favorite cyber places in or out of this world. [no longer in existence] You can order Salinger's books there. And then if you must satisfy your curiosity about the man who created the Glass family, read Joyce Maynard's "At Home In The World" and Margaret Salinger's "Dream Catcher." I recommend the books. They are interesting and well written and probably more genuine than the man.

It's been many years since I last read "The Catcher in the Rye." My favorite younger man told me recently that he thinks it's his favorite book. I'll have to reread it and see what I think. Will the star dust have faded or will I still think it's good? I certainly never considered it my favorite, but it has legions of fans. It made the Top 100 list of greatest novels of the last century, coming in at #64, according to the males-only board of Modern Library.

Salinger also supposedly wrote a number of novels, which he locked up in a safe at home, after he stopped writing for public consumption. If those novels are released, how can they ever live up to his rep?

So, Salinger, maybe you reveled in the attention you attracted by hiding in plain sight. Maybe your writing wasn't so hot anymore and you knew it and you kept your star shining by refusing to release your work. You let people speculate about you when you could have allowed your readers to get at the truth of you. You could have shed light on your writing and your process. You could have taught, but maybe you were so weird you were afraid nobody would have you. Or maybe you thought you were too good for the rest of the world. Easier to dazzle naive young women with your fame and with fake promises. Keep a woman at your beck and call. Engage a town in hiding you. Your own little world revolved around you.

The citizens of Cornish, N.H. admitted they got sick of all those people coming to town looking for Salinger so it was only natural that somebody finally came after him with a shot gun?

Love,

Dumped First Wife

MOVIE WEEKEND: THE CALL

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today I present for your consideration a true thriller called The Call (2013, Rated R, Available on DVD).

An experienced 911 operator named Jordan (Halle Berry) accidentally assists a serial killer in finding his prey. Distraught, she turns to training new operators, but soon after she begins her new duties, a call comes in that only Jordan is skilled enough to handle. A teenager named Casey (Abigail Breslin) has been abducted by the same killer. She calls from the trunk of a car. Then we're in for quite a ride as Jordan does everything in her power to save Casey.

This movie had me on the edge of my seat. I was scared half to death. Halle Berry is very good in her part, and Abigail Breslin isn't Little Miss Sunshine anymore. The conclusion of the movie is totally implausible, but it didn't bother me. I went where Jordan went and stayed right with her and didn't even think about it not being "real". Strange stuff happens all the time, so why not believe in this ending? We're talkin' female empowerment.

I think you can allow teens of about 14 and older to watch with you, as long as they're not prone to nightmares. If YOU'RE prone to nightmares, then maybe you should watch during the day, or not at all.

I'm torn on my seal of approval for this film. It's not a brilliant, amazing movie, but it certainly captured my interest and kept me going to the last minute.

Aw, what the heck! I hereby present The Call with The Janie Junebug Highest Seal of Approval.

Happy viewing!


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

WHAT? WEDNESDAY: FAVORITE DOWNTON ABBEY CHARACTER

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I watched the season four premiere of Downton Abbey yesterday, so we can talk about it now. We won't say too much, though, just in case you haven't seen it yet and want to do so.

Well, what did you think of the show? Lady Mary is certainly the picture of depression. She's so thin she's a stick (so is Lady Cora). Her eyes are sunken. She looks quite the walking corpse. It's good that Tom has her taking an interest in the estate. When she went on his rounds with him, did you notice she wore her mauve coat and hat instead of the black? That's encouraging.

Anyway, today's question is Who is your favorite Downton Abbey character?

It's not easy for me to answer. I know a lot of people don't care for Lady Mary, but I like her because she's so bitchily honest.

I can't help loving Anna. She's so good and so determined. Talk about loyal. Remember that incident with Mr. Pamuk during the first season? Anna helped out with the corpse. She wanted to protect Lady Mary. And then there's Thomas. He's hideous, but it's fun to have hateful characters. We don't want everyone to be good all the time. How boring.

Speaking of Thomas, do you believe that O'Brien really up and left? Or do you think it's possible that someone murdered O'Brien and then was able to dress in her clothes and make it look as if she left? I can think of someone who could and would do such a thing. I doubt if we've heard the last of O'Brien.

But I know who my favorite character is. She's bitchily honest, yet loving and compassionate. I have to choose the Dowager Countess, Violet.

Her little asides, which aren't always asides but often are spoken quite openly, are hilarious. Yet when she arrived for darling Lady Sibyl's funeral . . . oh, my. How I cried. And she really does try to help people. She's not cruel. She's just old enough to say what she thinks, and she's not afraid of getting involved in other people's affairs.

Now how about you? Who is your favorite Downton Abbey character?

Did anyone else watch the preview special for season four? It was hosted by Susan Sarandon. It's fun to see the characters as the people they really are. Anna, with her hair down, is startlingly beautiful. Edith, with her hair down and her nose still beaky, is startlingly unattractive. Mrs. Hughes doesn't look like Mrs. Hughes. I was shocked at the sight of her. Thomas is hot, and I do mean sizzling.

I'm so glad we have Downton Abbey to enjoy each week–for a while. We'll have to discuss suitors for Lady Mary as they pop up.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

GRATITUDE TUESDAY: THE MIL

Gentle Readers  . . and Maxwell,

As you may recall, I gave my (former) mother-in-law a hint before I sent the box filled with 82 birthday cards for her. I said, I'm sending you a box with 82 birthday cards in it.

She seemed a bit bewildered and then excited by the thought that people all over the U.S. AND in other countries had sent cards for her 80th birthday.

Well, a few days after she received the box she called me. (Get out your hankie.)

She said she had the cards in a basket next to her and she had looked through all of them and was re-reading some each day. She couldn't believe what beautiful cards they were and that so many of you wrote kind notes to her. She asked me to thank you and tell you how much the cards mean to her.

Then she said it, the thing that really got me. She said, This makes me feel as if my life has been worthwhile. 

Take heart, Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell. You've done a good thing.

Please don't fret if I haven't mentioned receiving your card. They continue to trickle in, and I'll be sending her more as they arrive. The mail seems to be a bit slower coming from some countries. It's okay. She'll be happy to get more cards. It gives her something exciting to look forward to now that the holidays are over.

I thank you. I feel such gratitude for all of you, whether you sent a card or not. And so many of you tweeted or mentioned on your blogs that I was gathering cards. Thank you. And thank you again.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

IT'S COLD

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I'm sorry I don't have a post to publish today.

Well, I know that what you're reading right now is kind of a post, but it's not the post I had planned.

You see, the problem is . . . it's cold. It's supposed to get down to 25 tonight.

I realize that if your temp today was 25 below that getting down to 25 above is nothing to you.

But in Florida, cold weather turns us into slugs. Our blood is thin from the usually warm weather. We can't cope with cold. When it gets down to 60, the natives wear winter coats and gloves and hats.

So try to imagine how we suffer when it's below freezing.

I must be going native because it's so cold that I wouldn't leave the house today.

I have an excuse. I don't own a coat. I sold my coats on ebay after I moved here, thinking I would never need them again.

One of the coats was a full-length, faux fur that looked so real that people were always asking me, Is that real?

No! I would cry in disgust. I would never wear real fur, I'd say with contempt.

I miss my faux fur coat right now.

I looked a lot like this when I wore it:

And listen up, ass wipes morons idiots people who tend to neglect the animals who depend on you for safety and security: Just because your dog and cat have fur coats, it doesn't mean that "them there animals is meant to live outside. They like being outside."

You go outside to sleep in the snow and cold and see how long you can stand it before you're whimpering at the door.

I realize you're not going to put sheep in bed with you, but for God's sake, bring the dogs and cats inside and make them comfortable. If they're not accustomed to being inside and don't know how to behave appropriately, it's your own damn fault for not teaching them so go fuck yourself. If I hear you've left your dog or cat or hamster out in the cold, I will teach you a lesson you will never forget.

And it will involve the loss of body parts.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


P.S. I know Downton Abbey premiered last night. Please don't tell me what happened. I shall be watching it sometime this week with my close personal friend DVR.

CELEBRATING EMBARRASSMENT: MY ONE THOUSANDTH POST CELEBRATION

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Franklin agreed to give up Franklin Friday because, as promised, I'm presenting my top ten most popular posts as part of my one thousandth post celebration. EMBARRASSING WHAT? MONDAY was first published on July 9th, 2012. As many of you know, asking you a question is an on-and-off feature on my blog. 

It's #5 on my top ten hits list, and here it is after 1,010 page views:

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

What is your most embarrassing moment?
If your most embarrassing moment is sooooo embarrassing that you can't bring yourself to tell us about it (like you shat your pants while on a date), then please tell us about something embarrassing that isn't unbearable.

I've had plenty of embarrassing moments in my life. Haven't we all?

But I've managed to choose one to share with you.

I went camping when I was a young teenager -- probably 13. In and of itself, that's plenty shocking. Me? Camping?

Yes, the woman who thinks that staying in anything less than a five star hotel is tantamount to camping actually stayed in a trailer with a friend and her mom for a week. We camped at a lake and had a rather good time swimming.

However, one day my friend's sister -in-law came to visit. She brought her little boy with her. He was standing up in a playpen. I think he was about a year old.

I picked him up for a cuddle. Yes, I used to think all babies were cute.

I was wearing a top my mom had made for me. It was sleeveless and had a tie on top of each shoulder that held up the top and kept it together and all that.

Did you already guess what happened?

If you figured out that the darling baby untied my top on one side, then you got it. There I was -- a young girl with one boob in and one boob out, deedle deedle dumpling I felt like a fool, for I wasn't wearing a bra. I was old enough and developed enough to wear one, but I didn't wear a bra with that particular top because the straps would have shown. During the seventies, we preferred not wearing a bra to letting our bra straps hang out.

So there's my boob, looking kind of like a piece of raw pink salmon next to the rest of tanned me. I quite calmly walked over to the playpen, put the fucking little fucker of a baby back in it and tied my shirt, covering up the boobster.

My "friend" was smirking. Her sister-in-law was laughing.

The friend looked a lot like this.

That's o.k. I may have been very embarrassed at the time, but the friend stayed flat as a board for as long as I knew her, while I continued to grow big, beautiful boobies.

I look a lot like this. And don't you forget it.

Now it's your turn. What is your most embarrassing moment?

Infinities of love,

Janie Juneboob

MOVIE WEEKEND: FAT KID RULES THE WORLD

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today I present for your consideration Fat Kid Rules the World (2012, Rated R, Available On DVD or Netflix Screaming).

Fat Kid Rules the World is the kind of small, offbeat film that I adore.

Troy (Jacob Wysocki) hurtles us directly into the path of this movie by stepping in front of a bus. He's fat. His mom died. His brother is a jerk. His father is harsh and doesn't know what to do with a kid who eats all the time and doesn't have any friends.

Marcus (Matt O'Leary) shoves Troy away from suicide and into the beginnings of what might be a full life with friendships, going places, learning to be a drummer so he can join Marcus's new band . . .

But is Marcus really Troy's friend? It's not long before Marcus asks Troy for money and assistance with various "projects" that might not be in Troy's best interest.

I don't want to tell you more about the plot of this film because I'm afraid I'll ruin it for you. Let's say Fat Kid Rules the World revolves around relationships: new relationships, old relationships, changing relationships, renewed relationships. Of course, it incorporates my beloved interconnectedness of humankind.

The acting is excellent. Wysocki is outstanding with his sad hound dog eyes and his ability to convey Troy's coming of age and new understanding of humanity. The way he starts to speak up for himself–Dudes, it moves me.

O'Leary is great, too, as is Billy Campbell as Troy's father. Dylan Arnold makes an impression as Dayle, Troy's incredibly annoying brother.

This movie is rated R. It includes drug use, violence, and profanity. If Favorite Young Man and The Hurricane were still my little darlings, hanging around the house during a snowstorm, I would want them to see this movie. I would allow a 10 year old to watch Fat Kid Rules the World, and really encourage it for ages 13 and older. But you know your kids. As always, I urge you to watch the movie yourself and then decide if your children should see it. If you vote to let the kiddies watch, then please, please, please discuss the film afterwards.

Fat Kid Rules the World earns The Janie Junebug Highest Seal of Approval.

Something I want to mention about movies that you should consider (and it's used in this particular film) is Watch For Parallels. Maybe a character will commit an act repeatedly but his actions will be a little different each time. Or MAYBE you'll see parallels between a couple of characters, and those parallel actions will change the course of the characters' paths.

Happy Viewing!


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

P.S. Please don't tell me you've never heard of this movie. I know you've never heard of it. I don't care. One of the reasons I write MOVIE WEEKEND is to introduce you to movies you've never heard of. Yes, sometimes I review a movie that everybody knows about, especially if my opinion of the movie is different from the general consensus. But most of the time, the idea is to ferret out something different, or to call your attention to a movie that's a waste of time (I want to save you from the bad and the ugly), or sometimes to say, Yeah, you HAVE heard of this movie and it's an artistic triumph.

P.P.S. You know, I hope, that when I say I don't care about what you say, that I'm putting on my indifferent act. Of course I care. Jeeze Louise.

P.P.P.S. I have to admit I'm glad I no longer live where there's snow. I'm not trying to taunt or pick on those of you who have to deal with a shitload of snow tonight. I wish I'd never left Maryland. But now that I've been in Florida for a while,
I
really
do
not
miss
snow.
I
just
miss
my
home
in
Maryland