BOOK NOOK: A SECRET LIFE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Whether you're interested in American history, unusual marriages, or a good old-fashioned political scandal, I have just the book for you: A Secret Life: The Lies and Scandals of President Grover Cleveland by Charles Lachman

Lachman provides an overview of Cleveland's life, but focuses on the rumor about him that seems to be reality. I've read many times the little rhyme about Cleveland, Ma! Ma! Where's my Pa! Gone to The White House! Ha Ha Ha!

Based on all the research the author has done, it seems to be almost undeniably true that when Cleveland was a lawyer in Buffalo, New York, he raped a widow named Maria Halpin, who subsequently gave birth to his son. The piece of evidence that's lacking, as far as I'm concerned, is a DNA test, and I don't think that's going to take place at this late date.

The book is quite a fascinating read. I love presidential history, and I enjoyed learning more about Cleveland, especially since I'd read so many references to the rumor that he had an illegitimate child.

I don't want to tell you what happened to the son, or to his biological mother, because it would spoil too much of the book for you. However, I will fill you in on some interesting facts about Grover Cleveland:

• In the course of three short years, Cleveland went from being Mayor of Buffalo to being elected the Governor of New York, and was then elected President in 1884.
• Cleveland's closest friend, Oscar Folsom, was killed in an accident in 1875. As the executor of Folsom's estate, Cleveland helped Folsom's widow raise her young daughter.
• Cleveland became the only president to get married in The White House when he took as his bride his former ward, Frances Folsom. Cleveland was 48; Folsom was 21 (the youngest First Lady in history).
• The Clevelands went on to have five children. The last was born when Cleveland was 66.
• In 1888, Cleveland won the popular vote for the presidency but lost in the electoral college to Benjamin Harrison.
• Cleveland regained the presidency four years later -- the only president to serve two non-consecutive terms.

Lachman's style is light and makes for easy reading. He makes a point of saying that the definitive biography of Cleveland has already been written, but he wanted to bring the man's secrets to light. 

And Grover Cleveland certainly had his share of secrets.

President and Mrs. Cleveland

Happy Reading, Chickadees!

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

THANKS TO YOU, NEW JANIE JUNEBUG TEASE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I've had suggestions and requests for bumper stickers and t-shirts to add to my shop at www.cafepress.com/JanieJunebugsTease.

So, thanks to you and your great ideas, I made a number of additions to Janie Junebug's Tease over the weekend.

On the main page I added the following:

JEWS DO IT OVER CHICKEN SOUP (credit goes to fishducky)

JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES DO IT DOOR TO DOOR (credit goes to Coffeypot)

I'm sorry I don't remember who requested a shirt about Scientologists, but I came up with

SCIENTOLOGISTS DO IT WITH CELEBRITIES


My shop also has two additional sections now. To reach them, click on the links on the main page of the shop. The first section has two bumper stickers, requested by our great pal Melynda, the herbalife queen. The bumper stickers say:

MY KID DID IT

IT'S MY KID'S FAULT

Melynda also requested t-shirts for the military, so my second new section is called Military Tease. I have the following:

THE ARMY DOES IT WITH THEIR PRIVATES (suggested by Elisa)

THE NATIONAL GUARD DOES IT EVERYWHERE (my humble thought)

Now for ALL the rest of the military t-shirts, I owe a huge thank you to Coffey. He's my favorite dirty old man vet, and he came up with these ideas for me:

NAVY MINEMEN CAN GIVE YOU A BLAST

MARINE SNIPER
ONE SHOT  ONE KILL

JOIN THE NAVY
RIDE THE WAVES

AIR FORCE
WITHOUT AMMO
JUST AN EXPENSIVE
FLYING CLUB

NAVY FLIERS
ENJOY A COCKPIT

FRIENDLY FIRE
ISN'T

RESERVISTS
DO IT
ALL WEEKEND

SUBMARINERS
DO IT DEEPER
AND STAY LONGER

THE AIR FORCE 
CAN GET YOU HIGH

U.S. NAVY
WE OWN THE SEAS
WE ALLOW OTHERS TO USE THEM

SNIPERS
IF YOU SEE THE FLASH
YOU WERE NOT THE TARGET

Thank you so much for your ideas and for providing publicity. I sold my first shirt last week! Now I only need to sell about 2,000 more to pay my tax bill.

Remember, the link to my shop is at the top of the sidebar on my blog. Spread the word -- please?

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

HUGS AND KISSES TO YOU, COFFEY!

PLAGIARISM WHAT? MONDAY AND DIVINE TEMPTATION

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I realize it's been a long time since I asked you a What? Monday question, but I just plain ran out of questions for a while. Then recently I was reading this post by Gina Gao, who blogs at Modern World.

Gina is a student, and she's had a couple of experiences with other students plagiarizing her work, including an older law student who stole her writing!

Gina's post got me wondering about our writing, especially related to the blogosphere, so here are the What? Monday questions:

Has anyone ever stolen your writing or your ideas? If so, what did you do about it? 

As far as I know, no one has ever copied my writing. Occasionally, I'll pick up on another blogger's idea and run with it, but I give credit where credit is due.

For example, when Samson the Samoyed, who sometimes blogs with his mom Inger at Desert Canyon Living, called his girlfriend Gracie a bitch because he found out that bitch means a female dog, Franklin thought it was funny when he posted on my blog to say that I'm Elvis Aaron Schwarz's bitch. If I recall correctly, though, we attributed the joke to Inger and Samson on at least two occasions.

Now, how about you? Has anyone ever stolen your writing or your ideas? If so, what did you do about it? 

I'd also like to encourage you to follow Gina at Modern World. She's intelligent and writes very well. If you're young, then you'll relate to her. Those of you who have kids in the young adult range may learn something from her about those difficult to fathom people living with you or dropping by with their laundry who used to be your children, and we old folks can keep up to date with Gina.

And we have a bit of happy business today. Our beloved Nicki Elson, who blogs at Nicki Elson's Not So Deep Thoughts, has a new book coming out on March 26th. It's called Divine Temptation. The big cover reveal is today at Michael Di Gesu's In Time... blog!

Well, I already went to his blog and grabbed the cover so you could see it.

Looks good, don'tcha think? The brief description of the book reads Maggie Brock has everything under control...until an angel shows up in her bedroom.

Nicki! I'm so excited for you! The book looks very tempting.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

MOVIE MOVIE WEEKEND: THE MASTER & BEING FLYNN

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I have two movies for your consideration. Both are available on DVD.

The first is The Master (2012, Rated R).

I'm going to tell you right off the bat that I didn't really understand this movie. If it had a point, I don't know what it was. Freddie Quell (Joaquin Phoenix) gets out of the Navy after World War II and joins a cult called The Cause, led by The Master (Philip Seymour Hoffman). The Master teaches reincarnation and leads his followers in exercises that are supposed to lead them to some sort of self-realization. The Master's own son tells Freddie Quell that his dad is making up The Cause as he goes along.

Nevertheless, Quell becomes an ardent follower, and develops a close relationship with The Master, though The Master's family warns him that Quell drinks and will cause trouble.

In spite of the failings in this movie, I can tell you three reasons to watch it:

1. The portrayal of the relationship between Freddie Quell and The Master
2. Philip Seymour Hoffman's performance
3. Amy Adams' performance as The Master's wife

Phoenix was nominated for the Best Actor Academy Award, Hoffman for Best Supporting Actor, and Adams for Best Supporting Actress. As you probably already know, none of them won. I was most impressed by Amy Adams' quiet intensity. I have loved her since she played the adorable girl in Enchanted, but this is a completely different Amy Adams.

The Master has The Kinda Sorta Janie Junebug Seal of Approval (never before given).

The second movie is Being Flynn (2012, Rated R). I could relate to this movie. It incorporates two of my favorite themes: the inteconnectedness of humankind, and writing the story of your life.

Nick Flynn (Paul Dano), who is in his 20s and jobless, suddenly hears from his father after an 18 year absence. Jonathan Flynn (Robert DeNiro) is being evicted. He requests his son's help in taking his belongings to a storage shed. But soon after, Nick gets a job at a shelter for the homeless, where  Jonathan becomes a regular "guest," confusing Nick and disrupting his life.

Jonathan is an alcoholic with grandiose delusions that he is a brilliant writer. Nick actually has the potential to be a writer, but with his father around, he starts using drugs, and almost ends his career before it can start.

Dano and DeNiro work well together. Being Flynn is based on a true story. I found it interesting and moving. Being Flynn has The Janie Junebug Seal of Approval.

Warning: Neither one of these movies is for children. I wouldn't let younger teens watch them either, and older teens should watch only with parental supervision and a willingness for discussion. If you do not want to hear profanity, see graphic nudity (The Master), or drug use and alcoholism (Being Flynn has both and The Master has a great deal of drinking), then you don't want to see these movies.

On the other hand, if you watch them, you'll see some great performances by excellent actors, and I liked the hopeful outcome of Being Flynn.

I hope you have a great weekend.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

DOGGONE IT

Hi everybuddy. It's Franklin. I'm sorry, but I'm not my usual tail wagging happy self.

You won't believe what Mom did to me.

Just try to guess.

She took me to the booty shop.

She said I was dirty and I smelled like a dog. Well, I AM a dog. Does she think I'm gonna smell like a cat? Oh, man, that would be so gross.

The lady at the booty shop is nice. I've been there before. Her name is Candace and she tells me how sweet and bootiful I am.

But, the indignitaries I suffer when I'm there. First, Candace gives me a bath. I get wet and cold. But then she uses a big blow dryer to get the wet out of my fur, and she brushes me. Just when the bristles of the brush start to feel good and I think I might fall asleep, that's when the worst part happens.

Candace shaves the, the, I don't know if I can say it, I think I'm gonna cry, but I have to tell you everybuddy: Candace shaves the fur on MY BUTT!

Mom says the fur on my butt gets longer than the rest of my fur and little leaves and sticks and even some little bits of somebuddy's poop get stuck in it. It's embarrassing, but it's even more embarrassing when Candace makes me stand on a table in front of all the other dogs and I have to stick my butt up in the air and they all stare and I know they're laughing at me.

I was so glad when Mom came back to get me. But can you believe she actually pays Candace to do that to me? Mom could be using that money to buy chew toys and treats.

I say no more booty shop.

I wanna stay home every day and play with my brother Harper.

Thanks for listening to my troubles. Don't tell Mom I said so, but I still love her.

And I love you, everybuddy.

Franklin

ELVIS AARON SCHWARZ CAME TO TOWN

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Elvis Aaron Schwarz came to town to take me out to dinner Friday night. We hadn't seen each other in about six weeks. What with my flu, followed by the worst allergies I've ever had, and all the overtime he's been working, we simply haven't had time to get together. I don't know if I've ever told you this, but he lives a little more than an hour away from me.

He's very thoughtful, though, about checking in with me by telephone and email. When I had the flu and bemoaned the fact that I was running out of food and medicine, he offered to drive all the way here to go to the store for me even though he would have to go right back home because he had to work the next day.

Now, that's what I call thoughtful. Fortunately, I didn't need to ask him to do all that driving just to go to the pharmacy and the grocery store. But he was there for me if I needed him.

I was giddy with excitement over seeing him, and we had the giggles all evening.When he arrived, I walked out my front door, and he said immediately, You look nice.

He looked nice, too. Just like this:

Hi! Remember me?
I'm Elvis Aaron Schwarz.
I took my baby doll out to dinner
at The Crazy Egg.

That's right, Johnny Elvis. We went to a cute little restaurant in my neighborhood called The Crazy Egg. They specialize in, uh, what is it again? Oh, yeah -- eggs. They serve breakfast anytime.

Because The Crazy Egg is so close to my house, I know a number of people who work there. Our server Friday night was a very nice lady named Jackie. I asked her how she was, and she said, Great! I'm a new mom and a new grandma at the same time. I got my four-month old granddaughter a month ago. I've cut back my work to four days a week. I'm so happy. I was just what she needed, and she was just what I needed.

Jackie showed us pictures of her beautiful baby girl, took our order, and walked away. I told Elvis that I had no idea what had happened to the baby's parents, and I thought it was wonderful that Jackie didn't see the baby as a burden dropped on her.

We chatted some more, and then Elvis got one of his little grins -- the grin that means "I'm about to tease one Janie Junebug." 

I think we should have a baby, he said, grinning a little more.

I said, You do realize that I'm 54 years old and I had a hysterectomy more than 20 years ago.

Yes, he replied, but I think there's a little egg left up in there with my name on it.

I started giggling and couldn't stop. Jackie brought our dinners, and I told her what Elvis had said. She patted him on his bald  head and said, You're so cute.

When we finished eating and headed out the door, Jackie called goodnight to us, and Elvis said, We're going home now to start working on that baby.

You all will be the first to hear about it when I'm pregnant, and I know you'll never forget the day because you will also hear that they're having a snowball fight in hell.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

MOVIE WEEKEND: UNDEFEATED

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I present for your consideration a great documentary entitled Undefeated (2011, available on DVD -- would I see it if it weren't available on DVD? Not bloody well likely).

Undefeated won the Best Documentary Academy Award one year ago, and I'd say the film richly deserved the award.

The filmmakers followed the Manassas Tigers football team in Memphis for an entire season, managing somehow to disappear into the background and not interfere with interactions between coach Bill Courtney and his players.

During the season the film was made, Courtney was in his sixth year of volunteering as the team's coach. That's right. The man volunteered to coach the team. The school was so poor they couldn't even have a football team until Courtney, a business owner, stepped in to help. During Courtney's first two seasons as coach, the team traveled around, getting paid for practice games with other teams and getting their butts kicked. Then when the actual season started, they were exhausted and defeated. The Manassas Tigers didn't win a single game. Courtney ended the debilitating and denigrating practice games by encouraging other business people to donate the money so the school could have a team. He also recruited assistant coaches.

Courtney then encouraged a group of talented junior high students to attend Manassas and work with him. They did, and they developed as players and as men. Finally, during their senior year, they have an undefeated season and go to the playoffs.

I have absolutely no interest in football, but I found myself cheering for these kids. I certainly admire Courtney for volunteering, and I appreciate the sacrifices his wife and four children made so he could help so many young men living in poverty, and for the most part, without positive male role models in their lives.

This isn't a film to watch with young children because of the profanity, but I think you can watch it with kids 13 and older -- you know what your kids can handle better than I do. You might want to warn your teens I will wash out their mouths with soap if they repeat the language in this film, and then you can tell them what a naughty mouth I have and someone can threaten to wash out my cake hole.

I wish Undefeated had been around when Favorite Young Man was a teenager. It's so inspiring to see these kids succeed. The love between Bill Courtney and the young men he coaches is a beautiful thing to see. And getting a picture of the way the players live is an education.

One player has a chance of getting a football scholarship, but he needs to get his grades up and improve his ACT score. The coach wants to get a tutor for him. But the neighborhood in which he resides is so horrible that no tutor will go there.

But, don't worry. The coach solves the problem, just as he solves so many problems.

I cried tears of joy at least three times while watching Undefeated.

Dee, in spite of the profanity, I think you will love this film. A woman as tenderhearted as you are will be moved by the difficulties and the successes of the team.

I think quite a few of you will want to watch this documentary with your teens. Undefeated has The Janie Junebug Highest Seal of Approval.

I hope you all have a beautiful weekend. 

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug