Hello. It is I, Penelope.
Come over here where Mom Mom cannot see us. We must whisper. I will pretend to relax and enjoy my toys.
Someone is still staying with us. I expect her departure to be imminent. She is some sort of royalty; therefore, she will have to leave soon to attend the coronation of dopey-looking King Charles, where she will have to eat his quiche that has beans and lard.
This picture makes it look all nice and tasty, but real dogs do not eat quiche.
If she doesn't leave, then I'll be forced to reveal some information about her. I'll tell Mom Mom that royalty is a kleptomaniac. Mom Mom knows that royalty stole her towel while she was in the shower and Mom Mom said oh hahahaha that is so cute and funny hahahaha. What Mom Mom doesn't know is that royalty stole a Tupperware bowl from the kitchen counter. It has doggy treats in it. When royalty didn't know how to take off the lid, she dropped it and it rolled under the edge of the bed. Mom Mom didn't notice, but I'll make sure she sees it.
The very worst thing of all is royalty stole Gordon, my adorable sloth toy. I knew royalty had him because she held him too tight in her mouth and he made a sad, horrible squeaking noise that sounded like waaaaaaah waaaaaaaah. Royalty even took him outside. I had to rescue him. Thinking about the sound of Gordon crying as she carried him to the dirty yard brings tears to my eyes and I am the saddest I have ever been during my sad life as a miserable abused little bulldog and now I have to cry like Gordon. WAAAAAAAAAAH WAAAAAAAAH sniffle sniffle just a minute I need to blow my nose WAAAAAAH WAAAAAAAAAAAH I CANNOT STOP CRYING. THE WORLD IS SO CRUEL WITH ROYALTY IN IT. SHE HAS TO LEAVE BEFORE SHE RUINS MY LIFE.
You just watch. One way or another, she will be out of here before the coronation. Do not tell Mom Mom about our discussion.
Now I will take a little nap. Crying makes me so tired. That is all. Goodbye.