Today is Tuesday and I feel out of sorts.
I'm also having a rough time -- for the first time ever -- at coming up with topics for my blog. What? you say. This cannot be so. Janie Junebug is the mouth of the south. She always has something to say.
The last few days I've experienced a sense of loss -- as in I want my life back, I want the custom-made pleated shades from my family room in Illinois (doesn't matter that they wouldn't fit the windows in this house; I WANT them), and then I want to move back into the house we had in Maryland, the house that I designed. Why did I ever agree to leave? I went along, and went along, and went along, until finally I wasn't invited to go along anymore.
I thought when I left Illinois that I would return to finalize the divorce. We settled out of court. So even though it's been two years or so since we settled, I suddenly think of something I don't have that I meant to get out of the house when I returned, which I didn't do. Yesterday I was eating fruit out of a plastic container and it popped into my head that my glass dishes on little pedestals that are perfect for fruit are in Illinois -- out of my reach.
Dr. X won't let me have anything I left behind even though he promised that The Hurricane and I could leave items in the house and pick them up later. He says that when the divorce went through that everything in the house became his. I couldn't have my flatware when I asked for it -- he said it was gone -- and I know he won't let me have the glass dishes on little pedestals that my sister gave to me.
Things that didn't seem important to me before are now very important.
I am lonely. I don't get to spend enough time with Elvis Aaron Schwarz. I don't see enough of Favorite Young Man and Little Chick. I haven't seen The Hurricane in more than a year. Something I wanted to do fell through.
I think I am one of Mitt Romney's 47% because I want Obamacare to go through. Without Obamacare, I can't get insurance because I have pre-existing conditions. I want a job.
I'm not sleeping well. I can't sleep at night and then I sleep all day. I'm discombobulated.
I'm not making progress on my other writing. I started a book on this blog, but as soon as I stopped blogging the book, I stopped writing it.
So, I guess what I'm saying, Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell, is that I need some tender loving care. I need you to help me erase some of this loneliness. If you have blog topics for me, please suggest them.
Or ask me questions that I can answer on my blog.
I have one piece of good news. A cold front moved in last night. It's cool and lovely and comfortable outside. I think I'll be able to walk the dogs this morning.
God bless cool weather. It's okay if it doesn't last.
At least I have a taste of it.
Infinities of love,
Janie Junebug
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| I'll get over this. |
Janie, I've got just what you need. How about I fill you in on all the madness that goes on at my school and then you write about it? That way I can say my peace and not get busted by big brother, who's always watching and patrolling the blogsphere looking for smart ass teachers who make smart ass yet truthful statements.
ReplyDeleteAs far as Mr. X is concerned, you just say the word, I know a guy, and like any respectable Italian, my guy knows how to take care of business, if you know what I mean. I have kind of a similar situation, my greedy siblings kept pretty much all of the stuff from the house, cause you know, I live here so they think I'm not entitled to it. Since I can't kill them (that is frowned upon even in Italy), and I have to watch my blood pressure, I just decided to let them keep all that freaking old stuff and I'm buying all new stuff, to hell with them. I really think that this anger management thing is working well for me, don't you think?
I wish we lived closer, so I could come over and make you laugh at the insanity that is my work life, then I'd bring the chis over and they would totally make your day. So how about it? Catch the first flight, or Greyhound bus to sunny southern Ca, I'll be waiting!
xoxoxo
I love Italians! And after teaching a bit, I think I have some idea of what you go through.
DeleteI had no idea you were going thru such a rough patch. Loss hits us at strange times. If we're lucky, we get to feel it when it happens instead of the "whammy" years later. Peanut and I would give you a million huggies if we could. I hope your sadness goes away soon. As for the writing, I have to take more breaks than I used to in order to write. This past week was the first time in a long time that I leapt out of bed to write...and it felt good. It'll come back to you, sweet friend.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Stephanola
I was fine and then all of a sudden everything hit me. I guess I'll have some PTSD for years to come. Peanut hugs sound wonderful.
Delete*hugs*
ReplyDeletethat's really mean of Dr X. i'm sorry i'm feeling a little angry reading this.
hang on there, janie. there'll always be better days.
Thanks so much, Jaya.
Deletehmmm... well, when I divorced, we used a mediator. At one point we were arguing over the washing machine. Seriously? This was his sticking point? So finally I let him have it. I let him have it all... I took the kids.
ReplyDeleteAnd I bought new. On ebay, on sale, I hunted down little pieces of my past that I loved and some new ones. It felt so good to start over without things from that old life.
And in the end... he never picked them up, so I ended up with the washer and dryer.... and now, I have 3 :)
Wow! You can do two loads of laundry at the same time. I'm sure that comes in handy with all the men in your life. I guess I just want things that were gifts to me from members of my family and things that I chose to decorate the house. But I'll get over it.
DeleteI just love that word - discombobulated!!! Take heart Janie this too shall pass.... I'm sure you'll be firing on all cylinders very soon. I shall follow you with interest....
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for joining us. I promise I'm not discombobulated all the time.
DeleteWell Janie what can I say this post makes me see a different side of you. Hope you snap out quickly and get your topics fast. I am not great in writing so I post photos but love reading the blogs that have writing. As for wanting what did not seem important before is something what we all go through sometime or the other. Hope you flush away all those awful thoughts soon in that stinky toilet bowl and be yourself again:)
ReplyDeletewww.thoughtsofpaps.com
I'm already starting to snap out of it, PAPS. Thank you!
DeleteDear mouth of the south--
ReplyDeleteSorry you are in the doldrums, but reading this gave me a great idea for a post. Thank you.
When my niece was divorced after less than a year of marriage, she & her than husband were arguing over who got to keep a particular pair of scissors. It's not worth it!!
I wish that all I wanted is a pair of scissors. But it doesn't really matter what I want, I'm not getting it, so I might as well get over it.
DeletePoor you! Maybe go outside and enjoy the beautiful fall leaves. That always makes me smile! HUGS!
ReplyDeleteOh, Sherry, you don't know Florida in October. We usually have fall leaves in January! Thank you for the hugs.
DeleteAll I can say is, "SUCKITUP Big Girl." Life is what you make it. You moods and feeling are controlled with that gray, mushy stuff between your ears. Look for the good stuff in your life. Make things positive, not negative. You are lonely and sad...okay...you have ten minutes to feel sorry for yourself, then get off your ass and make pretty, nice and lovely. You can do it. Ready? GOOOOO!
ReplyDeleteSir! Yes, Sir!
DeleteWhat is this I am reading...our Janie Junebug down in the doldrums?
ReplyDeleteWell, we can have this. I NEED my dose of reading your blog...which is something no one can take away from you.
What is the weather like down in the doldrums?
Feel better soon!
It's surprisingly pleasant in the doldrums. We're having our first day of temps below 80. It's just about enough to perk me up.
DeleteJust think of it as a hard lesson learned as to why you are so very, very glad you are not with him anymore!! That ought to cheer you up. ;) I have been in your shoes and freedom was more important than material possessions...and IT IS! Keep the big picture in your mind and this too shall pass. :):)
ReplyDeleteIt sounds trite to say "they're just things" but it's true. I've been where you are, and I know it's not just the things that you're mourning - it's the loss of your life as you knew it. It does get better, but you have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other until suddenly - it's better. Good luck - there are many of us out here who understand.
ReplyDelete