Today is Tuesday and I feel out of sorts.
I'm also having a rough time -- for the first time ever -- at coming up with topics for my blog. What? you say. This cannot be so. Janie Junebug is the mouth of the south. She always has something to say.
The last few days I've experienced a sense of loss -- as in I want my life back, I want the custom-made pleated shades from my family room in Illinois (doesn't matter that they wouldn't fit the windows in this house; I WANT them), and then I want to move back into the house we had in Maryland, the house that I designed. Why did I ever agree to leave? I went along, and went along, and went along, until finally I wasn't invited to go along anymore.
I thought when I left Illinois that I would return to finalize the divorce. We settled out of court. So even though it's been two years or so since we settled, I suddenly think of something I don't have that I meant to get out of the house when I returned, which I didn't do. Yesterday I was eating fruit out of a plastic container and it popped into my head that my glass dishes on little pedestals that are perfect for fruit are in Illinois -- out of my reach.
Dr. X won't let me have anything I left behind even though he promised that The Hurricane and I could leave items in the house and pick them up later. He says that when the divorce went through that everything in the house became his. I couldn't have my flatware when I asked for it -- he said it was gone -- and I know he won't let me have the glass dishes on little pedestals that my sister gave to me.
Things that didn't seem important to me before are now very important.
I am lonely. I don't get to spend enough time with Elvis Aaron Schwarz. I don't see enough of Favorite Young Man and Little Chick. I haven't seen The Hurricane in more than a year. Something I wanted to do fell through.
I think I am one of Mitt Romney's 47% because I want Obamacare to go through. Without Obamacare, I can't get insurance because I have pre-existing conditions. I want a job.
I'm not sleeping well. I can't sleep at night and then I sleep all day. I'm discombobulated.
I'm not making progress on my other writing. I started a book on this blog, but as soon as I stopped blogging the book, I stopped writing it.
So, I guess what I'm saying, Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell, is that I need some tender loving care. I need you to help me erase some of this loneliness. If you have blog topics for me, please suggest them.
Or ask me questions that I can answer on my blog.
I have one piece of good news. A cold front moved in last night. It's cool and lovely and comfortable outside. I think I'll be able to walk the dogs this morning.
God bless cool weather. It's okay if it doesn't last.
At least I have a taste of it.
Infinities of love,
|I'll get over this.|