SLUT SHAMING a.k.a. lauren boebert had a little too much fun at the theater

 Bibbity Bobbity Boebert loved the performance of Beetlejuice, but a little problem arose and became hard for her: She and her date performed in the audience.

Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

I'll pull your dick out believe it or not

Then you can come on my tits!

Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

Rub your dick between my tits and what have you got?

Next you can come on my face!

Salagadoola means mechicka booleroo

But the thingmabob that does the job is

Your dick up here in my mouth!

Salagadoola menchicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

Rub us together and what have you got

Bibbidi-bobbidi bibbidi-bobbidi

Bibbidi-bobbidi-boobs!*

Yes, working dogs are better behaved in theaters than working girls such as Boebert.

I know we can't leave you out, Marge.

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

YES, I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU ARE AN UNEDUCATED HYPOCRITE OF AN ASSHOLE WHO LOVES GUNS. YOUR KIDS AND YOUR SOON-TO-BE EX-HUSBAND CAUSE TROUBLE WHEREVER THEY GO. THE PEOPLE IN YOUR AREA WERE DESPERATE TO GET RID OF YOU SO THEY LET YOU WIN AN ELECTION THAT WOULD SEND YOU TO WASHINGTON, D.C., PART OF THE YEAR. 

I HOPE THEY REGRET IT SOON AND DECIDE TO LET YOU STAY AT HOME IN A STRAITJACKET.  

*I don't think they're real.

ROYAL CHINWAG: AN INTRODUCTION

I princess. no more chaine

have mom with buks

love mom

love bruver franck

love penny

penny best frend

lern werds

bye bye from me princess

HOW TO WEIGH AN ELEPHANT

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

It's easy to get the height and weight of an elephant! Simply ask him!

I've always wondered about Donald Trump's vital statistics. During his recent visit to a charming hotel in Georgia, he said he's 6'3" and weighs 215 lbs. 

That's great for a guy who loves his MickeyD's with a Diet Coke.

• Karl: I like them French fried potaters.

He also likes KFC, and that's a nice, big bucket to enjoy with his large cup of gravy.

         My question has always been this: When a man survives on a fast food diet coupled with Diet Coke and his favorite cherry-vanilla ice cream, then how much does that man weigh?

215?

But how tall was Trump and how much did he weigh when he visited a similar establishment in New York? That was in April, and he said he was 6'2" and weighed 240. What a big, grown-up boy who grew a whole inch in four months! 

I'm confused!

So please help me with my question: How tall is Donald Trump and how much does he weigh? I think he's probably 6-feet tall (wears lifts in his shoes to appear taller) and weighs 275 (based on my experience with an ex-husband). Please tell me in your comment how tall you think he is and how much he weighs.

For purposes of comparison, please consider the following:

Trump's hair color was also described as blond or strawberry. Uh, I don't think so. The color depends on how recently he's opened a box of dye. 

Another point of comparison we can make is the following:

The current guy is 6 feet tall and weighs 178 lbs. 
Yes, I'm concerned about his age, but if it's a contest between "Let's go, Brandon/Sleepy Uncle Joe" and any of the leading GOP candidates––especially the one who is sometimes 6'2" and sometimes 6'3" and weighs somewhere between 215 and 300 pounds––Biden is still my man.

The former guy thinks we're all so stupid that we can't see the truth.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

UNDER THE HEAT DOME

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

A summer under the heat dome was rough, with months of almost daily thunderstorms and temperatures around 100° that usually felt like 112 or so. Idalia blew through a few days ago and took with her some of the heat and humidity. The heat of summer isn't over, though. 

Idalia brought only a few raindrops, but the wind left a mess in the yard. I'm still cleaning up leaves and sticks. Late Thursday evening, storm over, the dogs and I started at a THUD of unknown source. Friday morning, I discovered some large tree limbs had fallen on the roof. I texted my wonderful neighbor, Penelope's beloved Auntie Maureen, whose yard guy had just mowed her yard. He quickly returned to remove the branches from my roof. 

I asked how much I owed him and he said, A cup of cold water. I returned with the water and a bottle of blackberry-infused water I hope he enjoyed. I have a number of tree limbs that need to be cut down, which he said he could take care of in the future. What a relief it always is to find someone nice to do some work.

 The cicadas have been going strong. I let the dogs out one night and they found a cicada on the deck. They went after it. That bastard buzzed like a stuck doorbell, then went after me, heading toward my face and neck. Finally, he flew away.

The next night, one flew in the house and landed on the light in the laundry room, where it tried to set up housekeeping after attacking me while I folded laundry. I had to get a broom to dispatch it. 

You haven't seen much of me because I've been so busy with work. Although I've missed you, I'm happy for the job security. We weren't nearly as busy a year ago. More about work another day.

We rejoiced over indictments. I don't know what will become of the orange blob (215 lbs. snicker). I worry about 2024.

I didn't have time to watch many shows, but I did take in the movie Till (2022), starring Danielle Deadwyler in a moving performance as Mamie Till Mobley and an unreconizable Whoopie Goldberg as Mobley's mother. 

Telling the same story in a slightly different way is Women of the Movement (2022; streaming on HULU; six episodes), starring Adrienne Warren as Mobley.

I think––I hope––most Americans know the story of Emmett Till.The movie and the series focus on his mother's story and the work she undertook in her grief. 

I had my eyes checked a couple of weeks ago. The doctor and I were shocked when I couldn't read anything on the chart with my left eye. New glasses will be ready in a couple of weeks. 

In spite of the heat, the summer has gone by quickly with the business of work. My desk is the center of the dogs' world. I'm grateful Franklin is still with us. The cancer hasn't returned. He is either 15 or it's fast approaching. His annual wellness exam is next week. Penelope remains my darling Penelope. She had her check-up. She's doing well in spite of her "arthuritis" and an occasional limp. Princess learns every day. I'll write more about her on another day as well. We all love her.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

PENELOPE SPEAKS: GERMAN GIRLS CAN BE NICE

 Hello. It is I, Penelope.

Is anyone watching us? It's always so difficult to find a place where I can have a private conversation with you.

Let's go inside. I think I know the perfect spot for a chat.

The bedroom closet is my perfect hiding spot when I need to escape from noisy thunder. We can also use it for privacy. 

Mom Mom's old slippers are kind of stinky so hold your nose.

I don't want Mom Mom to know about this yet because it's none of her business, but I am starting to like that German girl.

Something happened that changed my mind. You know the village idiot my beloved big brother Franklin and I despise the Roombas. Mom Mom knows we hate them and we have told Mom Mom how dangerous they are to dogs and she needs to let food crumbs and other items of interest accumulate in the house instead, yet she persists in their use. She even has one now that makes floors wet, but she won't let us lick the floor. That woman will be selfish and nasty to the bitter end.

I wanted to come inside one day, but a Roomba monster was running near the backdoor. Mom Mom said Get in here, Penelope. We can't keep the door open in this heat! She was vicious, absolutely cruel and vicious. The P-word, whose name is really Princess, watched this monstrous atrocity take place and understanding I simply could not walk through the door, she came out, stood next to me, and without a word escorted me in past the paw-stealing Roomba. 

Princess is very tall and strong. She used her might to save my life. Never before has someone done such a thing for me. I was so relieved. 

Now we are learning to be friends. We play chase a little bit. She doesn't speak German the way I thought she did. She barks in American but doesn't know a lot of words yet. I asked her if she wanted my starring role as the polka-dotted elephant in the remake of the Rudolph movie. She didn't understand what I was talking about, so she's not after my job! Marty Scorsese still hasn't called, but when he does, he'll still be calling for me!

Princess seems to like to be close to me. When I lie down to rest on the big doggy bed, sometimes she lies down on the little doggy bed to be close to me. It's nice when she does that.

I thought you'd want to know my feelings have changed. Please don't tell Mom Mom. She'll go on and on about it. Besides, she's already noticed us playing together. She'll figure out the situation eventually––maybe next year because she's so slow witted. Hahahahahahahahaha! I am still the funniest doggy around and I will laugh all day about calling Mom Mom slow-witted. Hahahahahahahaha! Ha!        HaHa!

That is all. Goodbye.

I can come out of the closet now.

MERE COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT! (AND AN UPDATE)

Update: We have a tropical storm coming. I'm as prepared as I can be: I have my emergency weather radio, plenty of batteries and candles, non-perishable food, water, and I already set up my pumps in the backyard because my problem is most likely to be plenty of water in Lake Junebug. For now, the sun is shining and it's 90-something.

I'm not worried.

In fact, Alexa told me we had a tropical storm warning ending at 9 a.m. Aug. 29th. That time has passed, Alexa. Pull your head out, girl!

Don't you think he practiced this look to get it exactly right for the camera?  Look tough, pretty boy.

But let's include some dumbfuckery, too.

THANK YOU, BABS RAINBOW