Wednesday, February 18, 2015

JIMMY KIMMEL, JIMMY FALLON, AND JIM MORRISON TRIED TO MAKE ME MURDER WILLY DUNNE WOOTERS PART III

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

It seems to me that before Garrison Keillor came to visit me we had established that Willy Dunne Wooters knew that Jimmy Fallon is good at impersonating musicians, and he sang with Neil Young and WDW had seen that.

I shoulda left it at that. But stupid me, I just had to say that my favorite Jimmy Fallon impersonation was of Jim Morrison singing the theme song from Reading Rainbow. I explained that Reading Rainbow was a show on PBS when my kids were growing up. It was about books. I looked up the video online and played it for the Wooters man:




I started the video. WDW said, Is that Jim Morrison?

No, I said. I already told you that it's Jimmy Fallon pretending to be Jim Morrison singing the theme song from a children's show called Reading Rainbow.

That's not Jim Morrison?

No. (My thought: I am going to get a butcher knife from the kitchen and stab you in the heart if you ask me that question one more time.)

That's Jimmy Fallon?

Yes. (My thought: I will let it go because it wasn't exactly the same question, but I'm still thinking about the shining blade on the butcher knife.)

Did Jim Morrison do that?

No, Jim Morrisn was dead before Reading Rainbow was on TV. (My thought: The butcher knife will make a very bloody mess. Maybe I should put down a tarp before I kill him. And instead of the butcher knife, what might bring about a quicker end? A gun? I don't know how to use a gun, and I am in favor of gun control. How can I be such a hypocrite that I would shoot my boyfriend with a gun? What about my sewing scissors? I remember that movie, I can't think of the title, but the man sends a guy to kill his wife, and she manages to stab him in the back with scissors and kill him. Nah. It's not that easy to kill somebody with scissors. Oh, Lord, help me, please.)

I try to change the subject a bit. I say, My favorite lines are when Jimmy Fallon sings "Goodnight, moon, Goodnight, stars."

Willy Dunne Wooters just looks at me with a Willy Dunne Wooters look on his face. He doesn't know what I'm talking about.

I explain: Good Night, Moon is a famous children's book. Jimmy Fallon uses a couple of lines in the song.

Did Jim Morrison do that?

No. Jim Morrison was dead when Reading Rainbow was on TV.

(My thought: Maybe I should kill myself instead of the Wooters man. Then someone else has to clean up the mess. I doubt if stabbing myself will work well. Hanging? Can I hang myself? No, I probably wouldn't break my neck. I'd asphyxiate, It would take forever.)

No, says WDW. I mean did Jim Morrison sing lines from children's books in his songs?

If I'd had a mirror to look in at that moment, I bet my face would have been purple.

No, I said. I don't know of a time when Jim Morrison sang lines from children's books in his songs.

He didn't sing lines from that children's book in any of his songs?

The lizard king
didn't sing songs
with lines from
children's books.

I feel pretty certain that's the way the words looked when they came out of my mouth. I start to think about Miss Junebug in the dining room with the candle stick. I think about forgetting that it would be hypocritical to buy a gun and use it to murder this man in the ballroom. I don't have to be Miss Junebug. I can be Col. Mustard and that lessens the hypocrisy.

WDW says, So Jim Morrison didn't sing anything from children's books?

I scream: Jim Morrison was the lizard king.
       Jim Morrison was the lizard king.
      Jim Morrison was the lizard king.

My mind is made up. I'm going to Wal-Mart for a gun and ammo.

Aw, don't get so upset, honey, says WDW. I know Jim Morrison was the lizard king. You just know so much more about these things than I do that I thought maybe he really sang that song.

No, Jim Morrison didn't sing that song.

Willy Dunne Wooters says, You seem tired. Why don't we go to bed? I'll rub your back till you feel better.

Okay.

We take off our clothes and get in the bed and God is in His heaven, and all's right with the world. 

I forget about butcher knives and guns and sewing scissors until the next time I need them.

Willy Dunne Wooters rubs my back. Then he kisses my neck so softly while one hand slides around me to hold my right breast. Oh, yes. It's heaven.

Goodnight, moon. Goodnight, stars.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

41 comments:

  1. Now I feel like I'm intruding - shut the door, WDW and Janie!

    I laughed out loud at this one; Hubzam is very much the same way. I believe that all pop culture passed him by and if the past is any indication, I'll be explaining a whole lot more in the future, too. We can be in the same room, watching the same thing, and it will not register with him.

    Glad you're feeling better, Janie-o-janster.

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  2. The door is closed. I don't know all that much about pop culture, but I know more than Wooters. Everybody knows more than Wooters.

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  3. Were you thinking of "Sorry, Wrong Number"?

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    1. I don't know. I think it might have been Grace Kelly and James Mason. I'm too tired to look it up.

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  4. Not everyone knows more than Wooters.... my daughter for example. You would think, being a part of the younger generation, she would know more about it than I, but not so!

    Just the other day she asked me if Meg Trainor's song"All About That Bass" was the theme song for a fishing show. She wasn't joking. Ah well, head in the clouds...

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    Replies
    1. I think it's good for kids not to be all about the bass. A distance from pop culture is rewarding.

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  5. Hi Janie .. well I know definitely less than everyone about pop culture - so I'll just leave it there. So pleased WDW got to live another day ... and yes as it's midday here, it's better your door remains closed for now!

    Cheers and thanks for the supportive hip healing comments - Hilary

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    Replies
    1. WDW should be home from work by now. If he didn't make it, I had nothing to do with it. I'm in my little house.

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  6. The mention of the sewing scissors made me tense up. I don't know why that caused such a visceral reaction. Maybe he was just trying to get you all worked up. Nothing better than angry sex.

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  7. You got me all hot and bothered with that last part, dear Janie Junebug. In the end I'm glad WDW didn't rub you the wrong way and was able to soothe your savage breast before you lopped off body parts of his that you wish you wouldn't have (lopped off). If the worst had happened, it's because he axed for it.

    See also:

    Hush… Hush, Sweet Charlotte! (1964)
    A Perfect Murder (1998)

    I remember watching that Fallon performance a while back and I thoroughly enjoyed experiencing it again. It's brilliant. He nails Morrison. I wish he'd record an album of Doors songs because I know it would sell. (If he already released such an album, please don't come at me with scissors!)

    Happy Thursday to you, dear friend Janie!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My scissors are put away where I can't reach them until I'm much calmer.

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  8. He could have been the straight guy in the Who's on First routine wit Abott and Costello.

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    Replies
    1. You better believe it, but he wouldn't get the words right. He's say, Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?

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  9. Poor Janie, trying to communicate. But WDW knows how to do it. You need to write an erotica!

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    Replies
    1. I don't think I'm into that sort of thing enough to write erotica. Most of it stays behind closed doors. Franklin doesn't even watch.

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  10. Goodness, my dear. You've given me the vapors. But as Mae West once said, "I'm sure goodness had nothing to do with it."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stay close to your fainting couch and loosen your corset.

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  11. I'm still confused by all the Jimmys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then put some chocolate jimmies on your ice cream and forget about it.

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  12. Bradley Cooper does good celebrity imitations, and he speaks French. And he is sober.
    Again, I am impressed with JFal. I love the Goodnight Moon book.

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    Replies
    1. I've seen some of Bradley Cooper's impersonations. He's hilarious. I didn't know he speaks French. I'm getting pretty turned on.

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  13. I knew exactly how Fallen was going to sound before he started singing. (scary). You made my day with this spoof... and hey, are we going to tad x-rated?? Too hot.

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    Replies
    1. Dixie, darling, I don't want to offend you, but if you can't take the heat, then stay out of WDW's kitchen. It's been a long time since I went NC-17. Now it's an occasional PG-13 or R.

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  14. This may be my favorite post of all time. Fallon is very talented, but you are more so. Still, still laughing....

    -andi

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    1. I even thought this post was kind of funny and you know I don't think I'm funny because The Hurricane told me I'm not.

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  15. Sounds like WDW needs to do less talking and more fondling.

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  16. This is too funny! He is actually spot on with his Jim Morrison. Glad all went right with the world:) Oh and the movie is "Dial M for Murder" directed by Alfred Hitchcock, starring Grace Kelly and Ray Milland

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    1. Okay. I was going to say Dial M for Murder, but then I thought, no, that's the Barbara Stanwyck movie with the woman confined to her bed who learns she's going to be murdered.

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  17. It seems like it would be ill-advised for you to watch and awards shows with the wooters!

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    1. I'll tell him he has to go home because he will drive me insane. I will definitely go over the cliff if we watch the Academy Awards together.

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  18. This was hysterical! I love how you thought about killing yourself instead, because you didn't want to clean up the mess! Jimmy Fallon does a great Jim Morrison impression! I wish that he was hosting the Academy Awards. Is the movie you were thinking of, Dial M For Murder with Grace Kelly and Ray Milland? It was one of Hitchcock's best thrillers!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe it's Dial M for Murder. I'll have to IMDB it. Men are more likely to commit suicide in violent, messy ways, while women usually take pills or close the garage door and run the car. It's because women know that someone will have to clean up.

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  19. Thank you for the laugh this morning, although I had Leo come out to see what was wrong

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    Replies
    1. Franklin often comes running to see why I'm making various noises.

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