I SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN TO YOU ON SUNDAY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Here I am, finally checking out the blogosphere, and I found an email from fishducky, who was worried about me because I live in Jacksonville, Florida.

I found out we'd had a mass shooting on Sunday when I received a text message from my oldest sister that said "Hope you weren't at Jacksonville Landing today." I had no idea what was going on. I turned on the TV and whoopie! we'd made MSNBC because a guy at a gaming tournament shot and killed two people, shot and wounded nine others, and then killed himself.

I usually spend Sundays with the Wooters man, but on this particular afternoon, I had shopping to do. I've been to the Landing on the St. John's River a total of once, I think in 2009.

I emailed Willy Dunne Wooters and said

Oh Willy boy. I'm so glad I know you aren't the kind of person who would go to a gaming tournament at the landing.

He replied:

These kids grew up playing shooting games and listening to NRA telling them how cool it is to carry around semi-automatic guns with laser sights. What could go wrong?

Of course, the shooting didn't happen because a particular kind of person goes to gaming tournaments. It could have occurred just as easily at the Target where I browsed.

We walk in danger. We sleep in danger. We also walk and sleep in safety most of the time. We could be even safer if we ever have a president, senators, and representatives who don't kowtow to the NRA.

STOP SUPPORTING THE NRA. DON'T GIVE THEM MONEY. DON'T TAKE THEIR MONEY.

IF that ever happens, then maybe, just maybe, I'll never see my city on the news again––except when we have a hurricane, or maybe because something good happens here because miracles happen every day.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

THE LATEST PALMETTO BUG STORY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Fortunately, I don't get palmetto bugs in the house very often. However, last week I had a strange encounter with one of the nasty "sewer roaches."

The dogs and I got up one morning to find a palmetto bug that wasn't moving in the hall outside my bedroom door. Penelope headed toward it to check it out. I said "no" because I was afraid she'd eat it.

After I let the dogs out, I went back to get rid of the deceased palmetto. I took a big wad of toilet paper and picked him up to flush him down the toilet.

Suddenly he wiggled, flew out of the toilet paper (I wasn't holding it very tightly), and flew into the hall bathroom toilet to try out his back crawl. I hurried to flush him away.

He surprised me! He'll probably make his way through the sewer system to terrorize someone else.

I'm sure many of you join me to grieve the loss of Aretha Franklin. We saw her once. We went to the inaugural celebration for Bill Clinton (first time he was elected). Ms. Franklin was one of the performers. The crowd was so large and we were so far back that it was difficult to see Michael Jackson and LL Cool J, among others.

But I could see Aretha Franklin off in the distance. She wore a gigantic fur coat and stood out in so many ways.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

MY DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Yes, I know yesterday was July 4th, but I'm writing this yesterday so my title is appropriate.

Here's what I've decided to do about Woody Allen movies:

I'm not going to stop watching the movies he made that I love, such as Annie Hall, Manhattan, Radio Days, Hannah and Her Sisters, and Midnight in Paris. Art can transcend the artist.

However, I'm not going to watch any movies that he makes in the future. I'm also not going to purchase any of his movies on DVD.

I believe Dylan Farrow, who has a very specific recollection of him molesting her when she was a child. I don't care that he was acquitted. So was O.J. Simpson.

Her brother Ronan also stands by her, and he played a big part in breaking the Harvey The Rapist news (I'll be writing more about that very soon).

I'm going to continue watching movies made by Harvey Wienerstein's company because I don't think he'll ever make another movie––may he rot in prison with Bill Cosby.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Franklin, Penelope, and I are quite miserable because of the fireworks.

UPDATE ON THE GREAT AMERICAN READ

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Remember when I told you about The Great American Read?

No? Then check out this post.

On days that I'm extra busy––which is almost everyday––I only vote for my all-time favorite:

However, I've also voted for

and

Additionally, I've now read another book from the list of 100, which brings me to 44 of the books. I don't know why I never read this great book before:

I still hope to read 50 of the books by the time voting ends on Oct. 18. I have my next book picked out. It's by an author I really like, so I should have another update on my reading in a few weeks.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

A QUESTION FOR MY CANADIAN SISTERS

singing: O, Canada, our home and native land . . . oops! Sorry. I was practicing.

Canadian Sisterhood . . . and Maxwell,

I have some questions for you. I've wanted to move to Canada for quite some time, and my longing has only grown stronger as the bupkiss in The White House does one stupid thing after another. He's so awful that he's not even a joke anymore.

So what do you think about me joining you in Canada? I know it's very different from Florida, but I've lived with ice and snow before. I just need to buy a coat and some mittens.

I do have concerns. First, I know that to get into Canada legally (and I would never ever do anything illegal) that I need to be able to get a job. I don't want to reveal where I work or exactly what I do, but I think I can tell you that the biggest part of my job is listening to people whine. You don't seem to be a nation of whiners, so do you think I have a chance of finding a job?

Second, where should I live? I've been to Montreal, Vancouver, and Victoria. They're very nice, but I have a bit of a hankering to live in Nova Scotia. Is that a mistake? What part of the country if the most affordable?

Finally--and this is a big, very important question--am I nice enough to live in Canada? I know that Franklin would be welcome because no one is nicer than Franklin. Penelope is a bit persnickety, but once you see how cute her underbite is I know you'll fall in love with her. It's me that I'm not sure about.

I floss and brush. I bathe and deodorize. I don't have weapons of mass destruction. In fact, I've never had a gun and I never will. I oppose the death penalty. I think Justin Trudeau is as cute and bright as a new (American) penny. I'll help you keep Justin Bieber from returning.

But is that enough?

How will I know if I'm nice enough? Can you tell me? I really, really need your help.

And for those of you in the U.S. who are tempted to leave comments that say America: love it or leave it, you can bite my pink butt. I do love my country, but I don't have to love what's happening to it.

Let me know, please, my Canadian sisters: Am I nice enough to be a Canadian?


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug, who isn't really going anyplace

I think I should mention that Favorite Young Man will probably come along. He'll fix your cars. And we can learn to say "eh." I'll add the letter "u" to words. Whatever it takes, I'll do it.

PENELOPE SPEAKS: I AM KILLER QUEEN

Hello. It is I, Penelope.

Mom Mom has a new nickname for me. I am "Killer Queen."

I bet you can't guess why.

One evening Mom went to get the laundry from the dryer. She was gone for about five minutes. When she came back, this is what she saw on my chair:

I found one of the bugs that Mom Mom hates, and I tore it to pieces. The thing next to it is my chew toy.

Mom Mom wanted to photograph me next to my kill. I declined. I felt shy about sharing my power.

But I know Mom Mom is proud of me.

I am, indeed, Killer Queen.

That is all. Goodbye.





Maybe another name for me can be Penny Mercury.

THE TRUMPETER'S NEW CLOTHES IS AMAZEBALLS

Small balls, big balls.
Short balls, tall balls.
Some people have more balls than others.

But the biggest balls of all,
The balls that make me laugh until I fall
Are the balls behind the newest book on my wall:

Congratulations to author Robyn Alana Engel and illustrator Steve Ferchaud, who have a new book coming out on Monday (cover designed by Bryan Pedas of A Beer For The Shower fame). I had the privilege of a preview and thought it quite clever, which is no surprise since it comes from the insane brain behind Life by Chocolate.

Here's a little taste of what you'll get when this book belongs to you:

One of the King’s most favored

things of all

was to swing

long rods at tiny balls.

Clueless Clan fans cheered him on.

“You win, feared Man!

You do know wrong!”

The King replied,

“I no good, it’s true.

I wrote the

Star Scrambled Egg song too!”

The Trumpeter's New Clothes is a short book, about the length of a young child's book, but it's an adult read. The illustrations are excellent and made me laugh out loud. This is a book you'll want to take to parties to share with your friends.

The Trumpeter's New Clothes earns The Highest Balltastic Janie Junebug Seal of Approval.




Note: The book begins with a warning that it's not for those who lean orange,and watch out if you have a case of sandarakinophobia, too.

The book is now available on Amazon at https://goo.gl/M8jqda