Wednesday, June 30, 2021

DR. C HAS DIED

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

My favorite professor has died. I called him Dr. C. He was a critical part of my life during the '90s.

When I married, I had about a year's worth of college credits. It took me another 20 years to get my BA as we moved around for my ex-husband's education and career. I was of no importance to my husband and allowed myself to be treated as such.

When we settled in one spot in Maryland, I found a college to attend, and I was off to the races to get my degree in English. I came to know Dr. C during my second semester when I took his survey of American literature class. I found him intimidating, but realized quickly that his demands expanded my ability to write a critical essay. 

At the end of the semester, he asked me to be one of his graders when classes resumed in the fall. It was the beginning of four semesters working for him. We became closer each semester. My respect for him grew.

I took every class he taught with the exception of English 101, for which I graded quizzes and essays.  I'll try here to remember them all: Survey of American Lit, Greek Mythology, American Poetry, 19th Century American Lit, Shakespeare, Milton . . . could there have been something else? I can't remember now.

Dr. C expected his students to use "a close, textual" analysis when writing our essays. It was New Criticism. It served me well. I used the same approach as a newspaper reporter, leaning heavily on quotations in my work with analysis of my own and from experts.

I received my first A+ from Dr. C in the Shakespeare class when I wrote about appearance v. reality in As You Like It. He said I had taught him something. I didn't need my car to get home that day. I floated.

Dr. C praised my clear style and said I had grown as a grader. Sometimes we gossiped a little in his office, chatting about the other professors. He let me into his world––the world of literature and writing and education. We had the kind of relationship I've never had with another man, because it was based on love and respect and learning from each other with no suspicions or agendas.

When I graduated, I planned on continuing my education with a master's degree, but my husband was unemployed and the master's never happened. But I emailed Dr. C to let him know I was a journalist. He replied: I knew you'd find your niche.

Yes, Dr. C has died, but 35 years of teaching provide a legacy of learning by thousands of students. I'll always miss him and our time together.

He was important to me, and I was important to him.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


Tuesday, June 29, 2021

"REALLY, IF I HAD AN OPPORTUNITY TO SHOOT BRITNEY SPEARS, I THINK I WOULD"

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I wasn't interested in Britney Spears, but I remember when I first saw her. She was on the Disney channel's The All New Mickey Mouse Club, a show my children sometimes watched. Britney bounced around and sang with other cute kids (1993-1996).

Later, she got to be curvaceous, and requested that someone named Baby hit her one more time.

Finally, she shaved her head in public and eventually became a conspiracy theory: #FreeBritney

Several months ago, I got around to watching The New York Times Presents: Framing Britney Spears (2021) and was shocked by the story that unfolded––Britney stalked by the paparazzi, Britney a dollar sign in her daddy's eyes, Britney hearing from Diane Sawyer that the wife of a former governor of Maryland wanted to shoot her because of her sexy image,* Britney telling a lawyer she knew she couldn't stop the conservatorship from happening but she just didn't want her dad in charge of it and then the lawyer wasn't allowed to represent her.

So, the conservatorship was put in place and 13 years later, Britney Spears is fed up. The fans who wanted to free Britney had it right all along. Britney has spoken

Ma'am, my dad and anyone involved in the conservatorship and my management who played two roles and punishing me when I said, 'no.' Ma'am, they should be in jail. Their cool tactics, working for Miley Cyrus as she smokes joints on stage at the VMAs, nothing has ever been done to this generation for doing wrong things, but my precious body has worked for my dad for the past f***ing 13 years, trying to be so good and pretty. So perfect because he works me so hard when I do everything I'm told. And the state of California, my father, ignorant father to take his own daughter, who only has a role with me if I work with him, they get back the whole course and allow him to do that to me? That's given these people I've worked for way too much control.

Britney's father is paid by the conservatorship, and of course, Britney has to pay the legal fees surrounding the conservatorship––an amount in excess of one million dollars per year. And I wonder how many people got paid off to set all this up. No doubt they were paid with Britney's money.

Britney, as I said at the beginning of this post, I wasn't interested in you, but you have my attention now. As a woman, as a feminist, how can I not care?


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

*See quotation in my title

Monday, June 28, 2021

DID I SAY PUSH? I DID NOT SAY PUSH. LET GO OF THAT.

Old Mama Junebug went to the freezer to thaw out something for supper

But when she got there all she saw was chicken so she went to the store for a NY Strip Steak and a few other items . . . 

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

As I approached the grocery store, I saw a woman with three small children: a boy about 3, a girl maybe 2, and a baby. She loaded the baby complete with car seat into the cart. The boy promptly grabbed the cart.

DID I SAY PUSH? I DID NOT SAY PUSH. LET GO OF THAT.

I took my time looking for a dry cart (of course it was raining; what do you expect?), hoping they'd get ahead of me. I went in finally and headed straight to produce. Mom wasn't in sight. The kids ran in circles around the potatoes.

I sprinted toward the steaks, then went to look for the rest of my supper and saw the little girl running down an aisle, screaming MOMMMMMM!

Two minutes later I saw the boy driving a motorized cart. 

At warp speed I headed to the checkout with enough to make supper. I could do without the other items on my list. I did not need to get hit by that little boy.

But as the doors glided open allowing me to exit, I thought of how trapped that mother was and said a silent prayer to the universe for an overburdened mother and for the safety of her small children, who could have left through the exit as easily as I did, or been taken unimpeded.

Could I have done something to help her? I feared approaching her and offering to help, fearing she'd see it as a reproach. She was already angry. Perhaps I should have stayed to keep an eye on the kids. She didn't have to know I was watching. 

What would you have done? 

Infinities of love,

Jane Junebug




via GIPHY


*Screaming kid in grocery store.

Mom: "He can't have gluten, it makes him sleepy." Me: *Buys him loaf of sourdough.

Friday, June 25, 2021

PENELOPE SPEAKS: I MUST REMAIN VIGILANT TO GET TO FRANCE

 Hello. It is I, Penelope.

I have been waiting for years and have not been able to gain access again to the secret passage to France. Mom Mom has not moved the bad pots that stand in my way.


I decided to hurry along the process by making a pot disintegrate. I pulled off a big piece of pot and broke it apart on the bed I share with Mom Mom.

Then I lay on the other side of the bed and played Pretty Princess Penelope.


Drat! She noticed the pieces on the bed. 



Mom Mom spoke to me with a cruelty––nay, a savagery––the likes of which I have never heard before.


BUSTED!


Now the only way to get to France is to wait for Mom Mom to move the bad flower pots. I will sleep when Mom Mom sleeps. The rest of the time, I must be awake in case she moves a pot.

Do not worry about me.

I am not sleepy.

That is alllll . . . zzzzzzzzzzzz


Wednesday, June 23, 2021

AND A PRIDE FLAG TO FLY FROM MY HOUSE

 Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Stop me before I shop again––no, wait, I won't need to shop again till next year because I bought everything important on Prime Day.

On the First Day of Prime Day, I ordered just for me

12 tall tequilas 

11 eager beavers  

10  tender steaks  

9 naked men 

8 cunning linguists   

A linguist dies

At the funeral, a fellow academic asks his wife, “do you mind if I say a word?”
She nods.
He stands and says “Plethora”, and immediately sits back down.
She says, tearfully, “thank you, that means a lot.”

7 pissed-off Penelopes   

6 super salaries   

5 fabulous Franklins  

4 flying fucks not given  

3 thankful thrivers  

2 tits up 

 
And a pride flag to fly from my house!



Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug




FRED FROG NOW APPEARING AT THE LAKE JUNEBUG RESORT & RUMPUS ROOM

The first guest has arrived at The Lake Junebug Resort & Rumpus Room.

His name is Fred Frog. 

He's a friendly fellow.
Fred is also an outstanding acrobat who has agreed to entertain the soon-to-arrive crowds in exchange for a steady supply of food.

Sunday, June 20, 2021

FRANKLIN FRIDAY ON SUNDAY: SOMETHING SAD

Hi. It's me, Franklin. Something sad happened. I wanted to visit the house that's white to meet Champ Biden, but now I can only meet his little brother, Major, because Champ died. 

It's very, very sad for Mr. President Joe and Mrs. Doctor Jill. Champ was their who's a good boy for 13 whole years!


I've been with Mom almost 11 years so I'm about 12 years old. I asked Mom if I'm gonna die. 

She said I won't die right now, but someday I will and she will be very sad. She said that even after I die, though, I'll still live in a way because I'll be in her heart and Ole Penlapee's heart and Daddy's and Grandma's and Auntie Maureen's, too.

That made me feel a little better.

Goodbye, Champ.


From Your Friend Who's a Good Boy, 

Franklin


 

Monday, June 14, 2021

OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY

 Yes, Folks, Operators Are Standing By To Accept Your Reservations 

FOR SUMMER 2021 at 

THE LAKE JUNEBUG RESORT & RUMPUS ROOM!!!

As usual, we offer stays in Synecdoche Space, Verisimilitude Venue, Antihero Annex, Tautology Territory, Epic Expanse, and Cacophony Chamber!!!

For a small additional fee, you can create a package experience that includes access to our charming deck

where you'll overlook the sparkling waters of Lake Junebug, along with our exotic vegetation!!!

You might even spot POOPING PENELOPE

and FUN FRANKLIN!!!

Every single Saturday throughout the summer, we'll offer the AMAZING LAWNMOWER PARADE and DARING LADDER CLIMB!!!


Games for adults include the REPAIR THE DECK CHALLENGE


and DEAL WITH THE LEAKY WINDOW DEVELOPMENT!!!


Send the kids out for DODGE THE LIGHTNING during our fun daily thunderstorms


and for indoor merrymaking they can play FIND THE BED!!!


By playing games, families can accumulate enough points to earn A FREE MOVIE NIGHT!!!


AAAAAAAND

WE'VE ADDED A NEW ATTRACTION!!!

We Know You'll Be Thrilled Byyyyyyyy

THE GODDAM NEIGHBOR WHO HAS BAND PRACTICE WITH HIS BUDDIES EVERY WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES, IT'S LIVE MUSIC EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND!!!!!!

We can't wait to see you again at The Lake Junebug Resort & Rumpus Room and we know you can't wait to arrive!!!!

Call 5-555-555-555555 to speak with our operators, or tell us in your comment which area you want and select your package plan!!!!

WE
CAN'T 
WAIT!!!!!!