LABOR DAY BLOGFEST IN HONOR OF MELYNDA

Welcome to the Labor Day Book Fair! 



Wayman publishing has teamed up
with many phenomenal authors
to bring you this Labor Day weekend event.

For three whole days

--September 2-3-4--
you can download these featured 

e-books  for FREE.

. . . And . . .

You can download many other books
to entertain you in the days ahead.

Discover Upcoming Books!

Author’s biography
The author was born in Athens, Greece in 1955 and is a dual U.S. / Greek citizen. After obtaining his Engineering Sc. B. degree in
mechanical engineering from Brown University in 1977 he went on to
Harvard Business School where he earned his MBA in 1979. He is married
and has two children and lives in Athens but often visits America (Boston where his daughter studies and his son works). He is currently employed by the largest Greek manufacturing Co.
(10% of Greek exports) as the Senior Financial Analyst. His interests
include poetry, romance fiction and actively following economic
developments in the U.S. and Europe.

Coming Soon!

Author Site

 More Details Coming Soon!

www.delshereegladden.com

The Edible Bookshelf.

Sydney's Song

http://sydneyssong.net/blog/  

. . . Also . . .

You can enter to win CASH or physical books
by outstanding authors such as
Valerie Bowen,
Adrienne deWolfe,
Peter Thomas Senese,
Lucy Swing,
and
Kara Tollman. 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

In honor of Melynda Fleury--who
has bravely been fighting diabetes and almost completely lost her
eyesight--Wayman Publishing and Rick Gualtieri are also donating 5-10% profit from select physical book sales to the American Diabetes Association. 

We hope you enjoyed discovering new authors and their stories

at our Labor Day Blogfest and Book Fair.

THE BIG DATE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I know you're all dying to find out what happened with the big date on Saturday, and I'm ready to fill you in.

First, I should tell you who he is. Please stay calm as he is a rather wealthy celebrity.

He is Elvis Aaron Schwarz of the East Hampton Schwarzes. Try not to be too impressed. He puts on his pants one leg at a time, just like the rest of us (at least I think he does).

How did I meet him? I finally gave in and tried a dating site. I couldn't resist him when I saw his photo:

Elvis Aaron Schwarz of the East Hampton Schwarzes

Because Elvis is so good looking, women follow him  in droves.  Since I will not share my man,  he very generously traveled incognito. Therefore, when we met, he looked like this:

Sorry the picture is out of focus. I was so excited to meet him that my hands were shaking when I took his photo.

Elvis explained to me that he leads the exciting life of a wealthy celebrity. He drives a pick-up truck, takes care of his dog, goes to work, goes to church, and attends family gatherings. He also helps his sister a lot.

I am a lucky woman.

Now, for the date itself. I think I will tell you about it by answering the questions asked in her comment by our dear friend Peaches (http://conceivewriting.blogspot.com/), the author of the soon-to-be-released book, Day Laughs, Night Cries.

Here are the questions and my answers:

Peaches: Were you nervous?

I was nervous until I saw him and he gave me a nice hug and grabbed my crotch. I felt safe and secure in his arms, and I was extremely grateful I had gone commando.

Peaches: Did he pass gas or did you?

I was a little gassy, but I think I fooled him. I held my nose and shouted, I think the baby at the next table has a dirty diaper. The baby's mom gave me a nasty look, but for heaven's sake, I couldn't allow a wealthy celebrity to think I fart.

Peaches: Did you take him home or did he ask you to go home with him?

I brought him home because he promised to wash all the windows. I can now see out of them because the dog drool has been wiped away. Those windows are streak free. He also knows how to sew. He repaired my torn sweater and reupholstered my dining room chairs. I know that's a lot for a first date, but he had to prove he is worthy of crotch grabbing.

Peaches: Did he talk on his cell phone?

No. However, I received a call from a friend (we'll call her Elisa though that's not her name). Elisa needed to know why microwave ovens don't work when the electricity is off, how to remove her facial hair, and why Dr. Jones refuses to be potty trained. We chatted for about 30 minutes while I answered Elisa's questions, and Elvis waited quite patiently.

Peaches: What about Pickles?

Do you mean Pickles Feldman, the singer, or Elvis's ex-wife, Pickles Aaron Schwarz? If you mean the singer, her music was playing the entire time we were in the restaurant because she's a great favorite in Jacksonville. If you mean the ex-wife, she has moved away and we do not need to discuss exes, including Dr.  . . . what was his name again?

I think it's safe to say that it was a good first date. He is thoughtful and has a great sense of humor. He loves to read and he loves words (the way to my heart). After lunch, we wandered around in an antique store. He calls to let me know when he arrives safely at home, and he checks on me to make sure I'm o.k. It's pretty cool that he loves dogs, and only has rescued dogs.

Stephanola, he just might be a Rudolph.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

P.S. I'm sorry I'm not visiting blogs every day. I continue to read, write, and edit -- and I love every minute of it.

SATURDAY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I assume most of you are seated when you read blog posts, but if for some strange reason you are standing, then please sit down. I have some news, and I don't want one of you fainting, falling, hitting your head on the bookcase, needing ten stitches, and then suing me.

All right. Here's the news: I have a date tomorrow.

Stay calm. Stay very calm . . . because I'm not.

I haven't been on a date in more than 33 years. The last time I had a date, we went disco dancing.

I am going to meet my date at a restaurant, where I assume we will dine. But I wonder how dating has changed.

Will we bring our cell phones and text each other to have a conversation rather than actually talking? If he wants to tell me something really important, will he step outside and call me on his cell phone while I stay at the table?

What if I have gas?

What if he tries to get me to eat a pickle? I can't tell him on the first date that blow jobs are okay, but pickles are out.

Jiminy Crickets.

I know you're supposed to get Movie Movie Weekend today, and I actually saw two excellent movies this week (movies I think you'll like, Dee); but you're simply going to have to wait till next week for movies.

I am too busy reading, editing, writing, and worrying to tell you about something as trivial as excellent and unusual movies. Oi!

I have not met this man in person. We have emailed each other and talked on the telephone. He knows the difference between your and you're and it's and its (oh, thank you, Jesus).

I promise I will not bring him home with me on the first date. Or if I do bring him home, it will be if he offers to wash my windows and clean my house.

Pardon me now. I am the one who is going to faint, and it's not from surprise. It's because I'm so nervous and because I need to start NOW to get my hair to cooperate.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

DARKNESS

God blows out the stars
just as the wind blows out the flame of a candle
and we are left in darkness
to flounder about

alone

until the light of day arrives.

Come to me and be my sun
forevermore.

If your answer is no
I shall sleep the sleep of the dead
so I can dream of you

for elisa

I wrote this poem after a conversation with Elisa about the exorcism forced on her when she was in high school. We agreed that my divorce was an exorcism, and this poem came into my head.




I was married to the devil and he wore black
Yes he wore black and that's a matter of fact
Yes he wore black except when he wore red
He wore blood red when he dragged me off to bed

I struggled with the devil till he wore me down
He wore me down and he took me to town
We went to every bar and he made me a whore
I was the whore who would do it on the floor

I learned to love the devil till I was black and blue
I loved that devil like a high heeled shoe
The devil he taught me to love pain
I loved pain so much I was ashamed

Then the devil found a new love and left me behind
He left me behind as I cried and cried
I moaned that I loved him and he said fuck off
But still I loved that devil and couldn't stop

Finally a true friend came and rescued me
She staged an exorcism up in a tree
I fell from the tree of life and hit the ground
It woke me up and I went back to town

I wore my stilettos but I weren't no whore
When I danced I danced all round the floor
I screamed the devil he don't own me no more
And I danced my way right out the door

Now I love a man a real man as sleek as a god
He loves me when I'm good and ready with hands soft as balm
He don't wear black and he don't wear red
And I don't never, ever wanna leave our bed

STOLEN WHAT? MONDAY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Melynda mentioned recently that some putrid pig stole Mr. P's bike (see http://melyndarockinthecrazy.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-trailerhood.html).

So today's question is the following: Have you ever stolen anything or had anything stolen from you? If you feel uncomfortable about answering this question, I will accept anonymous comments as long as they stick to the topic and don't get nasty like the ones I received that led me to take my blog private for a while.

As for stealing, I went through a little spate of shoplifting small items in stores when I was in about sixth grade. One of my older sisters, who shall remain nameless, told me about her techniques for "copping" items, as she termed it. I remember taking a deck of cards from a store and a small, painted dish, which I gave to a friend.

Although I didn't steal anything of great value, I'm not proud of myself for what I did. It was stupid, and my sister was stupid. She's still stupid. I'm ashamed that I allowed Stupid to be my leader.

As for having something stolen from me, this is a big old nasty YES!

When we moved from Maryland to Illinois, we had packers and movers. I did not allow them to handle my most valuable jewelry. I moved it myself, in a laundry basket with some important papers.
The laundry basket drove to Illinois with us.

When we arrived, I stupidly put the laundry basket in the middle of the master bedroom. Of course, the moving men were going in and out, bringing our furniture and boxes into the new house.

When I finally got around to unpacking, my diamond necklace had disappeared from the basket. Although I was sure one of the moving men had taken it (it didn't get up and walk out by itself), I didn't accuse anyone because I had no grounds to do so. The necklace wouldn't have been covered by the moving insurance because I moved it myself.

Gosh, I still miss that pretty necklace -- the first really nice piece of jewelry that Dr. X gave me.

Now, how about you? Have you ever stolen anything or had anything stolen from you?

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

MOVIE MOVIE WEEKEND

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I have two quick movie reviews for your weekend, and I'm afraid I'm not too high on either one of these films.

First is Safe House, starring the dashing Denzel. It's a thriller, but it didn't thrill me all that much. I don't think I gasped even once while watching it.

It has quite a good cast; the acting is fine; but I want plot twists in a thriller. Some people might think this movie is twisty, but nothing really surprised me -- not even when colleagues attacked each other.

It's difficult for me to say definitively that you won't like this me, but I wasn't wild about it, in spite of the presence of Denzel. We should have better films for one of our finest actors.

Safe House has The Janie Junebug Seal of Meh.

Second is Wanderlust, starring Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd. Aniston and Rudd play New York-lovers who are forced to leave the city and end up joining a commune. The movie wasn't as funny as I thought it would be. Too much free love for my taste.

I felt particularly annoyed by Alan Alda, playing an old geezer who helped found the commune. Alan Alda is much too vital to be believed as a somewhat senile old guy in a motorized wheelchair.

I also disliked the resident nudist, whose penis was on constant display. I simply do not want to look at a strange penis in my movies, and by "strange" I mean attached to a stranger. (Of course, strange could also mean weird, but the penis is not attached to Bill Clinton, who supposedly has a kink in his.)  Every time I looked, here was this guy's winkie staring at me. Bleah.

The movie amused me a bit at the end. I believe I even barked out a laugh. Again, I feel uncomfortable about disapproving of this movie because if you want to laugh at something silly this weekend, Wanderlust might be perfect for you. I guess I'm just in a meh mood because I also give this movie The Janie Junebug Seal of Meh.

Special note to Dee: I feel quite certain you would not like these movies.

I think you can find something better to watch. For example, the Closing Ceremonies of the Olympics will be on this weekend. I hope it's better than the opening. I'm going to watch it and find out. No more Danny Boyle freaky babies, please. I'll also be reading, writing, and editing.

Onward, ever onward, rode the Junebug.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

DIABETES AWARENESS BLOGFEST

Melynda's Labor Day Blogfest & Book Fair - free eBooks in support of raising awareness for diabetes

Come sign up to join a Labor Day Blogfest and Book Fair. Sunday September 2nd -Tuesday the 4th.

In honor of Melynda Fleury--who has bravely been fighting diabetes and has almost completely lost her eyesight -- Wayman Publishing is offering unlimited free downloads of their top ten bestselling books to all entrants during this event!  In addition, we are giving away X Cash (announced after Blogger signups completed).

Other bloggers can join in for this great opportunity to gain new traffic. We're excited to spread the word about Wayman Publishing, and we hope you'll join us for this fun event.

The first links to enter are free with the agreement that you will post the button and information about this giveaway on your site. Any additional links will be $3 for Social Network links and $5 for RSS/Email Subscriptions.

EAVESDROPPING

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Well, here I am, right after telling you I wouldn't have much time to blog. But we can always make time for a quickie, can't we?

I heard the loveliest conversation this morning, so I have to share it with you. I was sitting next to two young men who were talking about their children.

One was complaining (mildly) about his daughter waking up at 5:30 every morning and getting into bed with him and his wife because she says she's had a nightmare. He said that at nightmare time this morning, he was in the shower. He finished in the bathroom and walked down the hallway to the bedroom. It was pitch black in the hallway and he almost tripped over something.

It was his five-year-old daughter. He asked her why she was in the hall. She said, I was waiting for you, Daddy.

Then he said, I love that little girl so much. How can you not love somebody who is so happy to see you when you get home and so sad when you leave?

I second that emotion.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

HEEEEEEY MAXWELLLLL!

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

My posts are going to be sporadic for a while, and I won't be able to visit your blog houses as often as I like. I have reading and writing and editing to do.

But, MAXWELL, how about writing a guest post for me every now and then? Maybe you could even get Fiance involved. You could tell us from Fiance's P.O.V. what you think it's like to live with you, and then maybe Fiance would tell us what it's really like to live with a Maxwell.

We miss your blog. We understand you had to stop writing it because of your new job, but an occasional guest post in Lolaland certainly wouldn't lead anyone to you.

Let us know, please, Maxwell.

As for the rest of you, please forgive my absences. I miss each and every one of you when I don't get to visit you.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

OLYMPICS WHAT? MONDAY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Imagine you are in the Olympics. You're not lazing by your backyard pool or hanging out at the beach; you're not watching the games on TV; you are an actual Olympian (and don't consider your true ability level -- you made it to the games so you're at the top of your sport).

In what sport are you competing? Will you win a medal?


If the actual sports at the Olympics don't interest you, then you may invent one. For example, my pal Jordan wants to have a spit wad competition. He's sure he would win the gold medal in that one.


As for me, I am on the men's rowing team. I know I've posted their photo before, but here it is one more time just in case you missed it:

I would be right in the middle of all those nice sexy sweaty young men, rowing away as fast as I could go, and even though the men's British team is better than we are, with me to spur on the gang, we would bring home the gold medal. Or, maybe, I would be the cox.

I, of course, would be very modest about it all and give the credit for our win to the hot shirtless young men with whom I changed in the locker room.


Now, how about you? In what sport are you competing? Will you win a medal?


Infinities of love,

Lola

JEWELRY WEEKEND

copper spiral earrings

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I don't have a movie for you this week, but perhaps I have something even better: beautiful handmade jewelry.

These pieces by the talented Katie Grimm can be found at her etsy shop called Kaleidescope Jewels.

I've always said Dr. X was good for one good thing: jewelry. So I consider myself at least a bit of an expert on jewelry, and I especially like unique, handmade products such as Katie Grimm's.

I'd like to show you a few of my favorite pieces from her etsy shop:

This is a vintage key necklace.

I think I like jewelry with vintage keys because I like imagining the doors those keys opened once upon a time. The parts of my house that haven't been remodeled have the original crystal doorknobs  with keyholes beneath them. Oh, how I wish I had those keys!

I'm also crazy about feathers. Who doesn't like the beauty of a feather and the thought of flight?

Long white feather with Carnelian gemstone and copper wire.

Katie has bracelets, necklaces, rings, and earrings. I don't want to go into prices; I think you should look at them for yourself, but I think they're reasonable. I met Katie recently because of her jewelry. She's been very friendly

In addition to her etsy shop, Katie has more unique creations on her Facebook page --including bracelets for babies and young children (wouldn't that be great to have at a baptism or christening?) --at www.facebook.com/kaleidescopejewels.

Katie is also graciously offering us a discount of 15% on a purchase with coupon code blog 15.

You can even email Katie at grimm2005@gmail.com to make special requests for a unique piece of jewelry that reflects your personality. Katie's jewelry will make beautiful gifts, so this post is definitely not for the ladies alone. 

I wish you some happy jewelry shopping this weekend.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Hand-etched copper pendant with gemstones.

SIMPLER TIMES

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Thank you so much for the many sweet birthday wishes you sent to The Hurricane. I told her about the post, so she saw your messages. My babies are so grown up.

Today's subject, however, is simpler times. I wish I had a dollar -- or better yet, a fiver -- for every time I've heard people say that life used to be better in simpler times.

Of course, most of the people who say that weren't alive during those simpler times.

I'm sure that living in the past had its advantages, but I appreciate everything I have today. One advantage was probably the lack of television. I'm sure people spent more time reading and talking to each other. Do you think families were closer then?

But I like my television, computer, internet, washer and dryer, and all my kitchen appliances. When I was a child, it never occurred to me that someday there would be such a thing as a microwave oven or a VCR, and now we've already moved on to DVDs and the DVR.

I'm glad I don't have to do my marketing everyday because I don't have a refrigerator in which to preserve my food. Even when the ice box was in most homes, my mother said that if you didn't remember to empty the pan under the ice box --where the water from the ice dripped -- it overflowed and you had a mess to clean up.

My mom also recalled washing clothes in a wringer "washing machine" during the heat of a Texas summer when she was pregnant with my oldest sister. She said my dad had to carry out the water for the washer, and then she washed the clothes and put them through the wringer before hanging them out to dry.

Mother said she gained only eight pounds during that pregnancy. I guess being miserable without air conditioning and doing heavy work would keep one rather thin.

She also never experienced the best part of childbirth: the actual birth of the baby. She said that she endured labor, and then when it was time for us to be born, the doctor would "knock her out" -- I imagine him using a mallet on her head, but I suspect it was some sort of anesthesia -- and when she woke up she had a baby. I can't imagine missing out on the joy of the first sight of my children. And of course, Daddy wasn't in the delivery room to welcome us.

How about illness in simpler times?

Cancer was an almost immediate death sentence. My grandfather died a mere two weeks after being diagnosed with leukemia. Today, so many types of cancer are treatable, and although we sometimes think the cure is worse than the illness, I think I'll take my chances with the cure. A lot of people go through chemotherapy and then live cancer free for many years.

The flu pandemic of 1918 killed millions of people. In U.S. cities, bodies were piled in the streets to be picked up by a wagon. The coffin makers couldn't keep up. There was no way to keep that evil flu from spreading.

I'm not sure we appreciate the efforts of our government to stop the spread of H1N1 a few years ago. Sure, some people came down with that flu, and some people died from it. But it didn't cause a worldwide catastrophe. I was grateful to get my H1N1 shot.

I'm sad about some parts of simpler times that we miss out on. For example, families usually took care of their elders at home instead of shipping them off to a nursing home to be visited on Christmas -- if even then. On the other hand, some folks were sent to the "poor farm."

Today and yesterday: good and bad points about each.

But I'll take today.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

P.S. I received four comments on Monday's and Tuesday's posts that weren't published, but it wasn't for lack of trying. When I clicked on publish, the comments disappeared. So if you wrote a comment, and didn't see it, it's because it's floating around somewhere, refusing to cooperate with my blog.