FRANKLIN FRIDAY ON SUNDAY: MERRY KISSMAS!

Hi! Hi! Hi! Merry Kissmas, Every Buddy. Merry Kissmas. Can you hear me? I barked


Merry Kissmas!

Me and Penlapee will write to you soon to show you our Kissmas presents after Santa Paws delivers them.

Remember last year when Penlapee got this jacket and was worried it made her butt look big?

I had to tell her about a million times that her butt didn't look big. She worries too much.

See ya soon, and

Merry Kissmas!

Okay I love you bye-bye.

FRANKLIN FRIDAY RERUN: MOM WENT TO GEORGIA AND YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT SHE GOT US

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Can you believe it's been a little more than three years since Penelope came to live with us? Franklin and I want to commemorate her arrival by rerunning the post that he wrote about her, which first appeared on October 2, 2015.

We love you, Penelope.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


Hi! Hi, Every Buddy! Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi hihihihiihhihiihihihihihhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! I'm so excited I can't stop hi-ing.

It's me, it's me, it's me, Franklin the Bordernese, whose mom always needs to peepee.

Mom went to a far away place not too long ago. It's called Georgia. She was gone for about a year. She claims it was only part of a day.

Mom went to a place called Claxton. I Googled it after she left. I figured she went to get a world famous Georgia fruitcake.

Nope!

Anyway, you won't believe what she brought home with her. It's sooooo much better than a fruitcake.

You know I been missing my buddy Harper since he went to heaven. Harper can't ever be replaced, but we can have new family members.

MOM BROUGHT HOME A SISTER FOR ME!

Mom saw this picture

online at a place for rescued dogs. Mom didn't tell me what might happen in case it didn't work out. She didn't want me to be disappointed.

She thought this doggy looked perfect to be my sister. She named my sister Penla-la-peee. Oh. Mom says her name is spelled like this: Penelope. She already knows that's her name.

I remember when I came here to live. I found out I was moving into a castle with a Queen. A big man with pictures painted all over his skin carried me to the backyard. I thought he was the servant, and he kinda is, but he's really my human brother.

When Penelope got here, she was scared. She didn't wanna get out of the car. She finally got out and ran into the backyard. She was safe because we have a good fence. But she wouldn't come inside. She wouldn't let Mom get close to her. She didn't know she was moving into a castle and that our mom is the Queen.

Mom had to call my human brother for help. It was raining hard, and it was getting dark. Painted Brother was patient with Penelope. He followed her around the yard and talked to her and showed her a dog biscuit.

Penelope went under Mom's car in the garage. At least she was out of the rain, but she couldn't stay there all night. My big brother is the bravest, strongest big brother in the whole world. He's better than a fruitcake from Georgia, too. He got down on the floor of the garage and slid under the car. He helped Penelope get out from under the car. Then he carried her into the house.

He and Mom dried her with towels and made her warm and cozy. Brother cuddled her for a long time.

That's when I met her. I did everything I could to help, and I'm still helping her learn how to live in the castle. Mom says one really good thing about Penelope is that when she needs to go potty she always goes outside. She never goes in the house. I typed this part small because it's about personal stuff.

Penelope learns every single day. I showed her how to sit just perfict like the dog of a Queen should.

See! See! See!
This is my perfict royal dog sit.
I will teach this to Penelope.

I've written a lot now, so I will try to tell you more about Penelope next week.


Mom hasn't gotten many good pitchers of Penelope yet because she wiggles a lot. She doesn't know the perfict royal dog sit, but I just know she can learn it. I'll try to find at least one good pitcher of Penelope at our castle.

Here's my sister.

That big furry thing is my tail and one white paw.

Penelope isn't as furry as I am. She's soft and sleek.

She likes to kiss me.

She kisses Mom, too.

Sometimes we both kiss Mom at the same time.

It makes Mom happy.

I'm tired now. I been working so hard to take care of Penelope.

Okay I love you bye-bye.



Franklin the Bordernese

IT'S VETERANS DAY

Dear Hearts,

It's not Veteran's Day. It's not Veterans' Day.

It's Veterans Day.

I know because I used to write it incorrectly and I've seen it with an apostrophe a number of times yesterday and today.

Now I imagine a few of you scurrying away to make corrections.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

wrong, wrong, wrong

HAVE YOU VOTED?

Gentle Readers (especially U.S. citizens) . . . and Maxwell,

Have you voted yet? If not, today is the big day. This election is crucial. I urge you to vote for candidates who want to look out for our best interests.

I don't want a Democratic majority in Congress because I hope to see Donald Trump impeached. If that happened and he were convicted, then we'd have President Mike Pence. I don't see that as an improvement.

I do want a Democratic majority in Congress because I hope they can impose some sanity in Washington. Democrats can help to balance out the fake power in The White House. I see that as an improvement.

I voted Sunday evening. The line at the polling place was longer than I'd ever seen it before.

At least I got a chuckle out of the people around me. I said, I'm glad so many people are here––as long as they vote the same way I do.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

LOOK FOR THE AMERICANS

Tonight I was reminded what Pittsburgher Mr Rogers said in times like today: look for the helpers.

And tonight I want to instead say I'm looking for the Americans. The patriots who don't suffer anti-Semites. Ever. The Americans who don't think any Nazis are good people. The strong who don't hesitate saying the kind of filth who did this don't deserve to be in our midst. The believers in this nation who fought, and won at great price, a war against the frightened, narrow-minded cowards who live in the shadows until they feel emboldened to strike out.

I'm looking for the Americans.

(quotation from Dr. Karl, the foremost philosopher of the twenty-first century, written after the killings at the synagogue)

TIP TUESDAY: QUESTIONS ANSWERED

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

During our previous TIP TUESDAY post, a couple of questions came up, so they must be answered.

Lovely Inger of Desert Canyon Living asked about the difference between complex and complicated.

My Roget's Super Thesaurus tells me that complicated and complex are synonyms for each other.

Both are adjectives and mean something intricate, so I think it's safe to say that they can be used interchangeably, based on the one you prefer at a given moment or the one that might sound a bit better.

Darling Martha of Plowing Through Life wanted to know when to use awhile or a while. This one irritates me––not because you asked, Martha, but because I see awhile all the time when it should be a while.

These two terms represent different parts of speech. The two-word expression a while is a noun phrase, consisting of the article a and the noun while (which means “a period or interval of time”).

The one-word awhile is an adverb that means “for a short time or period.” Although these definitions are similar (and although the terms can sometimes be used interchangeably), there are a few simple rules that are helpful in keeping them straight. (source: Dictionary.com)

Awhile is an adverb meaning for a while, and it only works where it would bear replacement with that three-word phrase. Where for a while wouldn’t work in its place, it is probably not an adverb, so it should be two words: a while. (source: Grammarist.com)

I think the Grammarist.com information is more helpful, because for heaven's sake, what's the difference between "a period of time" and "for a short time."

My personal way of solving this problem is to use "a while" because it's what I prefer. I know, I know, normally it's the kind of thing I'd be all fussy about and say "if 'for a while' won't work then it should be a while." But as Dictionary.com says, they can sometimes be used interchangeably.

I vote for using "a while." I think it looks better and makes more sense than awhile. Besides, I've also seen explanations of the two that say "a while" is correct and awhile shouldn't be used anymore because it's outdated. 

Can we all agree to use a while, or do some of you want to argue about it (in which case I will ignore you)?

See you in a while.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

FRANKLIN FRIDAY RERUN: MOM AND HER NIGHTIE

Hi! Hi hi hi hi! I first told this story about Mom back on Oct. 6, 2017. Doesn't that seem like a long time ago? Mom had me write it because she wanted me to make you laugh and cheer you up. I hope you laugh now.


HI! Hi! Hi! Hi hi hihihihihihihi Every Buddy! It's me. It's me. It's mememememememememe. It's Franklin the Bordernese and here in Florida we never freeze!

Mom says that lots of sad things have been happening in the world so it's a good idea for me to take over today. She thinks I'll cheer you up. She also says that next week she'll continue the story about how she was pissed.

Oh.

She says it's phished, but that doesn't make sense to me because that's not a word but I know Mom is pissed a lot. We love her even though she's grumpy and always saying Chicago prefers, Chicago prefers. Who cares what Chicago prefers? I don't.

So anydog, this funny thing happened in the backyard. It was a super duper hot day. Penlapee was wandering around, sniffing every blade of grass before she could decide which one she wanted to pee on. Penlapee is like that.

I was getting hotter and hotter waiting for Penlapee and I noticed that there was a shady spot underneath Mom's nightgown. She hadn't gotten dressed yet because she says people who work at home get to work in their jammies, but I never see Mom do much of any work.

Because of the shady spot, I stuck my head under Mom's nightie. And you won't believe what I saw there. You really will not believe it. MOM WAS NOT WEARING UNNERWARE!

It was the funniest thing I've ever seen. snicker snort NO UNNERWARE! snicker snort Mom looks so funny under her nightie without her pink granny panties! I would describe everything to you but I'm snicker snorting so hard from remembering it that I don't think I can explain it. You have to take my word for it that Mom looks hilarious without unnerware. snicker snort

The man next door was out in his yard. He's nice and he likes me a lot. I thought he could use a good laugh so I took my head out from under the nightie and I barked to get his attention. I tried to say Hey! Come over here and look under Mom's nightie. She's got no unnerware, but I was snicker snorting so much that I couldn't tell him what there was to see. He said, Hi, Franklin, and he went in his garage. Boy, he missed his chance for a snicker snort. snicker snort

I'm so tired from telling this story and snicker snorting so much that I need a nap.

Before I fall asleep, would you like a kiss? Put your face down close to the box with the light in it, and I have my face up close. I'll give you all the kisses you need. I love to kiss, but I'm not kissing Mom under her nightie with no unnerware. Nope. I draw the line there. But you can have a big kiss on your cheek or smack dab on your mouth. Ask me for a kiss anytime. My kisses make every buddy feel better.

Okay. I love you. Bye-bye.

I'M NOT ONE BIT DISAPPOINTED

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Last night I watched as Meredith Viera announced the winner in The Great American Read.

Various people read the countdown of the books, while Viera spotlighted the top five books without revealing which one would win. One of the five books was

and it struck me that this book would be the winner.

It was. I'm happy with that choice. This book is so moving. Viera said it was in first place from the beginning and stayed there throughout the five months of voting.

I only wish that Harper Lee and her older sister Alice were here to enjoy this triumph.

My beloved The Great Gatsby was #15. Not bad at all.

I had read everything in the top 20 except the book in second place: Outlander.

Visit this page to see how the voting turned out.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

VOTING IN THE GREAT AMERICAN READ ABOUT TO END

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Voting for your favorites in The Great American Read ends at midnight Pacific Time on Thursday, October 18. Visit HERE to cast your final votes. Remember, you can vote once a day for each book, and sign in using your email address, Facebook, or Twitter.

PBS will announce the winner on October 23.

They've also been running a series of shows to highlight the nominated books. The shows should be available on your local PBS station and I believe you can catch them at this link:
https://www.pbs.org/the-great-american-read/home/

When the voting began in May, I had read 43 of the 100 nominated books. I decided to make 50 books my goal by the time the voting ended. I'm not going to make it, but I'm not upset about it. It was a self-imposed deadline; I still have time to read.

I've voted consistently for my all-time favorite novel

The 44th book I read was

It's great.

The 45th book was 

Love it!

I'm reading two more books at the same time--but I'm also reading three or four other books, too. Can't limit myself when it comes to books.

The books from the list are 

I don't like it as much as The Cider House Rules and
Last Night In Twisted River, but it's still good.

and

So far I don't like it as much as I thought I would.

I also want to read A Confederacy of Dunces, Heart of Darkness, and The Call of the Wild.

I know this is a long post so feel free to stop reading now. I'm going to add a list of the other books that I've read and what I think of them. 

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

1984 -- read it years ago in school and found it creepily memorable.

A Separate Peace -- a very moving coming of age story.

A Tree Grows In Brooklyn -- a book I have long adored. It's sad and funny and everything that a book should be.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer -- a good book but not a favorite of mine.

And Then There Were None -- memorable because it's frightening but I haven't read it in years.

Anne of Green Gables -- Oh, Anne! I love you so much. We must be kindred spirits.

Atlas Shrugged -- It's been so long since I read it that I barely remember it.

Beloved -- Sooo good.

The Book Thief -- Good but I didn't think it was great.

Catch-22 -- Hilarious and clever.

The Catcher In The Rye -- I don't remember liking this one very much. I preferred some of Salinger's short stories.

Charlotte's Web -- SOME PIG

The Chronicles of Narnia -- I love every single book in the series and I often give these books to young people.

The Color Purple -- So very good and moving.

The DaVinci Code --  Hated it.

Don Quixote -- Read it in high school and I think again in college and didn't like it either time, but I do like the word "quixotic."

Flowers in the Attic -- Weird.

Frankenstein -- Hated it. Absolutely hated it. Maybe I would have liked it better if I'd read it for a class that had a good professor.

The Giver --  Great.

The Godfather -- Smutty, but when I was a teenager I couldn't put it down.

Gone With the Wind -- I appreciate the sadness of this book more than I did when I first read it years ago.

The Grapes of Wrath -- So beautiful.

Great Expectations -- Has one of the best first chapters in a book ever, but overall, don't love it.

Gulliver's Travels -- Read it in high school. Booo-ring.

The Handmaid's Tale -- Margaret Atwood has a rare talent.

Harry Potter (series) -- Love every book and still want my letter admitting me to Hogwarts.

Hatchet (series) -- I'm counting this even though I haven't read every book in the series. The ones I read were good.

Invisible Man -- Very good.

Jane Eyre -- Oh, Jane, how you do suffer. I  long to wander Yorkshire with your creator.

Little Women -- This is a rare case of me liking the movies better than the book. I think the book is long and boring.

Memoirs of a Geisha -- So good.

Moby Dick -- I have a strange fondness for Herman Melville.

One Hundred Years of Solitude -- Excellent.

The Picture of Dorian Gray -- Wonderfully creepy.

Pride and Prejudice -- Although The Great Gatsby is my all-time favorite novel, Jane Austen is my all-time favorite novelist.

Rebecca -- Mrs. Danvers frightens me every time I read this book or see the movie.

The Sun Also Rises -- I'm not fond of Hemingway.

Tales of the City -- I didn't like it, but I have a feeling I didn't really get it.

The Help -- It's an enjoyable book, but as usual, the white person who wants to write is the most important character who makes it possible for the help to have some success, which they have to keep secret. It's called the help, dammit. The help should be the most important characters.

The Joy Luck Club -- Love Amy Tan.

The Lord of the Rings (series) -- Not that crazy about it.

The Lovely Bones -- Beautifully tragic.

The Outsiders -- Barely remember it.

Their Eyes Were Watching God -- The heroine is named Janie and her nickname is Alphabet.

To Kill A Mockingbird -- Who doesn't love it?

Wuthering Heights -- I'm glad we have two Bronte sisters represented.

I'm disappointed that nothing by Laura Ingalls Wilder is on the list. I would add These Happy Golden Years and/or The Long Winter.

Well, either I counted wrong before or I'm counting wrong now, but including the books I've read most recently, I get 49.

WAVE AS YOU GO BY, MICHAEL

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Although the air is so heavy with humidity that it's almost unbearable to be outside, we've had very little rain.

I don't want you to worry that Hurricane Michael will visit us. Although we're supposed to have heavy rain and high winds between midnight and 6 a.m. and no doubt will have plenty of branches to clean up afterwards, we will not get a direct hit. Michael will soon be on his way to Georgia and Alabama, where he'll be much rougher.

We had a tornado warning earlier today, but I have no idea where the tornado was supposed to be.

When it rains later tonight, Franklin will hide in my bedroom closet and Penelope will tremble next to me in the bed. The three of us will comfort each other.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

NPR photo from Panama City Beach, Florida
A photographer tries to retrieve his equipment.

TIP TUESDAY: LITERARY TERMS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Does it matter if you don't know the difference between a metaphor and a simile? Maybe not, unless knowing guarantees an "A" on a test or keeps you from feeling embarrassed during a conversation about literature.

Anyword, we haven't had a TIP TUESDAY in ages, so we'll go over some literary terms today:

• Allusion--words that make a brief reference to something in history or literature. An allusion adds meaning to your reading if you know the reference. 
• Anachronism--something placed in a time period when it doesn't yet exist.
• Anagram--a word made out of the letters of another word. My favorite anagram is God and dog.
• Anecdote--a little story or description of an incident that usually has some connection to the truth and might briefly describe something such as meeting a person who made a difference in one's life. I have heard anecdote pronounced as "antidote" a number of times and it bugs the heck out of me.
• Apocalyptic--literature that predicts the future of the world (usually its ending).
• Apology--its older meaning is defense but it doesn't have to be an expression of regret.
• Aside--an actor on the stage addresses the audience but is not heard by the other actors. In a movie or TV show, it might be called "breaking the fourth wall" (an actor looks into the camera and speaks as if saying something directly to viewers).
• The Great Awakening--usually associated with Jonathan Edwards, it's a period of very emotional religion in America that was at its most prominent around 1740-1745,

Now, it's your turn: can you provide an example for any of these terms?

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Source: A Handbook to Literature by C. Hugh Holman and William Harmon.

IF ALCOHOLISM IS A DISEASE, THEN WHERE IS THE TREATMENT?

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I know someone who is an alcoholic: a big-time alcoholic (it is not Willy Dunne Wooters).

I asked this person: Will you see a doctor? No.

I asked, Will you see a therapist? No.

I asked, Will you go to Alcoholics Anonymous? No.

I asked, Will you go to some other kind of rehab? No.

Because I believe the reason for the drinking lies in depression, I asked, Will you take an antidepressant? No.

Even if the person had agreed to take any of these steps, none of them would provide simple answers. You can't get a regular treatment that stops alcoholism. You can't have a surgery that stops alcoholism. You can't get a vaccination in the arm, a shot in the butt, a lecture from a doctor, a prescription filled at the pharmacy . . . .

The truth is that even if an alcoholic goes to rehab and sees a therapist and goes to AA, the only true treatment for alcoholism is willpower. I do know of the existence of a pill that people can take that will cause them to become violently ill if they partake of liquor, but what if the person doesn't want to take the pill? And if he does want to take the pill, then is he going to take it everyday for the rest of his life? All the therapy and AA sponsors and antidepressants in the world will not stop an alcoholic who wants to drink. The person has to want to stop and then do whatever it takes to keep away from the next drink.

"Hitting rock bottom" is supposed to be the answer, but some people seem to hit rock bottom and then bounce back to drink another day.

Willpower: a fleeting desire that is so hard to capture and exercise.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

The person was already inebriated at approximately 1 a.m. on Friday
when he started drinking these 13 cans of beer and Smirnoff Smash,
which he finished early Saturday afternoon. It's possible that more
cans were in the recycling bin. He also took cold/flu medicine
while drinking. This is someone who is committing suicide
in the slow lane, unless he crashes because of alcohol
poisoning, destroys his liver (which will happen
eventually), or injures himself so severely
while drunk that he can no longer hold
a can or dies.

SHERRY ELLIS, YOU GO GIRL!

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Lovely, talented Sherry Ellis's latest book is available. It's

Bubba and Squirt are great characters, and the book is an excellent choice for inquisitive kids––and aren't they all inquisitive?

You can find Bubba and Squirt's Big Dig To China on Amazon at goo.gl/2GMimJ

You can trust me when I say it's a good book: I edited it.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

So sorry that the link I provided at first wasn't correct. It's working for me now; if it doesn't work for you, please let me know. Never give up!

I SHOULD HAVE WRITTEN TO YOU ON SUNDAY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Here I am, finally checking out the blogosphere, and I found an email from fishducky, who was worried about me because I live in Jacksonville, Florida.

I found out we'd had a mass shooting on Sunday when I received a text message from my oldest sister that said "Hope you weren't at Jacksonville Landing today." I had no idea what was going on. I turned on the TV and whoopie! we'd made MSNBC because a guy at a gaming tournament shot and killed two people, shot and wounded nine others, and then killed himself.

I usually spend Sundays with the Wooters man, but on this particular afternoon, I had shopping to do. I've been to the Landing on the St. John's River a total of once, I think in 2009.

I emailed Willy Dunne Wooters and said

Oh Willy boy. I'm so glad I know you aren't the kind of person who would go to a gaming tournament at the landing.

He replied:

These kids grew up playing shooting games and listening to NRA telling them how cool it is to carry around semi-automatic guns with laser sights. What could go wrong?

Of course, the shooting didn't happen because a particular kind of person goes to gaming tournaments. It could have occurred just as easily at the Target where I browsed.

We walk in danger. We sleep in danger. We also walk and sleep in safety most of the time. We could be even safer if we ever have a president, senators, and representatives who don't kowtow to the NRA.

STOP SUPPORTING THE NRA. DON'T GIVE THEM MONEY. DON'T TAKE THEIR MONEY.

IF that ever happens, then maybe, just maybe, I'll never see my city on the news again––except when we have a hurricane, or maybe because something good happens here because miracles happen every day.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

THE LATEST PALMETTO BUG STORY

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Fortunately, I don't get palmetto bugs in the house very often. However, last week I had a strange encounter with one of the nasty "sewer roaches."

The dogs and I got up one morning to find a palmetto bug that wasn't moving in the hall outside my bedroom door. Penelope headed toward it to check it out. I said "no" because I was afraid she'd eat it.

After I let the dogs out, I went back to get rid of the deceased palmetto. I took a big wad of toilet paper and picked him up to flush him down the toilet.

Suddenly he wiggled, flew out of the toilet paper (I wasn't holding it very tightly), and flew into the hall bathroom toilet to try out his back crawl. I hurried to flush him away.

He surprised me! He'll probably make his way through the sewer system to terrorize someone else.

I'm sure many of you join me to grieve the loss of Aretha Franklin. We saw her once. We went to the inaugural celebration for Bill Clinton (first time he was elected). Ms. Franklin was one of the performers. The crowd was so large and we were so far back that it was difficult to see Michael Jackson and LL Cool J, among others.

But I could see Aretha Franklin off in the distance. She wore a gigantic fur coat and stood out in so many ways.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

MY DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Yes, I know yesterday was July 4th, but I'm writing this yesterday so my title is appropriate.

Here's what I've decided to do about Woody Allen movies:

I'm not going to stop watching the movies he made that I love, such as Annie Hall, Manhattan, Radio Days, Hannah and Her Sisters, and Midnight in Paris. Art can transcend the artist.

However, I'm not going to watch any movies that he makes in the future. I'm also not going to purchase any of his movies on DVD.

I believe Dylan Farrow, who has a very specific recollection of him molesting her when she was a child. I don't care that he was acquitted. So was O.J. Simpson.

Her brother Ronan also stands by her, and he played a big part in breaking the Harvey The Rapist news (I'll be writing more about that very soon).

I'm going to continue watching movies made by Harvey Wienerstein's company because I don't think he'll ever make another movie––may he rot in prison with Bill Cosby.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Franklin, Penelope, and I are quite miserable because of the fireworks.

UPDATE ON THE GREAT AMERICAN READ

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Remember when I told you about The Great American Read?

No? Then check out this post.

On days that I'm extra busy––which is almost everyday––I only vote for my all-time favorite:

However, I've also voted for

and

Additionally, I've now read another book from the list of 100, which brings me to 44 of the books. I don't know why I never read this great book before:

I still hope to read 50 of the books by the time voting ends on Oct. 18. I have my next book picked out. It's by an author I really like, so I should have another update on my reading in a few weeks.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

A QUESTION FOR MY CANADIAN SISTERS

singing: O, Canada, our home and native land . . . oops! Sorry. I was practicing.

Canadian Sisterhood . . . and Maxwell,

I have some questions for you. I've wanted to move to Canada for quite some time, and my longing has only grown stronger as the bupkiss in The White House does one stupid thing after another. He's so awful that he's not even a joke anymore.

So what do you think about me joining you in Canada? I know it's very different from Florida, but I've lived with ice and snow before. I just need to buy a coat and some mittens.

I do have concerns. First, I know that to get into Canada legally (and I would never ever do anything illegal) that I need to be able to get a job. I don't want to reveal where I work or exactly what I do, but I think I can tell you that the biggest part of my job is listening to people whine. You don't seem to be a nation of whiners, so do you think I have a chance of finding a job?

Second, where should I live? I've been to Montreal, Vancouver, and Victoria. They're very nice, but I have a bit of a hankering to live in Nova Scotia. Is that a mistake? What part of the country if the most affordable?

Finally--and this is a big, very important question--am I nice enough to live in Canada? I know that Franklin would be welcome because no one is nicer than Franklin. Penelope is a bit persnickety, but once you see how cute her underbite is I know you'll fall in love with her. It's me that I'm not sure about.

I floss and brush. I bathe and deodorize. I don't have weapons of mass destruction. In fact, I've never had a gun and I never will. I oppose the death penalty. I think Justin Trudeau is as cute and bright as a new (American) penny. I'll help you keep Justin Bieber from returning.

But is that enough?

How will I know if I'm nice enough? Can you tell me? I really, really need your help.

And for those of you in the U.S. who are tempted to leave comments that say America: love it or leave it, you can bite my pink butt. I do love my country, but I don't have to love what's happening to it.

Let me know, please, my Canadian sisters: Am I nice enough to be a Canadian?


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug, who isn't really going anyplace

I think I should mention that Favorite Young Man will probably come along. He'll fix your cars. And we can learn to say "eh." I'll add the letter "u" to words. Whatever it takes, I'll do it.

PENELOPE SPEAKS: I AM KILLER QUEEN

Hello. It is I, Penelope.

Mom Mom has a new nickname for me. I am "Killer Queen."

I bet you can't guess why.

One evening Mom went to get the laundry from the dryer. She was gone for about five minutes. When she came back, this is what she saw on my chair:

I found one of the bugs that Mom Mom hates, and I tore it to pieces. The thing next to it is my chew toy.

Mom Mom wanted to photograph me next to my kill. I declined. I felt shy about sharing my power.

But I know Mom Mom is proud of me.

I am, indeed, Killer Queen.

That is all. Goodbye.





Maybe another name for me can be Penny Mercury.

THEY CALL ME . . . THE JACKAL

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I am immersed in The West Wing. I never watched it when it was on TV. Now I have a date with Netflix for every available minute in my day.

The Silver Fox, who blogs from his lair (where else would he blog?) told me that I would like this show and he was right.

However, The Silver Fox is not always right. We are in the middle of an argument concerning Woody Allen. No, I'm not telling you about the argument, at least not right now, so don't ask me.

At one point during this argument, I told him that if he is ever charged with a crime. then I will arrange to be on the jury so I can vote guilty.

He said, I know you would.

I am a woman to be taken seriously.  In fact, they call me . . . The Jackal.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

THE TRUMPETER'S NEW CLOTHES IS AMAZEBALLS

Small balls, big balls.
Short balls, tall balls.
Some people have more balls than others.

But the biggest balls of all,
The balls that make me laugh until I fall
Are the balls behind the newest book on my wall:

Congratulations to author Robyn Alana Engel and illustrator Steve Ferchaud, who have a new book coming out on Monday (cover designed by Bryan Pedas of A Beer For The Shower fame). I had the privilege of a preview and thought it quite clever, which is no surprise since it comes from the insane brain behind Life by Chocolate.

Here's a little taste of what you'll get when this book belongs to you:

One of the King’s most favored

things of all

was to swing

long rods at tiny balls.

Clueless Clan fans cheered him on.

“You win, feared Man!

You do know wrong!”

The King replied,

“I no good, it’s true.

I wrote the

Star Scrambled Egg song too!”

The Trumpeter's New Clothes is a short book, about the length of a young child's book, but it's an adult read. The illustrations are excellent and made me laugh out loud. This is a book you'll want to take to parties to share with your friends.

The Trumpeter's New Clothes earns The Highest Balltastic Janie Junebug Seal of Approval.




Note: The book begins with a warning that it's not for those who lean orange,and watch out if you have a case of sandarakinophobia, too.

The book is now available on Amazon at https://goo.gl/M8jqda

THE GREAT AMERICAN READ

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,
.
Recently I watched a show on PBS called The Great American Read. It's perfect for book lovers, and I suspect that includes most of us. You can watch the launch special HERE.

PBS used a national survey to present the 100 best-loved novels in the U.S. Now we can vote for our favorites HERE. You can vote once a day for each book and in a variety of ways, such as signing in with your email address, Facebook, or Twitter.

Although the list includes a couple of books that make me raise my eyebrows (Fifty Shades of Grey? Puh-lease!), I suspect I'll want to read some of the books on the list that I've missed.

Voting ends at midnight PT on October 18, 2018. The winner will be announced on PBS.

I suspect I'll cast most of my votes for my all-time favorite novel

 but I've also voted for 

After you've checked out the list, I hope you'll come back to tell us which books are your favorites. I also want to know how many of the 100 you've read.

I've read 43, but keep in mind that a series counts as one book so I've actually read more books than the 43 I can count. By the time we reach the finale of the series in October, I hope I'll be up to 50 books.

Some of the books on the list are pretty darn tempting.

Happy Reading!


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

P.S. It's Memorial Day, and I'd like to know why people are setting off firecrackers as if this day is some kine of celebration.

A BIG ONE IN MY SHOWER

Yes, Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

A big one is in my shower and it has nothing to do with Willy Dunne Wooters.

It's a dead palmetto bug. I photographed it so if you've never seen one, here's your chance.

If you don't want to see a giant cockroach on its back, then don't scroll down. Head for the emergency exits immediately.

Normally, I wouldn't photograph a palmetto bug inside my house. They move too fast, and when I've stomped on one to kill it, they're pretty flat.

This one somehow made its way to my shower and died. It's not merely dead; it's really most sincerely dead (are those the correct words from The Wizard of Oz?). Since it's in a contained space and it definitely can't get up to run away, I offer photos.






Here he is from a distance:

Now we'll get as close as I can without screaming (doesn't matter that it's dead--I always scream when I see them):

He's not the biggest one I've ever seen (and no, I'm not putting some common object next to him to help you judge his size). He's about average.

I've seen a couple other dead ones in the house since the night that I had to kill three of them. They're unusually bad this year, which surprises me, first, because we're not well into summer, and second, because we had such a cold winter (for us).

The winter does seem to have affected the lizards. I've seen very few outside and haven't had a single one in the house.

Next step: Get rid of the dead palmetto bug. I don't picture that being done by turning on the water. It's too big to go down the drain.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

THE BRIDE DID NOT WEAR COMBAT BOOTS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I've long thought that it would be a good idea for Prince Harry to marry an American, but I had a certain American mathematician in mind. With her auburn hair, they might have produced a beautiful bunch of red-haired children.

Alas, the mathematician isn't interested in marriage. Harry found himself a TV star instead. Their wedding was lovely.

A plethora of celebrities attended. Here are Lady Grand Slams and Lord Reddit:

Amal Clooney looked beautiful as usual, although she was accompanied by some guy no one recognized:

I watched with my old buddy Starbucks, who kept complaining that black people were all over the place. A black preacher. Black guests. The black gospel choir.

Starbucks soon stomped off to call the police so they could "do something" about all those black people. I think my friendship with Starbucks is over. I loved the choir's rendition of Stand By Me.

The award for best hat of the day went to the Duchess of Cornwall because it hid her horsey face:

I wonder if the Prince of Wails still wants to be Camilla's tampon.

Ten children took part in the wedding! Ten! Can you imagine wrangling all those children? It might have been like herding cats, but they were on their best behavior.

Not a nose-picker, pants-wetter, or puker among them.

I felt sorry for Queen Elizabeth. Everywhere she goes, Tom Riddle (a.k.a.He Who Must Not Be Named) sneaks looks over her shoulder:

For me, however, the most striking aspect of the wedding was the difference between Prince Harry marrying the new Duchess of Sussex (Meghan) and Prince Charles's wedding to Diana, Princess of Wales.

Diana was a 20-year-old girl marrying a man she still called "sir" on the day he proposed. She ended up wanting to back out of the whole thing when she learned that Charles was still in love with Horsey Face.

Meghan, by contrast, is 36, has been married before, and has had a career. She married a man who seems to really and truly be in love with her. They embark on their life together with the goal of being a family and bringing joy to the downtrodden of the world: a goal that Harry learned from his mother.

You are remembered, Angel Princess.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


Best Photo of the Day: