THE WIZARD OF WAS

 

HERE A MITCH THERE A MITCH EVERYWHERE A MITCH MITCH

 Dear Governor Andy Beshear of Kentucky.

I know you're frustrated with the Mitch McConnell situation. You haven't seen the senior senator from your state since the middle of June, but you have to learn to ignore all those silly rumors about his health. Yes, he's fallen once or twice but only because some damned democrat tripped him. At the moment he's recovering from eating a tainted  jalapeño popper. And it's summer. Why shouldn't he take time off during the summer? Really, Andy, you expect too much.

Stop demanding proof that your esteemed senator is all right. I can tell you for a fact that he's fine. I talked to him on the phone this morning for 20 minutes –– not one minute more and not one minute less. We chatted about the times he froze in public. He explained to me that every time he froze he had finished a chocolate ice cream cone less than five minutes before. Now he knows he shouldn't have ice cream until he gets home at night and Elaine feeds it to him. 

What's that, Andy? So many people say they've talked to the Great & Powerful One on the phone but you won't believe he's okay unless you talk to him yourself? Well, I can do better than that. Let me sign off and I'll send you photos of our beloved Senator McConnell. Pictures should convince you he's fine and dandy.

Lots of love to you and the whole state of Kentucky, Andy, from your old pal,

Janie Junebug

And here's my favorite photo of our greatest senator:

I was sure Miss Lindsey was keeping an eye
on Senator McConnell from heaven and
now I know it for a fact!

ROYAL CHINWAG: DON'T WORRY IT'S OKAY

 Hi! It's me, Princess. Things have been kinda rough here. 

Sunday night we settled in and Mommy told us good night the way she always says good night but then all of a sudden she jumped up and ran to the bathroom and it was not good. All sorts of stuff exploded out of her. Even tho we liked the way it smelled us gurls wuz scared. 

Then I remembered what best frend Penny taught me. 

I had to be in charge.

I AM THEE PRINCESS, PROTECTOR AND COMANDOR.

LOOK AT MY BIG TOOFERS, THE BETTER TO EAT YOU WITH IF YOU ARE BAD. MY TEEFS PROOVE HOW IMPORTANT I AM.

When I became my true self I knew I had to take care of Mommy. She was moaning and groaning cuz her tummy hurted so I had her pet my head and scratch my back. That distracted her. After a while, she flopped down on the bathroom floor kinda like a dead fish.  I stayed close to Mommy the whole night long. I kept her warm with snuggles and didn't leave her for a single minute. 

I was real glad when it was morning and Mommy crawled out of the bathroom to go to sleep on the couch.

I took a nap too.

Mommy isn't exploding in the bathroom now but she's still pretty tired so she said I could use the lappytop to write to you. She also said I could tell you the gest is still here but I'm not supposed to tell ya we went ahead and adopated her and Mommy named her Alice. Mommy wants to tell you all that herself.

uh-oh

I guess it will be a pretty long time before yours truly gets to use the lappytop again. 

Bye bye for a long, long time.

Before I go, here's my friend and sister, Alice.