Thursday, July 28, 2011


Gentle Readers,

If I wore a bathing suit, I fear some good Samaritans would think I'm a whale and try to shove me into the ocean.

Because of course we have lots of oceans here in the Dakotas.

The thing is, though, I am never going to have a bod like that of Sandra at Absolutely Narcissism.

That fucking bitch is fucking hot very nice lady works very hard to maintain a lovely figure.

I used to be skinny, but not so skinny that I had no boobs. I had very nice boobs, according to a number of young men who attended my high school. I was even named Best Body in the school newspaper. I hope schools don't do shit like that anymore. It's really pretty cruel. I remained thin until everything went nuts in my marriage and I took an anti-depressant and gained a ginormous amount of weight, leaving me feeling that I am no longer me.

Off the anti-depressant, I did not lose an ounce. Well, occasionally I could tell I dropped a couple of pounds, but I would also gain them back immediately plus add at least one for good measure.

Then recently I decided to try NutriSystem. They were having a 50% off sale on your first shipment. My health insurance also knocks some money off the price.

The nice thing about NutriSystem is that you don't have to worry about portion control or weighing how much you're eating. The food is all pre-packaged.

The bad thing about NutriSystem is that quite a bit of the food tastes like the cardboard container it comes in, and I never get enough to eat.



At first, I had dreams about cinnamon rolls and other yummy foods. I felt pretty miserable.

Then I realized I could not eat NutriSystem 24/7 or I would go crazy and run to the nearest bakery, buy a large cake (the kind intended for a party where you'll serve 50 people), and eat the entire thing.

So now I take little NutriSystem breaks and have something like one of those little packets of cookies that has 100 calories or a Special K bar, which has 90 calories.

During the first three weeks I lost 11 pounds and that was about three weeks ago. I haven't weighed myself since then. I don't have a scale. But some pants that were too tight last summer now fit just fine.

However, no matter how much NutriSysteming or Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers I do, I am never going to look like Sandra.

But I admire her for her commitment to preparing for a fitness competition. Sandra, you inspire me. I'll try not to give up.

Infinities of love and pounds,



  1. I love Sandra and luckily she loves me back and tells me she loves my ass (even as big as it is). I give her all the credit in the world for doing what she's doing. And look at that bod. 4 kids and in her 4th decade. Bitch! I love her to pieces and when I call her a bitch she knows it's all good.

    I know so many who did Jenny, Nutrisystem, WW and they all had success until they stopped it. I'm just convinced I'll be fat till I die. But I'll be happy!!!

  2. Dear Barb,

    I felt the same way you do about all the diets until I found that every time I lost a few pounds I felt better until I gained it back. I want to feel like ME again.

    I think Sandra is great and she's inspiring me to keep trying, but Oh Lord, just once in my life I'd like to strut around with that bod.

    Love and appreciate your comments,


  3. Losing weight is hard, but keeping it off is definitely harder... you quit paying attention for a week or two and next thing you know, you're 5 pounds heavier. Then it takes at least a month to lose it back again...

  4. You can't look like Sandra because only Sandra can do that. I bet you're awesome and you just don't see it. Aren't we the hardest on ourselves anyway? Someone told me today that it looks like I'm losing weight, and you know I might very well be. I've been going to the gym and eating better and going to jazzercise which is actually kicking my ass, so it's possible, but you know, as long as I'm happy with me...the rest doesn't matter. xx

  5. LegalMist and Cinderita,

    Thank you so much. Believe me, I know I'll never look like Sandra. I just want to look like me. LegalMist, I'm already thinking about maintenance because I'm having trouble keeping off what I've lost so far. Cinderita, I know I'm hard on myself, but I've gotten some really hurtful comments from people. I don't deal well with insults after 32 years of being insulted by the man with the small penis. The silliest, though, was a young woman who asked when my baby was due. I'm 52 and had a hystericalectomy more than 20 years ago. If I get preggers, it will be on the cover of the tabloids. BUT I am going to try very hard to ignore stupid things and just keep working at helping myself to feel better and one factor is eating healthier and walking when I can get out of the house.



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