If I wore a bathing suit, I fear some good Samaritans would think I'm a whale and try to shove me into the ocean.
Because of course we have lots of oceans here in the Dakotas.
The thing is, though, I am never going to have a bod like that of Sandra at Absolutely Narcissism.
I used to be skinny, but not so skinny that I had no boobs. I had very nice boobs, according to a number of young men who attended my high school. I was even named Best Body in the school newspaper. I hope schools don't do shit like that anymore. It's really pretty cruel. I remained thin until everything went nuts in my marriage and I took an anti-depressant and gained a ginormous amount of weight, leaving me feeling that I am no longer me.
Off the anti-depressant, I did not lose an ounce. Well, occasionally I could tell I dropped a couple of pounds, but I would also gain them back immediately plus add at least one for good measure.
Then recently I decided to try NutriSystem. They were having a 50% off sale on your first shipment. My health insurance also knocks some money off the price.
The nice thing about NutriSystem is that you don't have to worry about portion control or weighing how much you're eating. The food is all pre-packaged.
The bad thing about NutriSystem is that quite a bit of the food tastes like the cardboard container it comes in, and I never get enough to eat.
At first, I had dreams about cinnamon rolls and other yummy foods. I felt pretty miserable.
Then I realized I could not eat NutriSystem 24/7 or I would go crazy and run to the nearest bakery, buy a large cake (the kind intended for a party where you'll serve 50 people), and eat the entire thing.
So now I take little NutriSystem breaks and have something like one of those little packets of cookies that has 100 calories or a Special K bar, which has 90 calories.
During the first three weeks I lost 11 pounds and that was about three weeks ago. I haven't weighed myself since then. I don't have a scale. But some pants that were too tight last summer now fit just fine.
However, no matter how much NutriSysteming or Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers I do, I am never going to look like Sandra.
But I admire her for her commitment to preparing for a fitness competition. Sandra, you inspire me. I'll try not to give up.
Infinities of love and pounds,