Gentle Readers,
I've been trying to think of the best way to let William and Harry know that Someone I Love and Favorite Young Man are their new-found relatives and I been thinkin' of writing a note, somethin' like this:
Dear Will and Harry,
Good news! You are related to the handsome and talented Favorite Young Man and the beautiful and talented Someone I Love. They are Spencer ginger-heads just like you, Harry.
We'd sure like to get to know you.
So the next time you visit America, or Canada, it don't really matter, why don'tcha take a little side trip and visit the Dakotas? We'll put on a dinner for you after the service at the Lutheran church, complete with tuna hot dish and jello salad in the appropriate color to go with the church year. If you don't get here till Advent, then you'll get blueberries in your jello, but we'll have to use frozen because fresh would cost a fortune if they were even available.
Will, please bring the little woman. We hope she'll be preggers so we can have Aunt Gertie at church rub her belly and tell you if it's a girl or a boy. Aunt Gertie has been wrong only once in 20 years of belly rubbing. Harry, why don't you bring that good looking Pippa? We think it would be great if you two brothers who are such close buddies married sisters and Favorite Young Woman is off the market for you, Harry, now that we know we're related.
We seen the cousins gettin' married thing before and it don't lead to nothin' good, but we won't say a word about how it used to be a common thing with your royal granny's family.
Love,
Someone I Love and Favorite Young Man's Mama
P.S. You all can call me Auntie Lola.
You do realize that Will and Kate are in Canada right now. As a matter of fact, they're bunking in my son's room. Kate agreed to stay in the top bunk because the bed is a little wobbly and I worried Will's weight might make the entire thing cave in on poor Kate. You should come for a visit, I'm sure they'd love to say 'hi' to their Aunt Lola!
ReplyDeleteNo ma'am I did not realize they're in Canada. The big talk around here is the weather and the crops. It's awful nice of you to let the kids stay with you. I can't leave the hinterlands so please just send them to North Dakota when you are done bowing and scraping to them. (What is it that you subjects scrape? The shit off their shoes when they step in corgi poop?)I'll warn everybody over to the church. It's time for lime jello with green grapes.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Lola