WHAT? MONDAY

Gentle Readers . . .  and Maxwell,

Pearl Harbor Day is this week: "December Seventh, 1941, a day which will live in infamy."

Folks who are old enough to remember that day know where they were when they heard that Pearl Harbor had been attacked by the Japanese. D., one of my marvelous men 
at the nursing home, couldn't remember what he said the second after he said it. But he knew exactly what street he was on in Baltimore and what he was doing when he heard about Pearl Harbor.

So today's What? Monday question is

What days of historical or personal significance do you remember?

The first one in my life would be Friday, November 22nd, 1963 -- if I actually remembered it. It was the day President Kennedy was assassinated. I was four years old. Strangely, I remember the funeral. The procession went by over and over again on our black and white TV with the poor, snowy reception. I specifically remember my dad explaining the significance of the riderless horse.

However, I don't remember learning that the president had been killed.

Some other important dates for me:

February 9th, 1963: First time Beatles were on Ed Sullivan show (I don't actually remember this date; I remember the event.)
August 9th, 1974: President Nixon resigned.
February 14th, 1977: Lost my virginity in the back seat of my Mustang.
August 16th, 1977: Elvis died
December 9th, 1980: John Lennon murdered.
November 9th, 1989: Berlin Wall started to come down.

I know exactly where I was when each of these events occurred, and I could go and on with important dates, but I guess I'll skip to September 11th, 2001.

It was Someone I Love's first day of her sophomore year in high school. I took her to school and got home and turned on The Today Show. The first plane had hit and as the country watched, the second plane hit. It was a day that seemed never ending.

So, tell us please:

What days of historical or personal significance do you remember?

Infinities of love,

Lola

P.S. This is the final week that I'll collect funds for the blogger in need. Please donate if you can. The PayPal button is to your right.

MS. LOLA PAYS A CALL ON MISS CINDERITA

Gentle Readers,

What are you doing here? Get your asses over to Cinderita's and do it NOW.

I hate to be so bossy -- well, no, it actually doesn't bother me in the least -- but I told you I'd be guest posting at Cinderita's today. The post is about gratitude. I'll be very grateful if you leave comments there and give me your bloggy love.

Infinities of love,

Lola

GO TO THE ADVENTURES OF CINDERITA, PLEASE. I'M NOT GOING TO ASK SO NICELY IF I HAVE TO BRING IT UP AGAIN.

IF I WORE A BATHING SUIT

Gentle Readers,

If I wore a bathing suit, I fear some good Samaritans would think I'm a whale and try to shove me into the ocean.

Because of course we have lots of oceans here in the Dakotas.

The thing is, though, I am never going to have a bod like that of Sandra at Absolutely Narcissism.

That fucking bitch is fucking hot very nice lady works very hard to maintain a lovely figure.

I used to be skinny, but not so skinny that I had no boobs. I had very nice boobs, according to a number of young men who attended my high school. I was even named Best Body in the school newspaper. I hope schools don't do shit like that anymore. It's really pretty cruel. I remained thin until everything went nuts in my marriage and I took an anti-depressant and gained a ginormous amount of weight, leaving me feeling that I am no longer me.

Off the anti-depressant, I did not lose an ounce. Well, occasionally I could tell I dropped a couple of pounds, but I would also gain them back immediately plus add at least one for good measure.

Then recently I decided to try NutriSystem. They were having a 50% off sale on your first shipment. My health insurance also knocks some money off the price.

The nice thing about NutriSystem is that you don't have to worry about portion control or weighing how much you're eating. The food is all pre-packaged.

The bad thing about NutriSystem is that quite a bit of the food tastes like the cardboard container it comes in, and I never get enough to eat.

Always
always
always

HUNGRY.

At first, I had dreams about cinnamon rolls and other yummy foods. I felt pretty miserable.

Then I realized I could not eat NutriSystem 24/7 or I would go crazy and run to the nearest bakery, buy a large cake (the kind intended for a party where you'll serve 50 people), and eat the entire thing.

So now I take little NutriSystem breaks and have something like one of those little packets of cookies that has 100 calories or a Special K bar, which has 90 calories.

During the first three weeks I lost 11 pounds and that was about three weeks ago. I haven't weighed myself since then. I don't have a scale. But some pants that were too tight last summer now fit just fine.

However, no matter how much NutriSysteming or Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers I do, I am never going to look like Sandra.

But I admire her for her commitment to preparing for a fitness competition. Sandra, you inspire me. I'll try not to give up.

Infinities of love and pounds,

Lola

CANCELLATION TRIALS & TRIBULATIONS

Gentle Readers,

Last week I told you about all my new techno stuff in  TECH NO GEEK.       

But getting new stuff meant I had to cancel some old stuff. The new cell phone was no problem because of Rad and because I simply went from one AT&T phone to another.

But installing a U-Verse package meant I had to cancel my old satellite TV provider and internet service.

So I called the satellite people. We'll call them DirectFuckMe. The guy I got on the phone simply would not shut up and let me cancel the service. I didn't shout; I didn't curse. But I did end up becoming rather angry and speaking to him quite strongly, as in, My DVR hasn't worked properly for months and you people kept telling me it was my fault and you wouldn't do anything about it and then the AT&T guy told me today that your stuff had never been hooked up properly.

Mr. DirectFuckMe actually had the nerve to tell me that he isn't "you people," that he has a name and it's Shit Head, and that I never talked to him so it wasn't his fault.

Then he tried to rip me off by telling me if I didn't cancel for another month that it would save me money on what I have to pay per month ($20) to finish off my contract, which ends in September. I said, How can paying for another month at $79 cost less?

He said, Blah blah blah blah something something something.

I said, Just cancel it right now.

He finally obeyed.

Them I had to call Shamcast to cancel the internet. I've been unhappy with them because they called me a couple of months ago and said they were sending out someone to upgrade my modem free of charge and the cost of my service would actually go down.

HA! I say HA!

Almost every day the internet went out after the upgrade and I had to unplug everything and plug it back in, not easy when one is hampered by a broken back. Furthermore, although the cost of the internet service went down by about a dollar, they added some other cost, so the total cost went up.

But I was prepared when I called Shamcast because of my experience with DirectFuckMe. When Shamcast inquired why I was canceling, I answered, I am giving away all my belongings and entering a convent.

He said he didn't even know there were convents in the United States anymore. I assured him there were.

He said I was due for a refund.

No argument.

Problem solved.

I'm going to use the entering a convent excuse from now on.

In fact, afterwards I felt so freaking brilliant I'm surprised my head could fit through the door.

Infinities of love and nunneries,

Lola

P.S. AT&T also gave me a $200 rebate for getting the U-Verse package, which more than covers the cost of the $60 I still owe DirectFuckMe for canceling my contract with them.