WILLY DUNNE WOOTERS AND THE ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS PAPER TOWELS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Willy Dunne Wooters visited me last weekend. After he had been here a couple of hours, he asked me where the paper towels were. I told him they were on the counter in the kitchen.

It's not terribly difficult to find stuff on my counters. That's because so few things are sitting out. See that red coffee cup near the paper towels? That's only sitting out because Willy Dunne Wooters had coffee. My mug goes in the dishwasher immediately after I'm finished with my cocoa.

Next, Willy Dunne Wooters requested glass cleaner. I told him he could find a spray bottle of Windex on the shelf next to the washing machine.

See the Windex?

A few minutes later, Willy Dunne Wooters trundled past me with a paper towel and a spray bottle and entered the hall bathroom. Oh, how nice, I thought. Willy Dunne Wooters is going to clean the bathroom mirror.

But that evening whilst we dined on fish and broccoli and some other yummy food I prepared with my own two little hands, Willy Dunne Wooters suddenly asked me a question I thought rather strange.

That white roll of stuff out there on the kitchen counter – you call those paper towels? Willy Dunne Wooters inquired.

I nodded politely, keeping my mouth close because I was chowing down on some broccoli.

Those paper towels are worthless, Willy Dunne Wooters said.

Those paper towels are absolutely worthless, Willy Dunne Wooters continued.

Those are the most worthless paper towels I've ever seen, Willy Dunne Wooters lamented.

Those worthless paper towels don't absorb anything, Willy Dunne Wooters cried in a stirring summation of the problem.

I smiled politely, mouth closed because I had shoveled in partaken of more broccoli. I knew the paper towels were fine. They're the same brand I usually buy.

I set out the paper towels so I could take this photo.
Normally, the paper towel package in on a shelf in a closet.

Throughout the rest of the evening, Willy Dunne Wooters continued to exclaim about the absolutely worthless paper towels. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.

Willy Dunne Wooters returned on Wednesday evening to take me out to dinner. Before we left my house, he again departed for the bathroom with a paper towel and a spray bottle. Soon afterwards, we were were enjoying a pleasant repast at The Crazy Egg, my neighborhood restaurant. Willy Dunne Wooters suddenly said, You know those paper towels? Those worthless paper towels? Well, I found out what was wrong with them. I was using them to clean my glasses, but I had the laundry stain remover instead of the Windex. 

Willy Dunne Wooters smiled. Then Willy Dunne Wooters laughed. Then Willy Dunne Wooters and
I laughed so much that we could hardly eat our yummy Crazy Egg dinner.

Hey. It's me, Willy Dunne Wooters.
I can see through my glasses now.
And don't bother to lust after me, ladies.
I belong to Miss Junebug.

Thank you, Willy Dunne Wooters, for telling the world you belong to me. 

Infinities of love and paper towels,

Janie Junebug

HEISENBERG

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Tonight is the final episode of Breaking Bad. I don't think I've been this excited about a TV show since they caught the one-armed man on The Fugitive. I suppose some of you don't remember that show and you think The Fugitive is an old movie starring Harrison Ford. That's okay. Perhaps you didn't experience the joy of growing up during The Dark Ages when we had black-and-white televisions.

The Wizard of Oz was on TV once each year, and no, there wasn't any such thing as cable. I had no idea what the big deal was when Dorothy opened the door of her house and entered Munchkinland.

Anyway, I've read some of the online blabbering speculation about what will happen tonight. Everyone seems so concerned about Walt.

What will happen to Walt? Most think it's a foregone conclusion that Walt will die.

I, on the other hand, think that Walt might surprise us by making it. Breaking Bad is a show that's always been full of surprises.

The character I'm worried about (sob sniffle) is Jesse Pinkman.

Walt has manipulated Jesse all these years, but even when Jesse followed through on Walt's commands to do very, very bad stuff, Jesse didn't want to do the bad stuff. He's lost everyone he ever loved, including his former chemistry teacher who became his father figure.

But somehow, through everything, Jesse Pinkman has managed to retain his humanity. Bitch.

God bless you, Jesse Pinkman. I want things to go your way for a change.


Infinities of love and a sob and a sniffle,

Janie Junebug

P.S. I wonder how many times Jesse Pinkman has said "bitch" over the course of five seasons.


From IMBD:

[repeated line]

Jesse Pinkman: Bitch!

FRANKLIN FRIDAY: TWITTER TWITTER TWEET

Hi Hi Hi Every Buddy! It's me Franklin the Bordernese!

Look at what I can do: I make words in color. TWITTER TWITTER TWEET TWEET TWEET TWEET

I learned about making words in color because The Hurricane used to have a boyfriend who went to Amsterdam and smoked a pot and then he saw words in color. That's ridicurous. I don't need a pot to change the color of words. 

I'm writing about Twitter this week because I'm very excited that my mom is going to be the guest on a Twitter chat on October 10th. You should be ready for that special day.

If you don't have a Twitter account, you can go to twitter.com to get started. It can't be very hard to Tweet because Mom does it. *snicker* 

When you have a Twitter account, then you can follow Mom on Twitter by clicking on the Twitter button on her blog. Her Twitter name is @JanieJunebug.

Here's how you can join in the chat, or just lurk the way Nicki Elson said she would. It happens on October 10th at 9 p.m. Eastern Time (that means 8 p.m. Central Time, 7 p.m. Mountain Time, and 6 p.m. Pacific Time). You can log on at twubs.com/k8chat, and find more information about Twitter chatting at http://blog.bibliocrunch.com/how-to-join-a-twitter-chat/.

The nice lady who's in charge of the Twitter chat is Kate Tilton. You can see her Web site at ttp://katetilton.com.

The Twitter chat will be about strong female characters in books. Mom loves talking about stuff like that. An autographed copy of Dragonbait, a book that has a very cool princess character and was edited by Mom, will be given away during the Twitter chat.

I really, really hope you'll join the Twitter chat because Mom's never Twitter chatted before. She won't be as nervous if some of her blogger friends are there. You know, Mom cares about you all a whole big bunch.

Look at the next picture. I'm wearing my new necklace that Brandon Ax gave to me. Mom thinks it's hers, but I sneaked it out of her jewelry box.

Snicker, snicker, sneak. HA! Gosh, that necklace is so bootiful on my fur.


I love you, Every Buddy!

Franklin the Bordernese

MOVIE WEEKEND: THE BIG WEDDING

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today I present for your viewing consideration a so-called comedy known as The Big Wedding (2013, Rated R, Available on DVD).

Ellie (Diane Keaton) returns to the home where she once lived with her husband, Don (Robert De Niro). Ellie and Don divorced because Don had an affair with Ellie's best friend, Bebe (Susan Sarandon). Now the family is coming together because one of Don and Ellie's three children, Alejandro, is getting married. The couple adopted Alejandro from Columbia. His biological mother also is coming to the wedding. Because the biological mother is a staunch Catholic, Alejandro asks Don and Ellie to pretend that they are still married. Antics ensue.

Could this plot be more contrived and stupid? Why, yes, it could, you'd say, if you knew all the details of the movie. Ellie and Don's two older children are played by Topher Grace and Katherine Heigl. Grace's character is a 30-year-old virgin. Most of the "jokes" in the movie have to do with sex and are not funny. Heigl's character spends the entire movie looking disgusted. I wonder why.

The movie also has some very bad and stupid physical comedy, such as Don being afraid of heights and falling off a diving board into a pool when Ellie tells him they have to pretend to be married.

The big question here is as follows: What are Diane Keaton, Robert De Niro, and Susan Sarandon doing in this dreck? Do they need money that badly? 

The movie, however, seems perfect for Heigl, who hasn't been in anything funny or good since Knocked Up. Oh, wait a minute. She was in that movie in which she and a guy she hates fall in love while they're raising their deceased friends' child. I can't remember the name of it, but it wasn't as bad as some of the other crap in which I've seen her. 

Willy Dunne Wooters saw only a few minutes of The Big Wedding and said he's tired of comedies that revolve around lies. Willy Dunne Wooters knows of what he speaks.

Hey, there. I'm Willy Dunne Wooters.
Don't bother to lust after me, ladies.
I belong to Miss Junebug.
This movie's rating should be "Seal Broken, Do Not View."

Thank you for your input, Willy Dunne Wooters. The Big Wedding earns The Janie Junebug Seal of Malaise or Ennui. Take your pick, but who cares?

Watch at your own risk. And it's not for kids unless you want them to ask you in front of your mother-in-law what cunnilingus is.

You can find something better to watch. I just know it. Look back through some of my other reviews for a good one you haven't seen yet, or watch something you've seen before and you love it so much that it's worth watching again.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

BOOK NOOK: ELEMENTAL

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

One aspect of blogging that I especially appreciate is the opportunity to read and review books by my blogger buddies. Furthermore, sometimes the books are from a genre that I would never choose for myself, but I buy the book because the author is a friend – albeit one I've never met – et voila! I discover that I can enjoy a book that I thought I wouldn't like.

Such is the case with Elemental, the first novel from Brandon Ax, who blogs at Writer's Storm: Brandon Ax. Elemental is a Young Adult fantasy novel. I've never been into fantasy or science fiction-y things, but I enjoyed Elemental tremendously.

The heroine of Elemental is Sophia, a high school student who lives alone with her father. Every night, her sleep is disturbed by strange dreams. Then Sophia meets an unusual young man named Aiden, and she begins to learn more about who – and what – she really is.

Sophia tells her own story; therefore, Brandon Ax's voice in the novel is that of a teen-aged girl. Not once did I question that the main character is a young girl. Brandon never takes a wrong step and slips into guy speech, but I must say I like it that Sophia isn't over-the-top feminine. She has to deal with more than mere teen angst, and she remains pretty darn strong. She takes a lot in stride, after an initial shock or surprise.

Here, Sophia greets her best friend, Jen, at school:

She walked up to me smiling. "Sup sexy lady."

Not much Miss beautamuss." I smiled back.

Sounds like a couple of girls in high school, right?

Brandon, I have to criticize something about the book, though, and I take no pleasure in doing it. Dude, you have to improve your punctuation and work on your proofreading. If you can't do it alone, then get help from a professional. The book has a lot of comma splices and run-on sentences, and they don't seem to be a literary technique that enhances the plot. And it's not just a few errors. Mistakes with punctuation, and some other problems, are frequent and distracting. They detract from your style.

The good news is that the boo-boos didn't keep me from following the plot, which I like. A lot happens, but I could follow the story.

This book is cool and interesting:

The shadows came, they stood in a semi-circle in front of me. I knew what they wanted, they wanted to take me. I knew because they had been searching for me in my dreams so many nights since I was a child. I could never make out anyone, just faceless bodies shrouded in darkness.

Elemental earns The Janie Junebug Highest Seal of Approval. I wish I had a prize I could give you for successfully completing your first novel. I understand that the second book in this series, "The Light Bringer Saga," is also available. You are a hard working writer. Good for you for throwing yourself into your craft and not making excuses to avoid writing the way some Junebugs do.

I purchased Elemental from Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Elemental-Light-Bringer-Saga-Volume/dp/148414791X/ref=as_li_tf_ssw?&linkCode=wss&tag=widgetsamazon-20.

I urge you to give this novel a chance, Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

AUTHOR! AUTHOR! BRANDON AX

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

GRATITUDE TUESDAY and WHAT? WEDNESDAY have agreed to give up their spots in the blog schedule this week in favor of, first, an interview with author Brandon Ax, and then on Wednesday, my review of his first novel, Elemental. You can purchase Elemental from Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Elemental-Light-Bringer-Saga-Volume/dp/148414791X.

Here's part of the synopsis of Elemental from the book cover: Sophia's mother disappeared when she was six, leaving behind a broken father and sleep disturbed by silent terrors. Now, twelve years later, the nightmares that plagued her youth have suddenly returned. With dark creatures occupying her nights and a sense of restlessness consuming her days, all she wants is to finish school and get out of her small town as fast as possible. Everything changes when she is confronted with the realization that the shadowy beings from her dreams are real. 

And here's the interview with Brandon Ax: 

Q. What was the very first idea you had that led to the creation of Elemental?

A. Funny enough I wanted to write a comic book about people with elemental powers. It wasn't until Sophia came to my mind that it became a novel.

Q. What sort of planning did you do before you started writing? Did you know the complete plot or did you come up with ideas as you wrote? It's not difficult to follow the plot, but a lot is going on.

A. I do a lot of plotting in my head before I write. I am lucky enough to have a good memory for things and don't forget much. I also had some key points I needed to hit, but the actual writing itself sort of came as I wrote.

Q. How did you get inside a teen-age girl's head?

A. Well I was raised by a single mother and was the only boy of three children. I guess I have never had trouble understanding females. Also, I approached it as I would any character, they are a person with fears and desires just like anyone else.

Q. What advice do you have for other writers who want to publish books? How did you go about getting Elemental published?

A. Mostly to stick with it. Never stop writing even when you are trying to get a book out there, write another. You will only get better and a good book always has a chance. I self published Elemental, then Wayman Publishing found me.

Q. What are you doing to promote the book? What's working, and what isn't?

A. A lot of social media, Facebook, GoodReads, Twitter, and blogging. I wish I could say what works and what doesn't, personally, marketing is an area I need to get better at. In fact this has all been sort of a learning process for me.

Q. Are any of the characters based on real people? Sophia seems very real to me.

A. There are tidbits of people in some of the characters. As far as Sophia all I can say is, if you liked her you would probably like me and same goes for the opposite.

Q. How did you feel when you first saw a copy of the book?

A. Stunned, excited, overjoyed. It was almost as good as holding one of my children when they were born—almost.

Q. What can we expect from you next?

A. Well I just put out Ashes, the second book in the series and I have plans for one more. Also I have been writing on another WIP that I recently talked about on my blog. Trying to stay busy and relevant.

Q. I know you're a stay-at-home writing dad. What role do the kids and the dogs play in your work?

A. Well as any parent knows, time management is key to a productive life. It takes a lot of managing to make things run smooth. Some days it does, some days it doesn't. Still, they are my support and my encouragement and sometimes my muse.

Q. What else have you had published? I know Elemental is your first novel, but did you start with short stories or articles of some sort?

A. I wrote one short story for an anthology that I believe is coming out in November. Other than that Elemental and Ashes are my two works out there at the moment.

Brandon is a very nice, friendly guy. He blogs at Writer's Storm: Brandon Ax.

Last, but definitely not least, here's a photo of Brandon with his buddy, Sadie:

I hope you'll join me tomorrow for my review of Elemental. I'll give you a hint about what I think of it: It was hard to put it down.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

I HAVE CHOSEN MY MAN

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

With your very kind assistance, I have chosen the man I will date. It's one of the men you saw HERE last week.

I was able to make my decision when I saw another photo of one of the men and realized that we have something very special in common.

Here's the all-important photo:

How could I not fall in love immediately? We went out to dinner on Saturday. Then I brought him home with me, and the rest is history.

His name is Willy Dunne Wooters.* You'll get to know him, and to know him is to love him.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

* Susie at loonysuse introduced us. God bless you, Susie. If you don't follow Susie, then you'd better start right away. She might have another Willy Dunne Wooters up her sleeve.