Monday, September 2, 2013

I DON'T KNOW IF THIS POEM IS FINISHED

Look at my face
Look me in the eye, if you dare.

I can kill you
with the flip of a wrist
with the point of a finger
with the wink of an eye.

It's so easy.
It's so simple.

I carry Death within me.
I am Power.


35 comments:

  1. Yeah...I'm never getting on your bad side...

    -andi

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  2. Oh Janie, this one is strong. It seems very finished, but it could expand too.

    "I carry DEATH within me."

    You'll have to teach me "the flip of the wrist" thingy.

    It's powerful. I love it.

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    Replies
    1. The flip of the wrist thingy is the use of a fly swatter to kill a winged invader.

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  3. I'm too scared to comment--don't hurt me, please!!

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    Replies
    1. I only kill bugs and lizards that invade my home. A fishducky is safe.

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  4. "So don't piss me off."
    "So kiss me and take your chances."
    "So buy me a drink before I open a can of whoop ass."
    "Now! Does this dress make my ass look big?"

    Want some more to finish your poem?

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    Replies
    1. I might add something about a can of whoop ass.

      Delete
  5. I just hope I haven't ever done anything to anger you.

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  6. Dear Janie, the poem is forceful and relenting. Both good. But somehow at the end I felt a little let down. I'm thinking that "Power" is such an abstraction. I'd like a more concrete, tangible word--or phrase or line--here. Just a thought. Peace.

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    Replies
    1. I appreciate a concrete constructive criticism. I see your point. Power doesn't quite work.

      Delete
  7. I had a feeling you were talking to an insect. Still very well done!

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  8. I came here to thank you for your words for Soldier, thank you for caring, dear Janie.

    After reading the poem, I think maybe you should go pet Franklin for a while.

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    Replies
    1. Franklin is sitting next to me with his head on my leg.

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  9. Replies
    1. Good. I was really getting worried!

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    2. You never have to worry with me. You're too far away for my back to tolerate the drive in the car.

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  10. I leave for a while and you turn into a kick-ass mama. Remind me to show you how to kill using only one finger.

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  11. I say this to the bugs that get into my porch. ;)

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    Replies
    1. Every time you smack a bug, shout I AM POWER. You'll feel so good and fascinate the neighbors at the same time.

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Got your panties in a bunch? Dig 'em out, get comfortable, and let's chat.