Monday, September 30, 2013

WILLY DUNNE WOOTERS AND THE ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS PAPER TOWELS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Willy Dunne Wooters visited me last weekend. After he had been here a couple of hours, he asked me where the paper towels were. I told him they were on the counter in the kitchen.



It's not terribly difficult to find stuff on my counters. That's because so few things are sitting out. See that red coffee cup near the paper towels? That's only sitting out because Willy Dunne Wooters had coffee. My mug goes in the dishwasher immediately after I'm finished with my cocoa.

Next, Willy Dunne Wooters requested glass cleaner. I told him he could find a spray bottle of Windex on the shelf next to the washing machine.



See the Windex?

A few minutes later, Willy Dunne Wooters trundled past me with a paper towel and a spray bottle and entered the hall bathroom. Oh, how nice, I thought. Willy Dunne Wooters is going to clean the bathroom mirror.

But that evening whilst we dined on fish and broccoli and some other yummy food I prepared with my own two little hands, Willy Dunne Wooters suddenly asked me a question I thought rather strange.

That white roll of stuff out there on the kitchen counter – you call those paper towels? Willy Dunne Wooters inquired.

I nodded politely, keeping my mouth close because I was chowing down on some broccoli.

Those paper towels are worthless, Willy Dunne Wooters said.

Those paper towels are absolutely worthless, Willy Dunne Wooters continued.

Those are the most worthless paper towels I've ever seen, Willy Dunne Wooters lamented.

Those worthless paper towels don't absorb anything, Willy Dunne Wooters cried in a stirring summation of the problem.

I smiled politely, mouth closed because I had shoveled in partaken of more broccoli. I knew the paper towels were fine. They're the same brand I usually buy.


I set out the paper towels so I could take this photo.
Normally, the paper towel package in on a shelf in a closet.

Throughout the rest of the evening, Willy Dunne Wooters continued to exclaim about the absolutely worthless paper towels. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.

Willy Dunne Wooters returned on Wednesday evening to take me out to dinner. Before we left my house, he again departed for the bathroom with a paper towel and a spray bottle. Soon afterwards, we were were enjoying a pleasant repast at The Crazy Egg, my neighborhood restaurant. Willy Dunne Wooters suddenly said, You know those paper towels? Those worthless paper towels? Well, I found out what was wrong with them. I was using them to clean my glasses, but I had the laundry stain remover instead of the Windex. 



Willy Dunne Wooters smiled. Then Willy Dunne Wooters laughed. Then Willy Dunne Wooters and
I laughed so much that we could hardly eat our yummy Crazy Egg dinner.

Hey. It's me, Willy Dunne Wooters.
I can see through my glasses now.
And don't bother to lust after me, ladies.
I belong to Miss Junebug.

Thank you, Willy Dunne Wooters, for telling the world you belong to me. 


Infinities of love and paper towels,

Janie Junebug

36 comments:

  1. Awesome.

    Tony usually makes me get stuff out for him because he can no longer read the bottles... next time I'm just gonna make him an eye appointment. :)

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  2. great post & blog !
    Maybe we follow each other ?!
    If yes, let me know if you follow me & i´ll follow back :)

    Greetings

    www.YulieKendra.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or you can follow me and then maybe I'll follow you.

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    2. You crack me up. :P Will you follow me to the Emerald City?

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  3. Viva paper towels are very nice. That is my fave pictures of Willy, too.

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  4. I love the Oxi-Clean story. Philly Done Hooters once cleaned my glasses with some sort of "special" cleaner that smeared the anti-scratch material all over them. I was ever so grateful. Not.

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    Replies
    1. I hope Philly Done Hooters bought new glasses for you immediately, if not sooner.

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    2. Oh yeah...and I love your subway tile.

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    3. What's subway tile? I don't live in the subway.

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  5. Dear Janie, what I like about WDW is that he admitted a mistake. That's major! Peace.

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    Replies
    1. Willy Dunne Wooters tends to admit mistakes with no problem.

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  6. Dear Janie, and the fact that he could laugh about his mistake is even more major!!! Peace.

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  7. Replies
    1. Then why doesn't he have more money? Where's my condo in Hawaii?

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  8. Bloody marvelous! Love wee tales such a this :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. It's a pleasure to have you.

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  9. Funny! My wife never saw a cleaner advertised that she didn't want. We have every kind of cleaner around the place. I never know what I've got when I grab a bottle. So far no problem with paper towels.

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    Replies
    1. I don't want every cleaner I see (and I think you exaggerate about Mrs. C), but I like having the appropriate cleaner for every job.

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  10. too funny! love how this was his fault...lol

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  11. I was going to say, I love those paper towels lol. We all make mistakes it is how we handle them that shows who we are.

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  12. lol. That is so funny. Did this really happen or is it a made up thing? because I ended up laughing too.
    www.thoughtsofpaps.com

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  13. Oh those silly men we adore. They give us blog material at least. Xx

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    Replies
    1. I've always told Favorite Young Man that I gave birth to him so he could be fodder for my writing.

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  14. Viva are my favorite paper towels. I guess it's a good thing I just use warm water and a towel to clean mine. I can't see anything without my glasses. ;)

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    Replies
    1. I can't see much WITH my glasses. We're such pitiful old ladies.

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  15. I like Viva I thought you must have had a cheap no name brand because they can be useless shit at times, but as I read more I realised he wasn't using windex or he was going into the bathroom and using them instead of toilet paper but who uses paper towels over toilet paper,other then those who have run out of toilet paper but even then they would be my last choice I would use tissues first...............ok I know this has nothing to do with cleaning classes but hell I am strange..........didn't you know

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