WHAT? MONDAY

Dear Readers,

What did you do to welcome the New Year?

I did something I have never done before: I committed murder. 

No, your eyes are not deceiving you. It was much easier than I thought it would be. 

 I killed Lola. Since she was a blow up doll, all I had to do was take a nice big needle and puncture her in a few places.

Please forgive me for leaving her chest uncovered in this photo. She isn't all that realistic-looking, so I wasn't too worried about covering her up.

Lola didn't suit me anymore.

I want to explore my identity without Lola hanging around. I want to find out who I am.

Yes, it's true: I am 52 years old, and I don't know who I am. I've had many identities, but I don't know if any of them were me. I made them up in acts of avoidance, such as avoiding abuse. Recently, I tried on a new identity. I thought she fit me perfectly. I thought at long last I knew who I was. I made her the best of me.

But she wasn't good enough. Now I'm lost again.

And I'm not going to find myself in a blow up doll box.

 So that's what I did at midnight. I poked Lola full of holes and threw her in the trash. The demise of Lola does not mean we'll never enjoy her sense of humor again or marvel at her quirkiness. But the aspects of her personality that we like will have to come from within me.

So, what did you do to welcome the New Year? Please don't tell me you killed someone unless you also had an unwanted Lola.

Infinities of love,

Janie