Thursday, October 20, 2011

THE PICKLE HATERS

Gentle Readers,

In restaurants, I say to the server, Please don't put a pickle on my plate. Occasionally, I even say, I'm the President of the Pickle-Hating Society.

That's right: No pickles will pass these lips, Papa.

My sisters and I will  not eat pickles, and no, that's not a euphemism for penis.

Blow jobs: Fine.


Pickles: Not fine.




 You see, our mother did a terrible thing to us when we were growing up: She made pickles. It was childhood pickle abuse.

That's because the stench from the pickle cooking made us all sick. I almost fainted once because of that odor and she could not figure out what might be wrong with me. But, we weren't allowed to say OH MAN THOSE PICKLES STINK! Because she would say, Oh, shut the hell up! They do not.

But I don't remember HER ever eating a pickle either. I think my dead brother ate them.

Ate the pickles. Died young.

Coincidence? I think not.

Infinities of love,

Lola

P.S. My sister has taken a turn for the better! She shakes and nods her head to answer questions and can move her fingers. Probably puts up the middle finger most of the time. Thank you all so much for your concern, your good wishes, and your prayers. I'll let you know when I hear about more progress.

14 comments:

  1. I love a good baby dill. I won't touch sweet pickles but mmmmm, love them dills! Although, i've never had a homemade one or smelled them being made.

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  2. haha those pickles never pass my lips either, but considering most food doesn't, that's no surpise.

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  3. I don't mind a dill pickle, but the other kind, the kosher one, sucks yak piss. Good news about your sister, though. I hope she continues to improve and that you get to go see her soon. And good to know about your taste in pickles and blowjobs. I now know not to sprinkle pickle juice on my mini-me to entice you for a snack.

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  4. So glad to hear about your sister!

    You crack me up, lady. When I read what you write I can't help but think if you were doing stand-up comedy you'd have great delivery. Your timing/phrasing is just that good.

    Keep on keepin on....and hold the pickles.

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  5. Pickle abuse LMAO! My two oldest girls hate pickles. They would love this post.

    On a side note: I just wanted to say how glad I am that I've met you. I love your blog!

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  6. I can't understand the concept of pickles as food. They don't even look edible. However as a receiver of blowjobs I can vouch for how brilliant they are.

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  7. What a coincidence, i'd rather eat pickles that giving blowjobs. Mostly because i'm a man...and because i really like pickles hahaha
    Also receiving blowjobs is nice, i guess i cuold give up pickles gladly in exchange for blowjobs.

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  8. Padded Cell Princess, I promise if you smelled the cooking, you wouldn't eat the outcome.
    Pat, What do you live on -- love?
    Coffey, You are da man.
    Stephanie, What a great job idea. I'll become a stand-up comic. Then I can get my own TV show about nothing.
    Elisa, Your two oldest girls are very intelligent, and I'm sure glad I know you. LOVE your blog.
    Tony, Such an intelligent comment. Definitely blow jobs over pickles.
    Plumber, If you smelled the cooking pickles, you would definitely give them up.

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  9. i only eat pickles when i am ravenously hungry, which reflects my thoughts on the food quite well. glad to hear your sis is improving.

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  10. Ed, Thank you. I'm glad too.
    My 2 Pesos, But which do you like better?

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  11. I'm so glad your sister is doing better and I hope she keeps improving.

    I loooove pickles, but maybe that's because my mom never made them. She made other stuff that smelled bad -- like liver & onions.

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  12. Jane, The only think I know of that my dad would not eat was liver, so we were spared that horror.

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  13. Arrrrrrrgh! Jane, It should have said the only THING. I hate mistaaaaaaakes.

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