Monday, September 30, 2013

WILLY DUNNE WOOTERS AND THE ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS PAPER TOWELS

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Willy Dunne Wooters visited me last weekend. After he had been here a couple of hours, he asked me where the paper towels were. I told him they were on the counter in the kitchen.



It's not terribly difficult to find stuff on my counters. That's because so few things are sitting out. See that red coffee cup near the paper towels? That's only sitting out because Willy Dunne Wooters had coffee. My mug goes in the dishwasher immediately after I'm finished with my cocoa.

Next, Willy Dunne Wooters requested glass cleaner. I told him he could find a spray bottle of Windex on the shelf next to the washing machine.



See the Windex?

A few minutes later, Willy Dunne Wooters trundled past me with a paper towel and a spray bottle and entered the hall bathroom. Oh, how nice, I thought. Willy Dunne Wooters is going to clean the bathroom mirror.

But that evening whilst we dined on fish and broccoli and some other yummy food I prepared with my own two little hands, Willy Dunne Wooters suddenly asked me a question I thought rather strange.

That white roll of stuff out there on the kitchen counter – you call those paper towels? Willy Dunne Wooters inquired.

I nodded politely, keeping my mouth close because I was chowing down on some broccoli.

Those paper towels are worthless, Willy Dunne Wooters said.

Those paper towels are absolutely worthless, Willy Dunne Wooters continued.

Those are the most worthless paper towels I've ever seen, Willy Dunne Wooters lamented.

Those worthless paper towels don't absorb anything, Willy Dunne Wooters cried in a stirring summation of the problem.

I smiled politely, mouth closed because I had shoveled in partaken of more broccoli. I knew the paper towels were fine. They're the same brand I usually buy.


I set out the paper towels so I could take this photo.
Normally, the paper towel package in on a shelf in a closet.

Throughout the rest of the evening, Willy Dunne Wooters continued to exclaim about the absolutely worthless paper towels. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.

Willy Dunne Wooters returned on Wednesday evening to take me out to dinner. Before we left my house, he again departed for the bathroom with a paper towel and a spray bottle. Soon afterwards, we were were enjoying a pleasant repast at The Crazy Egg, my neighborhood restaurant. Willy Dunne Wooters suddenly said, You know those paper towels? Those worthless paper towels? Well, I found out what was wrong with them. I was using them to clean my glasses, but I had the laundry stain remover instead of the Windex. 



Willy Dunne Wooters smiled. Then Willy Dunne Wooters laughed. Then Willy Dunne Wooters and
I laughed so much that we could hardly eat our yummy Crazy Egg dinner.

Hey. It's me, Willy Dunne Wooters.
I can see through my glasses now.
And don't bother to lust after me, ladies.
I belong to Miss Junebug.

Thank you, Willy Dunne Wooters, for telling the world you belong to me. 


Infinities of love and paper towels,

Janie Junebug

Sunday, September 29, 2013

HEISENBERG

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Tonight is the final episode of Breaking Bad. I don't think I've been this excited about a TV show since they caught the one-armed man on The Fugitive. I suppose some of you don't remember that show and you think The Fugitive is an old movie starring Harrison Ford. That's okay. Perhaps you didn't experience the joy of growing up during The Dark Ages when we had black-and-white televisions.

The Wizard of Oz was on TV once each year, and no, there wasn't any such thing as cable. I had no idea what the big deal was when Dorothy opened the door of her house and entered Munchkinland.

Anyway, I've read some of the online blabbering speculation about what will happen tonight. Everyone seems so concerned about Walt.



What will happen to Walt? Most think it's a foregone conclusion that Walt will die.

I, on the other hand, think that Walt might surprise us by making it. Breaking Bad is a show that's always been full of surprises.

The character I'm worried about (sob sniffle) is Jesse Pinkman.


Walt has manipulated Jesse all these years, but even when Jesse followed through on Walt's commands to do very, very bad stuff, Jesse didn't want to do the bad stuff. He's lost everyone he ever loved, including his former chemistry teacher who became his father figure.

But somehow, through everything, Jesse Pinkman has managed to retain his humanity. Bitch.

God bless you, Jesse Pinkman. I want things to go your way for a change.


Infinities of love and a sob and a sniffle,

Janie Junebug

P.S. I wonder how many times Jesse Pinkman has said "bitch" over the course of five seasons.


From IMBD:

[repeated line]
Jesse Pinkman: Bitch!




Friday, September 27, 2013

FRANKLIN FRIDAY: TWITTER TWITTER TWEET

Hi Hi Hi Every Buddy! It's me Franklin the Bordernese!


Look at what I can do: I make words in color. TWITTER TWITTER TWEET TWEET TWEET TWEET

I learned about making words in color because The Hurricane used to have a boyfriend who went to Amsterdam and smoked a pot and then he saw words in color. That's ridicurous. I don't need a pot to change the color of words. 

I'm writing about Twitter this week because I'm very excited that my mom is going to be the guest on a Twitter chat on October 10th. You should be ready for that special day.

If you don't have a Twitter account, you can go to twitter.com to get started. It can't be very hard to Tweet because Mom does it. *snicker* 

When you have a Twitter account, then you can follow Mom on Twitter by clicking on the Twitter button on her blog. Her Twitter name is @JanieJunebug.

Here's how you can join in the chat, or just lurk the way Nicki Elson said she would. It happens on October 10th at 9 p.m. Eastern Time (that means 8 p.m. Central Time, 7 p.m. Mountain Time, and 6 p.m. Pacific Time). You can log on at twubs.com/k8chat, and find more information about Twitter chatting at http://blog.bibliocrunch.com/how-to-join-a-twitter-chat/.

The nice lady who's in charge of the Twitter chat is Kate Tilton. You can see her Web site at ttp://katetilton.com.

The Twitter chat will be about strong female characters in books. Mom loves talking about stuff like that. An autographed copy of Dragonbait, a book that has a very cool princess character and was edited by Mom, will be given away during the Twitter chat.

I really, really hope you'll join the Twitter chat because Mom's never Twitter chatted before. She won't be as nervous if some of her blogger friends are there. You know, Mom cares about you all a whole big bunch.

Look at the next picture. I'm wearing my new necklace that Brandon Ax gave to me. Mom thinks it's hers, but I sneaked it out of her jewelry box.


Snicker, snicker, sneak. HA! Gosh, that necklace is so bootiful on my fur.


I love you, Every Buddy!

Franklin the Bordernese

Thursday, September 26, 2013

MOVIE WEEKEND: THE BIG WEDDING

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today I present for your viewing consideration a so-called comedy known as The Big Wedding (2013, Rated R, Available on DVD).


Ellie (Diane Keaton) returns to the home where she once lived with her husband, Don (Robert De Niro). Ellie and Don divorced because Don had an affair with Ellie's best friend, Bebe (Susan Sarandon). Now the family is coming together because one of Don and Ellie's three children, Alejandro, is getting married. The couple adopted Alejandro from Columbia. His biological mother also is coming to the wedding. Because the biological mother is a staunch Catholic, Alejandro asks Don and Ellie to pretend that they are still married. Antics ensue.

Could this plot be more contrived and stupid? Why, yes, it could, you'd say, if you knew all the details of the movie. Ellie and Don's two older children are played by Topher Grace and Katherine Heigl. Grace's character is a 30-year-old virgin. Most of the "jokes" in the movie have to do with sex and are not funny. Heigl's character spends the entire movie looking disgusted. I wonder why.

The movie also has some very bad and stupid physical comedy, such as Don being afraid of heights and falling off a diving board into a pool when Ellie tells him they have to pretend to be married.

The big question here is as follows: What are Diane Keaton, Robert De Niro, and Susan Sarandon doing in this dreck? Do they need money that badly? 

The movie, however, seems perfect for Heigl, who hasn't been in anything funny or good since Knocked Up. Oh, wait a minute. She was in that movie in which she and a guy she hates fall in love while they're raising their deceased friends' child. I can't remember the name of it, but it wasn't as bad as some of the other crap in which I've seen her. 

Willy Dunne Wooters saw only a few minutes of The Big Wedding and said he's tired of comedies that revolve around lies. Willy Dunne Wooters knows of what he speaks.


Hey, there. I'm Willy Dunne Wooters.
Don't bother to lust after me, ladies.
I belong to Miss Junebug.
This movie's rating should be "Seal Broken, Do Not View."


Thank you for your input, Willy Dunne Wooters. The Big Wedding earns The Janie Junebug Seal of Malaise or Ennui. Take your pick, but who cares?

Watch at your own risk. And it's not for kids unless you want them to ask you in front of your mother-in-law what cunnilingus is.

You can find something better to watch. I just know it. Look back through some of my other reviews for a good one you haven't seen yet, or watch something you've seen before and you love it so much that it's worth watching again.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug




Wednesday, September 25, 2013

BOOK NOOK: ELEMENTAL

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

One aspect of blogging that I especially appreciate is the opportunity to read and review books by my blogger buddies. Furthermore, sometimes the books are from a genre that I would never choose for myself, but I buy the book because the author is a friend – albeit one I've never met – et voila! I discover that I can enjoy a book that I thought I wouldn't like.

Such is the case with Elemental, the first novel from Brandon Ax, who blogs at Writer's Storm: Brandon Ax. Elemental is a Young Adult fantasy novel. I've never been into fantasy or science fiction-y things, but I enjoyed Elemental tremendously.


The heroine of Elemental is Sophia, a high school student who lives alone with her father. Every night, her sleep is disturbed by strange dreams. Then Sophia meets an unusual young man named Aiden, and she begins to learn more about who – and what – she really is.

Sophia tells her own story; therefore, Brandon Ax's voice in the novel is that of a teen-aged girl. Not once did I question that the main character is a young girl. Brandon never takes a wrong step and slips into guy speech, but I must say I like it that Sophia isn't over-the-top feminine. She has to deal with more than mere teen angst, and she remains pretty darn strong. She takes a lot in stride, after an initial shock or surprise.

Here, Sophia greets her best friend, Jen, at school:

She walked up to me smiling. "Sup sexy lady."

Not much Miss beautamuss." I smiled back.

Sounds like a couple of girls in high school, right?

Brandon, I have to criticize something about the book, though, and I take no pleasure in doing it. Dude, you have to improve your punctuation and work on your proofreading. If you can't do it alone, then get help from a professional. The book has a lot of comma splices and run-on sentences, and they don't seem to be a literary technique that enhances the plot. And it's not just a few errors. Mistakes with punctuation, and some other problems, are frequent and distracting. They detract from your style.

The good news is that the boo-boos didn't keep me from following the plot, which I like. A lot happens, but I could follow the story.

This book is cool and interesting:

The shadows came, they stood in a semi-circle in front of me. I knew what they wanted, they wanted to take me. I knew because they had been searching for me in my dreams so many nights since I was a child. I could never make out anyone, just faceless bodies shrouded in darkness.

Elemental earns The Janie Junebug Highest Seal of Approval. I wish I had a prize I could give you for successfully completing your first novel. I understand that the second book in this series, "The Light Bringer Saga," is also available. You are a hard working writer. Good for you for throwing yourself into your craft and not making excuses to avoid writing the way some Junebugs do.

I purchased Elemental from Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Elemental-Light-Bringer-Saga-Volume/dp/148414791X/ref=as_li_tf_ssw?&linkCode=wss&tag=widgetsamazon-20.

I urge you to give this novel a chance, Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

AUTHOR! AUTHOR! BRANDON AX

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

GRATITUDE TUESDAY and WHAT? WEDNESDAY have agreed to give up their spots in the blog schedule this week in favor of, first, an interview with author Brandon Ax, and then on Wednesday, my review of his first novel, Elemental. You can purchase Elemental from Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Elemental-Light-Bringer-Saga-Volume/dp/148414791X.

Here's part of the synopsis of Elemental from the book cover: Sophia's mother disappeared when she was six, leaving behind a broken father and sleep disturbed by silent terrors. Now, twelve years later, the nightmares that plagued her youth have suddenly returned. With dark creatures occupying her nights and a sense of restlessness consuming her days, all she wants is to finish school and get out of her small town as fast as possible. Everything changes when she is confronted with the realization that the shadowy beings from her dreams are real. 

And here's the interview with Brandon Ax: 
Q. What was the very first idea you had that led to the creation of Elemental?

A. Funny enough I wanted to write a comic book about people with elemental powers. It wasn't until Sophia came to my mind that it became a novel.

Q. What sort of planning did you do before you started writing? Did you know the complete plot or did you come up with ideas as you wrote? It's not difficult to follow the plot, but a lot is going on.

A. I do a lot of plotting in my head before I write. I am lucky enough to have a good memory for things and don't forget much. I also had some key points I needed to hit, but the actual writing itself sort of came as I wrote.

Q. How did you get inside a teen-age girl's head?

A. Well I was raised by a single mother and was the only boy of three children. I guess I have never had trouble understanding females. Also, I approached it as I would any character, they are a person with fears and desires just like anyone else.

Q. What advice do you have for other writers who want to publish books? How did you go about getting Elemental published?

A. Mostly to stick with it. Never stop writing even when you are trying to get a book out there, write another. You will only get better and a good book always has a chance. I self published Elemental, then Wayman Publishing found me.

Q. What are you doing to promote the book? What's working, and what isn't?

A. A lot of social media, Facebook, GoodReads, Twitter, and blogging. I wish I could say what works and what doesn't, personally, marketing is an area I need to get better at. In fact this has all been sort of a learning process for me.

Q. Are any of the characters based on real people? Sophia seems very real to me.

A. There are tidbits of people in some of the characters. As far as Sophia all I can say is, if you liked her you would probably like me and same goes for the opposite.

Q. How did you feel when you first saw a copy of the book?

A. Stunned, excited, overjoyed. It was almost as good as holding one of my children when they were born—almost.

Q. What can we expect from you next?

A. Well I just put out Ashes, the second book in the series and I have plans for one more. Also I have been writing on another WIP that I recently talked about on my blog. Trying to stay busy and relevant.

Q. I know you're a stay-at-home writing dad. What role do the kids and the dogs play in your work?

A. Well as any parent knows, time management is key to a productive life. It takes a lot of managing to make things run smooth. Some days it does, some days it doesn't. Still, they are my support and my encouragement and sometimes my muse.

Q. What else have you had published? I know Elemental is your first novel, but did you start with short stories or articles of some sort?

A. I wrote one short story for an anthology that I believe is coming out in November. Other than that Elemental and Ashes are my two works out there at the moment.

Brandon is a very nice, friendly guy. He blogs at Writer's Storm: Brandon Ax.

Last, but definitely not least, here's a photo of Brandon with his buddy, Sadie:


I hope you'll join me tomorrow for my review of Elemental. I'll give you a hint about what I think of it: It was hard to put it down.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Monday, September 23, 2013

I HAVE CHOSEN MY MAN

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

With your very kind assistance, I have chosen the man I will date. It's one of the men you saw HERE last week.

I was able to make my decision when I saw another photo of one of the men and realized that we have something very special in common.

Here's the all-important photo:



How could I not fall in love immediately? We went out to dinner on Saturday. Then I brought him home with me, and the rest is history.


His name is Willy Dunne Wooters.* You'll get to know him, and to know him is to love him.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

* Susie at loonysuse introduced us. God bless you, Susie. If you don't follow Susie, then you'd better start right away. She might have another Willy Dunne Wooters up her sleeve.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

SHE MUST BE STILL

she must be still
she must be quiet
stasis required
breathe in
breathe out
soundlessly

perhaps she could slide out of the bed
to settle on the floor
without him noticing
breathe in
breathe out
soundlessly

no
the floor has no blanket
she would be cold
breathe in
breathe out
soundlessly

if she's cold
her teeth will chatter
her body will shake
breathe in
breathe out
soundlessly

she must be still
the extension cord is next to the bed
if he awakes he'll wrap it around her neck again
breathe in
breathe out
soundlessly

the cord hurts
it leaves a bruise
it's hard to breathe
breathe in
breathe out
soundlessly

there is
no possible
escape
breathe in
breathe out
soundlessly


Don't get all in a tizzy. It's just a poem. It's not about me. No one has ever wrapped an extension cord around me neck.

Friday, September 20, 2013

FRANKLIN FRIDAY: A SPECIAL RECIPE FOR MISS SOPHIE AND OTHER DOGGIES

Dear Miss Sophie,

I commented on your bootiful blog that we make biscuits for doggies right here at home. They are so delicious.

Your daddy Ron asked for the recipe. Mom said I could share it.

First, get out a nice big bowl because it's a good idea to make a double batch of this recipe. It's nice to share with neighbor doggies, such as Otis next door who takes care of Hot Young Anthony and Sweet Young Allison. The biscuits also make good Christmas gifts for all your doggie friends.

Get all your ingredients ready, too.



Next, find someone to help. Tell him you'll share the biscuits with him if he helps with the stirring. My helper is my brother Harper Lee.


Now here's the recipe for plain doggie biscuits:

Mix 1/2 cup dry milk, 1 teaspoon of sugar, 1 teaspoon of salt, 6 tablespoons of oil, 1 egg, and 2/3 cup of cold water. Gradually stir in 2 1/2 cups of flour. Knead, roll out, and cut into shapes. Bake at 350 degrees for 25 minutes. We have a bone-shaped biscuit cutter, but sometimes we use Mom's other cookie cutters, too. We like a variety of shapes.

We also like a variety of tastes. We've figured out that we can substitute 6 tablespoons of peanut butter for the oil. I don't know if there's anything in the whole world better than a fresh peanut butter biscuit.

Sometimes we add a little peppermint to the plain recipe because Mom says it improves our breath. I don't know what she's talking about.

We've never tried it, but we've heard that some doggies put meat for babies in their biscuits. You can try anything you want, Miss Sophie, as long as it's okay with your dads.

 

You are gonna love these biscuits, Miss Sophie, just the way 
I love you. Don't tell anyone I said that. It makes me blush.

I hope all you good doggies out there will get some biscuits. And remember, there's no such thing as a bad dog. Some dogs don't do everything they should because nobody taught them or took care of them.



Franklin the Bordernese


P.S. Here's a note from Mom: I can make the biscuits a bit faster when Franklin and Harper don't help. I mix the biscuits with the dough hooks on my mixer. The dough hooks also do the kneading. When the boys knead the biscuits, they get a lot of dough under their nails.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

MOVIE WEEKEND: THE WOMAN WHO WASN'T THERE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today I present for you viewing consideration a documentary called The Woman Who Wasn't There (2012, No Rating, Originally Made for TV, Available on DVD and Netflix Streaming).


Because we endured another 9/11 observance so recently, I want to review this documentary, which I watched on Netflix Streaming.

On September 11th, 2001, a Spanish woman named Tania Head, who worked for Merrill Lynch, was on the 78th floor of the South Tower when the first plane hit, making her one of only 19 people on the 78th floor or higher who survived. After six days in a coma, Tania awoke in a hospital burn unit, absolutely devastated because Dave, who was her fiance or kinda sorta maybe her husband, had died in the North Tower.

Tania became a symbol of survival because of all she'd been through. Eventually, she helped establish a survivors' network, and became the group's president. She often led tours of the site where the Twin Towers once stood. She became close friends with many other survivors, who felt they could count on her during their darkest times.

Tania Head meets with some of New York's political luminaries –
Michael Bloomberg, George Pataki, and Rudy Giuliani.


Of course, the title reveals the truth so this review isn't really a spoiler. "Tania Head" was in Barcelona on 9/11. She never worked for Merrill Lynch. She didn't know the Dave who died in the North Tower. She's the woman who wasn't there, who managed to convince multitudes of people that she was.

This documentary is fascinating. No one really knows why Alicia Esteve Head claimed to be a survivor of the attack on New York. Did she long for attention? Did she want to be part of an important group? Was she lonely and found an opportunity to make friends?

Other survivors of 9/11 recount their experiences with Head. She was very popular in their community, and reportedly did not use her story for financial gain. Rather, she donated money to help others.

The film reveals how some of the other survivors became skeptical of Head's story, the details of which changed with various tellings, and how The New York Times eventually reported that her story was a hoax.

But she managed to get away with it until 2007.

The Woman Who Wasn't There is worth watching because it's one darned strange story. I give this documentary The Janie Junebug Highest Seal of Approval.

I hope you find it as interesting as I did.

Happy Viewing!


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug




Wednesday, September 18, 2013

WHAT? WEDNESDAY: PICK A MAN

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I've decided it's time to take the plunge and get back into the world of dating.

I have offers for a night on the town from three men. Which one should I choose?

Here's Man #1:



Here's Man #2:


Here's Man #3:



So today's question is Which man should I choose? After you help me pick the man, I'll reveal his name.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

GRATITUDE TUESDAY: THE WOMAN WHOSE LOVE WAS BLIND

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

The RN at the nursing home screwed up her face in disdain. He's so gross, she said. Can you imagine having to give him CPR? she asked. I'd vomit, she said. He's a monster, she said.

The person in question was a man named Larry. He was one of our youngest residents. He was probably 30-something. He had some kind of disease or disorder – I never knew what it was – that was increasingly debilitating. He had raised red birthmarks covering most of his face, in addition to large pustules, mostly on his face and back. He quite often asked us to scratch his back. I know he was uncomfortable, but I didn't see much being done to help him feel better.

Larry was also kind of annoying. No matter how many times we showed him the procedure for using the call light, he wouldn't do it. When he wanted something, he called out MA'AM MA'AM, over and over in his whiny nasal voice.

I think I was patient with Larry. I hope I was. He was one of the patients I put into bed first during the evening because I knew he was uncomfortable sitting up.

But I found the sight of his face disgusting. I saw a lot of nasty things in the nursing home, such as bedsores that went down to the bone, but it was Larry's face that bothered me.

Then on Christmas Eve I was working with my friend Lynn. We had always gotten along well.

Before Lynn left for the evening, she visited all of her patients, giving them a goodnight kiss and wishing them a Merry Christmas.

She did not skip Larry.

After that I noticed that every time she went off duty, Lynn kissed her patients goodnight. If Larry wasn't her patient, Lynn made a special visit to his room to say I love you before sealing it with a kiss.

Lynn never belittled a patient. She never said that Larry was gross and annoying. Her love was completely unconditional.

I was never able to kiss Larry, but I learned from Lynn's example. I tried to see Larry as a person, and not as a face at which I didn't want to look. I took more time to scratch his back and rub lotion on it.

Lynn, I don't know where you are now, but I'm still grateful for you. You set such a good example, without criticizing any of the rest of us.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Monday, September 16, 2013

I SEE A LOT OF ALOT

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Your Queen must discuss a very serious issue with you: "ALOT" is not a word.

It's "a lot". And please don't try to replace "a lot" with "allot". That action could push us over the edge, and we would not be amused.





Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Friday, September 13, 2013

FRANKLIN FRIDAY: WE WINNED!

Hi, Every Buddy! It's me me me me me, Franklin the Bordernese. My friend Mr. Brandon, who always writes nice comments to me, had a giveaway at his blog because his first book was published. Mom and me entered, and we winned! Look: We got this bootiful jewelry, so Mom took a picture of it with Mr. Brandon's book.


Mr. Brandon is such a cool dude. He blogs at http://baxwriting.blogspot.com/2013/09/its-hereno-really-here.html. His wife made the jewelry. I think her name is Mrs. Brandon.

Oh. My bad. Mom says her name is Amanda Ax and her shop is called LaylasTrinkets. You can find it at https://www.etsy.com/shop/LaylasTrinkets. She has lots of pretty jewelry.

I wanted to wear the necklace as soon as I saw it. Here it is against by bootiful fur.



And here you can see it along with my face. Don't I look good?


I'm disappointed that Mom won't let me get my ears pierced so I can wear the earrings that match the necklace. Mom says I don't understand that it hurts to have your ears pierced and I might pull out the earrings when I scratch my neck and ears.

I think Mom just wants to keep the earrings for herself.

Mom took some more pictures for me to share with you today. She said that her friend, Mrs. Rita at SoulComfort's Corner, had been asking to see pictures of Mom's desk. So here it is:



And here's a view from another angle:



And this is where Mom keeps her office supplies. Mom just loves to organize stuff. 

I don't get it, but it makes her really happy.


Sometimes Mom and Mrs. Rita yakkety-yak on the phone and I think they'll never stop. Mom laughs a whole big bunch when she talks to Mrs. Rita. I don't understand. What's so funny?


Mom won't tell me what she and Mrs. Rita laugh about. At least we have that bootiful jewelry that me and Mom can share.

Oh. Mom says it's really her jewelry.

I don't know how Mom can be so selfish.

I'm glad I have my collar to wear and it has lots of charms on it. They make pretty noises when they bump into each other while I'm running.

Well, okay. I think that's everything I wanna tell you for today.

I love you, Every Buddy!


Franklin

P.S. I still think the necklace looks prettier on my fur than it does hanging from Mom's scrawny old neck.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

MOVIE WEEKEND: ADMISSION

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today I present Admission for your viewing consideration (2013, PG-13, Available On DVD).


Portia Nathan (Tina Fey) is an admissions officer at prestigious Princeton University. She receives a call from a college classmate, John Pressman (Paul Rudd), who is in charge of a very unusual alternative school. John believes that his brilliant student, Jeremiah (Nat Wolff), is the son Portia gave up for adoption years ago. Follow-the-rules Portia becomes a renegade in her quest to get Jeremiah into Princeton, which he wants to attend.

I liked this movie a little more than I thought I would. It's supposed to be a romantic comedy, and, yes, it has some romance; but it's really not much of a comedy. I don't think I laughed once, but that doesn't mean it's a horrible movie. It's just more of a dramady with some mild, kind of offbeat humor.

I enjoyed seeing Lily Tomlin as Portia's mother. I can't remember the last time I saw her in a movie. It made me realize that I've missed Lily Tomlin.

I REALLY enjoyed the pompous ass English professor with whom Portia is involved at the beginning of the movie, but not because I liked him. He reads some Chaucer in Middle English and doesn't pronounce all the words correctly! Ha! Ha! I can read Middle English better than he does.

I like Tina Fey, and I really like Paul Rudd, but let's face it: This movie isn't much of a showcase for their talents. One good point is that the end is not completely predictable – at least it wasn't to me.

Admission hereby earns The Janie Junebug Seal of Ambiguity (second week in a row for this seal).

If you like the stars and you don't have anything better to do, you might enjoy Admission. It's not all that bad. It's just not particularly good.

Happy Viewing!


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

WHAT? WEDNESDAY: THE BOOK, BUT NOT THE MOVIE

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

In a WHAT? WEDNESDAY post during August, I asked if you have a book or movie that's so special to you that you won't read or watch it a second time. (Click HERE to read the post.)

Kianwi at simply she goes said this in her comment: I can't say I've ever had a book that I didn't want to read it again. I'm definitely a re-reader. I mark pages and passages that I want to read over again. I have had books that I loved so much that I refused to see the movie, though.

So I started thinking about how some books are so amazing that we don't want to see the movie. Therefore, today's question is Have you ever read a book you loved so much that you wouldn't see the movie?

When I was in high school during the Dark Ages, I asked our debate coach if he had seen the new movie of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. He said no, and that he wasn't going to see it because the book was too important to him. I hadn't yet read the book, but I did soon after that. I understood why he felt so strongly about the book.

Sophie's Choice by William Styron is such an important book to me that it propelled me into Christianity. I might tell that story some other time.



Sophie's Choice was published in 1979. I think I read it during 1981. A movie version of it came out in 1982 and Meryl Streep won the Academy Award for Best Actress for playing the titular character.

I wouldn't have seen this movie even if we'd had enough money to go to a theater. In later years when we acquired a VCR and the movie was available on videocassette, I would not see it.


I finally caved and watched Sophie's Choice a couple of years ago on an Encore movie channel. I know many people think this movie is amazing and that Meryl Streep's performance is one of the best ever, but I felt unmoved by the movie. I went ahead and watched it out of curiosity and because it had been such a long time since I read the book. It would have been better to just let the book live in my head.

By the way, I never re-read the book. It's too painful, and I love it too much.

So, how about you? Have you ever read a book you loved so much that you wouldn't see the movie?

I look forward to reading your answers. Also, I have a quick announcement: On October 10th, I'm going to be the guest in a Twitter chat. The topic will be strong female characters in books. I'll provide more information soon because, ya know, be there or be square.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

GRATITUDE TUESDAY: SCOUT

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

This post is very difficult to write.


Scout died on Labor Day. I've put off telling you because I've been grieving.


Scout and I were together for a long time. I adopted him in Illinois when he was about 18 months old. He had been hit by a car and left tied to a tree. His life was saved and from the moment I met him at an adopt a pet day, I thought he was quite affable. He knew how to sit and shake hands. If he slipped out the front door, he would pee on a bush or a tree and come right back in. He never ran away. He killed moles in our yard in Illinois. He was probably getting close to 10 years old.

When I sat at my desk, he sat at my feet. When the weather turned chilly, he slept on my pillow, curled around my head. He was the only one of the Z-Boys who could sit on my lap.

When The Hurricane was here last Christmas, she saw him on my pillow and said it looked like my head had been swallowed by a black dog.

Scout was kind of growly. I said it was because he thought he was a little black bear cub.

He wasn't a biter.

I felt sorry for him because Harper and Franklin became such good friends and Scout was kind of the odd man out.

It's my fault that he died, and I've shed a lot of tears over it. That's all I have to say about that.

The great blessings from God are that he spent some happy years with me and that right after he died, I was going to text Favorite Young Man to request his help. Before I could get to my phone, the doorbell rang. It was Favorite Young Man. He was here to take care of something else, but he ended up burying Scout.


Scout, I love you, and I'm grateful for the time we had together. I'm sorry.


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Monday, September 9, 2013

FEELIN' ALL RIGHT

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,


Today your Queen of Grammar must take Her Loyal Subjects to task for the use of "alright" in place of "all right".

Although the dismaying sight of "alright" is increasing, it's not a word. It's one of those non-words that will probably become acceptable in the future because it's used so commonly. But for now, We (and I do mean the Royal We) are not all right with alright.

I beg of you: Ban alright from your writing. I don't care if spell check accepts it. It's not correct. It's a misspelling of all right.

Shockingly, Webster's Third New International Dictionary claims that alright is correct usage, but all right is more common. Your Queen heartily disagrees.

We are not alright in this Queendom. We are all right.

To help you recover from the sting of being chastised, I offer a cartoon sent to me by The Great and Powerful fishducky.



Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Saving the world from bad grammar, one word at a time.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

MOVIE WEEKEND: AMOUR

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Today I present Amour for your viewing consideration (2012, Rated PG-13, Available on DVD, In French With English Subtitles).



If you absolutely refuse to watch a movie with subtitles, then I give up on you. If you can't see the subtitles, then get a bigger TV. Do something. You have to conquer this problem. I mean it. You're missing out on a lot of great films if you won't watch something in a language that's foreign to you. I especially tend to like French movies, so becoming fluent in French is an option if you can't read the subtitles.

Georges (Jean-Louis Trintigant) and Anne (Emmanuelle Riva) are an elderly couple who live a vibrant and active life. They are retired music teachers who enjoy going to concerts. But then one morning Anne has a stroke. After a stay in the hospital, she comes home with Georges as her caregiver. Her mental and physical state decline rapidly, while Georges becomes exhausted and frustrated with his role. The rest? C'est tragique.

 Amour is beautifully made. As Georges and Anne become increasingly housebound in their apartment, the feeling of claustrophobia, of oppressiveness, intensifies. Jennifer Lawrence, I'm sorry, but Emmanuelle Riva should have won the Academy Award for Best Actress. She's amazing. She's also the oldest person ever nominated for an Academy Award.

Because this movie is tragique, it's not easy to watch. Furthermore, at times I did something I've never done before while watching a French movie. I dozed off. I realize I just harangued you about watching foreign films, but no matter how well made Amour is, it's a bit of a snoozer. I'm going to watch it again sometime when I'm wide awake because I think I missed out on some important nuances the film has to offer.

Until I watch it again and make a final decision, Amour earns The Janie Junebug Seal of Ambiguity.

I've just made every single one of you reject this film, haven't I? I'm so ashamed. What do I know? You really should watch it to see what you think.

Don't be another cow in the herd. Moo!

Happy Viewing!


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

YOU NEED SOME DRAGONBAIT

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Yesterday I started reading Elemental by our friend Brandon Ax, who blogs at Writer's Storm: Brandon Ax. I'm already impressed by his work because he's writing in the voice of a teenage girl. He's getting it right. She's not ridiculously over-the-top feminine. She's just a girl, albeit a girl with some unusual problems.

When I finish Elemental, I'll interview Brandon and review the book, which you can purchase from Wayman Publishing at http://www.waymanpublishing.com/index.php/books or from Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Elemental-Light-Bringer-Saga-Volume/dp/148414791X.

I'll also be re-reading Dragonbait soon when I receive my copy of the book (Disclosure: I was one of the editors on this book).


Written by David McLain and beautifully illustrated by Felix Eddy, this book is a keeper. We classify it as a Young Adult novel, but I don't think you have to be young to enjoy it. McLain's writing is sharp and witty. Dragonbait features a strong and interesting heroine.

I'll also interview McLain and Eddy and review the book. Now you know it's coming up, in case you want to go ahead and get your copy. You can buy it from Wayman Publishing at http://www.waymanpublishing.com/index.php/books, or you can sign up to receive an email at http://www.amazon.com/Dragonbait-David-McLain/dp/148271891X and Amazon will notify you when it's available.

It's also available in Felix Eddy's etsy shop at

https://www.etsy.com/listing/159554439/dragonbait-young-adult-novel-by-david. If you order it from the etsy shop, McLain and Eddy will autograph it.

I'd love to see Dragonbait do well. I enjoyed it so much when I was editing it. 

I want you to enjoy it, too.

I admit I'm not reading as much now as I usually do. 

I'm spending a decent amount of time on binge watching Arrested Development on Netflix. 

We went through all the episodes of Orange Is The New Black in a flash. 

And of course, I have to watch the final episodes of  Breaking Bad on AMC. 

Will the grim reaper finally catch up to Walter White?

We shall see very soon. 


Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

Monday, September 2, 2013

I DON'T KNOW IF THIS POEM IS FINISHED

Look at my face
Look me in the eye, if you dare.

I can kill you
with the flip of a wrist
with the point of a finger
with the wink of an eye.

It's so easy.
It's so simple.

I carry Death within me.
I am Power.