Wednesday, March 6, 2013

ELVIS AARON SCHWARZ CAME TO TOWN

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

Elvis Aaron Schwarz came to town to take me out to dinner Friday night. We hadn't seen each other in about six weeks. What with my flu, followed by the worst allergies I've ever had, and all the overtime he's been working, we simply haven't had time to get together. I don't know if I've ever told you this, but he lives a little more than an hour away from me.

He's very thoughtful, though, about checking in with me by telephone and email. When I had the flu and bemoaned the fact that I was running out of food and medicine, he offered to drive all the way here to go to the store for me even though he would have to go right back home because he had to work the next day.

Now, that's what I call thoughtful. Fortunately, I didn't need to ask him to do all that driving just to go to the pharmacy and the grocery store. But he was there for me if I needed him.

I was giddy with excitement over seeing him, and we had the giggles all evening.When he arrived, I walked out my front door, and he said immediately, You look nice.

He looked nice, too. Just like this:

Hi! Remember me?
I'm Elvis Aaron Schwarz.
I took my baby doll out to dinner
at The Crazy Egg.

That's right, Johnny Elvis. We went to a cute little restaurant in my neighborhood called The Crazy Egg. They specialize in, uh, what is it again? Oh, yeah -- eggs. They serve breakfast anytime.

Because The Crazy Egg is so close to my house, I know a number of people who work there. Our server Friday night was a very nice lady named Jackie. I asked her how she was, and she said, Great! I'm a new mom and a new grandma at the same time. I got my four-month old granddaughter a month ago. I've cut back my work to four days a week. I'm so happy. I was just what she needed, and she was just what I needed.

Jackie showed us pictures of her beautiful baby girl, took our order, and walked away. I told Elvis that I had no idea what had happened to the baby's parents, and I thought it was wonderful that Jackie didn't see the baby as a burden dropped on her.

We chatted some more, and then Elvis got one of his little grins -- the grin that means "I'm about to tease one Janie Junebug." 

I think we should have a baby, he said, grinning a little more.

I said, You do realize that I'm 54 years old and I had a hysterectomy more than 20 years ago.

Yes, he replied, but I think there's a little egg left up in there with my name on it.

I started giggling and couldn't stop. Jackie brought our dinners, and I told her what Elvis had said. She patted him on his bald  head and said, You're so cute.

When we finished eating and headed out the door, Jackie called goodnight to us, and Elvis said, We're going home now to start working on that baby.

You all will be the first to hear about it when I'm pregnant, and I know you'll never forget the day because you will also hear that they're having a snowball fight in hell.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug


25 comments:

  1. Pregnancy Schmegnancy. It's the thought that counts.

    ;)

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    Replies
    1. The only babies I think about are my future grandchildren.

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  2. Replies
    1. Online. I said I'd never do online dating, but I didn't know how to meet men. Very few single men go to church, and I don't go to bars. Our profiles showed that we had a lot in common. He emailed me, we went out to lunch, and we've been enjoying each other's company, even though it's kind of long distance, since last summer.

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  3. Dear Janie, well......there is that little thing called a miracle!!!!! But oh what a surprise it would be. Peace.

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    Replies
    1. Elvis did say that if I got pregnant everyone would be calling me Mary.

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  4. Even the thought of getting pregnant now scares the hell out of me!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I could make millions giving interviews to tabloids. Just what I always wanted.

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  5. Janie, you know I haven't been blogging much, but thank goodness I stopped here today.

    I've been in pain all morning, but this post is the best pain reliever. I was so glad I wasn't reading your post in public because I laughed from beginning to end. I almost fell of my chair (I'm exaggerating about the chair).

    So many eggs to eat and eggs, well, the special one to make the baby. I can't wait to be the godmother.

    Tell Elvis I congratulate him for launching a successful shuttle mission where babies grow.

    Now I have to say goodbye and escape my pain chamber.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so sorry you're in pain. I wish I could do more to help, but I'm glad you were able to laugh.

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  6. Aww, but just think what cute babies you and EAS could make together. Glad you two had a good date after so much time apart. :)

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    Replies
    1. We'd probably have little bald egg babies.

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  7. Thanks for telling me about you two. I've read your blog from present to somewhere in the past, and from beginning onward, but I haven't finished the middle part.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My goodness! You are a devoted follower. Elvis is my honey bunny, and I am his wabbit. Aren't we sickeningly sweet?

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  8. With my luck I could have a women with a complete hysterectomy and I would still get her pregnant. I can't even do it in the ass...that's how Nancy Pelosi, Eric Holder, Janet Napolitano and Obama were conceived.

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  9. Well, ya never know. Miracles DO happen. All I can say is, "Practice, practice, practice!"

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  10. Giggle girl. Glad you had a good time.

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  11. An egg with his name on it--that's hilarious AND it would make a great rock 'n roll song.

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    Replies
    1. I think it sounds like more of a country song. Ooooooo, baaaby, let me fertilize that egg. The egg with my naaaaame. Oooooo, baaaaby.

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  12. You are too funny...I think Elvis is a lucky guy.

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