Sunday, February 24, 2013

ON DEATH AND DYING

Gentle Readers . . . and Maxwell,

I have no fear of death. I know where I'm going.

A doctor once told me, One more minute and you would have been dead!

All I could think was, Fuck! I didn't even see the tunnel and the light!

How come everybody else who comes so close to death gets to see the fricking tunnel and the light, but not me? Oh, no. Never me. I'm always left out.


But I can think of a couple of things about dying that piss me off.

First, I know I will have books on my shelves that I haven't read yet. That's because I have a horrible fear of facing an empty house at midnight without a new book to read. So I always have more books around than I can possibly read during, let's say a month or two months. Plenty of books. It pisses me off that when I go, those books will be sitting there unread.

Second, I have about two bazillion movies in my Netflix queue. And I'm always adding more. There's no way I will watch all the movies I want to see before I die. Just absolutely no way. That pisses me off, too.

I probably won't get to go to England before I die. I definitely won't get laid by Johnny Depp.

Yowza!

The part of entering the gates of Heaven that makes me the happiest is that my collie Faulkner will be there waiting for me, tail wagging. He won't be deaf and lame anymore. We'll play slobberball just like we used to.

It will be so cool.

When we're tired of playing, we'll have tea with Emily Dickinson and Sylvia Plath and talk about poetry and then we'll play more slobberball and we'll invite them to play, too.

Infinities of love,

Janie Junebug

23 comments:

  1. Janie, I wish I could hook you up with Johnny Depp soon - the problem is, my imaginary contact disappeared.

    Once, when I thought I was about to die, I didn't see the tunnel or the light. That's why I'm seeking God now. Maybe I'm not worthy to be "up there."

    If I were to go, I'd be peeved that I didn't write all the books that are in my head crying for my time to release them.

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    1. Peaches, Have faith in Christ and you are saved. It's that simple. I'll see you in Heaven, but not before you've written your books.

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  2. My high school English teacher had us memorize poetry lines.."success is counted sweetest by those who ne'er succeed; to comprehend a nectar requires sorest need." (Emily) He was an awesome teacher.

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    1. My favorite college professor wrote his dissertation on Dickinson. Listening to him read her poetry was Heaven.

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  3. I too have no fear of death because I too know where I am going. I look forward to seeing Jesus :)

    But you are right, there will always be that book unread, that song unplayed, that movie unviewed. I guess that's why we have to seize the moment the best we can, right?

    betty

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    1. Because I could not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me

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    1. Sweetie, didn't anyone ever explain to you that from the moment we're born, we're dying? It's always there.

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  5. Oh Janie, you made me smile with this post. I have a Nook full of books and dozens on the book shelves and MANY movies on dvd that I have never taken the cellophane off of, so I guess I am not ready yet. I am certainly hoping that I end up in heaven.

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    1. I'm confident that I'll see you in Heaven.

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  6. That settles it: you CAN'T die. But really--Sylvia Plath? There better not be any ovens in Heaven.

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    1. She doesn't need an oven anymore. She's done with all that.

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  7. I can certainly relate to the books, Johnny Depp, not so much.

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    1. Johnny is mine, all mine (in my imagination).

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  8. At least you have a plan :-) Enjoy the afterlife (but not for many more years)...

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    1. I don't want to hang around too long, though.

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  9. Like you, I don't fear death at all. I just don't want to leave with any regrets about things I've left undone. Carpe diem!

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    1. I think not having any regrets is pretty difficult.

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  10. Hey, I wanna play slobberball too, and all my doggies will want to play also, but what will I do with the cats?. I get you about Johnny Depp, I'm in the same boat with Russell Crowe, so I totally feel your pain...:)

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  11. Leave addressed envelopes for the hurricane to mail us each a book that you didn't finish.... we will read them all for you. :)

    Can't help you with Depp though, although Elvis could likely hook you up. The resemblance is uncanny, they must be related somehow...

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  12. I have a great mental image of you, Faulkner & Emily Dickinson playing sloberball!

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  13. Oh my gosh, you are funny! I totally get the book thing! I also dread dying when my house isn't spotless. How embarrassing that people would have to go through and clean!

    You have plenty of time to get to England! That is doable. Johnny Depp probably a tad more unlikely :)

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  14. Sigh...I've missed reading your posts! And I love, love, love everyone's comments on this one!

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